Comments on: Why I Don’t Spank http://www.phdinparenting.com/2009/12/18/3481/ ...exploring the art and science of parenting Sat, 11 Feb 2012 15:24:55 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3 By: Strocel.com | Closeted Extended Breastfeeding http://www.phdinparenting.com/2009/12/18/3481/#comment-103894 Strocel.com | Closeted Extended Breastfeeding Tue, 18 Jan 2011 14:03:02 +0000 http://www.phdinparenting.com/?p=3481#comment-103894 [...] other parenting choices, too. I’m sure that I would hear all kinds of thoughts on spanking or not spanking, homeschooling or co-sleeping if I polled the people in the bank line-up. But I don’t [...] [...] other parenting choices, too. I’m sure that I would hear all kinds of thoughts on spanking or not spanking, homeschooling or co-sleeping if I polled the people in the bank line-up. But I don’t [...]

]]> By: crystal salyer http://www.phdinparenting.com/2009/12/18/3481/#comment-85136 crystal salyer Wed, 13 Oct 2010 14:11:12 +0000 http://www.phdinparenting.com/?p=3481#comment-85136 i agree i agree

]]> By: Wendy Maynard http://www.phdinparenting.com/2009/12/18/3481/#comment-76168 Wendy Maynard Wed, 11 Aug 2010 21:33:54 +0000 http://www.phdinparenting.com/?p=3481#comment-76168 I think this is a great post. I don't hit my son because I believe violence teaches vialence. My son hits and bites and kicks other toddlers at his preschool. They all seem to get into it. And, I am teaching him to restrain his impulses. How can he do that if I am not helping to model the very same behaviors? In addition, I was smacked and spanked by my mother. It simply wasn't a deterrant. I also went to a school where corporal punishment was legal. I got in trouble quite a bit and could choose the paddle or detention. I always chose the paddle. Sure, those 3 swats hurt, but they were over in 1 minute and I was free to go on my merry way. Did I become a better kid? Not even close! I just became more adept at breaking the rules. I think this is a great post. I don’t hit my son because I believe violence teaches vialence. My son hits and bites and kicks other toddlers at his preschool. They all seem to get into it. And, I am teaching him to restrain his impulses. How can he do that if I am not helping to model the very same behaviors?

In addition, I was smacked and spanked by my mother. It simply wasn’t a deterrant. I also went to a school where corporal punishment was legal. I got in trouble quite a bit and could choose the paddle or detention. I always chose the paddle. Sure, those 3 swats hurt, but they were over in 1 minute and I was free to go on my merry way. Did I become a better kid? Not even close! I just became more adept at breaking the rules.

]]> By: Amber http://www.phdinparenting.com/2009/12/18/3481/#comment-76165 Amber Wed, 11 Aug 2010 21:24:46 +0000 http://www.phdinparenting.com/?p=3481#comment-76165 I agree - it surprises me that hitting children is OK and hitting adults is not OK. It's an example of how we don't view children as people with full rights in our society. I agree – it surprises me that hitting children is OK and hitting adults is not OK. It’s an example of how we don’t view children as people with full rights in our society.

]]> By: RealMommyChron http://www.phdinparenting.com/2009/12/18/3481/#comment-76109 RealMommyChron Wed, 11 Aug 2010 18:28:21 +0000 http://www.phdinparenting.com/?p=3481#comment-76109 We don't believe in spanking or hitting. I definitely agree that with how angry a child can make their parent, it would be terrible to hit them in the heat of the moment because it would probably not be "just a little smack." And I love Kat's point about the fact that it is ILLEGAL to hit another adult in any way...and yet we *discuss* and *analyze* whether or not we do/should hit our CHILDREN. How strange and dysfunctional as a society, right? Although, the truth is, if you could show me that spanking kids made them better behaved children and happier, more well-adjusted, successful adults, I suppose I would consider it. HOWEVER, the families I know that smack or spank their kids, well, let's just say I pray my kids don't turn out like theirs. I'm sorry to say it, because some of them I do love, but their children's (and grown children's) behavior is pretty horrendous. I have even had some of them tell me I should try spanking or smacking my kids. Um, my 2.5-year-old consistently uses please and thank you, follows my instructions, etc, and if he does something wrong he sits in Time Out and then apologizes and turns his attitude/actions around afterward. The kids I know you get spanked/smacked are disrespectful to their parents, full of anger/hate, etc. So, why exactly would I follow their lead? Listen, I'm not saying everyone who gets spanked still behaves poorly, but I have seen enough first-hand evidence to prove to me that, at the very least, every child who gets spanked is not well-behaved. I know I started rambling, so I hope I am still making sense! :-) We don’t believe in spanking or hitting. I definitely agree that with how angry a child can make their parent, it would be terrible to hit them in the heat of the moment because it would probably not be “just a little smack.”

And I love Kat’s point about the fact that it is ILLEGAL to hit another adult in any way…and yet we *discuss* and *analyze* whether or not we do/should hit our CHILDREN. How strange and dysfunctional as a society, right?

Although, the truth is, if you could show me that spanking kids made them better behaved children and happier, more well-adjusted, successful adults, I suppose I would consider it. HOWEVER, the families I know that smack or spank their kids, well, let’s just say I pray my kids don’t turn out like theirs. I’m sorry to say it, because some of them I do love, but their children’s (and grown children’s) behavior is pretty horrendous. I have even had some of them tell me I should try spanking or smacking my kids. Um, my 2.5-year-old consistently uses please and thank you, follows my instructions, etc, and if he does something wrong he sits in Time Out and then apologizes and turns his attitude/actions around afterward. The kids I know you get spanked/smacked are disrespectful to their parents, full of anger/hate, etc. So, why exactly would I follow their lead?

