There are many reasons to love France. Great wines and cheeses. Beautiful villages. Plentiful arts and culture. There are also many reasons to hate it. Public toilets that are rarely clean, rarely have toilet paper and rarely have toilet seats. People that let their dogs poo wherever they like and don’t pick up after them. Rude people working in the service industry.
Now that I am a parent, I’m noticing other differences between my home and native land (Canada that is) and France. It seems that attachment parenting has not caught on. In fact, it seems that the science of parenting has not caught on at all.
Let’s start with breastfeeding. I’m nursing my 14 month old and in Canada I see other moms nursing all the time when I’m out with my kids. They nurse at the mall, at the playground, in restaurants, basically wherever they are. In France, I have never seen a woman breastfeed her child in public in 3 trips here of several weeks each time over the past 3 years. In fact the only time I saw a woman breastfeed her child was when I peeked through the door of the bathroom stall that contained the diaper change table at a highway reststop to try to figure out what on earth was taking this woman so long to change a dirty diaper and was able to see that she was sitting there nursing her baby. That said, I don’t think that everyone is just hiding at home breastfeeding their babies because I see bottles everywhere. I’ve been quite shocked at the number of newborn babies I’ve seen with bottles in their mouths.
If breastmilk is not the food of choice for babies in France, then chocolate must be. I’m the first to admit that my 3 year old son eats too much chocolate. He didn’t have any at all until he was 2 years old (and neither will our daughter) and when he isn’t in the presence of either grandmother then I might have a fighting chance at reducing his addiction somewhat. But a walk down the baby food aisle in a French supermarket reveals tons of “petits pots” (jarred baby food) that contain chocolate as well as formula with chocolate mixed in. The morning snack of choice for French toddlers and preschoolers is a piece of baguette with a piece of chocolate in it.
Babywearing is also virtually unknown here. While in Spain a few weeks ago, I at least saw tons of Baby Bjorn style carries or hiking backpacks. But in France I’ve only seen a very rare glimpse of a hiking backpack and then only on hiking trails. The only wrap I’ve seen was on a mannequin in a nature store. I haven’t seen a single ring sling, pouch, Mei Tai or soft structured carrier anywhere other than on myself or the German friends we are travelling with. Not only does noone use them, but the looks that I get amaze me. In most parts of the world, I get huge smiles from people. But from the French, I get looks of pity (they must assume I can’t afford a stroller and therefore decided to piece together a table cloth to carry my baby around) or looks of disgust (like I’m torturing the poor child). I wonder if the people trying to push their strollers through the crowded markets and narrow streets notice the looks of pity that I’m giving them as I glide effortlessly through the crowds with my baby happily snuggled up to me, even perhaps nursing discreetly as we move around.
Other parts of Europe (Germany, Scandanavia) seem to be more up to speed on attachment parenting and I wonder what is keeping the French in the dark. I won’t ask…..they might make fun of my accent again.
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Not that I know much about France and French culture, but somehow, I’m not surprised that it’s not as overtly AP as the rest of Europe might be – I guess your experience fits in with my stereotype of the place.
And it’s reassuring to know that a fluent French speaker like you has also been mocked for her accent – I’m nowhere near fluent, but have repeatedly been told that I speak French like a Mexican…. Go figure!
The final count from one month in France….
- 2 babies in wraps
- 1 woman breastfeeding in public
- too many Nestle salespeople flogging chocolate filled food for children in the cereal aisle
“The morning snack of choice for French toddlers and preschoolers is a piece of baguette with a piece of chocolate in it.”
I’m just glad I’m not teaching there!!
Annie, you’ve hit the nail on the head with this post. I *live* in France and here is my final count:
3 babywearing moms (myself included)
)
1 babywearing dad (my dh – French I might point out
1 mom bf in public (moi !!)
3 cloth diapering moms (some of the women at my bf group are into AP)
Chocolate in a baguette! Who *thought* up that idea? They ALL do it!!
In fact, I am the ONLY one of my friends who is bf’ing her under 6 month old baby. All the other babies have been bottle fed since day 1.
Yes, I have heard that bf is not common in France, although mine were all in school by the time we lived there so I didn’t especially notice one way or the other. However, since in general by 3 weeks their babies are at the creche all day, it makes sense that they wouldn’t bf. And I, too, can’t believe all the chocolate they feed their kids. My fav is muesli with chocolate in it–aren’t we missing the point here? My poor children feel deprived. On the other hand, who’s to argue with the joy of a really good fresh pain au chocolat? Mmmm.
Thanks for your comment at Rocks in my Dryer, which is how I found you.
My family and I returned from living in France last summer. Our children are a bit older than yours (they were 9, 12, and 14 when we arrived). We are a very close family, probably because we move around a lot, so I observe the lifestyles in the countries we’ve lived in. We walked a lot, living in Paris, and would see very few children outside – playing, hanging out with friends, etc. I think a lot of French are a lot freer and less hands-on with their own children, which seems sad to us Westerners. But we met very few rude French (as a lot of people want to believe they all are). When they would find out we were American, they immediately lit up and wanted to talk with us about anything and on occasion also wanted to practice their English.
Mmmm…baguette with chocolate… I’m sorry, what were you saying?
Well that doesn’t really surprise me, especially after reading the French feminist Elisabeth Badinter’s thoughts on motherhood! http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2010/feb/12/france-feminism-elisabeth-badinter
I too encountered some rude people in France and got mocked for my Québecois french accent (they responded to me in English when I spoke french! I swear my french isn’t that bad LOL), but overall had such a great visit. Of course, I was a teenager so didn’t pay any attention to kids/babies. Reading your post makes me want to fly over there and nurse my 2.5 yr old in front the Louvre *ha* (although maybe only tourists would be there?!)
