Comments on: Age three: defiance with a smirk http://www.phdinparenting.com/2010/05/04/age-three-defiance-with-a-smirk/ ...exploring the art and science of parenting Sat, 11 Feb 2012 15:24:55 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3 By: If there is a silver bullet, your toddler probably hid it — PhD in Parenting http://www.phdinparenting.com/2010/05/04/age-three-defiance-with-a-smirk/#comment-208499 If there is a silver bullet, your toddler probably hid it — PhD in Parenting Fri, 16 Dec 2011 04:08:59 +0000 http://www.phdinparenting.com/?p=4359#comment-208499 [...] difference at all, or when things seem to get even worse, you are left feeling defeated. I know, because I’ve been there too. Many times. But I’ve realized, as I wrote in Ready to Snap, that when I am there, I [...] [...] difference at all, or when things seem to get even worse, you are left feeling defeated. I know, because I’ve been there too. Many times. But I’ve realized, as I wrote in Ready to Snap, that when I am there, I [...]

]]> By: I’m Scared of Age 10 — PhD in Parenting http://www.phdinparenting.com/2010/05/04/age-three-defiance-with-a-smirk/#comment-196876 I’m Scared of Age 10 — PhD in Parenting Sat, 26 Nov 2011 04:56:45 +0000 http://www.phdinparenting.com/?p=4359#comment-196876 [...] I know people who fear the wrath of toddlers, and I understand all too well the parents who say it doesn’t get any worse than age three. We’re past that now. We’ve survived those stages, with all of the good and the bad. [...] [...] I know people who fear the wrath of toddlers, and I understand all too well the parents who say it doesn’t get any worse than age three. We’re past that now. We’ve survived those stages, with all of the good and the bad. [...]

]]> By: The Bad Moms Club | Do As I Say…Because It Is The Right Thing To Do http://www.phdinparenting.com/2010/05/04/age-three-defiance-with-a-smirk/#comment-156394 The Bad Moms Club | Do As I Say…Because It Is The Right Thing To Do Tue, 06 Sep 2011 12:02:15 +0000 http://www.phdinparenting.com/?p=4359#comment-156394 [...] kids, however, still have some learning to do. I ask them to do something and they ignore me, defy me, or outright mock the request. Don’t they realize that it would be easier to live with me if [...] [...] kids, however, still have some learning to do. I ask them to do something and they ignore me, defy me, or outright mock the request. Don’t they realize that it would be easier to live with me if [...]

]]> By: Javamom http://www.phdinparenting.com/2010/05/04/age-three-defiance-with-a-smirk/#comment-151233 Javamom Fri, 19 Aug 2011 15:35:22 +0000 http://www.phdinparenting.com/?p=4359#comment-151233 Why didn't anybody point me to this article when Sonja turned 3? She's still 3...and has an older brother who goes through EXACTLY the same thing you say. Your daughter was exactly what my Sonja is and will be for a while... * sigh * Surprisingly I'm not a lush, or dead and buried (yet). Why didn’t anybody point me to this article when Sonja turned 3? She’s still 3…and has an older brother who goes through EXACTLY the same thing you say.

Your daughter was exactly what my Sonja is and will be for a while…

* sigh *

Surprisingly I’m not a lush, or dead and buried (yet).

]]> By: Random Questions, Random Answers | PhD in Parenting http://www.phdinparenting.com/2010/05/04/age-three-defiance-with-a-smirk/#comment-150867 Random Questions, Random Answers | PhD in Parenting Thu, 18 Aug 2011 03:57:54 +0000 http://www.phdinparenting.com/?p=4359#comment-150867 [...] answers and I FEEL YOUR PAIN. Also, IT GETS BETTER. It does, really. The girl I wrote about in Age three: defiance with a smirk, is now 4 and a half and much, much more pleasant. She’s still sassy, but the fun side of [...] [...] answers and I FEEL YOUR PAIN. Also, IT GETS BETTER. It does, really. The girl I wrote about in Age three: defiance with a smirk, is now 4 and a half and much, much more pleasant. She’s still sassy, but the fun side of [...]

]]> By: Locksmith San Francisco http://www.phdinparenting.com/2010/05/04/age-three-defiance-with-a-smirk/#comment-146847 Locksmith San Francisco Fri, 29 Jul 2011 03:11:42 +0000 http://www.phdinparenting.com/?p=4359#comment-146847 And here I thought that when I get pass the terrible, I'm free. But after reading your article, I guess not. Now i have to find ways to get pass the terrible threes. And here I thought that when I get pass the terrible, I’m free. But after reading your article, I guess not. Now i have to find ways to get pass the terrible threes.

