Cute and snuggly, but I can't get anything done.

When my son Julian was born, I held him. I held him close to me with my own two arms. I enjoyed him. I took him in. I snuggled and bonded. But the time would come, as it did every day, when I wanted to get something to eat, go to the bathroom, or read a book. The time came, after the helpers who were around the first few days left, when I had to do laundry, prepare food, pack our bag to go out, put things away, fill out government forms, or answer an e-mail. When that time came, I had to take my darling, floppy, precious, fragile newborn baby and put him down. I could put him down in a crib. I could put him down in a bassinet. I could put him down on the floor or in a swing or in a carseat (not the safest option). Sometimes it worked. But often he would scream and I was left with a choice of neglecting my own needs or neglecting his needs.  Neglecting my needs had the potential to turn me into a martyr (at best) or make me spiral into depression. Neglecting his needs would have been unfair, as he was wholly dependent on me to be there to meet them. All this, a horrible paradox created by having only two arms.

It wasn’t until months later that I discovered the secret that would make everything so much better. The secret that made everything so much different in the newborn phase when his sister came along.

All snuggled up, but I have my arms free.

When my daughter Emma was born, I held her. I held her close to me, frequently with my own two arms, but more often than not with a sling or a wrap. This time, my darling, floppy, precious, fragile newborn could be happily snuggled up against me all day long and I could do all of the things that I had to do. All those same things that I had to do when Julian was a newborn and chasing after a toddler too.  I didn’t feel tied down by the baby. I didn’t feel like I had to choose between living my life and being a mother. Magically, by freeing up my two arms, I could be the mother I needed to be and the person I wanted to be too. I didn’t have to worry about neglecting my needs, about neglecting her needs, or about neglecting her brother’s needs.

We needed to be together, my babies and I. With Julian, I felt a tug between that need and the rest of the needs in my life. With Emma, between babywearing and co-sleeping, I could easily meet our need to be together and all of the other needs too. During the first few months of her life, we were probably physically touching 22 out of 24 hours of the day. The times we weren’t touching each other, she was either being held by my partner or my mother, or we were in the car. Magically, through the use of my slings and wraps, I was able to meet all of her needs, my needs, and Julian’s needs too.

I am concerned about infant safety. I think it is something we all need to consider when choosing products or making sleeping or travel arrangements. But I am also concerned with government advisories and regulatory practices that go so far that they discourage and marginalize safe and healthy parenting practices and bankrupt companies that make products that support those practices. I’ve written about this before as it relates to co-sleeping and I’m saddened and angry to have to write about it as it relates to baby carriers too.

It is from that perspective that I fully support the Baby Carrier Industry Alliance (BCIA) in its efforts to:

• correct misinformation about the safety of sling style carriers;
• finalize the development of standards for the industry; and,
• educate parents about the safe use of slings.

The following is an excerpt from their position paper on Babywearing/Kangaroo Care (used with permission):

Over the last year, much misinformation and unwarranted fear has been cast on sling style carriers through announcements by Consumer Reports and the Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC), as well as the recall of the Infantino Slingrider. The Baby Carrier Industry Alliance (BCIA) is aware of research supporting the overwhelming benefit of baby carriers and knows that the view that sling carriers are unsafe is wholly inaccurate. In fact, the chance of an individual being struck by lightening is twice that of the mortality rate of children while being worn in baby slings.

Using a soft baby carrier (“babywearing”) supports baby and mother’s biological need to be together. For mothers, it facilitates initiation and ease of breastfeeding as well as helps mothers form attachments to their babies, care for themselves and their babies during the newborn stage and avoid postpartum depression. In addition, babywearing is practical, comfortable and convenient for caregivers. For babies, it decreases infant crying, colic and infant acid reflux disease. It promotes healthy physical development of the spine, vestibular system, vision and other systems in babies. It optimizes the mental development of babies because worn babies have an enriched environment which, in turn, helps their brains to develop better. Babies in slings spend more time in the quiet alert state known to be optimal for learning and development. Further, it helps babies develop socially and keeps babies safe from the multitude of surrounding hazards of every day life.

For a parent to realize these benefits, it is essential that the carrier(s) used mimic in-arms carrying and allow the baby and mother to be in maximum contact with each other. The baby should be cuddled directly against the caregiver’s body, with the baby’s head ABOVE the caregiver’s chest, near the caregiver’s collarbone. Ideally, physical obstacles between parent and child should be eliminated, allowing for proper skin to skin contact, also known as kangaroo care, and breastfeeding. While there are alternate baby holding devices available to parents, nearly all of them fail to meet all of these requirements the way that traditional babywearing and sling-type carriers do.

