My Parenting Library
I like to read about parenting. Voices, ideas, experience, science. It is inspiring and informative. If you like this blog and my ideas about parenting, then you may like some of these books too. Some of these books I have read cover to cover and others I use as reference manuals to look things up when I am facing challenges or have questions. None of them are perfect, but all of them are wonderful!
I hope to add to it from time to time. As you can probably see from my list of books that I’m reading, I always have a few on the go and several others in waiting behind them!
If you decide to buy a book that I recommended here, I would love if you could support me by clicking through to Amazon.com or Amazon.ca from the links on this page.
General Parenting Books
Getting off on the right foot with your baby is so important. There are a few good books that really influenced my outlook and confirmed my instincts with regards to how to parent my child. These are a great place for new parents or parents-to-be to get started.
The Baby Book: Everything You Need to Know About Your Baby From Birth to Age Two (by William Sears, M.D., and Martha Sears, R.N.): This book has almost 800 pages of valuable information covering just about everything you need to know about caring for your baby. Covering things like the basics of getting attached, infant feeding and nutrition, babywearing, nighttime parenting, infant development, keeping your baby safe and health, medical problems, and basic first aid for emergencies, this book is one I turned to over and over again. It is one of the few books I refused to let out on loan because I always needed it. Buy it on Amazon.com or buy it on Amazon.ca
The Science of Parenting (by Margot Sunderland): This book uses solid science and evidence from current brain research to show how you can raise happy, emotionally balanced children. It shows where fashionable theories and so-called “parenting gurus” have gone wrong. The book covers topics such as crying and separations, sleep and bedtime, bad behaviour, discipline, social intelligence and other issues. Buy it on Amazon.com or buy it on Amazon.ca
The Successful Child: What Parents Can Do to Help Kids Turn out Well (by William Sears, M.D. and Martha Sears, R.N.): This is one of those books that I turn to again and again when it seems like everything is going wrong. It has great ideas on raising connected kids, building smarts, raising responsible and moral children, teaching compassion, encouraging children and raising their self-esteem. It covers such a wide variety of topics and is full of ideas. Buy it on Amazon.com or buy it on Amazon.ca.
Natural Family Living (by Peggy O’Mara): This book came to me when I was already well into my parenting studies and I have not read it cover 
to cover. Instead I tend to use it as a reference book to look things up when the arise. It covers a broad spectrum of issues, from preconception all the way to the teen years. The book touches on important and often controversial topics like breastfeeding, circumcision, vaccinations, crying, night waking and attachment parenting. It covers issues like feeding the family, natural health care, family issues (discipline, sexuality, toys and technology, entertainment, etc.), educational alternatives and how to deal with things like divorce and death. It also includes information on how to take care of yourself as a parent. I am not an “all natural, all the time” sort of person, but I do tend to try natural approaches before trying other approaches, so I will look to this book as a first stop for dealing with colds, fevers and that type of thing in my kids. Buy it on Amazon.com or buy it on Amazon.ca.
Discipline & Relationship Building
I put discipline and relationship building together because one of the key things I have learned about discipline is that if your child feels good and if your relationship with your child is good, then your child will behave better. So building and maintaining a strong relationship with your child is a key foundational element of an effective discipline strategy.
Hold On To Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More than Peers (by Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D. and Gabor Mate, M.D.): This book talks about the danger of peers replacing parents in the lives of our children. Increasingly children look to their peers for a sense of right or wrong, for values, for identity and codes of behaviour. But peers are not equipped to take on this key role in nurturing and raising our children. The book gives parents the tools to restore critical parent-child attachments so that parents can once again be the true source of contact, security and warmth. Buy it on Amazon.com or buy it on Amazon.ca.
How to Talk so Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk (by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish): This book provides guidance and specific examples of ways to talk to your children so that they will listen to you and also ways of getting them to open up and talk to you. I found some of the examples to be exaggerated, but overall the concept and the approach is very useful. I would highly recommend it to anyone wanting to improve their communication with their child. Buy it on Amazon.com or buy it on Amazon.ca.
Unconditional Parenting (by Alfie Kohn): This book is based on the premise that we should work with our children rather than doing things to them. We should stop asking how we can get kids to do what they are told and instead focus on what their needs are. Children need to know that they will be loved unconditionally, but many common parenting techniques may be sending a different message. Rewards, punishments, and other traditional parenting methods teach children that they have to earn our approval. This book helped me to understand the dangers of some of these common parenting techniques, but did fall short on practical advice on how to deal with parenting challenges. Buy this one along with others, such as Playful Parenting. Buy it on Amazon.com or buy it on Amazon.ca.
