Comments on: The evils of schedules http://www.phdinparenting.com/2009/02/15/the-evils-of-schedules/ ...exploring the art and science of parenting Thu, 18 Mar 2010 16:33:12 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: Things to Write Home About 2/22/09 | Feels Like Home http://www.phdinparenting.com/2009/02/15/the-evils-of-schedules/#comment-2023 Things to Write Home About 2/22/09 | Feels Like Home Mon, 23 Feb 2009 03:45:17 +0000 http://www.phdinparenting.com/?p=1154#comment-2023 [...] Annie at PhD in Parenting talked about scheduling infants [...] [...] Annie at PhD in Parenting talked about scheduling infants [...]

]]> By: phdinparenting http://www.phdinparenting.com/2009/02/15/the-evils-of-schedules/#comment-1960 phdinparenting Thu, 19 Feb 2009 13:59:01 +0000 http://www.phdinparenting.com/?p=1154#comment-1960 @Sarah V: Sure, fair enough. I allow myself a bit of creative license here and there. I'm sure there are people that use spreadsheets to track their Baby Whisperer routine and plenty of others that don't. There are also people who do let their child lead that use spreadsheets for whatever reason (e.g. to start to understand their sleep patterns, to keep track of how much milk they pumped if exclusively pumping, etc.). Mommy brain can be daunting and spreadsheets can be helpful! I was just trying to write a compelling intro. Nothing less, nothing more. @Sarah V: Sure, fair enough. I allow myself a bit of creative license here and there. I’m sure there are people that use spreadsheets to track their Baby Whisperer routine and plenty of others that don’t. There are also people who do let their child lead that use spreadsheets for whatever reason (e.g. to start to understand their sleep patterns, to keep track of how much milk they pumped if exclusively pumping, etc.). Mommy brain can be daunting and spreadsheets can be helpful! I was just trying to write a compelling intro. Nothing less, nothing more.

]]> By: Megan http://www.phdinparenting.com/2009/02/15/the-evils-of-schedules/#comment-1953 Megan Thu, 19 Feb 2009 08:07:47 +0000 http://www.phdinparenting.com/?p=1154#comment-1953 Wonderful post. Very much in line with thoughts swirling in my head.... I love the idea of free range kids. I am having a tough time not putting DS into programmes and he is ONE. I keep being told how he needs schedules and scheduled activities.... he couldn't possibly be OK playing in the garden while I work in the garden (eyeroll) He needs a professional leading a group to learn anything (another eyeroll). I'm getting used to be 'fanatic' about not wanting adult ideas of what he needs pushed on him.... and eyebrows will just have to be raised when I don't force him into any expected behavior. Love your style Wonderful post. Very much in line with thoughts swirling in my head…. I love the idea of free range kids. I am having a tough time not putting DS into programmes and he is ONE. I keep being told how he needs schedules and scheduled activities…. he couldn’t possibly be OK playing in the garden while I work in the garden (eyeroll) He needs a professional leading a group to learn anything (another eyeroll). I’m getting used to be ‘fanatic’ about not wanting adult ideas of what he needs pushed on him…. and eyebrows will just have to be raised when I don’t force him into any expected behavior.

Love your style

]]> By: Sarah V. http://www.phdinparenting.com/2009/02/15/the-evils-of-schedules/#comment-1935 Sarah V. Wed, 18 Feb 2009 15:22:05 +0000 http://www.phdinparenting.com/?p=1154#comment-1935 @Annie and @Babyready: I think we're more or less on the same page as far as recognition of the potential problems with Tracy Hogg's EASY routine goes. The point I wanted to make is that it isn't the kind of strict, parent-led, break-out-the-spreadsheet schedule that you were implying by mentioning it in that paragraph. I clarify this partly because I believe in representing people's views fairly even when I happen to disagree with those views (when I say that I disagree with Hogg's view on this issue, I mean not that I feel that there's anything wrong with using an EASY routine if that's what an individual mother happens to feel would suit, but that I disagree with Hogg's view that it's an objectively better way than any other to do things and that it's what we should all be striving for). However, I also say it because I think it's worth recognising that trying to implement EASY in the early months can potentially have drawbacks and problems (especially for would-be breastfeeders) *despite* *not* being a strict schedule. I don't see it as something evil; but I do see it as something with potential disadvantages, and that wouldn't really come across to someone who had read both 'Secrets of the Baby Whisperer' and your post, because what you said doesn't really represent what Hogg says and would thus be easy to dismiss. @Annie and @Babyready: I think we’re more or less on the same page as far as recognition of the potential problems with Tracy Hogg’s EASY routine goes. The point I wanted to make is that it isn’t the kind of strict, parent-led, break-out-the-spreadsheet schedule that you were implying by mentioning it in that paragraph.

