We have discussed that if we get married, and if we have kids, that he will try and teach them French, and that he will speak to them in French and I will speak to them in English. Even if they don’t end up speaking it fluently, the early-childhood exposure will be a huge boon to their language-learning abilities later on (this has been proven in study after study, and as a language teacher, I can tell you that it is definitely true). So, even if your children don’t end up speaking German very well, they will still be far ahead of their peers when it comes to languages.

I want to start by encouraging you to speak german to your children!! I strongly believe that it CAN be done – and that your children will appreciate your efforts forever! having said that, I KNOW it’s difficult. I KNOW.

Do over?
I’m realizing daily that my children ARE way more anglophone than bilingual and it bugs me to no end. I DO speak french to them – but not 100% of the time. Most of our books are english so i’m reading mostly english to them (the ones we have in french are mostly horrible translations that I can’t stand so i’m not picking them often, I need to invest in brilliant french books) Over the last week or so I feel like i can SEE the day they tell me “not french maman” tv. is not a problem since they’re not exposed to it. they understand everything in french — but they’re not using it much. I’m also *stuck* on this subject because we have schooling decisions to make and I am adamant then go to french school. (like it was a make or break point of our relationship – it’s THAT huge for me) BUT the options here are hard to swallow – so i’m not sure, and I’ve been trying to remind myself that language will not make them ‘better people’ good parenting, good choices and good opportunities will. It’s hard.

Pertaining to parenting and not my children per se – i lose patience way too fast when people act like i’m just “trying to be better than them/supermom” if they find out that “we eat homemade as much as possible” or “that i never bought baby food – it was all homemade” “that they never got forumala” or “that we cloth diaper” or “that my children don’t watch tv” or “that i get to stay home with them everyday”. I feel like i just want to YELL that I’m doing what WE feel is best for OUR FAMILY/SITUATION and that it bugs me that I have to pretend that we do things we don’t. I don’t offer these things to “show off” ever – i wish the people making assumptions of how everybody parents would just stop – then they wouldn’t make me feel horrible!ha. I just need to learn to not allow it to get to me

Did right?
That I parent from my gut — and I KNOW that this happened mostly because i didn’t get pregnant when we first started trying. Seems crazy — but the waiting and reading that I got to do in this wait time made me realize that there’s a whole world beyond mainstream — and one I belong to. I’m not a conformist ‘just because’ but I think I could have easily slipped into that crowd had I had children when I was younger (i don’t mean all young people – i just mean ME and how I WAS). For me that would have been painful parenting. I am thankful that I’ve had the opportunity to watch my friends learn & grow as parents before I started my journey – because I gained from their growing pains. (not to say I didn’t have any of course!!)

Also that being stubborn has been working to my advantage mostly. I’ve stuck to things that were important to me because they’re important to me. I don’t pay attention to advice that doesn’t work for us – and I’m not shy to share that with those offering. “Sorry, that doesn’t work for our family” or “We’ve chosen ___ for our family”. See – I say that’s a “good thing” and above I complain about it — the neg. of it is the “Attitude” i get from some people that think i’m trying to show off when it’s got nothing to do with it. But i’m not going to sit there and smile + nod while somebody tells me that my problem is that I haven’t allowed them to CIO for example. “that just doesn’t work for our family” is a much better response!! I also feel that by answering that instead of nodding it’s educating them that maybe, just maybe — there’s more than ONE WAY to parent.

That we co-sleep even though it wasn’t our goal. I was very pro co-sleeping, just didnt’ think it was for our family – but it’s been wonderful/necessary!

great post Annie — sorry for the crazy long response. Now, go speak german to your children

I just updated the post with my answers to the questions.

Done right: Babywearing. There are lots of things I’m glad I did, but those first several months with him cuddled so close are some of the fondest memories I have. Nine months in…nine months out.

I’m proud of the fact that despite doing everything I could do, and never being able to pump enough for dd at daycare, I am still able to breastfeed my daughter at 22 months. I attribute much of that success to co-sleeping, which is something we still do.

But then I talked to my friend who recently battled cardio myopathy, and who will need a defibrilator placed in her heart in the next few weeks. She is so scared of leaving her three kids alone without a mommy! Instead of ruminating on the past, she thinks constantly in the present, making sure that her priorities are in line and that she is making the most of each moment.

So I decided to “let go” the things I wanted to do over and to focus on things that I can change in the future. I’m actually really glad that I read this. I don’t want to feel guilty anymore about my poor parenting moments, so I’m going to channel that negative energy into some positive energy instead.

did well:
ignored naysayers and met the needs of my spirited ds which is helping him grow up at his pace in his way to be a wonderful boy!
all the ap stuff, cosleeping, bwing, ebfing, so worth it!
my homebirth with dd.
really, believing that i am a good mama.

Do Overs
- not put him down in the swing so much those first two weeks, I could have held him more
- found his tongue tie earlier
- found his reflux earlier, or listened to DH when he said something didn’t seem right, even though the doc said he was fine
- not used the sound of a vacuum to soothe him
- never would have stopped swaddling
- bedtime routine at 2weeks
- when I loose my temper and get mad or frustrated with him and his sleep issues

Celebrations
- I DID find his TT
- I’ve worn him from the beginning, though sometimes I wish I could more
- fall in love with cosleeping
- ensure he gets the best food we can afford
- EBF & Pumping for almost 8mo
- EMBRACED MY CRUNCH!