Friday
Aug242012
Parent-Child One-on-One Vacation Bonding Time
Friday, August 24, 2012 
I've written before about how important one-on-one time with each of my kids is to me. When we're together as a family, we have fun, but it always seems like everyone is talking on top of everyone else and there is no time to slow down, relax, and truly bond with each other. That's why I always like to carve out time with each of them individually, whether that is to do an activity one-on-one (like baking) or go out for dinner or even away on vacation.In an ideal world, I would have lots of vacation time (I'm thankful that being self-employed means I do get more vacation than most, even though it also means I work ridiculous hours at other times) and it would be split evenly between:
- Family vacation time
- One-on-one with my partner
- One-on-one with each of my kids
- Solo adventures
Last year, I got some one-on-one vacation time with my daughter and this year she got to go away with Daddy. So this summer it was my turn to go away with my son. I've always wanted to go to the Magdalen Islands (Les Iles de la Madeleine), so we packed the car and our camping gear and off we went for 11 days.
Before we left on vacation, I attended the BlogHer 12 conference in New York City. Like other years, there were a lot of consumer product companies hoping to gain the attention of the women at the conference. However, there was also a tiny corner of the Expo Hall dedicated to companies that provide services to bloggers. This is what I'd always hoped to see more of at BlogHer, so I was thrilled to interact with some of the companies there. One of the ones that talked to were the developers of an application called Britely, where you can use photos and text to tell a story. I thought that sharing some pictures and thoughts from the vacation with my son would be a great chance to try it out.
Have you had a chance to vacation one-on-one with your kids? Whether it is for one night, one week or one month, it is something I'd highly recommend.
Reader Comments (15)
I've never taken one-on-one vacation time with my kids, but I have spent one-on-one time with them doing things that they enjoy. It time that makes for great memories!
How amazing. I have to admit, we've approached the idea of doing one-on-one things with each of our six kids and they don't really like it. We once implemented a "date night" with one kid and one parent and inevitably the child whose turn it was to have date night would ask if they could bring a sibling along. I recently went to NYC for the 140 conference and brought my 7-year-old. The only thing that made her very anxious about going was that she'd be the only kid. I guess it's just so unusual for her that she didn't know what it would be like not to have a kid around. She and I had a blast together - it was truly special and she learned that time ALONE with me is not so bad! :)
He did mention several times on the trip that he missed his sister and missed his dad, but I think the benefits of the time alone together outweighed that. I'm glad you and your daughter had the chance too!
Looks like a great time. I spend quite a bit of one-on-one time with my youngest, but should spend more time alone with my oldest. I did get to take him to a movie the other day! I remember once when the youngest was a few months old, I made plans to take the oldest to breakfast alone. On our way out the door, he started crying, saying he would miss his brother too much! So we didn't go.
At this point though, vacationing with only one child (or even just my spouse) is pretty low priority -- we're lucky when we get the time and funds to vacation as a family, so any other arrangements would cut into that time. Since I have to make a choice, I choose experiencing things like that as a family for now.
Your photo diary is so delightful and an inspiration.
I'm a great believer in 'one-parent-one child Together Time’!
- once a month, for a few hours, alone together – just you and your child.
A holiday together - even better.
It is such a simple idea and at first it’s power is not immediately obvious. However, many mothers that I have worked with report amazing developments in their relationship with their child as a direct result.
My daughter loves to visit the cat rescue centre together, my son loves to shop and cook a feast in his solo time.
I'd love to hear of what others have done with their children...
We only have one child so this hasn't really come up yet, but I don't think I'd ever take a vacation without the whole family (not until my kids weren't kids anymore anyway!) We pretty much never take vacations though, so I think that may have something to do with it (my last vacation other than to visit family for a holiday or to go to a family wedding was our honeymoon 5 years ago!). Anyway, vacations are such a rare treat for us, I think we'd feel bad leaving anyone behind.
