I know this post is old, but I thought this needed to be elaborated upon. Two points.

There’s more to respecting no than just sex. No is a word that men often face and often ignore because of the way they have been raised. No happens in sports, in business, in academics, in civil society, in criminal law… and in all these places, no seems to give men trouble. If they take no for an answer, they may as well roll over and die. It’s horrifying. We must teach our sons to accept no in all circumstances. Sometimes we don’t get what we want. Often we don’t get what we want. That doesn’t mean you didn’t fight hard enough. That doesn’t mean you aren’t a man. It means no and nothing more.

There’s more to respectful sex than “no means no.” In fact, there’s more to sex than “yes means yes.” Men are not aggressive rapists waiting to happen who must be taught to accept “no” from a woman (or another man). In conjunction with learning that we don’t always get what we want, we must teach our boys that their wants matter and their needs matter, and so do those of others. We must also teach our boys that they are not uncontrollable, and that they do in fact have more interests and more purpose than raging boners. Boys are wonderful, and they provide so much joy to the world. They deserve to be taught that no is a word they can say as well. This may be the hardest task of all.

Likewise, our boys deserve that we teach our daughters that sex is not a bobble for teasing or tool for manipulation or a prize offered to the highest bidder, but a way to communicate emotion and love and to experience pleasure shared between people.

It took me several years of marriage (and now parenthood) to realize just how valuable a stay-at-home parent is. It’s still not my favorite thing to do, but I realize that it’s only for a few years, and raising my child(ren) is not a job I want to leave to someone else.

Were either of your parents stay-at-home parents? It sounds like neither of them were. I would never say something like that to my kids (i.e. “I don’t know what he/she went to college…”) since my husband is a stay-at-home dad. I value his contribution and I want my kids to value his contribution, so I would never say anything to belittle it. My kids will know that it is valuable for a parent to stay home. Since both my husband and I took turns doing so, I hope they won’t ascribe it to either gender.

So you probably don’t need to tell your daughter that it’s okay to like pink, but you DO need to tell your daughter that stay-at-home mom is a valuable profession.

It has taken me a while to come back to your comment, but I did want to reply to say:

(1) I agree

(2) One of the advantages of having two children with different assigned genders is that they both hear the messages that we are sending about both genders (in addition to what society is telling them about both genders). Due to the make-up of our household and the fact that most conversations happen openly with all family members there, everyone hears all messages.

(3) I think the most important thing is keeping an open mind, open eyes and open ears when it comes to your child’s gender, sexuality, and just about everything else in life. I think that is the best way to be in tune with how they identify themselves and also to pick up on what societal messages they are internalizing.