Sorry, I know there are friendly practitioners out there, but if you go in just hoping for doors to swing wide open, you’re likely to find yourself sorely disappointed.

My first was born the standard hospital way. I was 23 at the time, and just went along with whatever the staff wanted.

Induction after pinhole leak, epidural, etc; I came within an hour of having a “required” C-section, which would have been stupidly pointless. Especially for a first baby! Why on earth do docs not take into account the likelihood of a young mom’s subsequent pregnancies when making “by the book” decisions about her first baby?

Second was a homebirth with lay midwives. The most perfectly astonishing experience of my entire life. Changed my entire outlook on birth, which is what HB advocates always SAY, but it’s hard to believe how different it is till you’ve been there.

Due to insurance issues, my third was born in hospital, and while you’d think I would have been a pretty good self-advocate, I was amazed by how powerless I felt to fight “support staff” during labor. Even really dumb things like refusing continuous EFM were this huge uphill battle.

And this was with a CNM! Freakin ridiculous. (she did finally “compromise” on a telemetry unit and a hep lock, but c’mon. She talked like she was doing me a HUGE favor.)

My fourth will be another hospital birth, due again to insurance issues and lack of local MW availability. Sigh. We’re talking military hospital, 90 plus percent epidural rate, 40 percent C-section rate. helloo?? I know a lot of the ladies ’round my local area really WANT the whole medical model shebang, but they also can’t understand how their environment affects their ability to handle “natural” childbirth.

I never understood the Laura Shanleys of the world till I found myself in THIS pickle.

When my water broke with no contractions in sight and some very heavy bleeding, I had to go to the hospital earlier than I wanted and it seemed like my plans were on their head (I”d planned to labor at home as long as possible). There were some rules I followed because I didn’t care not to (I allowed intermittent external monitoring because it did not bother me) but there were some rules I flagrantly flouted (I ate peanut butter and honey sandwiches throughout to keep my strength up, despite a very stern admonition from a nurse not to eat). My doctor was high touch and came to check on me three times (he’s a single practitioner) during my pre-labor. My labor was hard work (baby was face up and I was only able to turn him to face my thigh) but it was rewarding. Both my OB and the second nurse (much nicer than the first!) who attended me said our birth was one of the most beautiful they’d seen. I didn’t have a doula, because I knew I wouldn’t want another body in the room. In fact, knowing myself and what I might want for a variety of different scenarios (plan A, plan B, plan c…and so on) was the key for me.