Right now I’m sleeping in my son’s bed, his association is a warm body, mostly mine. He needs someone in bed with him and wakes up very upset if he’s alone. This works okay, but I wish he would let his brother sleep with him.

I used to have concerns about the pacifier, too and was even hesitant to introduce it (she used to spit it out until about 4mo old). But then it was really a life saver and it made a transition to her crib (although next to my bed) much easier. Much later, at about 1.5y, it would actually make her wake up during the night. At that time she wasn’t hungry during the night anymore, but paci would fall out and she’d wake up looking for him – meaning looking for me so I could find it LOL. I was still hesitant to wean her off the paci for fear she would suck her thumb (although she never did). Finally a tried a few evening for her to fall asleep without it kind of by distracting her when she was really tired, and it worked fine. I think she was 1y 10mo when a big blue balloon came and the paci went for a ride up into the sky. And that was that. For two weeks or so we had bedtime stories about all the adventures the paci was doing, and really her discomfort was minimal for maybe 2 nights.
BTW, as per our dentist, she has PERFECT teeth, no overbite etc.
So, I agree with the PP. Don’t feel guilty and give her time time to outgrow it. You can do some test runs where the paci is “hiding” and see how much that upsets her. If she’s still very attached and upset, then you “find” it, wait another month or two, and try again. Just make it fun, the more you worry or tense up about it, the more she’ll feel the same.

I just waited too. I wrote about that here:

http://www.phdinparenting.com/2010/03/01/a-different-kind-of-baby-led-weaning/

First, little ones understand that there are different rules with different people. Not at one or two months — at that age you’ll see them root on anyone — but at some point babies come to expect different behaviors from different people. My husband can hold our 9 month old and walk around with him and the baby doesn’t cry but does this loud, sleepy, singing thing and drifts off to sleep. If I held him that same way, he would cry and insist on nursing. I nurse him to sleep, daddy holds him to sleep. Sometimes if daddy’s been doing it, it takes a little longer for me, and if we are both home he may cry for mommy if he wants to nurse, but he is really OK with both ways. Sometimes moms who nurse their babies to sleep think it’s going to be impossible for someone else to get their kid to sleep peacefully but that’s not the case. I babysat for a one year old who nursed to sleep and I’d say, “time for nap. show me where your crib is.” and he showed me, I helped him in, and he laid down and went to sleep in less than five minutes with NO crying. That would NOT have worked with my own children and it wouldn’t have worked with him if his mom was around. But I just acted like I didn’t know the regular routine. So sleep associations are flexible and complex. They are wrapped up in patterns and rituals and relationships. If you are worried about leaving the baby at bedtime, get a sitter who can sympathize and is patient and understanding with the situation.. a parent like you, perhaps. I knew to stay away from “the big bed” or anything that would make the toddler think, “oh yeah, its time to nurse.” And if he cried, I was ready to pull him out of the crib and let him wait until mom came home or he got really sleepy and could crash in my arms.

Second, kids vary. My second child could be put down “drowsy but awake” like some books say, and drift off to sleep peacefully for the first 6 months, and even slept through the night often with no “training.” Blew my mind! (Of course now he knows there’s an all night diner open right next to him. Saw that coming, don’t care.) My first child, well we just didn’t put her down. She needed warmth and motion and a heartbeat from the very beginning. She had good instincts, I think. I couldn’t tweek night time much using any method until after she turned two. And she still was rather needy for a year or so longer. But she’s 6 now and she falls asleep alone in her own room, sleeps all night, and begs for a few more minutes of sleep on Monday mornings.

And here’s my advice, especially for Catherine.
After nursing your two year old, move to the feet and give her a foot rub. Use fun lotions and make it a special treat. Foot rubs provide contact, and help with relaxation, but keep the kid still and laying down by herself, and keep your breast away from her head. Allow the bedtime routine to gradually change to end with the foot rub. Slowly move nursing to before tooth brushing (better for teeth anyway). Rub feet until asleep, then until almost asleep and just sit with her. Then start occasionally “remembering” things during that last quiet time. “Oh, I forgot to bring up the laundry.. be right back.” “Oh I need to brush MY teeth. Be right back.” Go do the things and then come back. Stay away longer and longer, but always come back. Soon you’ll come back and she’ll be asleep.

Sometimes all it takes is that last “remembering” things step. Eventually, “Be right back” turns into “Good night.” And then you realize your kid is falling asleep on her own and THAT’S when you feel very glad you did nurse her to sleep for so long.. because it wasn’t so long after all.

Then she will start roping daddy into laying down with her and they will fall asleep together and that will make you all warm and fuzzy inside even though he’s messing with all your hard work.

Julie

It is a good thing to think of right from the start. You could try having your husband be the one to put her to bed right from the start. Either every night or alternating nights. That way she will hopefully fall asleep as easily for him as she does for you.