Comments on: My Discipline Spectrum http://www.phdinparenting.com/2008/10/20/my-discipline-spectrum/ ...exploring the art and science of parenting Sat, 13 Mar 2010 04:59:50 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: Caroline http://www.phdinparenting.com/2008/10/20/my-discipline-spectrum/#comment-32789 Caroline Mon, 04 Jan 2010 17:46:44 +0000 http://phdinparenting.wordpress.com/?p=560#comment-32789 "At my daughter’s 9 month appointment one of the developmental questions that the nurse asked was if my daughter knew what “no” meant!!! I was shocked! Should a nine month old be told NO so often that they know what it means?" Actually, I think it's really important that kids learn about "no" early on. I teach baby signing and we introduce the "no" sign early on; I always start the topic along the lines of not being negative to your baby but using the word/sign for immediate safety (eg "don't touch the hot thing"), an introduction to creating boundaries (which is so important for little ones to feel safe) and for the CHILD to be able to say no when they're unhappy/uncomfortable too. Our emphasis is on two-way communication, of course! :) and I'm always delighted when parents come in to class and say things like "my baby was having tests at the hospital and was able to express "no, I'm fed up, I need a break" rather than scream the place down". I've even had kids arrive and sign "no, go home" - in several case these children have gone home and slept for hours because they've been coming down with a cold, rather than being miserable in class. They had the confidence to order their world and the respect of their parent to realise something wasn't right. So "no" itself isn't always negative or destructive even for very young children - it's the context it's used in that matters. I try and get parents to model it to each other, too, which helps a lot with everyone's understanding. I completely agree that it's better to say "yes, you can do x" to help children explore rather than constantly saying no to everything, but an understanding of "no/don't" and expecting that to be respected whether it comes from adult or child is surely one of the greatest protective gifts you can give your kids. Great article, very nicely put. “At my daughter’s 9 month appointment one of the developmental questions that the nurse asked was if my daughter knew what “no” meant!!! I was shocked! Should a nine month old be told NO so often that they know what it means?”

Actually, I think it’s really important that kids learn about “no” early on. I teach baby signing and we introduce the “no” sign early on; I always start the topic along the lines of not being negative to your baby but using the word/sign for immediate safety (eg “don’t touch the hot thing”), an introduction to creating boundaries (which is so important for little ones to feel safe) and for the CHILD to be able to say no when they’re unhappy/uncomfortable too. Our emphasis is on two-way communication, of course! :) and I’m always delighted when parents come in to class and say things like “my baby was having tests at the hospital and was able to express “no, I’m fed up, I need a break” rather than scream the place down”. I’ve even had kids arrive and sign “no, go home” – in several case these children have gone home and slept for hours because they’ve been coming down with a cold, rather than being miserable in class. They had the confidence to order their world and the respect of their parent to realise something wasn’t right. So “no” itself isn’t always negative or destructive even for very young children – it’s the context it’s used in that matters. I try and get parents to model it to each other, too, which helps a lot with everyone’s understanding. I completely agree that it’s better to say “yes, you can do x” to help children explore rather than constantly saying no to everything, but an understanding of “no/don’t” and expecting that to be respected whether it comes from adult or child is surely one of the greatest protective gifts you can give your kids.

Great article, very nicely put.

]]> By: Summer http://www.phdinparenting.com/2008/10/20/my-discipline-spectrum/#comment-32787 Summer Mon, 04 Jan 2010 17:29:43 +0000 http://phdinparenting.wordpress.com/?p=560#comment-32787 I don't have a problem with consequences, as long as they're logical. Like if you don't clean you room then you can't find your shoes and you miss the first half of story time at the library. I try to avoid rewards and punishments as much as possible, even when I know it would be easier in the short term. LOL I don’t have a problem with consequences, as long as they’re logical. Like if you don’t clean you room then you can’t find your shoes and you miss the first half of story time at the library. I try to avoid rewards and punishments as much as possible, even when I know it would be easier in the short term. LOL

]]> By: kia http://www.phdinparenting.com/2008/10/20/my-discipline-spectrum/#comment-32786 kia Mon, 04 Jan 2010 17:02:44 +0000 http://phdinparenting.wordpress.com/?p=560#comment-32786 Thank you for another wonderful post. My first babe is not here yet and this is a topic my husband and I do discuss. I was physically abused as a child, so was my mother, and her mother and it is a cycle I do not wish to continue with my kids. I worry that in my case discipline can cross the line to abuse despite seeing therapists about my past (I have never had anger issues, but an abusive past makes it a reality). There are scenarios I have not faced yet, I have not been a parent yet. At this point with our child in utero I keep telling myself I will parent out of love and not anger and rely on my husband and close friends if I feel I am getting anywhere near abuse with my child. Thank you for another wonderful post. My first babe is not here yet and this is a topic my husband and I do discuss. I was physically abused as a child, so was my mother, and her mother and it is a cycle I do not wish to continue with my kids. I worry that in my case discipline can cross the line to abuse despite seeing therapists about my past (I have never had anger issues, but an abusive past makes it a reality). There are scenarios I have not faced yet, I have not been a parent yet. At this point with our child in utero I keep telling myself I will parent out of love and not anger and rely on my husband and close friends if I feel I am getting anywhere near abuse with my child.