Listen, I’m not saying everyone who gets spanked still behaves poorly, but I have seen enough first-hand evidence to prove to me that, at the very least, every child who gets spanked is not well-behaved.

I know I started rambling, so I hope I am still making sense! :-)

]]> By: Smart Start of Mecklenburg County http://www.phdinparenting.com/2009/12/18/3481/#comment-76103 Smart Start of Mecklenburg County Wed, 11 Aug 2010 18:15:36 +0000 http://www.phdinparenting.com/?p=3481#comment-76103 Here at Smart Start, we support positive discipline techniques for correcting children. Here at Smart Start, we support positive discipline techniques for correcting children.

]]> By: Mom2HandR http://www.phdinparenting.com/2009/12/18/3481/#comment-76102 Mom2HandR Wed, 11 Aug 2010 18:15:17 +0000 http://www.phdinparenting.com/?p=3481#comment-76102 Kathy you have my situation. My 9 year old was a very easy child and rarely needed to be disciplined. My husband is a social worker and deals with children. We both agreed spanking was not in our tools. Now we have a very spirited 5 year old. Her tantrums and more demanding independent nature was much tougher to manage but we still don't spank. It's not easy, but it is our choice. I can not see how showing violence to your child is the best way to discipline. I try not to raise my voice, so when I do that has proven fairly effective. Kathy you have my situation. My 9 year old was a very easy child and rarely needed to be disciplined. My husband is a social worker and deals with children. We both agreed spanking was not in our tools. Now we have a very spirited 5 year old. Her tantrums and more demanding independent nature was much tougher to manage but we still don’t spank. It’s not easy, but it is our choice.
I can not see how showing violence to your child is the best way to discipline. I try not to raise my voice, so when I do that has proven fairly effective.

]]> By: Tshaka http://www.phdinparenting.com/2009/12/18/3481/#comment-76091 Tshaka Wed, 11 Aug 2010 17:42:18 +0000 http://www.phdinparenting.com/?p=3481#comment-76091 And yet, I was spanked and I don't remember any "terror." I do remember anger and resentment but I also do remember why I was spanked when I was young and that it did correct the behavior. My parents weren't into corporal punishment all that much and my father would literally talk to us and analyze and pontificate for hours, in which case I actually remember thinking, "Gosh, I wish he would just spank us and get this over with!" That said, I think every child is different and while it quite obviously was psychologically damaging for you, based on my own experience I can't make that same blanket assessment for every child and our society. When it comes to raising children, there is no "one size fits all" idea or methodology. Instead it's like a buffet, you put what looks good on your plate and leave the rest alone. If you as a parent don't believe in spanking and you are blessed with children with compliant dispositions, awesome! If you do believe in it and use it wisely and appropriately, I won't judge you for that either and reduce you to some socially devolved Cro-Magnon. And yet, I was spanked and I don’t remember any “terror.” I do remember anger and resentment but I also do remember why I was spanked when I was young and that it did correct the behavior. My parents weren’t into corporal punishment all that much and my father would literally talk to us and analyze and pontificate for hours, in which case I actually remember thinking, “Gosh, I wish he would just spank us and get this over with!”

That said, I think every child is different and while it quite obviously was psychologically damaging for you, based on my own experience I can’t make that same blanket assessment for every child and our society. When it comes to raising children, there is no “one size fits all” idea or methodology. Instead it’s like a buffet, you put what looks good on your plate and leave the rest alone. If you as a parent don’t believe in spanking and you are blessed with children with compliant dispositions, awesome! If you do believe in it and use it wisely and appropriately, I won’t judge you for that either and reduce you to some socially devolved Cro-Magnon.

]]> By: Kat http://www.phdinparenting.com/2009/12/18/3481/#comment-76070 Kat Wed, 11 Aug 2010 16:20:50 +0000 http://www.phdinparenting.com/?p=3481#comment-76070 I completely agree that verbal violence is just as bad as physical violence. However, a child that is "very physical" does not necessarily need physical retribution! Children are still learning how to live in our world and the very act of hitting teaches them so many terrible lessons: Might makes right. Violence is ok if you're angry (or in your case, calm and methodical). When words won't suffice, or we're just too lazy to bother with words, we can use violence. There are already far too many adults who believe the above and have made the world a worse place for it. I'm not going to turn my son into yet another. I completely agree that verbal violence is just as bad as physical violence. However, a child that is “very physical” does not necessarily need physical retribution! Children are still learning how to live in our world and the very act of hitting teaches them so many terrible lessons: Might makes right. Violence is ok if you’re angry (or in your case, calm and methodical). When words won’t suffice, or we’re just too lazy to bother with words, we can use violence.

There are already far too many adults who believe the above and have made the world a worse place for it. I’m not going to turn my son into yet another.

]]> By: Kat http://www.phdinparenting.com/2009/12/18/3481/#comment-76069 Kat Wed, 11 Aug 2010 16:12:38 +0000 http://www.phdinparenting.com/?p=3481#comment-76069 My parents spanked me occasionally and I can't remember what I had done to incur their wrath. All I do remember is terror, anger and resentment. Clearly, spanking didn't teach me any valuable lessons so why would I inflict that same terror, anger and resentment on my own child? It always astounds me that our society will put a person in prison for hitting another adult, but hitting an innocent, vulnerable child is ok. My parents spanked me occasionally and I can’t remember what I had done to incur their wrath. All I do remember is terror, anger and resentment. Clearly, spanking didn’t teach me any valuable lessons so why would I inflict that same terror, anger and resentment on my own child?

It always astounds me that our society will put a person in prison for hitting another adult, but hitting an innocent, vulnerable child is ok.

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