Toddler Behaviour: What’s Up With That?

by phdinparenting on January 24, 2012 · 7 comments

Have you ever looked at your toddler with amazement, confusion or frustration, wondering why on earth they are doing what they are doing? I know I have.

I found babies so easy. Their cries generally meant one of a very small number of things — they were hungry, they were tired, they were wet, they were cold, or they just needed to be held close.  But with toddlers, I often found myself scratching my head trying to figure them out. Sometimes it is fun, because they can be so unexpected and free. Other times, when we can’t figure out what they want or why they are doing something, it can be downright frustrating.

When you find yourself asking — Why is my toddler acting like that? What is up with that behaviour?   –  consider these factors:

  • Age-Appropriateness: Is your child’s behaviour age appropriate? Our toddlers often act like toddlers. The problem, in a lot of cases, is that adults expect toddlers to understand a lot more or be able to handle a lot more than they can. If your toddler starts acting out, it may simply be that you are asking too much in that situation. This is a scenario we found ourselves in often when we were in public with our toddlers. Sometimes, we really were pushing the limits of how much they could handle, how much we could throw their routine off, how late they could stay out, how patient they could be, and we often found out the hard way that we had pushed a bit too much. That doesn’t mean that you can’t try to do things with your toddler that are out of the ordinary (we often did), but it means that you need to be prepared for potential meltdowns and have a plan for how to deal with them in a way that is respectful to everyone involved.
  • Not Being Listened To: Your toddler probably notices you talking, but what are you saying? Are you talking at your toddler or are you speaking with your toddler? Are you taking the time to mirror what your toddler is saying or thinking or feeling, so that they know that they are being heard? Even if you have to say “no” when they want you to say “yes”, helping them see that you do understand how they feel and have taken their perspective into consideration can make communication much smoother. You can also check out these tips from MaMammalia on speaking respectfully to your toddler.
  • Need to Assert Independence: Toddlers are figuring out who they are. They need the opportunity to assert their independence, to try to doing things on their own, to make choices (and find out what the consequences of those choices are). They also need the opportunity to lead, which can be especially fun. Create opportunities for your child to make the decisions, whether it is about which side of the street to walk on or what to eat for dinner. Let them lead you around the house, around the yard, around the playground, or even around your neighbourhood.

More Resources?

Are you still looking for more ideas to help navigate through the toddler years? Check out these great posts with advice and stories:

Finally, I want you to read the words of @naptimewriting. In her post, Open Letter to My Toddler, she started out:

Dearest Butterbean,

Thank you. You’re right.

I say that because all of the delightful, delicious, maddening, exhausting things you do teach me something. All of them. In a tasty, hilarious, infuriating, depleting way. Did I mention adorable? And exhausting, did I mention that?

She goes on to thank her toddler, beautifully, for all the ways he makes her look at the world differently. That really is the magic of the toddler years — getting to see the world from their perspective. The more we stop to see the world through their eyes, the easier it will be to get through the tough days and the more we’ll be able to enjoy the magic of that age.

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Toddler Fun: Play, Travel, Cook, and Get Outside!

by phdinparenting on January 17, 2012 · 8 comments

One of the best things about toddlers is how fun they are. They are completely uninhibited and full of creativity and energy. They learn, and learn, and learn some more and love every minute of it. Having fun with your toddler can range from a planned activity to just cuddling and giggling in bed. It can range from playing, to going outside, to family vacations, to cooking together. This post pulls together some great ideas for having fun with your toddlers.

Play

Nurture Store came up with a great list of Top 5 Toddler Play Ideas especially for the Carnival of Toddlers. Head over there to read more about how to:

  • Make your play space toddler friendly
  • Encourage super sensory play
  • Boost your toddler’s language skills
  • Play grown-up
  • Be inspired

On that last point, there is so much inspiration out there. Some great places to look include The PhD in Parenting Carnival of Play and my friend Allie’s great craft blog No Time for Flash Cards.  Do you like paint and play dough? If so, check out these recipes and ideas from Sixty Second Parent and Nurture Store. When you’re all done, it is time to clean up those toys and Code Name Mama has some great tips on getting your toddlers to help pick up.

Go Outside

I think one of the most important things is for toddlers to have the opportunity to go outside and play in an unstructured and exploratory environment. Let them roll the grass, pick up leaves, stroke the bark of the tree, watch the ants walking around, gaze at the clouds, and more. If you’re looking for fun ideas for things to do outside (even in the rain!), check out my Carnival of Play posts on outdoor play.