Punished by Rewards: The Trouble with Gold Stars, Incentive Plans, A’s, Praise and Other Bribes (by Alfie Kohn): This book challenges the reliance of parents, educators and managers on rewards to influence behaviour (do this and you’ll get that). In this book, Kohn demonstrates that people actually do inferior work when these types of artificial motivators are used. He also talks about the dangers of getting hooked on praise. Buy it on Amazon.com or buy it on Amazon.ca.
The Discipline Book (by Dr. Sears): If you are struggling to figure out what your discipline style should be, this may be the book for you. It talks about numerous different techniques and gives parents a true toolbox to choose from. As I mentioned in my review of the book, I don’t agree with everything in it, but I think it provides a balanced view of a lot of different approaches. Buy it on Amazon.com or buy it on Amazon.ca.
Playful Parenting (by Lawrence J. Cohen): Explains 
to parents that play is a child’s way of communicating and understanding their environment. Children use play to explore the world, communicate deep feelings, get close to people that they care about, work through stressful situations, and blow off steam. This book helps parents to harness the power of play, join kids in their world, and use it as a powerful parenting tool. This is one of my all time favourite parenting books as I explained in my review of Playful Parenting. Buy it on Amazon.com or buy it on Amazon.ca.
Attachment Parenting (by Katie Allison Granju): Although Dr. Sears Attachment Parenting book is good, it is quite repetitive if you already own The Baby Book like I do. So when I was looking to read more about attachment parenting I sought out a different author and enjoyed Katie’s take on it. The book explains what attachment parenting is, helps pregnant parents to get ready for their baby’s arrival (including what items you might need, exploring how you were parented, etc.), newborns, breastfeeding (and the truth about formula), nighttime parenting, resources for working parents, babywearing, extended breastfeeding, and more. Buy it on Amazon.com or buy it on Amazon.ca.
Sleep Books
The only books dedicated to sleep that I own and have read are Elizabeth Pantley’s books.
The No Cry Sleep Solution (by Elizabeth Pantley): This is the original no-cry book. It provides great information on why a no-cry approach is the best approach and gives parents lots of tips and tools for getting their baby to sleep better without leaving them to cry it out. It does include the recommendation for a structured approach to understanding your baby’s sleep patterns and then tracking improvements to them. Personally, that isn’t a route that I wanted to go down, but I found the book very helpful in terms of understanding more about sleep and being able to choose some solutions to improve sleep that fit with our family. Buy it on Amazon.com or buy it on Amazon.ca.
The No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers (by Elizabeth Pantley): This is the sequel to the No Cry Sleep Solution and provides solutions that are designed for older children. It provides general sleep tips to help create a better sleep environment for every child and also includes solutions to sleep issues like bedtime battles, tooth grinding, bad dreams, bed wetting, sleep walking, moving from the family bed to independent sleep and more. Buy it on Amazon.com or buy it on Amazon.ca.
The No Cry Nap Solution (by Elizabeth Pantley): I’ve heard parents before say that nighttime sleep works okay, but that they have a horrible time getting their child to nap. This is often the case with parents who co-sleep at night but would like their child to be able to nap independently during the day so that they can get things done. This book provides good information on creating a healthy sleep environment and has lots of tips for better napping. Want to know more? Read my review of the No Cry Nap Solution. Buy it on Amazon.com or buy it on Amazon.ca.
Beyond Pantley
I have heard of a few other books that offer gentle attachment parenting-friendly approaches to sleep, but I do not own them. These include:
- The Happiest Baby on the Block: The New Way to Calm Crying and Help Your Newborn Baby Sleep Longer (by Harvey Karp)
- Three in a Bed: The Benefits of Sleeping with Your Baby (by Deborah Jackson)
- Good Nights: The Happy Parents’ Guide to the Family Bed (and a Peaceful Night’s Sleep) (by Maria Goodavage and Jay Gordon)
- Sleeping with Your Baby: A Parent’s Guide to Cosleeping (by James J. McKenna)
Beyond those, most of the infant sleep books out there are sleep training books that often suggest practices I would not recommend, such as some version of the cry it out method and/or some element of strict scheduling, both of which I do not support. That includes books by Weissbluth, Ferber, Hogg, Ezzo and others.
Pregnancy & Birth
When it came to my pregnancy, the Internet was my friend. I always had the odd symptoms that were not in the index of the pregnancy book. I found message boards and authoriative medical websites to be very useful. But there were a few books that really helped me through my pregnancy and helped me to plan and prepare for birth.