Over the last 20 years, there have been an estimated seven million sling-type carriers sold in the United States and additional untold numbers imported by immigrants or improvised by parents of various cultures. As an industry in its infancy, the baby carrier industry needs leadership to grow past the grass roots, “do-it-yourself” stage. With over 100 years combined experience in the baby carrier industry, the BCIA is uniquely positioned to lead the way.

As parents and leaders in their field, members of the BCIA are conscious of safety with regard to their carriers and are constantly working to improve safety and comfort for both baby and caregiver. In April of 2007, several of the leading US manufacturers approached the American Society for Testing and Materials, now called ASTM International, with a request to participate in developing standards for sling-style carriers. They have worked with the ASTM since April of 2008 and are very close to achieving their goal of a sling standard.

This standard will join the standards for cribs, strollers, hand-held infant carriers, bouncer seats, play yards and other nursery products as a way to protect the public from unsafe products. As with many of these standards, the BCIA hopes that any mandatory standard will conform to this ASTM industry standard. The BCIA will also join with the CPSC and other representative manufacturers on educational campaigns promoting the safest environments for babies and toddlers.

Babies under the age of four months, with their immature respiratory systems and lack of muscle strength and control, are especially vulnerable to death and injury. This susceptibility is magnified when they are left unattended. Keeping babies close and under direct supervision, such as when they are carried in a sling-style carrier, is the best way to ensure their well being.

The Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) recently issued a warning about the dangers of using baby slings, due to the occurrence of three infant deaths that the agency attributed to baby slings. As parents, we are deeply saddened by these tragedies and extend our heartfelt condolences to the families affected. As educators, we are dismayed that the CPSC has mistakenly lumped all carriers together and inadvertently tainted our industry as a whole. The carrier in question is structurally distinct from baby slings in general and the BCIA is working to clarify this difference. Sling-style carriers have an exceptional safety record. While the death of any baby is tragic, the small number of deaths in sling-style carriers only serve to emphasize the safety of these products.

Baby slings are the optimal place for babies to spend time safely developing and bonding to parents in a nurturing environment. Research shows that this caregiver attachment and stimulating, safe environment are critical to early childhood development. Parents, educators, advocates, manufacturers, and our civil servants need to stand together to maintain the rights of babies and allow parents to buy, make and use baby slings.

With this post, I am standing with the BCIA as a parent and advocate, and saying that we need to save the babywearing industry and the practice of babywearing from unwarranted warnings and criticism. Parents cannot hold their babies with their own two arms 24-hours per day. Babies should not and cannot simply be put down every time their parents need their arms. Putting babies in car seats, swings, or bouncers for much of the day is unsafe and deprives them of the much needed warmth and bonding with their parents. Leaving them to scream in a crib or bassinet while their parents get things done or have a much needed break is neglectful.  Parents, especially parents of high need babies, should not be forced by overzealous regulators to choose between meeting their own needs and meeting their babies’ needs. They should be free, as they have for centuries, to safely use a baby carrier to hold their baby close to them and to free up their arms.

I certainly don’t wear her everyday anymore, but on a challenging hike through rough terrain, she still gets to ride. Our go to carrier at this point for longer walks is the Catbird Baby Pikkolo.

(Yes, I’m a bit red in that last picture. That was quite a climb with an extra 37 pounds on my back.)

Photo credit: Our friend Derek who joined us on the hike

Disclosure: Catbird Baby is an advertiser on my site. However, this is not a paid post and I have owned this carrier (which I paid for myself) since before I even started this blog.

This is the carrier I dreamed of when my baby (now 3 years old) was much smaller. I loved my mei tai, but hated how the straps dug into my shoulders after wearing a heavy baby for a long time. I loved my woven wraps, but hated the amount of work that it took to get it tied just right, especially in my preferred back wrap cross carry.  And now it exists….the Hoppediz HopTye. It is a mei tai, but the shoulder straps are both the width, length and material of a woven wrap. It creates all sorts of possibilities for tying it, but getting it on just right is just as easy as with a mei tai. Plus I can spread the material out nicely so that it doesn’t dig in on any particular spot.

Here are some pics (photography by 5 year old Julian, so a bit blurry):

Found this beautiful babywearing picture on flickr (courtesy of bass_nroll’s flickr stream).

