Comments on: The effect of shame http://www.phdinparenting.com/2008/06/08/the-effect-of-shame/ ...exploring the art and science of parenting Thu, 09 Sep 2010 03:40:57 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.1 By: New reason why punishment doesn’t work: the law! « PhD in Parenting Blog http://www.phdinparenting.com/2008/06/08/the-effect-of-shame/#comment-60 New reason why punishment doesn’t work: the law! « PhD in Parenting Blog Sun, 09 Nov 2008 05:38:47 +0000 http://phdinparenting.wordpress.com/?p=19#comment-60 [...] a last resort. However, they should never involve spanking (or other physical abuse), never involve shaming, and always need to be combined with an explanation of why the behaviour was damaging so that the [...] [...] a last resort. However, they should never involve spanking (or other physical abuse), never involve shaming, and always need to be combined with an explanation of why the behaviour was damaging so that the [...]

]]> By: My Discipline Spectrum « PhD in Parenting Blog http://www.phdinparenting.com/2008/06/08/the-effect-of-shame/#comment-59 My Discipline Spectrum « PhD in Parenting Blog Tue, 21 Oct 2008 03:19:00 +0000 http://phdinparenting.wordpress.com/?p=19#comment-59 [...] that parents may use to try to control their children. I consider it abuse to spank a child or to shame a child. On the other end of the spectrum is neglect, where the parents are indifferent and often [...] [...] that parents may use to try to control their children. I consider it abuse to spank a child or to shame a child. On the other end of the spectrum is neglect, where the parents are indifferent and often [...]

]]> By: Is Palin running for VP to punish her daughter? « PhD in Parenting Blog http://www.phdinparenting.com/2008/06/08/the-effect-of-shame/#comment-58 Is Palin running for VP to punish her daughter? « PhD in Parenting Blog Fri, 12 Sep 2008 16:58:37 +0000 http://phdinparenting.wordpress.com/?p=19#comment-58 [...] I stand up for the rights of all women to make their own choices. But I also think it is important that we be compassionate human beings and good parents.  I wonder if Sarah Palin is blind to what she is doing to Bristol, if she is just selfish, or if she is perhaps trying to punish her daughter using shame. [...] [...] I stand up for the rights of all women to make their own choices. But I also think it is important that we be compassionate human beings and good parents.  I wonder if Sarah Palin is blind to what she is doing to Bristol, if she is just selfish, or if she is perhaps trying to punish her daughter using shame. [...]

]]> By: phdinparenting http://www.phdinparenting.com/2008/06/08/the-effect-of-shame/#comment-57 phdinparenting Tue, 22 Jul 2008 03:55:15 +0000 http://phdinparenting.wordpress.com/?p=19#comment-57 Okay, I checked in with my friend that I had heard good things about the book from and she said she only liked 1/4 of it. And she agreed that the stuff said about the author in the link above (http://childrenintherapy.org/proponents/cline.html) is pretty awful. Okay, I checked in with my friend that I had heard good things about the book from and she said she only liked 1/4 of it. And she agreed that the stuff said about the author in the link above (http://childrenintherapy.org/proponents/cline.html) is pretty awful.

]]> By: phdinparenting http://www.phdinparenting.com/2008/06/08/the-effect-of-shame/#comment-56 phdinparenting Mon, 21 Jul 2008 02:40:03 +0000 http://phdinparenting.wordpress.com/?p=19#comment-56 Jeannette, I haven't read the books or attended any of the workshops myself, but my understanding from what I've read about it is that this approach does use shame as one suggested technique to get kids to behave. If that is the case, it isn't something I would support. That said, I have heard good things about the book as well from people that I have a lot of respect for and have heard others say that if you implement it with empathy and nurturing that there are good ideas in it. But I guess I'll withold my endorsement of it until I learn more. Here are a few of the places where I read about the book and its author: http://www.mothering.com/discussions/archive/index.php/t-850754.html http://childrenintherapy.org/proponents/cline.html Do you have any free resources that you can suggest if I want to get a better idea of the approaches suggested in Love and Logic without buying the book(s)? Jeannette,

I haven’t read the books or attended any of the workshops myself, but my understanding from what I’ve read about it is that this approach does use shame as one suggested technique to get kids to behave. If that is the case, it isn’t something I would support.

That said, I have heard good things about the book as well from people that I have a lot of respect for and have heard others say that if you implement it with empathy and nurturing that there are good ideas in it.

But I guess I’ll withold my endorsement of it until I learn more.