]]> By: “Don’t Judge Me” | PhD in Parenting http://www.phdinparenting.com/2008/10/20/my-discipline-spectrum/#comment-17708 “Don’t Judge Me” | PhD in Parenting Sun, 27 Sep 2009 02:53:11 +0000 http://phdinparenting.wordpress.com/?p=560#comment-17708 [...] it comes to something like infant feeding (breast or formula), discipline (spanking or punishment versus gentle discipline), sleep (cry it out versus parent to sleep), there are people who say “Do whatever is best for [...] [...] it comes to something like infant feeding (breast or formula), discipline (spanking or punishment versus gentle discipline), sleep (cry it out versus parent to sleep), there are people who say “Do whatever is best for [...]

]]> By: To spank or not to spank? Study says early spankings make for aggressive toddlers | Crunchy Domestic Goddess http://www.phdinparenting.com/2008/10/20/my-discipline-spectrum/#comment-16978 To spank or not to spank? Study says early spankings make for aggressive toddlers | Crunchy Domestic Goddess Fri, 18 Sep 2009 13:32:19 +0000 http://phdinparenting.wordpress.com/?p=560#comment-16978 [...] their child. But often when they say discipline, they mean spanking or punishing. However, the word discipline means to teach. That is what parents need to do. They need to guide and teach their children. In the same way that [...] [...] their child. But often when they say discipline, they mean spanking or punishing. However, the word discipline means to teach. That is what parents need to do. They need to guide and teach their children. In the same way that [...]

]]> By: Best Of The Mommy Bloggers 11.18 Edition « Under The BIG blue Sky http://www.phdinparenting.com/2008/10/20/my-discipline-spectrum/#comment-2247 Best Of The Mommy Bloggers 11.18 Edition « Under The BIG blue Sky Mon, 02 Mar 2009 00:43:50 +0000 http://phdinparenting.wordpress.com/?p=560#comment-2247 [...] 5.PHD In Parenting talks about the difference between discipline and punishment and where she stands in the middle in My Discipline Spectrum. [...] [...] 5.PHD In Parenting talks about the difference between discipline and punishment and where she stands in the middle in My Discipline Spectrum. [...]

]]> By: Showing Appreciation for Underappreciated Posts « PhD in Parenting Blog http://www.phdinparenting.com/2008/10/20/my-discipline-spectrum/#comment-591 Showing Appreciation for Underappreciated Posts « PhD in Parenting Blog Fri, 02 Jan 2009 04:32:52 +0000 http://phdinparenting.wordpress.com/?p=560#comment-591 [...] I’m a bit of a model geek myself and reading this post reminded me of the work that I did on My Discipline Spectrum, which has some shared concepts and ideas with TwinToddlersDad’s [...] [...] I’m a bit of a model geek myself and reading this post reminded me of the work that I did on My Discipline Spectrum, which has some shared concepts and ideas with TwinToddlersDad’s [...]

]]> By: alisabow http://www.phdinparenting.com/2008/10/20/my-discipline-spectrum/#comment-589 alisabow Tue, 18 Nov 2008 14:27:23 +0000 http://phdinparenting.wordpress.com/?p=560#comment-589 Ideally I fall in the realm of using discipline to teach. So I give her a choice: you can get ready for bed or one of your stuffed doggies goes into toy jail, which do you want? Sometimes I lose it. I hate that I lose it. Thankfully that doesn't happen as often as it used to when I wasn't rested (when she was younger). I've found that it helps to focus on teaching her only a couple new things at a time (such as eating dinner without a fuss or going to bed without a fuss or getting dressed in the morning without a fuss.. yes there's a lot of fussing in our house.) PS found you through the blogging carnival. Alisa Bowman www.projecthappilyeverafter.com Ideally I fall in the realm of using discipline to teach. So I give her a choice: you can get ready for bed or one of your stuffed doggies goes into toy jail, which do you want? Sometimes I lose it. I hate that I lose it. Thankfully that doesn’t happen as often as it used to when I wasn’t rested (when she was younger). I’ve found that it helps to focus on teaching her only a couple new things at a time (such as eating dinner without a fuss or going to bed without a fuss or getting dressed in the morning without a fuss.. yes there’s a lot of fussing in our house.)

PS found you through the blogging carnival.

Alisa Bowman
http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com

]]> By: Susanna (A Modern Mother) http://www.phdinparenting.com/2008/10/20/my-discipline-spectrum/#comment-590 Susanna (A Modern Mother) Tue, 18 Nov 2008 11:06:29 +0000 http://phdinparenting.wordpress.com/?p=560#comment-590 Discipline is a big issue for parents, thanks for this. I just recently got renewed enthusiasm for it, and am glad to see your pointers in print. I love your site, I'll be back! Discipline is a big issue for parents, thanks for this.

I just recently got renewed enthusiasm for it, and am glad to see your pointers in print.

I love your site, I’ll be back!

]]> By: Best anti-spanking resources « PhD in Parenting Blog http://www.phdinparenting.com/2008/10/20/my-discipline-spectrum/#comment-588 Best anti-spanking resources « PhD in Parenting Blog Tue, 04 Nov 2008 17:53:23 +0000 http://phdinparenting.wordpress.com/?p=560#comment-588 [...] is not the only alternative to spanking (I wrote more about this in my Discipline Spectrum [...] [...] is not the only alternative to spanking (I wrote more about this in my Discipline Spectrum [...]

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