The Mother of All Pregnancy Books (by Ann Douglas): This book starts with the question “Are you really ready to have a baby?” and goes all the way to life after baby and everything in between. It is a well organized, well written book about considerations in getting pregnant, being pregnant and bringing a baby into this world. It touches on the major issues you need to be aware of at each stage and is peppered with stories from people that have been through it before and with practical resources that you can reach out to. There is both an American version and a Canadian version of the book and the information and resources are customized for each country (fabulous!). Buy the American version on Amazon.com or buy the Canadian version on Amazon.ca.
Having a Baby, Naturally (by Peggy O’Mara): This excellent book by the editor and publisher of Mothering, walks mothers-to-be and families-to-be through issues that they need to consider during pregnancy, labour and delivery, and the postpartum period. It assumes that the couple is predisposed to wanting a natural approach to both pregnancy and childbirth and presents information, options, and advice based on that assumption. The book strikes a great balance between dealing with the medical issues and the emotional issues of pregnancy birth and beyond. It balances very technical sections like “today’s pain medications” with information designed to help with your mental state and perspective, such as “pain with purpose”. It treats pregnancy and childbirth as a family life event, rather than a female medical condition and medical procedure. For more information read my review of the book. Buy it on Amazon.com or buy it on Amazon.ca.
The Birth Partner (by Penny Simkin): I got this book on loan from my doula and it was wonderful. It is extremely practical and easy to read. It is written for the woman’s partner or labour support, but I read the book cover to cover myself and found that it went into details and clarified things in a way that many of the other books didn’t. I would highly recommend this book to anyone that is trying to learn more about the birth process, to plan for a birth, and to understand what to expect. Buy it on Amazon.com or buy it on Amazon.ca.
Breastfeeding, Nutrition & Health
Mothering your Nursing Toddler (by Norma Jane Bumgarner): This is an excellent resource for mothers that are nursing toddlers or considering it. It talks about the benefits of nursing beyond a year, what to expect at various stages, provides information on different approaches to weaning, and much more. It includes invaluable information on family dynamics and fathering a nursing toddler. Buy it on Amazon.com or buy it on Amazon.ca.
FitKids: A Practical Guide to Raising Healthy and Active Children from Birth to Teens (by Mary L Gavin MD, Steven A Dowshen MD, and Neil Izenberg MD): This excellent book published by the Heart and Stroke Foundation of Canada provides nutrition and fitness tips for each age group from newborns up to teenagers. It also includes an index of recipes that kids will love and that are designed with a healthy heart in mind.
My Child Won’t Eat: How to Prevent & Solve the Problem (by Carlos Gonzalez, M.D.): 
Parents are always worried when their child doesn’t eat enough or doesn’t eat the right things. This book puts parents’ fears to rest and explains how parents can stop obsessing about how much their children eat and learn to trust their child. The book has a particular focus on the breastfed child. Buy it on Amazon.com or buy it on Amazon.ca.
Whining and Dining (by Emma Waverman and Eshun Mott): This is a great nutrition and recipe book for helping picky kids eat better. It includes information on why kids are picky, how to create a healthy relationship to food within the family, and get kids to be more willing to try new things. It has good basic information on the nutritional needs of children and on introducing solids. But the bulk of the book is the more than 100 great recipes. Check out my review including our favourite recipes from the book. Buy it on Amazon.com or buy it on Amazon.ca.
Essays and Writings on Parenting that Inspire
Parenting Beyond Belief (edited by Dale McGowan of The Meming of Life Blog): This book is a collection of essays by famous and regular people on raising children without religion. It provides inspiration and support for answering the big questions in life (e.g. why am I here? what happens after I die?) outside of a religious context. It shows secular parents that they are not alone in their quest to raise caring, independent and open-minded children. I found the essays in this book to be thought provoking and gave excellent insight into the challenges that I am and will face as a parent. Buy it on Amazon.com or buy it on Amazon.ca.
“Until Our Hearts Are On the Ground” Aboriginal Mothering, Oppression, Resistance and Rebirth (edited by D. Memee Lavell-Harvard and Jeannette Corbiere Lavell): The editors of this book brought together a multitude of voices to speak on Aboriginal mothering in contemporary society. Beginning with an examination of the experience of childbirth-the initiation into motherhood-the contributing authors illustrate its potential as a source of empowerment and revitalization for our nations. Together, these women have worked to reveal not only the connection between the longstanding historical oppression experienced by Aboriginal women and the dire contemporary circumstances of many Aboriginal communities, but also the power of Aboriginal mothers to revitalize and transform our communities. Buy it from York University.
