Comments on: Friendship and Parenting Styles

By: Does becoming a parent restrict your social circle? | PhD in Parenting

Does becoming a parent restrict your social circle? | PhD in Parenting — Sat, 18 Jul 2009 04:04:28 +0000

[...] that are having children at the same time as them. This is harder than it may appear in some cases, especially when parenting styles clash. I think it is sometimes much easier to maintain a strong relationship with a childless friend who [...]

By: Christina G

Christina G — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 04:17:57 +0000

What a great answer to my question! Thank you!

I hadn’t thought of the vegetarian thing before. I’m not a vegetarian, but I have friends who are and that’s the greener, Earth-friendlier choice, so I could totally understand if they had issues with my meat eating. I think keeping that in mind will help me be more open-minded to parenting choices that differ from my own. But you’re right, if I don’t respect someone, it will be hard to maintain a friendship.

Thanks again, and now I’m going to go add your blog to our blogroll!

By: Lu

Lu — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 17:25:52 +0000

This is a great, great post. I have been exposed to all kinds of different people as a parent that I probably normally wouldn’t approach to start a friendship with. The balance and the struggle is tough!

By: east end jenn

east end jenn — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 23:43:34 +0000

This is a question I’ve asked myself many, many times in connection with parenting, but also other things I’m passionate about (politics, religion, etc.). My initial internal response is typically, “I can’t be friends with someone who (fill in the blank with sufficiently offensive practice.)” But the truth is, I can, and I have, and though it hasn’t been always been easy, I do think it’s been worth it.

I’ve found myself friends with people I would never have expected to be friends with, with dramatically different views on matters that are of profound significance to me. But for all our differences – differences that can often inspire me to anger – they also have qualities that I appreciate, admire, and love them for. I do struggle with the idea that I’m ‘condoning’ things I feel strongly against in maintaining a friendship with them, but really, I don’t do that – my friends know where I stand on the issues that are important to me.

We don’t always agree to disagree either, we fight about the things we disagree about sometimes. But ultimately, I just can’t justify eliminating them from my life.

By: phdinparenting

phdinparenting — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 20:19:38 +0000

@theCanadianLactivist – You can absolutely link to my posts. Thanks!

By: Maya

Maya — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 18:07:10 +0000

On the dot. Loved this post.

I am very intolerant of people that make fun of my parenting choices. All parents work hard irrespective of the choices they make and I think poking fun is a complete no-no.

By: theCanadianLactivist

theCanadianLactivist — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 12:41:42 +0000

Your posts lately (and always) have been incredible. They are so well thought out and insightful. I hope you don’t mind me linking to your blog and this post in particular (and the previous one).

Please keep up the great posts, I am really enjoying reading what you put out.

By: Hey You

Hey You — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 06:21:13 +0000

What a good question–and answer! One of my very best friends has extremely different parenting styles from my husband and I, and while I love her and her kids, there is a huge element missing from our relationship. I am hesitant to let The Son spend much time around her children because they reflect how they are being raised and I do not want that to negatively influence my son. I realize at some point he will be exposed to things I consider negative, but he is only two. I have compartmentalized our friendship. She is who I go to do or talk about only certain things, but I do enjoy spending time with her in those very specific parameters. We just avoid the topic of our children..or how we raise them at least, and that is a huge thing to avoid, considering I am a SAHM! I think that you can not respect some of a persons views, but still respect them as a person.

By: Cynthia

Cynthia — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 04:02:38 +0000

That’s a great question and one I’ve been wrestling with myself since become a mother. It really bothers me to be around people who leave their babies to cry, who frequently and proudly spank or belittle their children, or who are constantly correcting or snapping at their kids. That’s not the sort of parenting I want to witness, nor do I want my son to see that more than he needs to.

I also find that if I’m around really punitive moms – or even just talking with them on the Internet – I start heading in that direction myself. I catch myself thinking “so-and-so would never let her child ‘get away with’ this” or “what would so-and-so think if she saw that”, and I start engaging in ridiculous power struggles over things that never would have even flashed across my radar on a typical day.

In any friendship, I tend put more effort towards those with whom I have at least a bit of common ground – basically what you described in what you look for in a friend. If I’m feeling constantly defensive of my parenting style, sad by the lack of respect they show their children, unable to share my struggles because I know the response would be punitive, and just generally not enjoying the friendship, then I begin to question whether it’s worth the struggle to keep the friendship going – for either of us.