]]> By: Brea http://www.phdinparenting.com/2010/05/04/age-three-defiance-with-a-smirk/#comment-125826 Brea Mon, 09 May 2011 15:13:08 +0000 http://www.phdinparenting.com/?p=4359#comment-125826 I know this is a year-old comment, but I had to respond. I'm currently in the midst of The Threes with a very passionate and persistent kid. I have yet to figure out how to calm him down and he gets locked in his room at least once a day. I have tried asking what he needs to calm down, I have tried giving him options, he knows he can hit the couch with a pool noodle, kick his bed, bang a drum, etc. I've tried offering him the breast (even though it feels, frankly, dangerous in the midst of a passionate tantrum), I've tried snuggling him in almost a forced way, I've tried sitting and taking deep breaths in front of him hoping he will follow suit. I have locked him screaming and flailing and beating his locked door for close to two hours with only a short period of calm in the middle - all while knowing he needed to sleep and at a complete loss as to how to get him there, or knowing if I just give in to his demand he will stop screaming...but then he'll have a new demand and on we'll go. I have re-framed my thinking and used collaborative language. This has been soul-crushing, the last few months. My husband and I are at the point of simply surviving it and trying to keep everybody's self-respect intact and not doing anything we regret. It seems it just has to pass. I might honestly require some medication until passes, because I feel so out of control of my life, so unappreciated, and so exhausted to my core. And, yes, I am also very much focused on self-care and have a husband and friends who give me breaks. Pretty much all of our (very limited) extra money is going toward things like Parents Day/Night Out. My husband is taking time from work to give me breaks. I even used some gift money for a massage. I exercise regularly. I'm finding three humbling, exhausting, and often painful. I know this is a year-old comment, but I had to respond. I’m currently in the midst of The Threes with a very passionate and persistent kid. I have yet to figure out how to calm him down and he gets locked in his room at least once a day.

I have tried asking what he needs to calm down, I have tried giving him options, he knows he can hit the couch with a pool noodle, kick his bed, bang a drum, etc. I’ve tried offering him the breast (even though it feels, frankly, dangerous in the midst of a passionate tantrum), I’ve tried snuggling him in almost a forced way, I’ve tried sitting and taking deep breaths in front of him hoping he will follow suit. I have locked him screaming and flailing and beating his locked door for close to two hours with only a short period of calm in the middle – all while knowing he needed to sleep and at a complete loss as to how to get him there, or knowing if I just give in to his demand he will stop screaming…but then he’ll have a new demand and on we’ll go.

I have re-framed my thinking and used collaborative language.

This has been soul-crushing, the last few months. My husband and I are at the point of simply surviving it and trying to keep everybody’s self-respect intact and not doing anything we regret. It seems it just has to pass. I might honestly require some medication until passes, because I feel so out of control of my life, so unappreciated, and so exhausted to my core.

And, yes, I am also very much focused on self-care and have a husband and friends who give me breaks. Pretty much all of our (very limited) extra money is going toward things like Parents Day/Night Out. My husband is taking time from work to give me breaks. I even used some gift money for a massage. I exercise regularly.

I’m finding three humbling, exhausting, and often painful.

]]> By: Erring On The Side of Caution | PhD in Parenting http://www.phdinparenting.com/2010/05/04/age-three-defiance-with-a-smirk/#comment-125105 Erring On The Side of Caution | PhD in Parenting Thu, 05 May 2011 17:12:47 +0000 http://www.phdinparenting.com/?p=4359#comment-125105 [...] all use social media to vent. Whether it is a full blog post, or a quick status update, it can be a way to let off steam. We need that outlet and people in [...] [...] all use social media to vent. Whether it is a full blog post, or a quick status update, it can be a way to let off steam. We need that outlet and people in [...]

]]> By: Emilee http://www.phdinparenting.com/2010/05/04/age-three-defiance-with-a-smirk/#comment-124569 Emilee Mon, 02 May 2011 21:41:10 +0000 http://www.phdinparenting.com/?p=4359#comment-124569 I don't know about the four. You just described my 5yr old and he's been like this since 3. :/ Lori Pietro with teach through love has a free parenting seminar you might enjoy. She just posted it on facebook. I'm looking at her upcoming parenting course as well. But I'm glad you posted and are open about your experiences, its great to know I'm not alone. And that perhaps I'M not all at fault for DS's behavior, although I know I'm partly to blame, but perhaps there is just something I am missing. I think a huge part is not having family to be a part of, grandparents and cousins and sleepovers. Free roam out in the woods/farm to be free and explore and free their minds. Getting a farm is my main goal right now. I know as a child being with horses and out in the quiet, blissful nature really calmed my soul ESP with all the chaos I was surrounded with back at home. I don’t know about the four. You just described my 5yr old and he’s been like this since 3. :/

Lori Pietro with teach through love has a free parenting seminar you might enjoy. She just posted it on facebook. I’m looking at her upcoming parenting course as well.

But I’m glad you posted and are open about your experiences, its great to know I’m not alone. And that perhaps I’M not all at fault for DS’s behavior, although I know I’m partly to blame, but perhaps there is just something I am missing. I think a huge part is not having family to be a part of, grandparents and cousins and sleepovers. Free roam out in the woods/farm to be free and explore and free their minds. Getting a farm is my main goal right now. I know as a child being with horses and out in the quiet, blissful nature really calmed my soul ESP with all the chaos I was surrounded with back at home.

]]> By: Grin and bear it? Parenting, happiness and the pressure cooker | PhD in Parenting http://www.phdinparenting.com/2010/05/04/age-three-defiance-with-a-smirk/#comment-71874 Grin and bear it? Parenting, happiness and the pressure cooker | PhD in Parenting Tue, 20 Jul 2010 23:44:35 +0000 http://www.phdinparenting.com/?p=4359#comment-71874 [...] to two children who have no friends nearby and almost no activities that they participate in, I know how hard it can be sometimes.  I know that I was often stressed. I know that I did not always have a smile [...] [...] to two children who have no friends nearby and almost no activities that they participate in, I know how hard it can be sometimes.  I know that I was often stressed. I know that I did not always have a smile [...]

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