LIFE with Mother (by the Editors of LIFE books): A beautiful compilation of photographs and quotes about mothering. Includes new and old photos, famous mothers and regular mothers, special events and everyday activities. Truly inspiring collection. Read my review. Buy it in Amazon.com or Buy it on Amazon.ca.
Other Useful Parenting Books
Last Child in the Woods (by Richard Louv): In this convincing and important book Richard Louv talks about saving our children from nature-deficit disorder. The current generation of kids is growing up indoors and surrounded by electronics, plastic and structure. This book talks about how to bring nature back into childhood and allow kids to be creative, be part of nature, and respect the environment. It talks about nature as a therapy to battle depression, obesity and ADD. It talks about the barriers to letting kids go outside more often and breaks down myths. Buy it on Amazon.com or buy it on Amazon.ca.
Note: There is also a companion book that I have not read but that looks great called I Love Dirt! 52 Activities to Help Your Kids Discover the Wonders of Nature. Buy it on Amazon.com or buy it on Amazon.ca.
Baby Hearts (by Linda Acredolo, PhD and Susan Goodwyn, PhD): This is one of the first parenting books that I bought and one of my favourites. I’m not always that great at expressing my emotions and I wanted a guide to help my children to understand and express their emotions and to develop emotional intelligence. I found this book excellent in that regard. It touches on feeling loved and secure, expressing emotions, empathy, friendship, self-esteem and confidence and more. It also touches on the emotional challenges babies may face, including fear, anxiety, shyness, withdrawl, anger, defiance, and so on. It is aimed at age birth to two years old. Buy it on Amazon.com or buy it on Amazon.ca.
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A Quiet Place by Peggy O’Mara – great collection of her Mothering editorials must be included
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I loved “Having a Child, Naturally” and am now reading “Mothering Your Nursing Toddler.” The Sears Baby Book, Breastfeeding, and Attachment Parenting books are invaluable as well. I just got to interview Dr. James Sears, it was such an honor
I am surprised that Naomi Aldort isn’t on your list.
Actually I do own and want to read Aldort’s Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves. But I have to clear a few other things off of my reading list first.
This is a great post to keep bookmarked for future reference. Hope you don’t mind if I champion some of my own favourites:
‘Fresh Milk’ – ed. Fiona Giles – a great collection of breastfeeding stories, so diverse
‘Birth Skills’- Juju Sundin – a really great, practical guide to preparing for labour and birth, has an accurate description of what labour feels like and is encouraging of natural birth within a typical Western (hospital) setting, something that appeals to many in a way that other books may not.
‘Buddhism for Mothers’ – Sarah Napthali – I’m not a buddhist, but parenting mindfully and in the moment is for all of us.
I would second the recommendation for “Birth Skills” by Juju Sundin. While I was already convinced of the benefits of natural childbirth and was in fact having a home birth and not a hospital birth, I still found this book excellent in that it gave me real, concrete ideas for how to deal with the pain and stay in a positive mental space while in labour. So many books talk about “breathing” and “staying active” and “being upright” but few go into detail of what specific techniques you could utilise and why they work. I credit those techniques for making my labour not only bearable but enjoyable.
where’s ferber on this list?
He’s there…right in the list of UNRECOMMENDED sleep books.
have you ever read the book?
I’ve picked it up in a bookstore and leafed through it and I’ve read more than enough about it online to know that it is not something I would ever recommend.
i thought so. that’s why i smiled after the initial question. we co-slept with our daughter until she was 8 months. we decided it was time for a crib. we used the ferber technique and in three nights she was sleeping 10 hours. she’s now 18 months old and still sleeps 10 hours every night, she even asks for her bed every night after nursing and is happily asleep in less than 10 minutes. we are parents that live by love and support and have a thriving child. and thanks to ferber everyone in our house sleeps very well. i feel bad for people that could benefit from ferber, that simply tag it as the crying-it-out method (which it is most definitely NOT, if anyone takes the time to read it), and dismiss it because of some misplaced politics. your reaction highlights what i’m talking about.
i’ve met parents that continue to deal with sleep issues but will not go to ferber because of some misinformed idea or pressure from friends when they might be missing out on having restful nights for the whole family. that said, it is not effective in every case but i suspect there are plenty it might work for that have not given it a chance.
btw, i love your site, please don’t take offense. i’m used to the ferber detractors and always amazed at how few actually read his book and how angrily people react to him.
looking forward to my child sleeping 10 hours again and my family waking up in a great mood and having another wonderful day!
