Wednesday
Jul232008
Why I don't use child harnesses or nursing covers
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
I have never used a nursing cover or a child harness and don't ever plan on using either one because I am philisophically opposed to the messages that they send to society.
Nursing covers = breastfeeding must be hidden
Breastfeeding is natural. It is the best way to feed a baby. Mothers should feel comfortable and welcome to nurse their baby anytime, anywhere. Unfortunately, there are still people that are ignorant of the rights of mothers and babies and that give nursing moms a hard time, ranging from a disapproving glare to asking a mom to cover up or leave the premises. Our society also sexualizes breasts and has decided that they are "private parts", so a lot of moms fear letting others have a small peak at part of their breast while nursing in public.
I think that it is important for us to normalize breastfeeding. But if people keep hiding under nursing covers, I think this sends a message that breastfeeding is something that needs to be hidden. And then mothers that choose not to use a nursing cover or that cannot use a nursing cover because their child refuses to eat with something over her head, end up getting nasty stares from people that think that they should just "cover up".
I recognize that not all moms are comfortable nursing in public. I wish that wasn't the case, but since it is the case, I would prefer to see a mother nursing in public while using a Hooter Hider or other nursing cover, rather than having her choose to formula feed or feel that she has to stay home with her baby all of the time.
That said, I am not comfortable using a nursing cover because I feel a duty to help normalize breastfeeding and I don't think that any other mother should feel pressured into using a nursing cover because of what others think.
A few other wonderful stories on nursing covers:
Child harness = children must be kept under control
There has been an increase in recent years of toddlers being led around on harnesses or leashes. Like with nursing covers, I don't like the optics of this product. I think it sends a message that we need to keep our kids under control. I think it sends the message that we need to train them like you would train a dog.
I think that our kids need to be given freedom to explore their surroundings. They need us to guide them and to help keep them safe, but I prefer a hand and words to give that guidance. They need to learn that there are some situations where it isn't appropriate to run around and jump on the furniture, but I think they need us to teach them that and to redirect them, not to restrain them.
Again, on this topic, I think "to each his own". If you want to use a child harness and feel that is the best way to keep your child safe while allowing your child to explore, then that is what you should do. If it means that your child gets some exercise instead of being pushed around in a stroller all the time, then great (note: I don't use a stroller either, but that is another post, another day...).
The world I want to live in...
The world I want to live in is one where women can breastfeed anytime, anywhere and not feel shame. The world I want to live in is one where children can run around and be kids and not be labelled "out of control" or "ADHD" or "undisciplined". Nursing and free play are two of the most natural and most important parts of childhood to me and I want to preserve them and ingrain them in society.
Nursing covers = breastfeeding must be hidden
Breastfeeding is natural. It is the best way to feed a baby. Mothers should feel comfortable and welcome to nurse their baby anytime, anywhere. Unfortunately, there are still people that are ignorant of the rights of mothers and babies and that give nursing moms a hard time, ranging from a disapproving glare to asking a mom to cover up or leave the premises. Our society also sexualizes breasts and has decided that they are "private parts", so a lot of moms fear letting others have a small peak at part of their breast while nursing in public.
I think that it is important for us to normalize breastfeeding. But if people keep hiding under nursing covers, I think this sends a message that breastfeeding is something that needs to be hidden. And then mothers that choose not to use a nursing cover or that cannot use a nursing cover because their child refuses to eat with something over her head, end up getting nasty stares from people that think that they should just "cover up".
I recognize that not all moms are comfortable nursing in public. I wish that wasn't the case, but since it is the case, I would prefer to see a mother nursing in public while using a Hooter Hider or other nursing cover, rather than having her choose to formula feed or feel that she has to stay home with her baby all of the time.
That said, I am not comfortable using a nursing cover because I feel a duty to help normalize breastfeeding and I don't think that any other mother should feel pressured into using a nursing cover because of what others think.
