See my earlier post — I was in the midst of that misery — it was a looooong road to get to the point where it no longer hurts. I would say a good 9 weeks. At that point, she was big enough to get a good mouthful. Now, at 11 weeks, my milk supply on the left side is still working itself out because of all the ups and downs we had.

The language about breastfeeding often implies that the reasons why it may hurt are the mother’s fault. What is she doing wrong? You’re so right, Mo, to suggest that it’s not right either for mothers to feel like they should just push on if it hurts and it’ll get better soon, when there may be things she can do to lessen the pain. Somewhere in the middle, a balance, like you said….

This blog was more helpful than any resource I looked at because it showed a myriad of experience for breastfeeding mothers. To feel I was not alone, that other mothers went through the same thing and still went on to nurse, was something I clung to in some of those desperate, painful times when I curled my toes and just wanted to give up. It showed that balance between “yes there is a reason” and “no it’s not necessarily your fault” that I so badly needed to hear.

For me, I had been told that it was normal for it to hurt, so I let it hurt. By the time my son was 5 days old I dreaded nursing, it made my toes curl from pain and my nipples were scabbed and I bled every time he latched on. I saw my midwife, a lactation consultant, etc. Everyone said he had a wonderful latch and I could attest to the fact that he had a strong, hoover vacuum-like latch. But when I went in at 5 days old, to check his bilirubin levels as he was severely jaundiced, the nurse practitioner asked me how everything was going and I broke down bawling in the middle of the waiting area surrounded by a ton of other parents and children. She took me into an exam room and after a minute of watching me nurse gave a tiny tug to my son’s chin and said he was tucking in just the tiniest bit of his lower lip. And she was right. Every time I nursed, for a few weeks till he caught on, I had to tug his little chin and the latch was 1000 times better. I was so severely injured by the bad latch it took me about 2 weeks to heal, but I will never tell another new mom it is supposed to hurt. I think the Dr. Jack Newman quote is spot on. I wouldn’t want another new mom going through what I did. I had two natural births, the first at a birthing center and the second at home and what my kids ingest and put on their bodies is extremely important to me, but had the pediatrician or my husband or anyone said, “It’s okay, just give him formula” I would have jumped at the suggestion. It was just excruciating. With my second son we had some latch difficulties (good initial latch and then he’d pull back and mess it up). It just took teaching him a bit and it was fine. But I knew better this time and didn’t let him latch on incorrectly. I went on to nurse my first son till he self-weaned at 15.5 months and recently my second son weaned at a bit passed 2. I loved nursing.

I created a video illustrating my point. If you haven’t seen it, please check it out: http://www.phdinparenting.com/2011/02/20/coveringup

17 months of breastfeeding & I still usually have discomfort with let down. It varies, depending on the time of day, but sometimes it’s verging on painful for 30 seconds to a minute. Once the milk gets going, it’s fine (except for trying to find a position that’s comfortable where he won’t be tugging on my breast).

I think there has to be some kind of middle ground between the ‘breastfeeding is all rainbows & unicorns’ & ‘just tough it out’. I don’t think the official line from midwives, doctors, LCs, nurses, etc, or more advertising campaigns are really that helpful. That stuff all has its place, I’m not saying it’s not valuable, but maybe we need to go back to the way breastfeeding knowledge use to be passed on: from family & friends. Breastfeeding openly everywhere & talking about our experiences lots so that women who haven’t had babies yet will learn about it that way. & ditch the freaking nursing covers already–how will anybody see what nursing looks like & how normal it is if there’s a tent over it all the time?