My opposition to Ferber is not because if misplaced politics. It is because I have determined, based on my experience, my research, and the type of relationship that I want to have with my child, that leaving my child to cry to sleep alone is not an option. Period. I know that the Ferber method involves graduated extinction (a form of cry-it-out) and that is not something I am comfortable with. No one in my family is lacking sleep. At least not because of kids keeping us up. If there is a Ferber method to curb Internet addiction, maybe that will help me get more sleep.
Great – you’ve given me a few to add to my list! There are two that I was surprised not to see on your list:
Attachment Parenting by Katie Allison Granju and
Our Babies, Ourselves: How Biology and Culture Shape the Way We Parent by Meredith Small
I do have Katie’s book and should add it to the list. I’ve heard of Our Babies, Ourselves but haven’t read it.
I have almost all the same books on my list and loan them out or give them regularly. Our Babies, Ourselves is at the top of the list however, and I too was surprised not to see it on your list. I know you will love it!!
I love, LOVE the Science of Parenting book and it is the one book I recommend over and over again to my friends. It is my favorite parenting book, hands-down. As a new mother, it was comforting to read and helped instill a non-defensive determination in many of my parenting practices including the decisions to co-sleep and not use crying-it-out. It also helped when parenting my toddlers to know the difference between the two types of tantrums. It saddens me how folks try to give an 18 month old a time out, then wonder why it is not working to quell their child’s tears.
I also found all of Harvey Karp’s books to be very useful in gathering information on child behaviour, although I did not use his methods to the letter.
BTW, Lenore Skenazy’s book, Free-Range Parenting would be an excellent companion to Last Child in the Woods.
For a general Baby Health/Quick Rerference guide, I really appreciate the 411 series (Baby 411 and Toddler 411.) Whenever my child has a rash, fever, weird symptom etc, I have found its index to be very quick and convenient. Certainly, less frightening than Dr. Google!
I love Lenore Skenazy’s blog, Free-Range Kids, and have her book, Free-Range Kids, on a list of things I want to read at some point. I mentioned it and a few other books in my post called Is Unstructured Play Too Dangerous?
I’ve been planning to pick up a few of these anyway. No time like the present!
Some great picks (Playful Parenting is the best!!), and some new ones to me… some of my favorites that you didn’t cite:
‘Sleepless in America: Is Your Child Misbehaving or Missing Sleep?’ by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka – advocates for working with circadian rhythms to facilitate good sleep without getting into power struggles (CIO). Pro co-sleeping if it works for your family. Despite the “America” in title, it seems fairly applicable to Canadian life, too
‘What’s Going On In There’ by Lise Eliot – exposition of science research on brain development in the first five years. explains underpinnings of why babywearing and keeping your baby close are so beneficial. Warning if you get this book – the binding is terrible… only bad thing I can say about this book is once the binding falls apart it’s hard to read this while nursing your baby!
‘Whole Child, Whole Parent’ by Polly Berrien Berends – if you have a philosophical bent at all – this combination of Christian and Zen philosophy has obviated for me any other books about discipline and childrearing (well, except maybe Playful Parenting!). I’ve referred to this book as “learning to ride the bike” of parenting while all the other parenting books are sets of training wheels you can use to prop you up.
For breastfeeding info I suggest these most often:
the Jack Newman/Teresa Pitman book on Breastfeeding (has different titles in US/Canada, too)
‘Breastfeeding Made Simple: Seven Natural Laws for Nursing Mothers’ by Nancy Mohrbacher and Kathleen Kendall-Tackett
‘Adventures in Tandem Nursing’ by Hilary Flower (great info for nursing while pregnant, too, not just after the next baby is born)
and on other random topics…
‘Adventures in Gentle Discipline’ by Hilary Flower (if you’re not quite ready for Whole Child/Whole Parent, get this for a more practical approach)
‘Having Faith’ by Sandra Steingraber (on environmental pollution affecting pregnancy and infant feeding)
‘Spiritual Midwifery’ by Ina May Gaskin (her Guide to Childbirth is more up-to-date, but not as inspirational, and for both I find her style pretty interventive for someone so philosophically committed to women’s abilities to birth)
‘The Thinking Woman’s Guide to a Better Birth’ by Henci Goer and Rhonda Wheeler (if you are planning a hospital birth, get this!)
‘The Vaccine Book’ by Robert Sears (a kind and informed voice in the heated and distorted debates)
i also highly recommend Meredith Small’s ‘Our Babies, Ourselves,’ that Liz recommended.