A few other wonderful stories on nursing covers:
- Nursing covers?On Milkface Nursingwear Inc.'s blog
- The bib, a fashion accessory I have grown out of By Zoe Taylor in the Daily Telegraph
Child harness = children must be kept under control
There has been an increase in recent years of toddlers being led around on harnesses or leashes. Like with nursing covers, I don't like the optics of this product. I think it sends a message that we need to keep our kids under control. I think it sends the message that we need to train them like you would train a dog.
I think that our kids need to be given freedom to explore their surroundings. They need us to guide them and to help keep them safe, but I prefer a hand and words to give that guidance. They need to learn that there are some situations where it isn't appropriate to run around and jump on the furniture, but I think they need us to teach them that and to redirect them, not to restrain them.
Again, on this topic, I think "to each his own". If you want to use a child harness and feel that is the best way to keep your child safe while allowing your child to explore, then that is what you should do. If it means that your child gets some exercise instead of being pushed around in a stroller all the time, then great (note: I don't use a stroller either, but that is another post, another day...).
The world I want to live in...
The world I want to live in is one where women can breastfeed anytime, anywhere and not feel shame. The world I want to live in is one where children can run around and be kids and not be labelled "out of control" or "ADHD" or "undisciplined". Nursing and free play are two of the most natural and most important parts of childhood to me and I want to preserve them and ingrain them in society.
Reader Comments (26)
[...] 31, 2008 by phdinparenting A few posts back, I mentioned in passing that I don’t really use a stroller. The truth is, we own 3 [...]
According to me child harnesses are necessary tools to use. My daughter is learning walking nowadays and she wants to touch everything she sees around. That doesn't matter unless it is harmful for her. Besides, she doesn't let us to hold her hand and wants to walk on her own. So, in order to let her be on her own and to keep her from any damage while doing this I have to use a kind of harness. The aim of harnesses is to give the child his/her freedom. I am also against the people using them to tame their child. Children are humanbeings, they are not little puppies...
[...] I can do that doesn’t contravene my own morals and beliefs (e.g. the way I feel about “covering up“). Unfortunately, those flight attendants wield a lot of power in the moment. Even though [...]
As a first time, I was nervous at first to nurse in public, and oddly enough I was more nervous about nursing in front of friends and family than the general public. I went out and bought a Hooter Hider, in the most beautiful fabric, however when it came to using it I felt even more strange. I felt that wearing the cover made it more obvious that I was nursing. It drew more attention to me.
Shortly after I had my baby, a close friend of mine had her second child. She was such a good nursing role model for me. Baby hungry= baby feeds. It was so simple. No hoopla or drama, she just latches baby and feeds her.
So much of the time people didn't know I was feeding my baby. Now he is 10 months old, and still nurses like a champ.
As for baby harness... it never occurred to me to us one. I guess I have no opinion either way because I've put no thought into it.
[...] They are told to go and breastfeed in a bathroom instead, to pump and bottle feed, to cover up, or to just stay [...]
[...] not a fan of nursing covers to begin with, as I explained in my post on why I don’t using nursing covers or child harnesses, but this has got to be the most over the top nursing cover I have ever seen. This one covers so [...]
I'm here on the cover-ups. But toddler harnesses are a safety device. At least in NYC! We only use it to increase my son's freedoms, and never to decrease them. Crowds? we hold his hand. It's just for use near streets. :)
I disagree about the harness. I actually said I would NEVER use one, but I bought one and LOVE it. My child is able to explore more because she can walk around. Normally I would put her in the shopping cart. I am too nervous to have my two year old wandering in a store with strangers all around. I do hold her hand and tell her to stay by my side, but she's TWO. She is a child, and she's very curious. If I look down for one second she could be gone. I prefer to let her safely explore while I shop! Everyone is happy!
(I only use the harness when it's just me and her alone. We don't use the harness in places where I have my eyes on her at all times like the park, husband stores like Home Depot or Lowe's, or walks with the family).
I'm a grandma now, with 5 kids (just a teen at home), and 3 grandbabies. I refused to nurse anywhere except where I was. I wore a combo of nursing wear and just convenient clothes. I had our pastor come up to me once and apologize profusely about having folks do the stand-and-greet routine in our little church as he hadn't realized I was nursing. I had our baby at concerts and other events and had people nearby exclaim after wards "Oh, I didn't know there was a BABY here!" because I cuddled and nursed a drowsy baby all along. Nursing babies are so portable if you know how to do it and make a practice of it from the beginning.