Please. Seriously, please. Since when you think you are able to give an opinion on any country for staying there only for a few weeks.
And where were you ? Paris ? Big cities or small towns ? That’s like if I say canadians only eat moose and live in log cabins because I went on a fishing weekend in the forest.
And your way to judge meals of French toddler by your quick and naive approch of “I just look what is in the shelves in supermarket”…. PLease, again. A vast majority of mother DO breastfeed their babies in France. Not for 2 years. And you saw bottles ? As a mother, you don’t know that working mothers use pump to fill this bottles when they don’t have time to breastfeed/have to go to work…???
Then, about parenting science, THANKS, I think we really have our own stuff. Attachment parenting has never ever been demonstrated to be beneficial by any scienfitic studies. But that’s good to see how a more “tolerant” canadian is actually even more pretentious than a French by judging a whole culture as empty in the field of parenting. Thank you for your advise. If I may say, I’m pretty sure that if I go to your country I won’t find a sign of OUR parenting culture, and I won’t go and say you are stupid as you did, because I understand your culture is very different from mine.
And attachment parenting is actually pretty much AGAINST the mediterranean culture that I have, which is a very loving and boundaries creating culture, (see the italian mother) but at one moment let the child be an independant and social individual.
But thanks again for your 1,5 cents of nothing, based on so few misunderstood and incomplete informations…
wow- #10 a bit overly hostile? Wow, I mean get a clue. The writer is entitled to share her personal experience and opinion in her own article. You sound really angry about it. Maybe you didn’t receive attachment parenting
I was just going to add however, that in the 2 years since the article was written some things in France (well Paris most certainly) have evolved. I live in Paris and EVERYWHERE you go, there are babies in wraps! It is wonderful. On the breastfeeding front, alas, that hasn’t really changed. Unless they are foreign, you are not going to see French women breastfeeding in public. Most French women I spoke to about it have pretty much said the same thing, they are too shy!
This cracks me up coming from a culture where breasts are plastered everywhere! I really do NOT believe it is a question of being shy, but that is the agreed upon cultural explanation for it. Although I do have French friends who breastfed in private until their babies were 3 months old – when they had to go back to work (after their PAID maternity leave!!!!!)
I am delighted to report though that I have never, ever gotten a strange look or even a smirk while breastfeeding my daughter in public. No one has ever stared or made much of a notice – and I have breastfed my daughter all over the place, including the Lourve, Notre Dame etc.
I found this site after googling “French women do not breastfeed much”, which in my experience is true. I live in Paris and have a 5 month old that I feel pressured to wean (from French family members, friends etc). In the States most of my friends breastfed their babies a long time (like 22 months) …that is unheard of here! I would say about 1/2 of my female French friends didn’t breastfeed and the ones that did only did for less than 6 months. I have no idea why that is.
Baby wearing is catching on I think (I can’t imagine taking the metro with a stroller) and my daughter will be eating real food before she gets anything that comes out of a jar. That’s what a Babycook is for!
Hi, just wanted to share my own experiences as an American living in France. It seems breast-feeding is fairly encouraged here at the beginning, but that encouragement drops off radically at about 6 months and is down to zero by 12. My in-laws are mostly shocked to see that I haven’t weaned my daughter, and all I can tell them in reply is that I see no sense in stopping what I can do naturally only to go buy a replacement at the store.
Baby-wearing, on the other hand, seems to have caught on. I would say about 25% of the moms (and dads!) that I see are doing in, though I still get a lot of questions about my 12-month-old being “too heavy”.
Probably the most difficult thing for me is the cry-it-out issue. While I am not an AP militant, don’t go to groups, don’t even own most of the recommended literature, etc., my own conscience has never felt comfortable with leaving my little one to wail and scream just because I want her in bed by 7:30 sharp. My in-laws are convinced that this is totally wrong, that crying is healthy, that she will be spoiled, etc… As a new mom trying to figure out what to do, this is terribly difficult for me. The lack of support wears on me and of course, I can’t help but run things over in my mind and second-guess myself.
Anyway, no, I would not say that France as a whole is into the AP philosophy.
As an American and having worked as a business culture consultant and trainer in Germany and now France, it was my job to understand both foreign cultures in comparison to my own.
Now that I’m going to be a mom in a month (!), I’ve been noticing that here in France, the stroller dominates and there’s very little breastfeeding and baby carrying – especially compared to Germany. But, think of it culturally – the French are raised to be very independent and competitive from an early age and they have a high number of women working. Germany tends to have mothers staying at home – which, unfortunately, has hurt women in many ways as they feel they must choose between work and children and they have the lowest EU birthrate as a result. And the culture and government there is unsupportive of working mothers. France though, is VERY supportive of working mothers and as a result they have the highest birthrate in Europe.
It’s very challenging to be a French working mother practicing attachment parenting – especially if they must return to work and the workplace isn’t supportive of it. It’s slowly catching on though. I live near the Germany/Switzerland border so I figure that my public breastfeeding will be viewed as “crazy American” stuff or I’ll be mistaken for a German tourist
Either way, the point is that if France sees more of this, it will start to normalize in the culture – so BF on gals!
I guess the question is whether France is supportive of NURSING working mothers, i.e. do they have provisions to support moms who pump at work? Or onsite daycare so they can nurse at work?
I haven’t heard of much support in the workplace and I doubt companies would offer much since France already has generous benefits for mothers. Mothers are expected to hire a nanny or leave their infant at a daycare (creche) if they go back to work. The system is apparently working though to get moms back to work because France offers very low cost daycare or some funds to help pay for a nanny. And I hear that creches are usually pretty high quality compared to the states.
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