I clarify this partly because I believe in representing people’s views fairly even when I happen to disagree with those views (when I say that I disagree with Hogg’s view on this issue, I mean not that I feel that there’s anything wrong with using an EASY routine if that’s what an individual mother happens to feel would suit, but that I disagree with Hogg’s view that it’s an objectively better way than any other to do things and that it’s what we should all be striving for). However, I also say it because I think it’s worth recognising that trying to implement EASY in the early months can potentially have drawbacks and problems (especially for would-be breastfeeders) *despite* *not* being a strict schedule. I don’t see it as something evil; but I do see it as something with potential disadvantages, and that wouldn’t really come across to someone who had read both ‘Secrets of the Baby Whisperer’ and your post, because what you said doesn’t really represent what Hogg says and would thus be easy to dismiss.

]]> By: Megan http://www.phdinparenting.com/2009/02/15/the-evils-of-schedules/#comment-1906 Megan Wed, 18 Feb 2009 00:16:33 +0000 http://www.phdinparenting.com/?p=1154#comment-1906 A great post. Us personally we have a routine....so Ara knows what happens next. If she's tired we start doing things that lead towards bed...it might mean between 12 or 1 or 6:30 and 7:30 as I don't go to bed bang on the clock every time why should my child? In my childhood my parents didn't have a routine or a schedule and I hate not knowing what is happening it makes me very stressed…product of my up bringing? My personality? Before learning about attachment parenting I tried the whole minute by minute thing as I thought it would make my life easy and my child would just love to know what is what, but truly from a person who loves to check her watch every 15mins or less it made my life hell as well as unsocial....as some friends yesterday said...we made a choice to become parents and its a life changing event which means YOUR LIFE CHANGES... if you don't get to play tennis when you want to and your unhappy about that well maybe you should look at the reasons why you became a parent. I think there is a post in there some where. But great post…we live in a day an age where we need people to be creative, flexible and understanding and that is not going to come from ridged schedules. A great post.
Us personally we have a routine….so Ara knows what happens next. If she’s tired we start doing things that lead towards bed…it might mean between 12 or 1 or 6:30 and 7:30 as I don’t go to bed bang on the clock every time why should my child?
In my childhood my parents didn’t have a routine or a schedule and I hate not knowing what is happening it makes me very stressed…product of my up bringing? My personality?
Before learning about attachment parenting I tried the whole minute by minute thing as I thought it would make my life easy and my child would just love to know what is what, but truly from a person who loves to check her watch every 15mins or less it made my life hell as well as unsocial….as some friends yesterday said…we made a choice to become parents and its a life changing event which means YOUR LIFE CHANGES… if you don’t get to play tennis when you want to and your unhappy about that well maybe you should look at the reasons why you became a parent.
I think there is a post in there some where.
But great post…we live in a day an age where we need people to be creative, flexible and understanding and that is not going to come from ridged schedules.

]]> By: Sara http://www.phdinparenting.com/2009/02/15/the-evils-of-schedules/#comment-1883 Sara Tue, 17 Feb 2009 14:00:59 +0000 http://www.phdinparenting.com/?p=1154#comment-1883 Well, I tried breastfeeding, I had a lactation consultant, and my daughter just wouldn't do it. She would scream, milk would be everywhere, we'd both be crying, not a good situation for anyone. The LC said that I was doing everything right, she just didnt want to, so we switched to bottles and formula. Sucky, but maybe the next kid will want to do it. :-) Well, I tried breastfeeding, I had a lactation consultant, and my daughter just wouldn’t do it. She would scream, milk would be everywhere, we’d both be crying, not a good situation for anyone. The LC said that I was doing everything right, she just didnt want to, so we switched to bottles and formula. Sucky, but maybe the next kid will want to do it. :-)

]]> By: mezzaluna http://www.phdinparenting.com/2009/02/15/the-evils-of-schedules/#comment-1870 mezzaluna Tue, 17 Feb 2009 04:38:53 +0000 http://www.phdinparenting.com/?p=1154#comment-1870 What about the body clock, though? Sleep and hunger are strongly tied to circadian rhythms. With my first child we did a loose mix of on-demand and untimed routine. With my second we did more of a schedule, but based it on her evolving developmental needs. Knowing the timing if when she got tired was liberating in terms of knowing when would be a good time for various plans throughout the day since I needed to get out with my older child, too...and sleep came more readily to #2 when we worked with her body clock not against it. I didn't schedule feeds at all, but with the regular sleep patterns she ended up having her major nursing sessions just before and after sleep, and then comfort nursing ad lib any other time. What about the body clock, though? Sleep and hunger are strongly tied to circadian rhythms. With my first child we did a loose mix of on-demand and untimed routine. With my second we did more of a schedule, but based it on her evolving developmental needs. Knowing the timing if when she got tired was liberating in terms of knowing when would be a good time for various plans throughout the day since I needed to get out with my older child, too…and sleep came more readily to #2 when we worked with her body clock not against it. I didn’t schedule feeds at all, but with the regular sleep patterns she ended up having her major nursing sessions just before and after sleep, and then comfort nursing ad lib any other time.