We have also homeschooled for over 25 years. Our kids go everywhere with us and have learned to behave appropriately with us wherever we are. It is a natural part of family life. Our kids have always been complimented about how well they behave and how they interact with adults. Life is a natural learning environment, parents and children are meant to be together. We call it Life:101.
[...] Why I don’t use child harnesses or nursing covers: Find out why I prefer to nurse in public without a cover. [...]
Voice of another generation here, my "babies" are in their twenties now. I nursed in many public places with nary a problem. I generally didn't use a particular cover up, between the tail of my shirt and the babe him/herself, I was sufficiently covered.
Harnesses though, I loved. They were great for circumstances where my child wanted to run around and explore, but safety said they couldn't go too far. They much preferred a harness to having their hand held constantly. My kids even have some memory of using harnesses and have nothing but positive things to say about them. Worked for us!
I take great pride in breastfeeding and could never imagine covering up. I live on a small Caribbean island and no-one bats an eyelid to see a breast come out and feed a child...it's natural. Before having a child I dressed quite modestly and would not expose cleavage or draw attention to my breasts but now my breast has a purpose I could care less who sees it! Although I am getting stranger looks now that I am breastfeeding whilst pregnant with my second baby...and the remarks will soon start when I am tandem feeding both and likely to be extended breastfeeding but hey my babies come first and I use the opportunity as educational practice to hopefully liberate some other mothers after me!
I do cover up with a nursing cover most of the time as I'm shy, but sometimes I don't have one (yes, they get forgotten), and sometimes my normally tolerant son is not in the mood for one.
I, and the folks around me, just get to cope then. A hungry baby needs to be fed. (I must say, a lack of a cover? So much more discreet than the one time he kicked and grabbed and tugged the cover into the center, cramming it down my cleavage. Because THAT doesn't draw the eye at all.... If he normally objected to it that much I would never bother!)
I've never used a nursing cover, just pull my shirt up. I doubt anybody sees anything anyway.
About the harnesses - My daughter's just started walking, so we're not at that stage yet, but I've used them with my niece and nephew. I've taken them to amusement parks both with and without them, and with was much more pleasant for all of us.
I probably won't use one in, say, the grocery store, where she can walk along near me, but in a crowded place, like an amusement park, festival, etc, where being momentarily separated can get you pretty lost, I would definitely use it.
My niece, now 22, remembers wearing the harness as a kid and says that she much preferred it, because she had more freedom and it was much more comfortable than holding hands.
I dislike nursing covers as well, thanks for articulating my thoughts on them.
I've never used a harness, I don't really want to, but I know some children whose mothers were at their wits ends. We're talking children who would BOLT from inside a store out into the middle of a four lane high way and sit in the median laughing at their mom. I'm all for exploring, and hand holding, and the vast majority of the time appropriate adult supervision is all that's required.
For my friends who had kids who bolted onto highways, who would run away as fast as possible, going for blocks across major thoroughfares, or try to get down to a high-speed rail line? Harnesses seemed like the only way.
I was never very comfortable nursing in public but if I did I almost never used the cover we bought. It was ugly, awkward, and a pain to get in position. Since both my girls were highly distractable nursing usually occured in our own home and I didn't have to worry about prying stranger eyes :)
I used to think I'd never be someone who used a harness. But then I had kids :) Mine are excitable, active, curious kids and when they refuse to ride happily in the stroller or stay by me holding my hand, I use the harness. I bought one that looks like a little backpack instead of the ugly "child-restraining-device-looks-like-a-dog-harness" ones. My girls both loved wearing it (I bought a unicorn one) and everyone I have ever encountered loves it and thinks my girls look so cute.
Although I was never much inclined to wear a nursing cover in the first place, the first time my mother tried to get me to put a light blanket over my nursing son, he promptly kicked it right back off, and refused to feed unless it *stayed* off. Thus, no nursing covers. It probably helps that I am a warm-weather nudist and have no qualms about displaying my body to the general public when I'm in a safe space - having a boob out wasn't going to be a particular issue there for me.
