Today I’m welcoming fellow Ottawa-blogger Rebecca from A Little Bit of Momsense for the last guest post of the Carnival of Toddlers with her thoughts about the toddler years.

I think the toddler years have an unfair reputation.

Everyone speaks about the ‘terrible twos’ and threes with great stress and I get it.  It’s an age where our children are a cross between extremely needy and fighting for their own independence.  One day they insist on doing everything themselves and the next they revert into baby-like states to get our help and attention.

But really, the toddler years for us have been more than tantrums and trouble. They’ve been a time of joy and fun.  Their imagination is running wild and they are amused by the most simple of things.  I can remember my son rolling a potato around the room and chasing it.  A potato!

Their spirit is sharp and joyful – without the burden of school concerns, self consciousness or uncertainty.  In all she does, my daughter takes a step without looking down, or back, only forward.  I wish I could use this same ‘just do it’ attitude in my own life.

The toddler stage reminds me what it’s like to feel – everything is amplified, isn’t it? Sadness is a complete and emotional breakdown; toddlers are great at drama. But happiness is an eruption of love and pure euphoria that so many of us have lost.

Toddlers believe in everything, and most of all in us as parents.  They are forgiving and loving unconditionally.

Our toddlers are bundles of confusion and frustration at times, but in all crying and tantrums, there are so many moments of fun and laughter and giggles. In these moments they teach us to love, feel and care.

*Side note: It took me 2 days to write this short post because my toddler was only wanting me to play various games including house and super heroes, then she got a cold and needed to be attached to me after a restless night of sleep. Only picking at my belly button seems to make her feel better. This, my friends, is parenting a toddler

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Rebecca is a stay-at-home mom of two children 5 and under and is loving every minute of crafting, chasing and pretending to be imaginary characters.  She blogs about life and parenting at A Little Bit of Momsense, her love of food and recipe sharing at A Little Bit of Foodsense and social media, community and giving back at Sense and Community.  Follow her on Twitterto chat about pretty much anything and everything.  

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Image credit: Mother and toddler by emerille on flickr.

Another year is over. It’s funny, it never seems like a “new” year to me in January. I’m still very stuck on the beginning of a new school year as defining a new beginning. Old habits die hard, I guess. In any case, Happy New Year!

So what happened on the PhD in Parenting blog in 2011?

• The top new post this year was When A company Goes from Good to Very, Very Bad: The Evenflo Story. The month that post went up was also the first month that my page views ever went over 100,000 and thankfully it looks like it brought me some new readers who have stuck around because my numbers have remained higher than usual ever since that post went up (*wave* if you’re one of those new readers).  Other popular new posts included the Covering Up is a Feminist Issue Video (which was also featured in the Voices of the Year Keynote at BlogHer 2011), the Fun with Analogies: Co-Sleeping and Knives, Car Travel and Guns post about the horrible anti-co-sleeping ads in Milwaukee and The Smarter You Are, The Stupider You Look (if you don’t remember what it was about, check it out).

• The new post that got you talking the most was Go The F**k To Sleep: Funny or Offensive? with more than 200 comments.

• A lot of visits to my blog are to posts in my archives. Some of that comes via search engines and some comes from people sharing and re-sharing their favourite resources. Some of the popular older posts that each had more than 10,000 views this year include:
• Cry It Out (CIO): 10 Reasons Why It Is Not For Us
• Why I Protest Nestlé’s Unethical Business Practices
• Co-Sleeping Safety
• “Let’s Get Naked!” Helping Children Feel Comfortable In Their Skin
• 50 Reasons for Breastfeeding Anytime, Anywhere

• A really important part of blogging is links. I love it when I link to something and people actually click on it. The most clicked on link from my blog is actually the link to my facebook page. If you don’t “like” it already, then check it out. I often post other interesting articles there too that I don’t have time to write a full post about, but that I think would interest my readers. Other popular links included Baby Milk Action’s Nestlé Briefing, Best For Babes Beat the Booby Traps page, and Nancy Morbacher’s article My New Industry-Free Life explaining why she had to quit her job at Evenflo. Of course many of you also clicked on the ads of my great advertisers and checked out their products and services. I put a lot of care into working with the right types of companies and I hope you’ll continue to support them as they support me.

• Looking at search terms is always fun. Some of the search terms that brought a lot of people to my blog (other than the name of the blog itself), included n*ked children (sigh, yes I modified that because I don’t need MORE of that traffic), unethical business practices (love that one!), it takes a village to raise a child, maslow’s hierarchy of needs for children, co-sleeping safety, and breastfeeding calories (each search term linked here to the post it takes people to).