]]> By: phdinparenting http://www.phdinparenting.com/2009/02/15/the-evils-of-schedules/#comment-1860 phdinparenting Mon, 16 Feb 2009 20:52:34 +0000 http://www.phdinparenting.com/?p=1154#comment-1860 @Sara - I think that is one of the big problems with the book. It takes concepts that may work with formula fed babies and applies them to breastfeeding without any understanding of the consequences. The whole BabyWise book shows a significant level of ignorance about and disdain for breastfeeding. You didn't mention what your reasons were for not being able to breastfeed, but with way too many moms the reason they aren't able to breastfeed is because they get bad advice at the start. Tracy Hogg's book fits nicely into that category of bad advice because it can lead to low supply (for mom) and low weight gain or failure to thrive for baby. @Sara – I think that is one of the big problems with the book. It takes concepts that may work with formula fed babies and applies them to breastfeeding without any understanding of the consequences. The whole BabyWise book shows a significant level of ignorance about and disdain for breastfeeding. You didn’t mention what your reasons were for not being able to breastfeed, but with way too many moms the reason they aren’t able to breastfeed is because they get bad advice at the start. Tracy Hogg’s book fits nicely into that category of bad advice because it can lead to low supply (for mom) and low weight gain or failure to thrive for baby.

]]> By: Sara http://www.phdinparenting.com/2009/02/15/the-evils-of-schedules/#comment-1859 Sara Mon, 16 Feb 2009 20:35:25 +0000 http://www.phdinparenting.com/?p=1154#comment-1859 Part of it is learning to listen to your baby's cues. You know if his/her cry is a hungry cry, or a mad cry. It's not that you HAVE to do it in that schedule, it's just a starting point and part of it is common sense. My experience is different that some in that I wasn't able to breastfeed, perhaps that schedule wouldn't work for breastfeeding moms as easily as bottle-feeding, but it did pretty well for us! Part of it is learning to listen to your baby’s cues. You know if his/her cry is a hungry cry, or a mad cry. It’s not that you HAVE to do it in that schedule, it’s just a starting point and part of it is common sense.

My experience is different that some in that I wasn’t able to breastfeed, perhaps that schedule wouldn’t work for breastfeeding moms as easily as bottle-feeding, but it did pretty well for us!

]]> By: Sara http://www.phdinparenting.com/2009/02/15/the-evils-of-schedules/#comment-1856 Sara Mon, 16 Feb 2009 18:52:54 +0000 http://www.phdinparenting.com/?p=1154#comment-1856 I remember those early days. :) I used to smile and say "Of course we're on a schedule... His schedule." and I'd say he was an easy baby, a delight. A pleasure. And he was. He wouldn't sleep anywhere but in my arms, so we co-slept. Often with him on my chest. He wouldn't let anyone hold him for very long unless it was me, and so I took shorter showers less frequently, and worked with him on my boppy pillow. He wouldn't take a bottle the few times one was offered. I was okay with that. He woke up every three hours for the first 6 months of his life to nurse.. When he wasn't going through a growth spurt, and every hour when he was. But I meant every word of what I said. Having needs doesn't make you "difficult". It makes you human. And an infant with needs? oh.. My.. word. Who'da thunk? Now my little guy is a crazy independent two year old. And I miss the little infant he used to be, even though I'm crazy about who he is now and who he will become. :) I remember those early days. :) I used to smile and say “Of course we’re on a schedule… His schedule.” and I’d say he was an easy baby, a delight. A pleasure.

And he was. He wouldn’t sleep anywhere but in my arms, so we co-slept. Often with him on my chest. He wouldn’t let anyone hold him for very long unless it was me, and so I took shorter showers less frequently, and worked with him on my boppy pillow. He wouldn’t take a bottle the few times one was offered. I was okay with that. He woke up every three hours for the first 6 months of his life to nurse.. When he wasn’t going through a growth spurt, and every hour when he was.

But I meant every word of what I said.

Having needs doesn’t make you “difficult”. It makes you human. And an infant with needs? oh.. My.. word. Who’da thunk?

Now my little guy is a crazy independent two year old. And I miss the little infant he used to be, even though I’m crazy about who he is now and who he will become. :)

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