Comments on: That which does not kill us makes us stronger. Or does it? http://www.phdinparenting.com/2009/08/25/that-which-does-not-kill-us-makes-us-stronger/ ...exploring the art and science of parenting Sat, 11 Feb 2012 15:24:55 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3 By: mister who that http://www.phdinparenting.com/2009/08/25/that-which-does-not-kill-us-makes-us-stronger/#comment-225058 mister who that Thu, 12 Jan 2012 02:17:09 +0000 http://www.phdinparenting.com/?p=2476#comment-225058 agree, we must teach our kids to see the world how it is. agree, we must teach our kids to see the world how it is.

]]> By: lola http://www.phdinparenting.com/2009/08/25/that-which-does-not-kill-us-makes-us-stronger/#comment-91375 lola Tue, 16 Nov 2010 18:26:18 +0000 http://www.phdinparenting.com/?p=2476#comment-91375 i'm 17 and sufering from schizophrenia and anorexia as a result of being bullied since i was four upwards...and iv'e made a personal promise to be successful in life and not to have children until later (very high teen pregnancy rate in my area) only time will tell if it's worked though alot of people who bullied me already have children or pregnant and not planning on getting jobs so it makes me feel a lil better. i’m 17 and sufering from schizophrenia and anorexia as a result of being bullied since i was four upwards…and iv’e made a personal promise to be successful in life and not to have children until later (very high teen pregnancy rate in my area) only time will tell if it’s worked though alot of people who bullied me already have children or pregnant and not planning on getting jobs so it makes me feel a lil better.

]]> By: gina http://www.phdinparenting.com/2009/08/25/that-which-does-not-kill-us-makes-us-stronger/#comment-44288 gina Tue, 02 Mar 2010 16:56:04 +0000 http://www.phdinparenting.com/?p=2476#comment-44288 One of my favourite experts on the subject is Barbara Coloroso. Found this little handout in quick google search: http://schools.hcdsb.org/mich/Safe%20Schools/Barbara%20Coloroso-%20The%20Bully,%20The%20Bullied%20and%20the%20Bystander.pdf One of my favourite experts on the subject is Barbara Coloroso. Found this little handout in quick google search: http://schools.hcdsb.org/mich/Safe%20Schools/Barbara%20Coloroso-%20The%20Bully,%20The%20Bullied%20and%20the%20Bystander.pdf

]]> By: alison kramer http://www.phdinparenting.com/2009/08/25/that-which-does-not-kill-us-makes-us-stronger/#comment-44287 alison kramer Tue, 02 Mar 2010 16:55:29 +0000 http://www.phdinparenting.com/?p=2476#comment-44287 What a powerful post. Thank you for writing it. i could not agree more with this: "I think strength is built in the process of rising above it all. I believe that strength comes from within. I think those that are capable of finding that strength would have found it without needing to suffer." I choose to look at the things i have survived in my life as being a part of my strength and growth - but that is something that comes from within me - i think this is actually a very rare thing to be able to do. i would not wish that on anyone, and certainly not on my children. i embrace their safety, peace and true childhood. They will find their strength and character without suffering. What a powerful post. Thank you for writing it.
i could not agree more with this:
“I think strength is built in the process of rising above it all. I believe that strength comes from within. I think those that are capable of finding that strength would have found it without needing to suffer.”
I choose to look at the things i have survived in my life as being a part of my strength and growth – but that is something that comes from within me – i think this is actually a very rare thing to be able to do. i would not wish that on anyone, and certainly not on my children. i embrace their safety, peace and true childhood. They will find their strength and character without suffering.

]]> By: phdinparenting http://www.phdinparenting.com/2009/08/25/that-which-does-not-kill-us-makes-us-stronger/#comment-13439 phdinparenting Wed, 26 Aug 2009 03:01:37 +0000 http://www.phdinparenting.com/?p=2476#comment-13439 True...and some rubber bands are stronger than others. True…and some rubber bands are stronger than others.

]]> By: TwinToddlersDad http://www.phdinparenting.com/2009/08/25/that-which-does-not-kill-us-makes-us-stronger/#comment-13437 TwinToddlersDad Wed, 26 Aug 2009 02:58:58 +0000 http://www.phdinparenting.com/?p=2476#comment-13437 Interesting and thought provoking as always! As far as bullying is concerned, I think a bully is not interested in making you or your child strong. In fact, their interest is to defeat you into submission. Your suffering, or coming out as a stronger person, is irrelevant to them. I think children are like rubber bands. Stretch them too fast, they will snap. But stretch them slowly as they grow, they will get stronger. This inherent strength will protect them from the bullies they will inevitably face in life. Parents will always have this dilemma - how much protection and nurturing to mix with the slow challenging. In the end, you have to give them their own wings to fly. Sure there are vultures out there, but that should not prevent them from enjoying the skies of self discovery. Interesting and thought provoking as always!

