If I could sum up in 140 characters or less the root of the controversy at BlogHer this weekend and perhaps the root of controversy in life in general, it would be this:
At BlogHer there were the crazed consumers and the environmentalists. There were the moms wearing babies and the women hating babies. There were the people loving Pepsi and the people hating Pepsi. There were the hard core feminists and the princesses. There were women and yes, there were men. There was every type of person imaginable.
I love diversity. I value respectful disagreement. I hate downright nastiness.
I feel the pain and the dilemma that Elisa described in her tweet above. It is a line that everyone walks in life every day. Some manage to stay on that tightrope and some fall off, over and over again. It is the line that I walk on this blog when writing about parenting and trying to inspire change. Sometimes I maintain my balance and sometimes I stumble.
But I will keep trying even if I don’t get it right every time. Why? Because cultures can change. Cultures do change. We, as a people, have a lot of room for improvement. We have improved a lot already. For example, blatant racism, sexism, and discrimination are no longer acceptable. We can call people out when they discriminate. It doesn’t mean that discrimination is a thing of the past. Far from it. But we have made a huge leap forward by starting to say that it is not okay and we need to keep repeating that message. We, as parents, also have a lot of room for improvement. It is no longer acceptable to beat your children. Some people still do and that is why we have a system to protect them. But it isn’t perfect and a lot of them slip through the cracks.
We cannot and should not be expected to be perfect all of the time in life or in parenting. But we should remain open to becoming better people, better parents. On this blog, I will talk about things that I think are right and things that I think are wrong. And I will talk about things that are just not my cuppa tea. I don’t promise I will always be able to distinguish between the two. Because, as Elisa says, it is hard. But also, because culture evolves and perhaps through my advocacy I can help make something that is my cuppa tea into the societal norm. Perhaps I can make people question why they do something and whether it really is as right as they think.
Experts say that cultural change doesn’t happen through grass roots activism, but it has to start somewhere. I need a breeding ground for my ideas. If you’re willing to put up with me, I’d love to use this space to bounce some ideas off of you. Even if it isn’t your cuppa tea.
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Wow, lovely post, and I’m so honored that it stemmed from my tweet
What!!!!!!!! Who hates babies!!!!!
Brilliant!
I think we could all use just a little more tolerance, and spend a little more time listening, instead of talking all the time.
Well said and inspiring. You once again illustrate why I love reading your blog.
Bounce away!
And I agree – very well-put, Elisa.
great post. I’ve only skimmed the surface of the discussion, having had a very anti networking week. Cultural change does happen, but it’s slow and needs a lot of effort. I don’t believe it won’t happen at the grassroots level, there are lots of examples where cultural change was inititated at grass roots level, maybe with a subsequent uptake by leaders who took it further.
Great post…as a first time attendee my eyes were opened to many things. That being said I still had a really good time. Elisa summed it up well!
I didn’t catch her tweet and I’m glad you pointed it out. I just have to sigh and really hope people can learn from their mistakes and experiences and stop blaming others for it. I don’t want my last post to be viewed as negative about BlogHer at all, but as I write about my feelings and life I wanted to be honest and share how I felt about those four days. It is so hard to get it right.
Steph
great post. as a spectator from afar i have been trying to stay “up” on what the goings on around blogher are and not get sucked into all the negativity (i wrote yesterday about wishing for a more balanced way to disagree without name calling). i think you wrote very well about it here. rock on mama.
This is a very thoughtful, balanced post. I love the way you write and think.
It sounds like BlogHer was a microcosm of the “real world” except in this case, all the attendees are the outspoken advocates of their policy/philosophy… and all the middle-of-the-road people you find in real life were absent! I was not an attendee but it is interesting to read all the various blog posts from the attendees. Some people loved it and some people really hated it — you don’t seem to read much “in between”.
By the way on the topic of culture change, or change in general, have you read THE TIPPING POINT?
@Alina: I haven’t read The Tipping Point, but I’ve heard many good things about Malcolm Gladwell. I may have to pick up a copy once I’m done reading my current stack of books.
Loved this post!
I have been following this a bit, I live in Chicago and was tempted to go to BlogHer but didn’t because it was my daughter’s birthday weekend. The thing that’s making me nuts is all the people who are HORRIFIED that someone would bring a baby to a cocktail party. Speaking as a homebrewer immersed in beer culture, I have never run into the slightest problem having a baby strapped to me. And suddenly I feel like people are secretly judging. Ah well. It’s not something I should get my knickers in a twist about, I am just sleep deprived and babbling. Thanks for letting me babble on your blog.
Annie, terrific to meet you in person at BlogHer ’09. I agree with Bonnie Annis.
Well said, well said. Last week I stumbled across the Babywise book and nearly lost it during my blog post–which I later pondered taking down and didn’t exactly because of the aboe stated reasons.
Change must start somewhere –why can’t it start one blogger mommy at a time?
@m a m a :: m i l i e u: I just read your post and thought it was great! I can’t believe you pondered taking it down.
Leah: I’d like to think the people that are horrified are in the minority and that the majority understand that these moms were doing what is best for their babies.
@Lisa: Thanks for stopping by. It was great to meet you too.
Hey there!
Sorry I’m a bit new to your blog but found it quite interesting and articulate! I wonder if I might shoot you a rather off-subject question that I would really love to hear your opinion about?
I am working in a research facility where one of the main focuses is research into childhood mental illnesses and mental health recovery. You mentioned cultural changes and expectations, and the longer I’ve worked in the field the more I realize what culture has done to stigmitize mental illnesses.
For example, if there is a problem with someone’s heart, they would have no trouble seeking medical help for it! But when someone tries to do so to protect their most valued possession, their mind, it becomes something shameful. Why is that?
I wonder if you might address, if your schedule allows, parenting in regards to behavioral disorders and children with mental illnesses? I think this is increadibly important, because childhood resiliency is so powerful, and if treatment is saught when a child is still young, they can have such better chances at no long-term effects! But because of parenting pride (or perhaps shame?) so many children with genuine mental illnesses go untreated until it causes a life-changing breakdown later on in their adult life.
I would especially love to hear your take on recovery-based approaches to childhood mental illnesses vs. traditional approaches. For readers who are not overly aware of the recovery movement, there are some links to some interesting articles here:
Article with links to very important articles (http://mental-health-recovery.blogspot.com/2009/07/more-great-mental-health-recovery.html)
and here.
If you do have a response, I would very much like to quote you on my own blog, the Mental Health Recovery Blog, at:
http://mental-health-recovery.blogspot.com/
I would of course link back to you and give you full credit for your comments! But if you’d prefer I not quote you I’d love to hear your discussions here on the matter anyways!
Thanks so much and I look forward to talking with you more in the future!!!
All the best,
Lex
How did you do that screen cap? I just quoted Elisa (this same quote) and didn’t know how to do the cap! Great post.
@Laurie: I use SnagIt, which has a free trial that you can download (I purchased it after the trial because I use it extensively for business).