Comments on: The bully who defined me

By: The Bad Moms Club | The Blood, Sweat and Tears of Birthday Party Politics

The Bad Moms Club | The Blood, Sweat and Tears of Birthday Party Politics — Tue, 14 Jun 2011 14:56:10 +0000

[...] a friend of mine, so that was fine. But the other one was a popular girl and I was…well…not. Every year, I was mortified to the point of almost cancelling my birthday, when my mom insisted [...]

By: 'Becca

'Becca — Tue, 26 Apr 2011 18:00:42 +0000

Great post! Thanks for sharing your story.

I also grew up in a small town with a rigid social hierarchy, and 20 years after moving away, I’m still healing. The best thing for me was going to a university where all the students were smart and geeky and a majority had been social outcasts; that was a great social scene partly because of feeling accepted for who we were and partly because everyone was appreciating it so much by contrast!

At my tenth high school reunion, I was astonished at the number of people who’d ignored me in high school who now wanted to talk with me! I also found that my classmates who’d been the most popular had peaked in high school and were now leading boring lives, while the more awkward kids had grown up to excel. My father had told me about this phenomenon after attending one of his reunions when I was a teenager, but I hadn’t expected it to hold true with my class.

My son is in kindergarten. His dad also was bullied as a child, so we feel some fear about what may happen to him. But we take heart that he’s attending a school where there are lots of okay “ways to be,” not just one, and where almost 1/3 of kids qualify for the gifted program so it’s not “weird” to be smart.

Heather: I went to schools where the principals spanked and paddled children frequently. Bullying was a big problem anyway. In fact, some of the bullies reliably would do something awful to another child later in the day after being paddled.

By: One word | PhD in Parenting

One word | PhD in Parenting — Wed, 03 Nov 2010 21:02:04 +0000

[...] might be another word, since no one had the nerve to float a negative one word my way (this is nothing like my school days). Also note that I didn’t ask my partner or one of the words would most likely have been [...]

By: ChristinaL30

ChristinaL30 — Wed, 25 Aug 2010 02:36:42 +0000

“Once I realized that, and realized how pathetic and petty their game was {really, if THAT’s how you feel good about yourself, if THAT’s how you gain a sense of power and importance then you’re pretty pathetic}…once I realized that I was able to start healing.”

That’s what my parents finally told me that helped immensely. I hope to be able to pass along that wisdom to my boys.

By: Anti-Bully

Anti-Bully — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 19:46:00 +0000

It took a lot of courage to publish this post. It was very touching.

By: Elizabeth

Elizabeth — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 22:47:13 +0000

Wow – what a story. I wish I could tell you things are different, but I think my daughter lived through some of what you experienced. She met her bully in Kindergarten. I couldn’t believe it — and her teacher and school administrators didn’t believe it for most of the school year — until the bully (not a pretty little blonde, FYI, a very cute little girl from China) organized a day where the rest of the class would pretend my daughter was invisible. (Age 5 this kid was!) We were already seeing a therapist to learn how to deal with bullies (so sad, really, to watch your tiny daughter role playing with a mirror so she can deal with mean girls). The school finally took notice after the invisible thing. (I’ll insert here: I’m talking about a Very Expensive private school that we almost left over this and that did expel another child – a boy – that year, but he was punching and kicking kids.) Little bully’s parents were called in and defended her to the hilt – the mom called me shrieking and I thought, “that poor child has a crazy mother who will let her get away with anything before it reflects poorly on her” and “this woman is a bigger bully than her daughter!”
Anyway: the good news here is my kid is now 12, she is in Middle School where the bully is still a very cute bully but has absolutely no power over my daughter. My kid learned years ago how to deal with her – and she watches sadly every year when the cute bully (aka the mean girl, aka the popular girl) adopts a new sidekick, who then isn’t allowed to speak to my daughter. “She’ll be back,” she says. …
For moms worried about their kids – I noticed it was happening pretty fast, I think. Kids come home from school happy, and if that stops, something is up. If they don’t want to go to Kindergarten? Something is really up. Plus mine has a built in stress alarm – eczema. Not every kid comes with that handy sign on the backs of their knees .
I guess my whole point is that while I so wanted to lean over and hiss in that Little Bully’s 5-year-old face “if you are mean to her today, I’m going to kill you!” – seven years later I think that rotten little kid did us a favor, and sometimes I see her alone waiting for her mom looking really depressed and I feel sorry for her. Several other girls are just figuring out how to deal with the Mean Girls. My girl has got it down.
Oh – and the therapist at the time told me that my kid; smart, super shy, more than a little quirky, was the perfect target for bullies. I envisioned years of bullying. Didn’t happen. She won’t let it.
So got some good people skills out of this without letting it (I hope) hurt her.