Any wishes for 2012?

We’re part way through the Carnival of Toddlers right now, which is something I put together based on a strong interest in content about toddlers from my readers.

As we move into 2012, once the Carnival of Toddlers is wrapped up, are there other topics or issues that you’re hoping I’ll cover?

Image credit: danielmoyle

Today, as part of the Carnival of Toddlers, I’m pleased to share a guest post by Bolaji Williams from www.ithinkyoushould.com about empowering our children. “Anyone can lead,” even our toddlers. Please join me in welcoming Bolaji.

Toddlers are fascinating human beings for a variety of reasons, not least because so much of the ways in which they orient and construct their toddler world has everything to do with the ways in which we, the adults in their lives give them space to do so. For example a toddler who is given freedom to express herself and creative space to self-regulate is generally-speaking a happy child. I know, you must be thinking, what does a toddler have to be technically unhappy about beyond the usual “I want this tantrum?” Everything, if we’re paying close enough attention.

I have two girls age 3 and 6. Each has a unique approach to life specific to their age and to their personality. I’ve noticed that while my 6 year old is confident and self-possessed, she is also cautious and carefully edits her environment prior to proceeding. My 3 year old doesn’t. She jumps in with both feet blissfully unaware of what “might be” and is quite happy to go along the path of not knowing. This may be attributable to personality, but in my limited experience as a parent, everything is possible—particularly from the vantage point of an empowered child.

In our house we try to practice a child-centered approach to parenting which means that our lives revolve around our children. At the same time we make a concerted effort to assure them that the world does not, in fact, revolve around them. I’m also a firm believer in the John Cage adage, “Anyone Can Lead. Begin Anywhere.” This is a beautiful philosophy when applied to child development because it privileges child self-empowerment, and personal agency. It’s also an excellent guide that teaches us as parents when to step back and when to let our children take the lead. It goes without saying that being a good leader, means that you also have to be a good follower.

In many ways, the “Anyone can Lead” approach is much like Attachment Parenting because by virtue of letting “anyone lead” we are giving ourselves the opportunity to respond to the cues that allow the individual who feels particularly emboldened or empowered to take the first step— like breastfeeding on demand, for example, or self-weaning when the time presents itself. It also means that on the one hand while we are supporting the decisions of the present leader, we do so cognizant of the fact that we too will eventually get our turn to lead in the area in which we excel.

The Anyone Can Lead philosophy is built on a respectful exchange of ideas and creative social cues that allows ideas and personalities to flourish. With respect to toddlers it begins with simple open communication that gives them the opportunity to speak the truth of their “toddler reality” without unnecessarily re/interpreting them to placate an adult bias or preference.

When both of our children were born my husband and I never engaged in “baby talk.” [Do parents still do that?] We did so because we felt it was important to communicate our reciprocal needs properly so that they too could communicate their needs properly. We did so in order to build trust, respect and understanding amongst our girls. By speaking clearly and using “real” words, we discovered it was an excellent way for them to get to know our voice so they in turn could get to know their own voices. It certainly helped them to develop their opinions and their own understanding of the world. And thus far it’s been an excellent way for us to recognize what they need, want, or like. In that same vein I’m reminded of the myriad ways in which they teach us how to parent them.

Recently my 3 year old has come home with stories about a Montessori classmate of hers who is quite aggressive with her and likes to tell her what she can and cannot do. This has been an excellent opportunity to discuss the finer points of personal space, boundaries and respecting other people’s wishes and opinions in a different context outside the home environment. In toddler terms it means telling her that she has every right to vocalize her feelings to her friend so that they can remain friends. I’ve also worked to shift the focus from the friend who seemingly restricts and monopolizes my daughter’s time and movements in the class, to what else exciting is happening during her day. What I’ve also learned is that the more we empower our toddlers with communication tools at an earlier age, the better equipped they are in the later years when the pressure to conform is greater.

Every day is a wonderful day in toddler terms. The world is huge, but it never has to be overwhelming as long as they feel welcome in it.

Bolaji Williams is currently a SAHM and lives with her husband and two ah-maaaazing daughters in Toronto. Her blog is called www.ithinkyoushould.com and you can find her on twitter via @ithinkUshould. She also writes for online publications, xoJane  and Mommyish . Prior to children, she worked in the high-end design industry as a communications’ specialist so she’s essentially been there, and done that. Lastly, she’s particularly fond of Mother Wisdom and her personal fave is “Live and Let Live.” Thanks Mom!

