I’m sorry for what you’ve experienced, and I hope you are eventually able to reconnect with your son. It’s just unconscionable to cut off families like that. Unfortunately, there are people out there who will pretend to be whatever they need to be in order to get a baby, and they’re very good at it… too many mothers (and fathers) only discover the deception *far* too late, after they’ve made life-altering decisions because of false promises.

Carla

I remember seeing your adoption story and not liking these parents. There was something selfish about them…I think what bothered me the most was they just continued working full time and acted as though the baby were an accessory. I don’t remember most of the adoption stories, but that one stood out. I never really understood why you chose them. But then again, why did I choose people who did the exact same thing? (Other than she was a stay at home mom and they ARE great parents. I just don’t know what I did wrong that made them decide to pull all contact.)

You say that the money could be used in a better way? This is Carla’s child she is dealing with… There is nothing in the world that is more important than a person’s child so I don’t think she is putting her money in the wrong place. Personally, I think that Peri should stay where she is and the courts should require that the adoptive parents maintain the openness they agreed on in the first place… updates, photos, and opportunities for Carla and her kids to see and visit Peri. Visitations would probably have to be done in a monitored visitation situation rather than with Peri’s adoptive parents since obviously they probably aren’t able to get along well enough anymore to visit each other’s homes in order for Peri to remain in contact with her birth family. BUT, I of course don’t know the whole situation and what Carla knows that makes her think Peri is unsafe… if Peri is being abused then obviously she shouldn’t be in the home. While I do think that morally and ethically Carla should have custody of Peri due to an obvious fraudulent adoption, I don’t think that it’s healthiest for Peri, no matter what Carla does to ease Peri into a change that will flip her entire life upside down… Peri adjusting to the visits with Carla and her family, who she no longer knows (sadly), will be hard enough on her. I may disagree a bit on the case, BUT, saying that the money could be spent in a better way when Carla doesn’t feel her child is safe is ridiculous… a parent will do whatever they can for their child. Before we know it Peri will be old enough to find and read all about what has gone on and her adoptive parents will have an awful lot of explaining to do. While it may be too late to change Peri’s situation, I sure hope that this situation helps to prevent this from happening in the future in other adoptions. Obviously laws need to change so that adoptive parents can’t get away with this. My heart certainly goes out to Carla… what happened in the adoption of Peri is absolutely awful and should never have been able to happen.

I guess we’ll just have to see what the appeals court does. I think you might feel differently if you believed your own child was living with people who had committed fraud to take her (and keep her) away from her biological family; many people do not believe that makes for a healthy environment. Also, as KH mentioned, harm to children does not always take a physical form.

As to your concerns about college funds, Peri’s sisters are thriving and their college situation will be just fine, and I am sure that Peri’s college prospects will be fine as well–regardless of how this case turns out.

Carla

It is not easy for any one of us to know what the right thing is in every situation in life; however, if we can right a wrong, we have that responsibility. We all do what we believe is right and I support that. In Carla’s case (joblessness, marriage problems, unplanned pregnancy, etc.), there but for the grace of God, go I, so I will not be one to judge.

Whatever outcome occurs, there will be a lot of healing on all sides that will take time.

I am concerned however…there was a comment made that Carla did not respect the roles and boundaries of the relationship. If this the case, the adoptive mother has not only the right but the responsibility to contol contact.

Reguardless, my heart goes out to all involved. This is a devistating situation for all involved.

Thank you for your support. Interesting about Ontario law–I’ll have to do more research (once my daughter’s situation is resolved–time is limited at the moment, as I’m sure you can imagine). I believe California law states that the adoption is void if the relinquishment was obtained through fraud, so if I prove the fraud, then my parental rights would automatically return–I would automatically be Peri’s legal parent again. S&D have already stated that they plan to try to keep her *even if* I prove the fraud, so the fight may not be over even if I win on appeal, but we’ll see how things go.

Carla