My baby girl using her Maya Wrap child sling and wearing her Sleepy Wrap bear which is wearing its baby in a wrap. Both items purchased at the Extraordinary Baby Shoppe.

Want more fun babywearing? Check out the great video If you love ‘em, but a sling on ‘em posted at JessicaGottlieb.com yesterday.

I often like to check back and see what I wrote a year ago. Last year, on this date, I wrote about the Long lasting value of a woven wrap. In that post, I included a few pictures of my Storchenwiege, which has since been passed along to my friend Jane.

I still believe in the value of wraps. If you are a committed babywearer and plan to wear one or more children a lot for a long time, a good woven wrap is worth the investment. Almost everyone puts down a good chunk of change for a decent stroller. I’d rather spend the money on a decent woven wrap like a Storchenwiege, Hoppediz and Didymos and buy a cheap stroller. But I’m not much of a stroller person.

Here is a recent picture (taken by Julian) of me wearing Emma in my Hoppediz before heading out for a walk.

Here is one from a couple of years earlier that I shared previously in my Would you, could you nurse in public post:

If you have a new baby or are expecting one, I highly recommend investing in a beautiful woven wrap.

It is International Babywearing Week 2009. This year’s theme is Close Enough to Kiss and while I didn’t think I could come up with a whole post on that, I did have a pic to share. But both of my babies preferred to be worn on the front, so that they could be kissed, so that they could nurse, so that we could gaze into each other’s eyes.

As my babies are quickly transitioning out of the babywearing stage, I thought I would write a post focusing on sharing the babywearing love.

My sling, wraps and carriers have come to me in different ways. Some I bought new directly from the manufacturer or from a retailer. Some I bought second hand from The BabyWearer. Some I had custom made by a friend who makes ring slings and mei tais.

All of them have been special. I used them to hold my babies close. I nursed in them. I walked them to sleep. I kissed their little heads as I went about my day. I attended memorable weddings and parties with my babies happily and fashionably snuggled against me. I toured Europe.

But a time comes when it is time to let go. When that time came for us, I agonized over what to do with my slings. In the end, I did or am doing a combination of things.

• Tucking some away to wear my grandchildren: At least two of my carriers I am keeping with the hopes of using them again one day with my grand children or possibly any other babies that I am given the opportunity to babysit over the years. That includes the first ring sling that I bought to match my outfit for my aunt’s wedding when my son was 10 months old. It was also the sling that my daughter was in within an hour of being born. One where she spent many many many hours of the day during her first few months. It also includes a beautiful Antigua Hoppediz wrap. The colours are so vibrant, the length so versatile, and the fabric so soft. I can’t imagine ever letting it go. Edited to add that I would also be willing to pass them down to my kids to wear their kids in if they wanted to.

• Gifting some: Another sling that I bought for a wedding was a beautiful royal blue embroidered Z’fina pouch. I bought it initially for our friends’ wedding. A year or so later, while later my mom was helping with the laundry (thank you mom!), she put it in the dryer and it shrunk (I forgive you!).  Shortly after, our friend, the bride from the wedding I bought it for, was at our house with her newborn baby and tried it on. It fit her beautifully and suited them wonderfully and it seemed fitting to gift her the sling that I wore at their wedding. I have also loaned some of my slings that were not in use to friends for periods of time to try them out or because they would be useful to get through aparticular stage. A few of the slings that I have left that have not sold, I plan to give away to charity. I’m looking for some local options, but for those of you in the United States, you should look into this program that helps makes slings accessible to low income families. Here are some pics of the Z’fina pouch before and after being gifted:

• Selling some: In my post on my babywearing stash, I finally got around to listing some of my carriers for sale. It was hard. But it became much easier when the beautiful pictures of the new owners and their kids started to flow in. It felt great to be able to pass along the sling love and the memories and have those wonderful carriers become a part of someone else’s life. One of the ones I passed along was my orange Albert Storchenwiege wrap, which I wrote about in long lasting value of a woven wrap. It has now moved on to be loved by Jane and her girls. Another one that I sold was a custom Mei Tai that my friend Kristina made for me with fabric that I chose and mailed to her. It is now being loved by Crystal (@cfoutz) and her son. Here are some pics of the Storch and the Mei Tai before and after (don’t they look so happy to have their new carriers?!) being sold:

There are so many wonderful baby carriers on the market and so many wonderful moms and babies out there. When you are done with your slings, find a way to share the babywearing love!