The harness ... I'm more divided about. I dislike the aesthetic for reasons similar to the ones you've named, but can see their usefulness in particularly crowded situations where you may not always have a youngling willing to hold your hand whilst they explore. I am probably going to purchase one for our trip through both San Diego and Fort Worth airports simply because I know he will not put up with being held the entire time and he doesn't really do hand-holding - and I am just not willing to trust that things will just be all right in two of the nation's busiest airports at Christmastime.
If you have a child who RUNS away from you in stores and HIDES, you start to think a harness might be a good idea. I was against harnesses too until there was no reasoning with my son. He would not stay with me and wasn't just exploring, but HIDING from me. All of my other children didn't do this, just some kids do. Harnesses help some moms. It's not about keeping a kid under control. It's about keeping the kid. Period.
But I'm also very anti nursing cover. No need to cover up, you can't see anything anyway!
Thank you. I am not yet a parent but I am a woman who intends to breastfeed a large brood and it makes me angry that our society has lost sight of why we have breasts. My younger brother's friend recently had a baby, and when someone asked her if she was breastfeeding, she responded with "These boobs are mine!" I didn't say anything only because I didn't want to start an argument with my own mother, who was also present, and who only nursed us for six weeks (better than nothing, I guess). But I wanted to say, no, they are there for your baby! They exist so that your baby can be fed! You may be young and immature but you have a responsibility to that little person in your arms. In contrast, the stories here help me know that when I do breastfeed in public, I will have the support of a lot of other mothers behind me. Your last paragraph made me cry.
No to nursing covers here too, but 'yes' for a harness for me when I had my first child, and like many PP, prior to having children, I never would have thought I'd be *that* parent. We didn't use it often, only in situations where we were worried about her safety (like at the Toronto zoo where she wanted to walk herself, and there were large crowds of ppl). She was a very independent child, but at two years old, you can only teach them so much about street safety, or traffic, etc. I also used a hand leash with my son who went through a weird daring away phase... I didnt' want him to get run over in the parking lot at the grocery store, lol. The kid was like a runaway dog for about a year, he'd take off like a shot at any opportunity...
susie ;)
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My mother had 6 kids and never used a harness. If you discipline your kids properly, you won't have to wear one.
As for not covering up when nursing in public, cover up. No one wants to see that. I have a very hungry 3 week old who nurses and I always carry around a blanket. Its just respectful.
[...] of the ASDA article is not original... I've cut and pasted it for you - but it comes from here: Why I don't use child harnesses or nursing covers | PhD in Parenting I have never used a nursing cover or a child harness and don't ever plan on using either one [...]
The more moms nurse in public, the more nursing will be seen as a natural event. Like you, I nursed my two babies everywhere I went without benefit of a nursing cover, but I am all for the cover if it means a mom feels more comfortable nursing in public and can take her baby anywhere without dragging along bottles filled with formula.
I agree with you completely that we would all be better off if nursing and breasts were universally accepted as the natural events/body parts they are. I expect that day will come, thanks in part to moms like you and me and so many others who choose to nurse in public, covered and uncovered.
As for putting children on a leash, I've read some of the comments here and respect the feelings of the parents and grandparents who are more comfortable using the harness. Because I do not want to appear disrespectful of those feelings, I had to stop and decide whether to share my own, but it is important that all views are heard, so here is mine.
Personally, I cringe every time I see a child in a harness on a leash. I cannot imagine doing that to a human being. Teaching small children how to maneuver safely in the world takes time, on repeated outings, so perhaps that is the reason leashes are popular today. Everyone is rushing to beat the clock. Frankly, I'd rather see us all slow down and take the time.
I do agree that breastfeeding is a wonderful life moment however there are some women out there who themselves do not feel comfortable and would rather cover up when out in public. So to say it make breasfeeding look shameful you have to see it from all points of view. I however think you should be able to do what ever you please with your child in public without judgement.
Very interesting point of view you have thank you for sharing.