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Remember a while ago, I asked you about the trials and tribulations of toddlers? And boy did you answer (118 comments!). I heard about:

• lack of impulse control
• whining or screaming (unpredictable, uncontrollable, illogical screaming is what one reader described it as)
• bedtime issues
• constant nursing/demands to nurse all the time (especially nighttime nursing)
• perceived manipulation
• getting dressed/out the door without major battles
• leaving somewhere (park, friend’s house) without major battles
• eating (being picky, refusing to stay at table, throwing food)
• hitting, biting and throwing things
• clinging
• destructiveness (can’t have nice things)
• stubbornness

I asked you about your toddler challenges because I was planning something special. The time has come. I’m thrilled to announce the PhD in Parenting Carnival of Toddlers. Over the next couple of weeks, my blog will be focusing on parenting toddlers and will include posts from me, a few guest posts, lists of resources, and even a video.

The Carnival of Toddlers is going to have four themes:

• Toddler Discipline
• Toddler Fun
• Toddler Food
• Toddler Survival

I’d like your help. If you want to be part of the Carnival of Toddlers, you can:

• Suggest resources (posts, articles, books, etc.) that you like on any of those themes. Suggest Resources Here (submit by end of day on December 15, 2011).
• Write a post on one of these topics and submit it for consideration (to be linked to) in the Toddler Carnival (link back to this post in your post). Submit a Link to Your Post Here (submit by end of day on December 15, 2011). 

I can’t wait to share my ideas, my guest bloggers’ ideas, and all of YOUR ideas with my readers. Grab your toddlers and let’s go for a ride on the carrousel! If you’re wondering what a carnival is all about, check out the wrap-up post from my Carnival of Play a few years ago.

Please Welcome the Amazing Sponsor of the Toddler Carnival

I have friends who hate the newborn stage, I know people who fear the wrath of toddlers, and I understand all too well the parents who say it doesn’t get any worse than age three. We’re past that now. We’ve survived those stages, with all of the good and the bad. Our kids are now seven years old and almost five years old. They aren’t babies anymore. They are no longer completely dependent. That is good, of course it is good, but it is also scary.

I always knew the teen years would be trying, although some parents have assured me that it is made somewhat easier if you foster that strong attachment and bond right from infancy. It is something I continue to work on, migrating from books like Attachment Parenting and The Baby Book to Playful Parenting and Connected Parenting and continually reminding myself to focus on the relationship, not just the behaviour.

Despite all of that, I have to admit that the headlines I’ve been reading lately scare me. In particular, it seems like all bad things happen at age ten.  Things that shouldn’t happen to any child, ever. Things that certainly shouldn’t be happening to a child that young. I know, these are sensationalized news stories, ones that are rare (I hope). But they are scary nonetheless.

• 10 Year Old Girl Gives Birth in Mexico: My colleague Ximena wrote about this at Care2 a couple of weeks ago. When I went to Google the story to drop the link in here, I discovered by colleague Judy had written about a similar case about a year ago in Spain.

• 10 Year Old Girl Commits Suicide After Intense Bullying: A day after she published the article about the 10 year old giving birth, Ximena published another article about a 10 year old ending her life because of the bullying she endured at school. I remember having some rough times at school at that age and being bullied. Sometimes it was bad enough that I didn’t want to go to school, but the thought of committing suicide never even crossed my mind. Yet teen suicide, and now pre-teen suicide, is becoming horrifyingly frequent.

• 10 Year Old Faces Death Threats at Ottawa School: In another bullying case, a 10 year old student at an Ottawa school received death threats from a nine year old student. The student said she was going to kill their mothers and kill them. The nine year old was found in possession of a knife at school.

My friend Emma recently wrote about living in terror of parenting a teen. She told me that ten is a wonderful age and I’ve heard that from so many other friends too. I see my seven year old growing up and can imagine him being a wonderful ten year old. But these stories make me want to completely extract ourselves from society so that I can protect them from these horrors.

I don’t want to be a helicopter parent and I do trust my kids, but I’m not sure I trust the rest of the world. Are these types of things happening more frequently now than they used to? Or is it simply the global information network that brings stories we otherwise wouldn’t hear about into our browsers?

I don’t want to live in fear. I want to trust the world, but more than that, I want to know how to change the world. Even if my kids, through sheer luck, privilege, or something we’ve passed down to them, are able to escape things like this, I still don’t want it to happen to anyone else’s kid.

How do we reclaim 10? How do we make it a fun and exciting time for our kids and everyone’s kids to explore and come into their own, rather than a time to be tortured by the harsh unjust realities of this world?

