Comments on: Should we parent boys and girls differently?

By: phdinparenting

phdinparenting — Thu, 02 Jun 2011 01:14:14 +0000

Liz:

I agree with everything you have written here.

However, I didn’t include it in my list because I don’t consider it to be a gender thing. Women are not taught that they cannot be stay at home moms because taking care of kids is a “men’s thing”.

If a parent is going to stay home, it is still generally accepted that it will be the mother, whether that is for a brief maternity leave or forever.

By: Liz

Liz — Wed, 01 Jun 2011 23:18:18 +0000

I think it’s interesting that your list of things to teach boys includes “That they can be stay at home fathers” but your list for girls does not include “That they can be stay at home mothers.” A few generations ago, it was certainly the case that girls overwhelmingly got the message that they could not have a career, that the proper thing was to stay home and be a wife and mother, but today, girls are getting the message that if they want to be intellectually fulfilled, they had better have a career – that a stay-at-home mother is somehow less than a working woman. I can only speak from my own experience, but I can tell you that growing up, my parents and grandparents and teachers told me I could be anything I wanted when I grew up – a doctor, a lawyer, a professor, a businesswoman – but no one ever mentioned being “just” a mother as an option. As a result, even though motherhood is now incredibly important to me, and even though I would love to have the opportunity of being a stay-at-home mother, I can’t shake the stigma. I feel like people will think I’m not intelligent or capable of doing anything intellectual if I don’t have a career outside the home. I wish someone had explained to me that one of the many choices open to me in the post-feminist world – amongst being a doctor or a lawyer or a professor or a businesswoman – is being a full-time wife and mother.

By: Debunking Myths about Sex Differences

Debunking Myths about Sex Differences — Thu, 26 May 2011 05:47:31 +0000

[...] Ph.D. in Parenting wrote a post about parenting boys and girls differently. [...]

By: Gender Secret — For How Long Really? | PhD in Parenting

Gender Secret — For How Long Really? | PhD in Parenting — Tue, 24 May 2011 22:00:35 +0000

[...] Regardless of whether the parents reveal the gender of a baby/small child, I think that there is work to be done in battling gender stereotypes. [...]

By: Jack of all trades

Jack of all trades — Tue, 19 Apr 2011 17:44:30 +0000

I grew up in a typical middle class home and I played cops and robbers and cowboys and indians… sorry totally politically incorrect but lets move on… I was an outdoorsman from early on. I was exposed to girls toys (sisters), and had an older brother as well. I would occasionally play with girls stuff, but basicly I liked boys stuff. I hunt and I fish and I have a beautiful wife and daughter who I have an amazing relationship with and I am not an axe murderer or even a jerk. How we raise our kids should be with influence. It is the way we maintain a healthy functioning society. When Parents stop providing a moral and educational foundation society will break down and that is what has been happening here in the U.S. and across the globe. SO expose your kids to everything but influence them in the right choices to make!

By: WhatPaleBlueDot

WhatPaleBlueDot — Wed, 11 Aug 2010 02:20:42 +0000

To respect no

I know this post is old, but I thought this needed to be elaborated upon. Two points.

There’s more to respecting no than just sex. No is a word that men often face and often ignore because of the way they have been raised. No happens in sports, in business, in academics, in civil society, in criminal law… and in all these places, no seems to give men trouble. If they take no for an answer, they may as well roll over and die. It’s horrifying. We must teach our sons to accept no in all circumstances. Sometimes we don’t get what we want. Often we don’t get what we want. That doesn’t mean you didn’t fight hard enough. That doesn’t mean you aren’t a man. It means no and nothing more.

There’s more to respectful sex than “no means no.” In fact, there’s more to sex than “yes means yes.” Men are not aggressive rapists waiting to happen who must be taught to accept “no” from a woman (or another man). In conjunction with learning that we don’t always get what we want, we must teach our boys that their wants matter and their needs matter, and so do those of others. We must also teach our boys that they are not uncontrollable, and that they do in fact have more interests and more purpose than raging boners. Boys are wonderful, and they provide so much joy to the world. They deserve to be taught that no is a word they can say as well. This may be the hardest task of all.

Likewise, our boys deserve that we teach our daughters that sex is not a bobble for teasing or tool for manipulation or a prize offered to the highest bidder, but a way to communicate emotion and love and to experience pleasure shared between people.

By: Top Parenting Bloggers Discuss (12): Parenting Boys and Girls

Top Parenting Bloggers Discuss (12): Parenting Boys and Girls — Fri, 11 Jun 2010 02:16:40 +0000

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By: Tenth Carnival of Feminist Parenting | fertilefeminism.com

Tenth Carnival of Feminist Parenting | fertilefeminism.com — Sun, 28 Mar 2010 08:17:25 +0000

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By: Tenth Carnival of Feminist Parenting « Mothers For Women’s Lib

Tenth Carnival of Feminist Parenting « Mothers For Women’s Lib — Sun, 14 Mar 2010 20:43:21 +0000

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By: Anitra

Anitra — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 05:03:32 +0000

My mother mostly stayed at home, but not really by choice. The last time she had full-time work was when I was in kindergarten. She just wasn’t the stay-at-home type, and I while I don’t think she resented ME (there’s a good chance she would have been at home even without kids), she definitely would have been happier working outside the home. But in any case, she definitely viewed SAHM as an undesirable profession.

It took me several years of marriage (and now parenthood) to realize just how valuable a stay-at-home parent is. It’s still not my favorite thing to do, but I realize that it’s only for a few years, and raising my child(ren) is not a job I want to leave to someone else.