But is a fear of flying based on a relationship? I think what Maté meant is that having had a secure bond with a responsive adult allows you to manage your emotional reactions more effectively, so you wouldn’t have developed the phobia in the first place.

The most important message that Maté gives is that it’s never too late, that new experiences can affect brain function. It’s not about blaming parents for their kids’ problems, but it’s a wake-up call that parents are in the best position to make a difference in their kids’ lives!

I met Dr. Maté after his talk, and he’s got some fascinating ideas. He’s also extremely perceptive. And he agreed to appear on the Family Anatomy podcast in the new year (http://familyanatomy.com/show).

I have read that book. I’m curious about your thoughts on that. Do you agree that all anxiety is rooted in relationships?

On another note, while I think studies have value and can give us information, as you state we must broaden our approach and look at not just a mother’s influence, but the father’s impact as well whether or not he is physically present, the extended family members, the school, the environment, the community, etc. I find in my practice an approach based on energy medicine principles seems to work well and parents readily understand the concepts.

Thanks for your dedication to exploring the art and science of parenting.

CBT has been shown in research to be helpful in the treatment of anxiety and depression, and the anxiety articles on Family Anatomy were meant to provide information about that approach. As a psychologist, I use cognitive-behavioural therapy in my work, but no one method can address every problem, in my opinion. And the therapeutic approach isn’t the only factor in the equation – the therapist-client relationship is important, too – so not every therapist will be equally effective with all of the people who come through the door.

The key, I think, is not to give up. If your child is having trouble, and they don’t respond to the recommended treatment, further investigation could be required. A thorough assessment might provide essential information, but it’s also important to find a professional whom you can trust. Not only that, if you’re looking into potential treatments, you need to find sources of information that you can trust as well – the internet is a blessing and a curse in this respect, because it can be difficult to determine what’s accurate! On our website, we present information based in research and the clinical experience of psychologists, but every situation is different, so we end each post with the suggestion that readers look into obtaining individualized, professional help if necessary.

Incidentally, we’re lucky enough where I live to have a community agency that provides Occupational Therapy services to children; therapy can even be done while the kids are at school!

Eventually he came out and they “played” – most of what they did was with characters in a sand box because that is what he felt comfortable with. If he had gravitated towards another method of play, she would have used that.

It was really great to see how she worked with his comfort level and with his interests but she still achieved noticeable results.