I am now back in the U.S. and have opened my own practice and often tell people that there are many right and good ways to parent. I am always on the look out for good, free resources I can offer parents and I’ll be adding you to my list. Thanks for grappling with this topic, I really enjoy reading your tweets and blogs!

For example: I planned to be a stay-at-home mum with my little boy, but then my partner left me, completely out of the blue. I spent as long as I could at home with him, eating up all my savings, spending less and less money and eeking out clothes until the arms were way to short and layering blankets on us at night when the heating was too expensive. Until I got to a point when I thought that whilst it may be best for me to be at home with him 24/7, it is not best for him to be without nice things and to have to sleep in a sweater. So I made the tortuous decision to start working again and found a childminder. She’s wonderful and I think I found the best person in her. She is an attached and engaged parent with her 2 children, has the same values and principles as me when it comes to caring for children, she is environmentally conscious, cloth diapers, wears her youngest child, doesn’t agree with CIO, cooks home-made meals, everything that I do at home. (In fact I think she is probably the parent that I would aspire to be!)

But despite knowing that I am earning to provide a better home environment for my son and knowing that he has the best care that I can provide and the best that I could find when I am not there, I hate myself every day for not being at home with him. I hate that he enjoys the childminder and I hate the fact that I am a “working mum”. I hate that he had to get upset the first few times that I left him and I hate the fact that he had to get used to the idea that I wa going to leave him for a few hours. It was completely against my instinct to leave him, often upset, with someone else for a few hours at the age of 18 months, however nurturing she is, so that I could go to work. And I till struggle with that. Now thats not to say that I think there is a problem with parents working – absolutely not – it is just not what I had planned, not what I feel comfortable with and not what I enjoy.

So my question is – how can you be a confident parent when you are not happy with the way you are parenting?

I think they’re stinkin’ thinkin’, defense mechanism or a manipulation. Hate hate hate that!

I think it depends on context.

If you just raised your voice to your child, I’m not going to step in and tell you that it is a horrible thing to do. However, if you raise your voice and your child and then follow it with a statement saying “they never listen unless you scream and threaten”, then I may offer a different viewpoint. It doesn’t mean that I think you’re a bad mom for raising your voice, but if you started the conversation, I’m not just going to sit there and nod my head and pretend to agree if I don’t agree. If I gently offer a different viewpoint and then you then gently explain why you disagree, then we can have a civil conversation. However, if I gently offer a different viewpoint and you counter with “yea reason with a 4 year old, I dare you,” then that is probably the end of our civil conversation.

I think anytime someone offers their opinion on something, that is an invitation for others to share their thoughts as well. I think there is then a responsibility on the person sharing their thoughts to be gentle and respectful in their delivery, just as there is a responsibility on the listener to take it for what it is — just an opinion. If we let the opinions of others dominate our opinion of ourselves, then we are doomed.

I don’t need or want anyone’s advice and that’s where the problem lies…people injecting their thoughts where they weren’t asked.