Travel

A lot of people are scared to travel with toddlers. Don’t be afraid! It can be a lot of fun, as Corinne from Have Baby Will Travel will tell you. Her website is full of amazing resources for parents who want to travel with their babies and toddlers. Codename Mama also has a list of ideas to help make travel with toddlers easier. We’ve done both structured and unstructured vacations with our kids, ranging from resorts to camping and from Europe to Cuba.

The important thing is to respect your toddler’s pace and abilities and come up with a plan that is flexible and keeps their needs in mind. Every destination has tons of great things to do with toddlers, from more structured options (like Children’s museums) to impromptu activities (like counting the stairs on the steps of a Cathedral). Travelling with a toddler is the best way to ensure that you stop to smell the roses along the way, whether you are exploring a world far from home or just the next town over.

Cook and Bake

Do you like to cook with your toddler? Involving your toddler in the food process can be one great way to get them interested in eating. Two of my readers like to get their toddlers involved in the meal planning. Check out the great meals that Housewife’s Utopia and Life With Roozle’s toddlers came up with.

I don’t do a lot of cooking with my kids, but we love to bake together. It has become a weekend tradition and now I often have to bake with one of them on Saturday and the other one on Sunday so that they both get a turn. Whether it is granola bars, zucchini muffins, or leftover cereal cookies, they love being able to help measure and mix and of course they’re happy to taste test once things are done.

As you are cooking, think about incorporating some of Sixty Second Parent’s ideas for exploring the senses of smell and taste.

How Do You Have Fun With Your Toddler?

This is just a beginning. There are, of course, so many things that you can do with your toddler. Reading was another important fun activity with my kids. What other fun ideas do you have for hanging out with your toddler?

Toddler Carnival Sponsor

 Photo credits: Toddler with bubbles from abbybatchelder on flickr.

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What Toddlers Can Teach Us

January 15, 2012




Today I’m welcoming fellow Ottawa-blogger Rebecca from A Little Bit of Momsense for the last guest post of the Carnival of Toddlers with her thoughts about the toddler years. I think the toddler years have an unfair reputation. Everyone speaks about the ‘terrible twos’ and threes with great stress and I get it.  It’s an [...]

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Musical Beds: Helping Everyone Get a Good Night’s Rest

January 12, 2012




We have one rule when it comes to sleep in our house. Everyone needs to sleep and everyone deserves to be comfortable when they are sleeping. Where people sleep or how often that changes, isn’t really relevant as long as everyone is able to sleep comfortably. Sounds idyllic, you might say. But how do you [...]

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Ask a Simple Question, Get an Earful of Unwanted Parenting Advice

January 8, 2012




In Saturday’s Globe and Mail their interior design expert answered a reader question about style and kids’ toys. In the “Ask a Designer” column, a parent asked whether there is a good way to organize and conceal kids toys that is both stylish and child-friendly. Instead of design or organizational advice, what the reader got [...]

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3 Rs of Toddler Discipline: Repetition, Reaction, Reassurance

January 6, 2012




When people ask how to discipline their toddler, they are often looking for a silver bullet that will get their toddler to behave or at least stop doing things that are destructive or dangerous. Even I have looked for that magic solution, when all else fails. But it doesn’t exist. Discipline is a path, not [...]

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Creating a Happy, Healthy Relationship Between Your Toddler and Food

January 3, 2012




For toddlers, a lot of things are about control — they want control and they’ll do anything to get it. Food often becomes a battleground for families, with parents wanting them to eat nutritious food, to sit properly at the table, and to learn to eat what is put in front of them. High expectations [...]

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What Happened on PhD in Parenting in 2011?

January 2, 2012




Another year is over. It’s funny, it never seems like a “new” year to me in January. I’m still very stuck on the beginning of a new school year as defining a new beginning. Old habits die hard, I guess. In any case, Happy New Year! So what happened on the PhD in Parenting blog [...]

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Breastfeeding Moms “Nurse-In” at 100+ Target Stores

December 29, 2011




In November, Michelle Hickman was harassed and humiliated by Target staff for breastfeeding her baby in one of their stores in Houston, Texas. Yesterday, breastfeeding moms across the United States (and even a few in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada), headed out to Target stores for a nurse-in. In the end, there were moms at more than [...]

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Happy Holidays!

December 27, 2011




Late, but better than never. Happy Holidays to all of my blog readers! I wish you and your families all the best for whichever holidays and traditions you are celebrating this winter. Our family celebrates a secular Christmas. This year we were treated to several different Christmas concerts and were treated to songs, like the [...]

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