The Jack Newman/Teresa Pitman book, the Ultimate Breastfeeding Book of Answers (US) and Dr. Jack Newman’s Guide to Breastfeeding (Canada) is a book I often give as a shower gift to moms that I know are determined to breastfeed and want to prepare themselves well for it. I usually give it along with a gift certificate for Milkface.
The Thinking Woman’s Guide to a Better Birth is one that I own but that I would say is mostly unnecessary for someone giving birth in Canada. A lot of the situations they describe in the book that are still standard procedure at American hospitals are not standard procedure in Canada. I wrote my birth plan based on info in that book and with the help of my doula ended up editing out a ton of stuff that she said was completely unnecessary in Canada.
A lot of the others you mentioned I have heard of and heard that they are great, but never invested in myself.
I’ve read probably hundreds of birth stories of Canadian women during the past 7 years, and I would sadly still suggest Henci Goer’s book. Especially if you are working with an OB. And the book has lots of useful advice even if you are having an intervention for a medically sound reason on how to reduce risks and side effects. Fundamentally we need to know our providers and the policies of our birthing places well no matter who or where.
I love Dr. Newman’s book and also highly recommend his website (lots of information and videos) and his clinic if you live in or near Toronto. I spent 14 weeks visiting the clinic (long story) -amazing people there!
I really like this list. And I remember being insatiable with reading books on babies, toddlers and parenting, etc while I was pregnant. Part of the nesting instinct, I think. I was overwhelmed by all the detail but also loved it for filling my brain up. I wish now that I had only read ‘Spiritual Midwifery’
by Ina May Gaskin, and Birthing from Within: An Extra-Ordinary Guide to Childbirth Preparation by Pam England CNM MA and Rob Horowitz PhD. Birthing From Within taught me to calm myself IN the midst of pain, discomfort, etc using ice cube exercises rather than in a calm, quiet, painless and solitary atmosphere that birth is not, well not for me anyway. Holding an ice cube for one minute, which is surprisingly painful – learning about my reaction, the change in my breathing, that I could change the way I breathed which changed how I felt, that I knew it wouldn’t last forever and that practicing this with my husband gave me deep confidence that he would be there for me at birthing time. My first birth was very traumatic and it was during my second pregnancy that I was given this workbook, of sorts. The authors’ perspective and that particular exercise, as well as a dear midwife and supportive partner, helped me have a healing and joyous birth experience even though I didn’t achieve my dream birth:)
Cheers
Natalie
Wow this has really struck a chord with me. Now that my children are not babies and I plan not to have another, my only parenting resource is Dr. Gordon Neufeld. His book and now his series of sessions on DVD are so deeply important to me personally (learning about my own development and relationship challenges), and to me as a parent (learning about what my children are capable of at their unique stage of development and what they’re not capable of, more importantly). Thank you for including him:)
Cheers
Natalie
Thank you so much for this list! I’m pregnant and searching for more blogs (and books) to read that will inspire me to find my own way. I’ve had such trouble finding anything on attachment parenting and other alternative models in regular bookstores and have been hesitant to shell out money ordering books I haven’t seen that *seem* to be on topic.
On a general note, I’m about to go back and read through the archives. I’ve already taken so much from your more recent posts, I’m so looking forward to reading more.
Cheers
Thanks for this list. It’s great.
Has anyone mentioned “Why Love Matters” by Sue Gerhardt, all about the psychological development of babies and the consequences of our parenting methods? (I wrote some posts on it, including this one on cortisol.
And what about the classic LLL “Womanly Art of Breastfeeding”. It might be an oldie but it’s a goodie, full of down to earth tried and tested advice.
I would add Ina May Gaskin’s “Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth” for anyone interesting in birthing without drugs. It was a very comforting read for me as a first-time mom preparing for my first birth experience. http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0553381156/inamaygaskina-20
that’s great, and i respect your position, as any choice a parent makes should be respected (lest it be harmful to a child, of course). but as someone in a mentoring/teaching position with a wide reaching website, such as yourself, i find it counter-productive to dismiss it outright simply because it was not right for you, in doing so you diminish options available to your readers. and it might be just what someone needs to help their child and family get through a rough sleep phase.
this is my main issue with the ferber detractors, they take a position (usually un-researched, btw, i don’t count “leafing” research) and dig in. then the people they influence are suddenly out of a perfectly healthy option that might in fact work for them.
not every system that you have listed in your parenting list will work for every child out there. that is simple fact. just like our current model for education does not reach every child. this is the problem within any specialized society, some people get left behind because they don’t have awareness, knowledge or funds to access alternatives.
i’m just here to tell people that ferber is a legitimate alternative and should not be discounted because of political (i know you said that you’re reasons are not political but you can’t deny the reactions ferber generates in some people) or negative propaganda based on hearsay.
with respect and admiration,
dz.