As far as bullying is concerned, I think a bully is not interested in making you or your child strong. In fact, their interest is to defeat you into submission. Your suffering, or coming out as a stronger person, is irrelevant to them.

I think children are like rubber bands. Stretch them too fast, they will snap. But stretch them slowly as they grow, they will get stronger. This inherent strength will protect them from the bullies they will inevitably face in life. Parents will always have this dilemma – how much protection and nurturing to mix with the slow challenging.

In the end, you have to give them their own wings to fly. Sure there are vultures out there, but that should not prevent them from enjoying the skies of self discovery.

]]> By: Jake Aryeh Marcus http://www.phdinparenting.com/2009/08/25/that-which-does-not-kill-us-makes-us-stronger/#comment-13406 Jake Aryeh Marcus Wed, 26 Aug 2009 00:43:06 +0000 http://www.phdinparenting.com/?p=2476#comment-13406 What was supposed to go in that blank space was my vehement agreement with Rashel. So I will nod my head some more. What was supposed to go in that blank space was my vehement agreement with Rashel. So I will nod my head some more.

]]> By: Jake Aryeh Marcus http://www.phdinparenting.com/2009/08/25/that-which-does-not-kill-us-makes-us-stronger/#comment-13402 Jake Aryeh Marcus Tue, 25 Aug 2009 23:23:53 +0000 http://www.phdinparenting.com/?p=2476#comment-13402 By: Rashel http://www.phdinparenting.com/2009/08/25/that-which-does-not-kill-us-makes-us-stronger/#comment-13400 Rashel Tue, 25 Aug 2009 23:12:56 +0000 http://www.phdinparenting.com/?p=2476#comment-13400 I think that folks in a difficult situation do want to feel like there is some reason, some purpose for the hardship and why not tell yourself it makes you "stronger"? It certainly shapes the person you will become, the person you are becoming. But what is stronger? If you do happen to survive, stronger usually means building walls, not trusting others, hardening your heart - is this really stronger? Or more protective? Many difficult situations do shape us, even help us, but there is never an excuse for abuse and abusive behaviours. Are we telling our children that if their partner abuses them it's for their own good because it will make them stronger? I surely hope not. I think that folks in a difficult situation do want to feel like there is some reason, some purpose for the hardship and why not tell yourself it makes you “stronger”? It certainly shapes the person you will become, the person you are becoming. But what is stronger? If you do happen to survive, stronger usually means building walls, not trusting others, hardening your heart – is this really stronger? Or more protective? Many difficult situations do shape us, even help us, but there is never an excuse for abuse and abusive behaviours. Are we telling our children that if their partner abuses them it’s for their own good because it will make them stronger? I surely hope not.

]]> By: Cathy Y. http://www.phdinparenting.com/2009/08/25/that-which-does-not-kill-us-makes-us-stronger/#comment-13388 Cathy Y. Tue, 25 Aug 2009 20:45:07 +0000 http://www.phdinparenting.com/?p=2476#comment-13388 I was also bullied as a child. (Ironically, I was the cute little blonde girl, but that didn't matter.) It happened in different places that we lived, in different schools, so I concluded that something must be inherently wrong with me was the reason that people didn't like me. I can say that it affected me traumatically and lasted for decades. Every time I have had a disappointment or rejection in life, I've struggled with the "something must be wrong with me" theme. I am only now, in my mid 40s, starting to get a good handle on it. Bullying is bad, it is wrong. It may be something a lot of kids do, but they shouldn't. I strongly support anti-bullying education and prevention efforts. I was also bullied as a child. (Ironically, I was the cute little blonde girl, but that didn’t matter.) It happened in different places that we lived, in different schools, so I concluded that something must be inherently wrong with me was the reason that people didn’t like me. I can say that it affected me traumatically and lasted for decades. Every time I have had a disappointment or rejection in life, I’ve struggled with the “something must be wrong with me” theme. I am only now, in my mid 40s, starting to get a good handle on it. Bullying is bad, it is wrong. It may be something a lot of kids do, but they shouldn’t. I strongly support anti-bullying education and prevention efforts.

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