By: Dan Hillman

Dan Hillman — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 19:04:40 +0000

Sorry to hear about your experience. I definately identified with you. High school was a horrible time for me. See, I’m not very witty, not extremely funny, and not too athletic. I was picked on – a lot. I was a loner – desperately wanting acceptance and not getting acceptance.

It actually worked out pretty well for me, because for years I had been thinking about making a decision to follow Jesus Christ. However, I kept holding myself back from giving Christ my heart, out of fear of rejection. Once it was established that I was pretty much totally rejected by nearly all of my peers (except for a few friends who were themselves rejected), I recognized that allowing myself to be held back from Christ by the fear of ridicule of bullies is stupid. So, when I was 16, I decided to follow Jesus.

Jesus certainly helped me. First, I was assurred of his love and acceptance of me. Then, he taught me to forgive and to love my enemies and to pray for those who were bullying me. Then he taught me how to stand up against bullying free of malice and hate. I used to play basketball every day with guys from the neighborhood, and every day they talked A LOT of trash – especially to me. I learned to stand up to them – by playing hard, by being socially assertive, and by praying for them.

Then, I went public with my faith free of fear. I gained the reputation as the Jesus Freak. I was ridiculed for this, but I was able to not allow the ridicule to bother me. I responded to ridicule with blessing. I talked about the love of Christ.

It was neat that once I stopped worrying what others thought about me, some people started respecting me – and even let me know it.

Bottom line: Jesus Christ is familiar with rejection, persecution, and suffering. To add to this, he was also familiar with character assassination and finally with an unjust trial, a false conviction, and a shameful and torturous death on the cross.

But if they who crucified him knew what they were doing, they would never have crucified the Lord of glory, for in dying on the cross, Jesus provided atonement for sinners, so that all who believe would be saved.

Thank God for His grace.

By: Are people who don’t get the H1N1 vaccine idiots? | PhD in Parenting

Are people who don’t get the H1N1 vaccine idiots? | PhD in Parenting — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 20:38:04 +0000

[...] and stones may break my bones, but being called an idiot won’t bully me into not questioning [...]

By: Candace

Candace — Sat, 12 Sep 2009 03:12:47 +0000

What Annie said.

By: Heather

Heather — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 14:47:06 +0000

I understand spanking is not the only answer, different things work for different kids.I just remember when I was in school how the parent, the principal, and the teacher would be in the hall ready to give out spankings when you were misbehaving.The parents would either do it themselves or let the teacher or principal.I feel as a society we are starting to let many things go and our children notice this.When I worked for a childrens home in AZ, you betcha every one of them kids knew you could not do anything to them.We had everything from abuse,runaways,kids waiting for adoption,gangbangers,and parents that handed them over pleading for us to help them with their child.If they ran away the police brought them right back because there was nothing more they could do,that is what the police would say.DFC,Impact and other programs that involved themselves in cases with the children were jokes.The saddest thing I heard working there well 1 of them, was think of these kids like cattle do not get attached because all we do is herd them in then herd them out.I just cannot believe our system anymore,even the kids new they meant nothing to the system.I had to fight with them to talk to their therapist,or their dfc worker,they would always refuse saying they do not care about me,or listen to what I have to say.They were for the most part right,society is numbing themselves to much.