FWIW, here are my 10 reasons why Cry it Out does not work for us: http://www.phdinparenting.com/2008/07/05/no-cry-it-out/. Not everyone has to agree with me or does agree with me and that is fine. Personally, I don’t believe in any “system” to get children to sleep. I believe that if you create a healthy sleep environment that children will become healthy sleepers without any “intervention”. It may not be at the pace that parents (or society) want and it may require more parental involvement than parents want (and more than society deems “normal”). I think it is either unrealistic expectations, societal pressure, or reluctance to do the other things required to create a healthy sleep environment that lead parents to a cry it out/extinction option (whether graduated or not).
I tried to explain further why I can’t recommend Ferber and the others. Hope this helps you to understand my position.
my response to your last post:
“Cry it Out”
• ferber is about crying-it-out
“if you create a healthy sleep environment that children will become healthy sleepers… ”
• ferber is, in fact, about creating healthy sleep environments
“… without intervention.”
• ferber is not an intervention
“It may not be at the pace that parents (or society) want and it may require more parental involvement than parents want (and more than society deems “normal”).”
• we are parents that have plenty of time and spend it all with our child, we very much agree and practice attachment parenting (of course i’m likely to be accused of doing no such thing because of ferber). my wife decided to take 1 year off her career and now only works about 2 months a year. we do not need or use alternate child care. when she works i care for our child. we do it all ourselves. we also take the time to be fully committed to cloth diapering. my wife still breast feeds our child and has no plans on stopping soon.
“I think it is either unrealistic expectations, societal pressure, or reluctance to do the other things required to create a healthy sleep environment.”
• none of the above apply and don’t necessarily apply to someone who has read many books and simply chose one that they felt, after much research, would work for them.
________
i completely respect your choice, but not your position, because it assumes a lot and is making judgments about other people’s choices.
i have not read your full post on your blog but will now have a look at it. i wanted to write this before i did read it.
here i go. will likely post a comment but glad that this dialogue has created a healthy discussion.
btw. after bath time tonight. i read my daughter 4 books (she loves the mole sisters so much) then she looked at me and said “papa, bed” and pointed to her bed (due to creating a healthy sleep environment). she stretched out and grabbed her bear and she said “nighty night”. i said “i love you.” closed the door. i will see her in the morning rested and ready for a great day. this scenario has been repeated every night (except for some of the heavy teething spells) since we created her healthy sleep environment with ferber’s many suggestions.
would you deny these types of common results to other parents struggling with sleep issues and having to deal with the havoc the lack of sleep can create in a family, a child, at work, etc.???
this is the result of a doctor’s decades of research in sleep and this is what constantly gets demonized by people.
with light
dz.
I won’t deny parents anything. If they want to go and buy the Ferber book, they can go ahead. But they won’t get a recommendation from me.
After bath time tonight, I read my children 2 books, turned off the light, told them a made-up story where they got to help choose what would happen, told them I loved them and gave them goodnight kisses, then nursed my daughter to sleep while my son lay cuddled on the other side of me. I then got up, chatted with people online and wrote a post, and later joined my children in bed. They got up this morning, well rested, and we got ready for work/school.
awesome! that means that whatever “system” you used works for your kids but imagine for one moment that you might have missed out on using that “system” because someone you trust, with a wide reaching website and influence didn’t recommend the system based on hearsay and had never actually read the work to make an informed decision?
that’s been my only point all along.
and there are too many people out there saying how bad and evil (i’ve seen the word used) ferber is, and how it’s a bad choice, etc. that it’s lazy parents looking for a quick fix, etc. and they’ve never read the book. there’s this collective hysteria around it that is simply unwarranted.
with light (once more)
dz
If you are telling me that there is no mention of graduated extinction in the Ferber book at all (other than to say that it is unacceptable perhaps) then there are a whole lot of people lying about it out there and maybe I should go look at the book. However, if there is any suggestion that leaving your child to cry to sleep alone for any period of time is okay, then I don’t need to read the book to know that I think it is bad.
btw
if i ever hear of anything (whether philosophically opposed to it or not) that helps to curb your internet addiction, i will happily pass it on.
i personally only know of one tried and true way:
turn off your computer!
dz.
Thanks for sharing your library! So many great books to add to my “must read” list. I just got Parenting Beyond Belief from the library but have yet to dive into it.
