Comments on: When it is not breast

By: Guest Post: Societal Barriers to Breastfeeding | A green living, green parenting blog

Thu, 15 Dec 2011 16:14:06 +0000

[...] to subscribe to my RSS feed. Thank you for visiting, I am so happy you're here!When people think of breastfeeding difficulties, the things that probably come to mind are supply issues, bad latch, cracked nipples, constant [...]

By: Jo

Jo — Fri, 09 Sep 2011 00:02:30 +0000

I COMPLETELY SUPPORT YOU!!! I am pregnant DO NOT PLAN to breast feed AT ALL. I am 31 yrs old. WAS NEVER BREASTFED (due to allergy to my mothers breastmilk) and I fine, smart, creative, college degree and ALL. I AM WITH YOU AND AGREE WHOLEHEARTEDLY WITH EVERYTHING IN YOUR POST.. BE STRONG, DONT WEAKEN; AND DONT LET ANYONE MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE LESS THAN A MOM OR WOMAN FOR YOUR DECISION

By: Thanks for Throwing Fuel on the Breastfeeding/Formula Feeding Fire | PhD in Parenting

Mon, 15 Aug 2011 01:25:17 +0000

[...] postpartum depression on her amazing blog. I didn’t need Dr. Narvaez to prompt me to write When it is Not Breast or I Won’t Ask You Why You Didn’t Breastfeed. The positive discussions were already [...]

By: Paula

Paula — Sat, 21 May 2011 16:08:36 +0000

Every mom and every birth is so different. I never breastfed my first son as I lacked the support and knowledge really to understand how important it was. My second and now my third are great breastfeeders. But I had to be very stubborn with them. My littlest one has just now become a great bfer. It took 4 months of constant pumping on my part and putting her to the breast every single day for her to get it. She was very ill and extremely sleepy because of seizures and medication until the last couple of months. The doctors urged me to give up. Even the lactation consultant wasn’t convinced that I’d ever get her latched but urged me to continue pumping. If I can pump 8 to 10 times a day and bottle feed it to her until she’s finally well enough to bf consistently, I truly believe that any mom could have a wonderful bf relationship with their child if given the right information and support. Don’t give up!! It’s what I urge all new moms. It can be tricky for the first few weeks but the reward of successful bfing is more than worth it — even though it took me 4 months to get my daughter latched, I wouldn’t change a thing. If you want to bf, believe me, you can! Just keep at it:)

By: becca

becca — Sat, 21 May 2011 03:10:05 +0000

… you are not on your own. <3 to you for trying your best beautiful annon mummy.

By: becca

becca — Sat, 21 May 2011 03:00:05 +0000

thank you. <3

By: Mamaof4

Mamaof4 — Fri, 20 May 2011 18:18:09 +0000

I try to “break the cycle” by passing along helpful info to expecting moms whom I know (whether or not it is their first baby). How I go about it is: ether I send them a thoughtfully & carefully worded email with links to websites like kellymom, drmomma, thewholenetwork, etc, explaining why these sites are so helpful. Then they are free to make their own choices as a mother, and I hope that they do find the time to really educate themselves on all topics baby-related. I also give my email & phone #’s and let them know that they can contact me if they need any help with baby. For those whom I give a gift to, I encolse a little (scrapbook paper) note listing “my fav baby-care websites” inside the card. I feel like the websites give credibility to my advice, and I don’t come across like I’m “telling them how to parent”, or that I’m pulling the info out of left field. Lastly, I try to post links & articles to my facebook page whenever I find one that is helpful, but not overwhelming. At this point, I feel like i’m doing as much as I can without “stepping on toes” or burning bridges, you know?