Image credit: Pardee Ave on flickr

On December 12, author Beverly Akerman will be doing a reading of her book, The Meaning of Children, at the Ottawa Library. I thought this would be a good opportunity to get a group of Ottawa parents / social media addicts together for the reading and/or a pub tweet-up afterward — you can attend the tweet-up even if you aren’t on twitter . Here is the poster with information on the reading.

The reading is expected to be between 60 and 75 minutes including questions/discussion, so we would probably plan to be at the pub (location TBD) around 8:30pm.

If you are interested in attending, you can RSVP on Twitvite or by leaving a comment below indicating that you plan to be there. I hope to see as many of you as possible for the reader and/or the pub get together.

In my reader survey, I found out how many of you have toddlers and I got tired just thinking about it.

As cute as they are, I know it can be a challenging time — sleep issues, temper tantrums, zero impulse control. They certainly keep parents on their toes and probably make them question their sanity on a regular basis.

I want to do something for all of the parents of toddlers out there reading my blog. I have a project in mind, but I need your help. Tell me about the biggest challenges you are facing right now. What do you find frustrating, tiring, and downright difficult?

Share your stories!

Thank you to everyone who answered my Ages and Stages survey. As promised, I’m sharing the results (which are based on a total of 1050 responses).

Just looking at the numbers for the 1 year old and 2 year olds is making me tired.

Want more survey results? I did a reader survey in November 2010 that asked a bunch of different questions.

An amazing thing is happening. My kids are getting older. Some of my friends are pregnant for the first time, other friends are facing empty nests soon. So many great families at so many different stages. To tailor my content better to my readership, and also so that I can understand how my readership is changing over time, I would love if you could answer a few quick questions. I hope this will help me make the content on the site more relevant to you and the issues and challenges your family is facing.

If the embedded survey is not working for you, you can also click here to answer the survey.

Thank you!

There has been a lot happening on the Internet. Let me share some of it with you.

Inspiring

Meagan at the Happiest Mom wrote a blog post asking Do inspiring blogs make you feel bad about yourself? I thought her post was spot on and I loved the comments too. Do you like to read inspiring blogs? I like to read blogs that make me think, which sometimes includes inspirational ones, but sometimes also critical ones. I also like to read blogs that make me laugh. It is a mixed bag. 

Exasperating

Tracey Moore on Jezebel’s Motherload blog asked Where, Exactly, Is It Okay To Take Your Kid? Ultimately, she says:

Would-be parents should be told one harsh truth: Just assume everyone you meet hates your baby. That’s it. That’s all you’ve got to work with.

Read the post, it is both exasperating and therapeutic, if that is possible.

Disgusting

JC Penney thought it would be a good idea to sell shirts that help girls to demean themselves. The t-shirts, on sale for $9.99, read “I’m too pretty to do homework, so my brother has to do it for me.”

Yesterday, people started expressing their disgust over the t-shirt on facebook and twitter. This morning there were blog posts popping up all over the place, including my post about it at Care2.com (with some pretty awesome quotes in it from people like Mom 101). As I was writing the post, things changed quickly. The t-shirt was still available for sale when I started writing and 20 minutes later it had been removed from the site. A couple of hours after I published my post, JC Penney had apologized (and I updated the post to include their apology).

This is another example of how powerful social media can be in getting companies to respond to consumer concerns. I do credit JC Penney with responding quickly. However, I do worry that perhaps a few too many people on their staff took the advice on this t-shirt to heart when they were in school, because I do not understand how any educated person could have thought it was a good idea to sell t-shirts with a message like this.

Downright Scary

Another woman blogger is receiving death threats. This week, Naomi Dunford from IttyBiz wrote about the escalation of death threats, hate crimes and other attacks on women online. This has been happening for years and was recently discussed in a panel at BlogHer called Cyberbullying Isn’t Just for Teens: What To Do If You’re a Victim of Trolls, Haters and Worse.

There has been a lot of talk about anonymity online recently and whether it is a good or a bad thing. When I look at cases like this I think that anonymity is one way for people to protect themselves from attacks like this, but it is also a way for people to perpetrate attacks while hiding in their basement. I’m a fan of allowing anonymity and think that the good outweighs the bad, but there are certainly both benefits and risks to it.

All that to say, anonymity or no anonymity, death threats, hate crimes and other attacks are completely out of line and really scary, especially when the victim did nothing more than express an opinion.

So, that’s what I’ve been reading this week. What have you been reading?

Reminder: I’m giving away a copy of The 21st Century Motherhood Movement: Mothers Speak Out on Why We Need to Change the World and How To Do It. Join the conversation by September 3 for a chance to win it.