There are many reasons to love France. Great wines and cheeses. Beautiful villages. Plentiful arts and culture. There are also many reasons to hate it. Public toilets that are rarely clean, rarely have toilet paper and rarely have toilet seats. People that let their dogs poo wherever they like and don’t pick up after them. Rude people working in the service industry.
Now that I am a parent, I’m noticing other differences between my home and native land (Canada that is) and France. It seems that attachment parenting has not caught on. In fact, it seems that the science of parenting has not caught on at all.
Let’s start with breastfeeding. I’m nursing my 14 month old and in Canada I see other moms nursing all the time when I’m out with my kids. They nurse at the mall, at the playground, in restaurants, basically wherever they are. In France, I have never seen a woman breastfeed her child in public in 3 trips here of several weeks each time over the past 3 years. In fact the only time I saw a woman breastfeed her child was when I peeked through the door of the bathroom stall that contained the diaper change table at a highway reststop to try to figure out what on earth was taking this woman so long to change a dirty diaper and was able to see that she was sitting there nursing her baby. That said, I don’t think that everyone is just hiding at home breastfeeding their babies because I see bottles everywhere. I’ve been quite shocked at the number of newborn babies I’ve seen with bottles in their mouths.
If breastmilk is not the food of choice for babies in France, then chocolate must be. I’m the first to admit that my 3 year old son eats too much chocolate. He didn’t have any at all until he was 2 years old (and neither will our daughter) and when he isn’t in the presence of either grandmother then I might have a fighting chance at reducing his addiction somewhat. But a walk down the baby food aisle in a French supermarket reveals tons of “petits pots” (jarred baby food) that contain chocolate as well as formula with chocolate mixed in. The morning snack of choice for French toddlers and preschoolers is a piece of baguette with a piece of chocolate in it.
Babywearing is also virtually unknown here. While in Spain a few weeks ago, I at least saw tons of Baby Bjorn style carries or hiking backpacks. But in France I’ve only seen a very rare glimpse of a hiking backpack and then only on hiking trails. The only wrap I’ve seen was on a mannequin in a nature store. I haven’t seen a single ring sling, pouch, Mei Tai or soft structured carrier anywhere other than on myself or the German friends we are travelling with. Not only does noone use them, but the looks that I get amaze me. In most parts of the world, I get huge smiles from people. But from the French, I get looks of pity (they must assume I can’t afford a stroller and therefore decided to piece together a table cloth to carry my baby around) or looks of disgust (like I’m torturing the poor child). I wonder if the people trying to push their strollers through the crowded markets and narrow streets notice the looks of pity that I’m giving them as I glide effortlessly through the crowds with my baby happily snuggled up to me, even perhaps nursing discreetly as we move around.
Other parts of Europe (Germany, Scandanavia) seem to be more up to speed on attachment parenting and I wonder what is keeping the French in the dark. I won’t ask…..they might make fun of my accent again.
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Not that I know much about France and French culture, but somehow, I’m not surprised that it’s not as overtly AP as the rest of Europe might be – I guess your experience fits in with my stereotype of the place.
And it’s reassuring to know that a fluent French speaker like you has also been mocked for her accent – I’m nowhere near fluent, but have repeatedly been told that I speak French like a Mexican…. Go figure!
The final count from one month in France….
- 2 babies in wraps
- 1 woman breastfeeding in public
- too many Nestle salespeople flogging chocolate filled food for children in the cereal aisle
“The morning snack of choice for French toddlers and preschoolers is a piece of baguette with a piece of chocolate in it.”
I’m just glad I’m not teaching there!!
Annie, you’ve hit the nail on the head with this post. I *live* in France and here is my final count:
3 babywearing moms (myself included)
)
1 babywearing dad (my dh – French I might point out
1 mom bf in public (moi !!)
3 cloth diapering moms (some of the women at my bf group are into AP)
Chocolate in a baguette! Who *thought* up that idea? They ALL do it!!
In fact, I am the ONLY one of my friends who is bf’ing her under 6 month old baby. All the other babies have been bottle fed since day 1.
Yes, I have heard that bf is not common in France, although mine were all in school by the time we lived there so I didn’t especially notice one way or the other. However, since in general by 3 weeks their babies are at the creche all day, it makes sense that they wouldn’t bf. And I, too, can’t believe all the chocolate they feed their kids. My fav is muesli with chocolate in it–aren’t we missing the point here? My poor children feel deprived. On the other hand, who’s to argue with the joy of a really good fresh pain au chocolat? Mmmm.
Thanks for your comment at Rocks in my Dryer, which is how I found you.
My family and I returned from living in France last summer. Our children are a bit older than yours (they were 9, 12, and 14 when we arrived). We are a very close family, probably because we move around a lot, so I observe the lifestyles in the countries we’ve lived in. We walked a lot, living in Paris, and would see very few children outside – playing, hanging out with friends, etc. I think a lot of French are a lot freer and less hands-on with their own children, which seems sad to us Westerners. But we met very few rude French (as a lot of people want to believe they all are). When they would find out we were American, they immediately lit up and wanted to talk with us about anything and on occasion also wanted to practice their English.
Mmmm…baguette with chocolate… I’m sorry, what were you saying?
Well that doesn’t really surprise me, especially after reading the French feminist Elisabeth Badinter’s thoughts on motherhood! http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2010/feb/12/france-feminism-elisabeth-badinter
I too encountered some rude people in France and got mocked for my Québecois french accent (they responded to me in English when I spoke french! I swear my french isn’t that bad LOL), but overall had such a great visit. Of course, I was a teenager so didn’t pay any attention to kids/babies. Reading your post makes me want to fly over there and nurse my 2.5 yr old in front the Louvre *ha* (although maybe only tourists would be there?!)