I've never holidayed with just one of my three kids (or indeed with my husband since kids arrived 9 years ago) - we have been very lucky to be able to take one or two vacations a year in every year except the years each baby was born, and they've all been family holidays.
I do, however, make sure each of my girls gets one-on-one time and special activities with both me and their Dad. This can be simple things (the 3 year old likes to go for walks with the dog and her Dad, for instance, and to bake with me) or more elaborate things - the 9 year old and I are going out for dinner and to see Swan Lake at the ballet shortly, while the 7 year old and I went out to take High Tea at one of the big fancy hotels in our city. The same goes for husband and I - we get out to concerts a couple of times a year, for a meal once a quarter, to parties or the movies every now and then.
My spouse took a one-on-one with our older daughter a month ago and they had such a great time that we've decided that every month we'd take a one-on-one weekend with her, alternating who gets to go. My turn is coming up and I'm really looking forward to it.
It's especially important for us to do this now because we just had twins and our daughter is going through a critical transition from only child to big sister. Also, she's three. So the special weekend is a great way to prevent jealousy issues (which haven't been a problem so far). Special time with her each evening/weekend is also important- a grocery store trip, a bike ride, swimming at the Y... while a sitter and/or the other parent takes care of the babies-- we are using all our resources to ease her (and ourselves) through this phase.
My daughter is generally really great to be around when she's with just one of us. BUT very often, when both of us are in the picture, she falls apart. She gets sad, whiny, and clingy (mostly clinging to and needing me, her mother). I am very cognizant of being present and giving her my full attention in times that we've carved out mama and V-time, but it seems we cannot be in the same space as a family (papa, mama, and V- the twins are not an issue as they are still too young) because she acts desperate and fragile when we are all in together. I hate that I cannot be part of morning breakfast time with my daughter and husband and have to wait until he takes her to preschool to emerge.
Do you have any advice about this?
In our case, both this year and last year, no one was left behind / left without a vacation. It was just a case of going in pairs instead of as a foursome, which allowed us to take the needs/preferences/limitations of each child into consideration and also have the one-on-one time. Last year, when my partner and I went on vacation alone for the first time since having kids, the kids got to have a vacation at Grannie's house.
I love the idea of one-on-one weekends. My daughter and I just went on mother-daughter camping weekend this weekend.
With regards to your daughter, I think part of it is both her age (http://www.phdinparenting.com/2010/05/04/age-three-defiance-with-a-smirk/" rel="nofollow">I found three to be the most difficult age) and probably the arrival of the twins. I think I would communicate to her that you want to be able to spend time together as a family, but that it is difficult if she is whining. Make it her choice and put it in her control. At the same time, when you are together as a family, try to ensure that you are giving her equal attention to the twins and point it out to her. Like "why don't you sit on my lap for a few minutes while Daddy changes the twins diapers and then you can sit with Daddy while I feed the twins" or something along those lines.
Nicely done with the slideshow! Looks like your little man is quite the mama's boy, eh? Totally agree with the need for going on a vacation every now and then, may it be a short camping trip or a trip to a foreign country. You really need to take a breather from the hustle and bustle of daily family life. If you can't bring the whole bunch, bring a son or daughter or husband to make the trip more memorable.
I couldn't agree more and I loved your photos! I had the chance to take a trip this year with just my daughter and I. It was a real bonding experience because I had time to really focus on just "us." Very special and I hope to follow in your footsteps and do the same with my son one day.
Making family vacation fun is an art form and you've done it beautifully here! We hope you can share more tips for enjoying travel with kids at the new Britely Questions site (and let us know what you think - it's a new idea for us!): http://www.britely.com/questions/503e66c205ce07000e0000dc
I love this! The idea, the photos, and the peak into your relationship with your son. I'm contemplating a trip to London with the littlest but am wondering how much it would mean to my biggest to come along with me.
This is such a good idea. Individual time with each child, and more than a mom & me day trip somewhere.