Have you read Elizabeth Pantley? I think her gentle sleep solution book has an “if nothing else works” chapter. Perhaps her gentle sleep for toddlers one does, too.

- one tired cosleeping, extended/tandem nursing AP mama

On a different note, thank you for this blog. I wish I had come across it earlier on. We’ve used many ideas in the Pantley book (but not before reading some other books that offer less gentle advice).

I need some clarification about crying at bedtime. My husband & I do not agree with CIO and we work to ensure that the bedtime routine is calm and relaxing. However, when we put our son into his crib, he sometimes protests when we leave the room. His upset is communicated by fussing, which we generally wait out because he will often settle down. But other times, the fussing turns into crying, which elicits a prompt reponse from us. There have been other times, however, that his crying subside even in the few moments that it takes us to get upstairs to his room.

So, here’s my question: when his fussiness turns into tears, do we give him a couple of minutes to see if he will settle on his own or do we respond right away? I obviously don’t want to let him CIO, but I also don’t want to rush in at every fuss.

Thank you for your comment. Unfortunately, I cannot recommend amber teething necklaces. They present a choking hazard for small children.

Usually nursing for comfort as a toddler involved discussion of feelings as well. For toddlers and teens, parents are the strong base to fall back on as they explore the world.

I read Bowlby before I had children and his work did influence my “attachment parenting” choices.

Parents should not feel pressured to go to any length to stop a baby’s cries. Crying is not to be feared; it is a healthy release. I don’t understand the expression “cry it out.” What are babies “crying out”? I do know that babies need to cry sometimes, as we all do. And they need support for crying, not parents rushing to plug their mouths.

Sir Richard Bowlby, son of John Bowlby who originated Attachment Theory will be the keynote speaker at the 2010 RIE Conference (Resources for Infant Educarers, a non-profit organization) in June, at the Skirball Center in Los Angeles. I recommend this conference for anyone who would like to learn more about “secure attachment” and the research behind it, from the source of the theory. This is the theory “attachment parenting” borrows its name from, but one has little to do with the other.

My experience (supported by the research that I’ve read) has been that children who are not given the opportunity to develop a secure attachment to their parents tend to be more insecure and clingy by about preschool age. Nursing an infant on demand, with reasonable limits given as the child grows, helps to foster a secure attachment (as does responding to the child at night instead of doing cry it out), which helps them to build their confidence and become more independent as they are ready (as opposed to being pushed into false independence and experiencing severe insecurity as a result).