I have a number of discipline book suggestions in My Parenting Library.

But I’m also proud of myself for changing and learning and working very hard to be a better parent. And by that I mean learning and using other techniques and not resorting to angry spanking.

I’ve read a lot of research on the topic, including the rational by the various pediatric societies. I get where it’s coming from. I haven’t had any reason to spank my child – yet. I don’t know that it’s a method of punishment that I would use. My parents were spankers though, and not only do I feel that I was not harmed by it; frankly it was one of the only effective punishments for me and my brother growing up. (He doesn’t feel harmed either). It was always a punishment of last resort.

I think the big difference was that we were never, ever spanked in the heat of the moment. My parents would wait until they were completely calm before administering the spanking, which was done ceremoniously with a very large wooden spoon. Waiting for your spanking was definitely the worst part. I don’t recall the spanking actually hurting – the punishment was mainly psychological. My parents always coupled the spank with a talk about why it was happening, and usually with tears in their eyes. The child was then expected to apologize and make restitution as best as we were able. My parents always assured us of their love immediately after the spanking.

The few times my parents lost their tempers and yelled at us though? THAT left scars. I’m absolutely convinced that yelling is just as harmful as spanking-in-the-heat-of-the-moment. I don’t think either are acceptable.

I hear what you are saying about different strategies for different personalities. I hear what people are saying about mixed messages. But I just can’t bring myself to condemn people who choose to spank-not-in-the-heat-of-the-moment (ie discipline is not an excuse to lose your temper). Some kids ARE very physical in the way that they interpret the world, and spanking sends a much clearer and easier to understand message than a lot of arguing, words and disappointed words.

Thanks for sharing your research, your reasons, and your reflections on this topic. I appreciate your eloquent way of writing (and your corresponding photos are so fun too!).

Me too. But it is tough. The situations that make me the most angry are the ones where it is most important that I act appropriately and where it is most unlikely that I will come up with the best response.

I think language is part of it, but higher reasoning is another part. I want to (and can) teach my children to think about why to do or not to do something. I don’t need to use fear of physical violence to teach them to act appropriately.