By: Monique

Monique — Fri, 20 May 2011 17:28:53 +0000

I think this is one place where society needs to begin to speak again with a clear, true voice.
There was a time when everyone breastfed – or they found a wet nurse. It was really that simple. Why have we allowed ourselves to be talked out of that? A wet nurse makes it very clear that being fed as a baby is a relationship – and that breastmilk is the best food. It also makes it clear that it’s a human function – and not a function of getting milk from an animal and somehow making it “fit” sufficiently to pass for food for a human. Society does set norms; this isn’t new. We have no issue with “shaming” families that choose not to vaccinate, for instance. But we don’t say anything about how someone chooses to feed. I’m not trying to advocate shaming – but I am saying that we have somehow decided collectively that just because we *can* do something (like formula feed) that it’s somehow an acceptable choice. It isn’t; it’s only okay in the instances that you note above in your blog post. While this doesn’t help with how to speak when an individual says something clearly untrue like “formula is fine” or “it’s just like breastmilk” or “your baby will sleep better”, we can stick to speaking the truth, as kindly as we can, which is “really, nothing is like breastmilk”, “we don’t know how to duplicate it” and “unfortunately, formula is not even a close second.” What our bodies have evolved to do – in order to effectively nourish our babies (and ourselves) – is miraculous. Nursing is also daunting and difficult and depressing sometimes – and this is what it is. Instead of rosy pink halos painted around perfect pictures of motherhood, perhaps we all have to tell the truth about that too: it’s infinitely worth it and it’s desperately hard sometimes. Perhaps it really is *all* about speaking the truth – something we get far to little of these days. Instead, we get little white lies, designed to make us feel better or consume more or let us off the hook as we poison ourselves or our planet. Our politicians lie so regularly, we hardly take note. No wonder we have no way to say the truth to each other without sounding like we are out to hurt someone. We have hardly any examples of it around us.

By: phdinparenting

phdinparenting — Fri, 20 May 2011 17:28:39 +0000

Who are you saying “STOP THE JUDGEMENT” to? Who is claiming that it is completely natural and easy?

By: Saddened & Appalled by the judgements

Saddened & Appalled by the judgements — Fri, 20 May 2011 17:14:59 +0000

Why DO other mothers feel the burning need to pass on their opinions and judgements and that be surprised when it isn’t well received? “But then she bit my head off” – well come on now!!! This is a huge personal and intimate deal here. Jeebus.

Makes me very sad to see that there are still so many women out there with opinions that are completely blinkered. I see so many comments about how ridiculous it is not to BF, how the mother needs support – but sometimes – it just doesn’t work. And this constant pressure on mothers is ridiculous. It’s awful, and I was left for almost 2 years with awful feelings of guilt, of failing my child – had I poisoned her? What have I done to her? Will she get sick? Cancers? What? Everyone tells me that formula is poison and evil…

But I was completely unable to breastfeed my child.

Oh, I suppose everyone here will have an answer for it… but I tried it all…

I was so stubbornly determined to feed my child that inbetween attempts I was pumping every 3 hours – but this amount was not enough and I HAD to supplement with formula.
I was on domperidone, oats, Guiness, fake beer, fenugreek, blessed thistle – I had virtually no supply.
And then there’s my child… my beautiful baby girl… who refused to latch.
Visits to LCs left my breasts covered in purple bruises, my child red and screaming from hunger… nothing worked. We tried tube feeding, spoon feeding, nipple shields – and they eventually gave up on us after 3 weeks – told me she was tongue tied and sent me on my way.
My DD wasn’t tongue tied. And she never did latch.
She did, however, continue to scream and claw at my breasts every time I attempted to feed her. Complete breast aversion. And I still had no supply.
I tried LLL, I tried Breastfeeding Buddies, nurse-ins, spent days naked on the top half doing skin-on-skin, showers, baths, etc…
My child hated me, hated my breasts, and I *WASTED* hours every day strapped to that machine when I should have been holding my baby. Bonding with her. Loving her.
That time I will never get back.
DAYS spent with her lying by my side as I pumped, and pumped and pumped.
WEEKS spent inside that house, with my child lying by my side…

So please – STOP THE JUDGEMENT. It’s horrible. Isn’t it bad enough that the mother feels like a failure when it doesn’t happen? That the mother feels ripped apart by guilt? Why do seemingly kindred spirits, fellow mothers also have to heap on the guilt and judgement?

To all the naysayers, all the people who claim that it’s completely natural and easy? That are so judgemental against other mothers?

It is NOT easy. It is NOT 100% natural.

Sometimes you can try everything for 10 and a half months – and it just won’t happen.

Had my child been born centuries ago? She would have perished and died with pumps and *SHOCK*HORROR* … FORMULA.

That’s the grim truth of it.

She would have died.

So yah… I used formula; yes, I pumped – but I gave her the best possible start in life that I possibly could.