Here are a few of the places where I read about the book and its author:
http://www.mothering.com/discussions/archive/index.php/t-850754.html
http://childrenintherapy.org/proponents/cline.html

Do you have any free resources that you can suggest if I want to get a better idea of the approaches suggested in Love and Logic without buying the book(s)?

]]> By: Jeannette Peterson http://www.phdinparenting.com/2008/06/08/the-effect-of-shame/#comment-55 Jeannette Peterson Mon, 21 Jul 2008 02:11:30 +0000 http://phdinparenting.wordpress.com/?p=19#comment-55 I've found lots of useful info and books from the Love and Logic institute located in Colorado. I've been to one of their workshops - excellent. They often work with schools & teachers as well. Many of there books are tailored to the age of your child. I’ve found lots of useful info and books from the Love and Logic institute located in Colorado. I’ve been to one of their workshops – excellent. They often work with schools & teachers as well. Many of there books are tailored to the age of your child.

]]> By: New reason why punishment doesn’t work - the law! « PhD in Parenting Blog http://www.phdinparenting.com/2008/06/08/the-effect-of-shame/#comment-54 New reason why punishment doesn’t work - the law! « PhD in Parenting Blog Fri, 20 Jun 2008 01:46:28 +0000 http://phdinparenting.wordpress.com/?p=19#comment-54 [...] a last resort. However, they should never involve spanking (or other physical abuse), never involve shaming, and always need to be combined with an explanation of why the behaviour was damaging so that the [...] [...] a last resort. However, they should never involve spanking (or other physical abuse), never involve shaming, and always need to be combined with an explanation of why the behaviour was damaging so that the [...]

]]> By: phdinparenting http://www.phdinparenting.com/2008/06/08/the-effect-of-shame/#comment-53 phdinparenting Thu, 12 Jun 2008 00:45:20 +0000 http://phdinparenting.wordpress.com/?p=19#comment-53 I think it is great that you are trying to do things differently than those around us. It is tough though to break away from the way that you have been parented and the way that others parent around you. It often means stopping and thinking before acting, since your impulse may be based on what you are used to rather than what you know is best. I'm not sure what books you have read, but one that I find extremely helpful for dealing with spirited (or "difficult") children is Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. It will help you to understand why your child acts the way he does and provides very practical guidance for working with him. I think it is great that you are trying to do things differently than those around us. It is tough though to break away from the way that you have been parented and the way that others parent around you. It often means stopping and thinking before acting, since your impulse may be based on what you are used to rather than what you know is best.

I’m not sure what books you have read, but one that I find extremely helpful for dealing with spirited (or “difficult”) children is Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. It will help you to understand why your child acts the way he does and provides very practical guidance for working with him.

]]> By: saffiyah http://www.phdinparenting.com/2008/06/08/the-effect-of-shame/#comment-52 saffiyah Tue, 10 Jun 2008 20:58:43 +0000 http://phdinparenting.wordpress.com/?p=19#comment-52 I am trying against all of my upbringing and familial and friendly advice to bring my children up without spanking. I succeeded, for the most part, with my daughter who is now 4 and is a fairly well-behaved child. But my 2 year old son is a constant challenge! I honestly don't think he can make it to 3 without a spanking and in fact he received one the other day. I feel terrible and like I have betrayed both of us. But honestly I don't know what to do. I have read books and books and can't find a strategy that works for us. Today between 10:00 am and 12:00pm he was in the "naughty chair" for no less than 12 times. And is still repeating the behavior. Added to this dilemma is the fact that we are away from home, staying with relatives, in a non-childproof house, while I deal with him and a terminally ill parent who needs constant attention. I'm so frustrated I don't know what to do. I would appreciate the advice of anyone who has "been there" and could give real and practical suggestions. Thanks. I am trying against all of my upbringing and familial and friendly advice to bring my children up without spanking. I succeeded, for the most part, with my daughter who is now 4 and is a fairly well-behaved child. But my 2 year old son is a constant challenge! I honestly don’t think he can make it to 3 without a spanking and in fact he received one the other day. I feel terrible and like I have betrayed both of us. But honestly I don’t know what to do. I have read books and books and can’t find a strategy that works for us. Today between 10:00 am and 12:00pm he was in the “naughty chair” for no less than 12 times. And is still repeating the behavior. Added to this dilemma is the fact that we are away from home, staying with relatives, in a non-childproof house, while I deal with him and a terminally ill parent who needs constant attention. I’m so frustrated I don’t know what to do. I would appreciate the advice of anyone who has “been there” and could give real and practical suggestions. Thanks.

]]>