My fav birthing book: Birthing From Within by Pam England
An essential bf’ing book: Making More Milk by Diana West and Lisa Marasco
I am 23 weeks pregnant with twins (second pregnancy) and I highly recommend the book “Having Twins and more” by Elizabeth Noble. It’s tough to find a good book on twins that is empowering and not fear-based.
Several books I believe you would enjoy:
1) The Politics of Breastfeeding: When Breasts are Bad for Business (3rd Edition) – a must read for any lactivist out there. http://www.amazon.com/Politics-Breastfeeding-3rd-Breasts-Business/dp/190517716X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1255063422&sr=8-1
2) Ina May’s Guide to Breastfeeding – Just released this past week and exceptionally well done. Her chapter on “Nipplephobia” is a *new* one that should be required reading by every U.S. citizen. http://www.amazon.com/Ina-Mays-Guide-Breastfeeding-Gaskin/dp/0553384295/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1255063445&sr=1-1
3) My favorite ‘breastfeeding help’ book for new mothers is “Breastfeeding Made Simple: Seven Natural Laws for Nursing Mothers.” This is one I include in ALL baby shower gifts. http://www.amazon.com/Breastfeeding-Made-Simple-Natural-Nursing/dp/1572244046/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1255063631&sr=1-1
4) And while we are on the topic of best breastfeeding books… Have you read, “Baby Matters”? Another must-read for any lactivist! Outstanding and packed with research-based information. http://www.amazon.com/Baby-Matters-Revised-2nd-Doctor/dp/0975317016/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1255063649&sr=1-1
5) In addition, because it is central to starting a peaceful parenting, AP journey with baby — not to mention packed with research-based information that we are not taught in any classroom setting, I would highly recommend Drs. Fleiss & Hodges book, “What Your Doctor May Not Tell You About Circumcision.” There are few who have studied the prepuce organ and circumcision as extensively as these two men, and their work certainly contributes to the gentle (smart!) parenting genre of literature. http://www.amazon.com/Doctor-About-Circumcision-Performed-Unnecessary-Surgery/dp/0446678805/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1255063479&sr=1-1
Thank you for your list of recommendations!
Great list! An oldie but still useful is The Way They Learn ~ Cynthia Ulrich Tobias. Very helpful for homeschooling parents.
I’m just reading another beautiful, warm book called ‘Heaven on Earth: A Handbook for Parents of Young Children’ by Sharifa Oppenheimer. It uses the Waldorf philosophy… it’s caring, gentle and full of lovely mothering wisdom!
Cheers.
Just to throw my two cents in, my favorite books for any new parent are:
1) Bed Timing by Marc Lewis and Isabel Granic
Talks about baby’s development stages and the effectiveness of sleep training methods (No cry and CIO) at those stages. It is non-judgmental about the method you use and supports you to use a number of different methods in the most effective way.
2) The 90 Minute Sleep Program by Polly Moore
This one focuses on learning how your baby sleeps and how to support them to get enough sleep. The idea is that every 90 minutes babies go into a period of low activity that is most conducive with helping them to fall asleep. So babies do best when the intervals between sleep times are kept to either 90 minutes, 1 1/3, 3 hours, 4 1/2 hours. Again, useful no matter the method you use to get them asleep be it co-sleeping, in a sling, in their cribs, whatever.
3) The Wonder Weeks by Hetty Vanderjit and Frans Plooji
Fascinating discussion of babies developmental stages, what is going on in their little brains and bodies and the impact on their behaviour. Helps you feel like you kinda know what is happening when they ‘suddenly’ change.
I love all three books because they are supportive, informative and non-judgmental. They are also books that fewer people have heard of, so I thought it worth mentioning.
Your list looks a lot like my bookshelf – but there were a couple on there which I will have to have a look at. Have you read “The Parents We Mean To Be” by Richard Weissbourd?. If so, I’d be interested to know what you thought.
i’d like to put a good word in for ‘ina may gaskin’s guide to childbirth’, it is such a straightforward and honest book..i have passed it on to many friends..
athanasia:
It is a great book too. I borrowed it from my doula!
I would suggest some of Alice Millers work, especially ‘for your own Good’ to get a perspective on Parenting Practices as they have emerged within Western Civilisation. Few have ever heard of the term ‘Poisonous Pedagogy’ yet it is one of the most important phrases for it describes the sad fact that the mistreatment of children in Western Society is a a fundamental tenet of Civilisation. Such that it remains all but invisible.
It can be seen in the way that Governments or The State treats people, especially the most vulnerable.
I also recommend John Holt, especially for his book ‘Learning all the time’ which addresses infancy and learning…