I am Canadian.
I am Canadian and I don’t want to be a hockey mom.
It isn’t the early Saturday morning practices in a damp cold arena clutching my coffee mug that are deterring me. Not that I would particularly look forward to that, but if that was the worst of an otherwise rewarding and life changing experience for my child, I would suck it up. But what it comes down to is this: I don’t think that being involved in hockey would be a life enriching experience for my children. If anything, I think it would have the opposite effect.
I am Canadian and I have committed blasphemy.
According to a National Post article by Wayne Scanlan (bold mine):
“We can no longer take it for granted that growing up in Canada means you’re going to be in love with hockey, or with the NHL specifically,” Bibby told Canwest News Service.
Until now, it has only been accepted that hockey has struggled to gain a foothold in Southern U.S. markets. Logically, hockey viewership is bound to take a hit from splintered audiences, even in Canada.
But for mothers and fathers not to sign their children up for initiation hockey programs? Now that is sacrilege.
Hockey registrations in Canada bear this out. Though an increase in female registrations (up nearly 40 per cent over the past five years) helps to soften the blow, boys hockey registrations are more or less treading water and are projected to trend downward, according to Hockey Canada models.
In a nutshell, there will be a smaller pool from which to draw players in the next five to seven years, and many of the eligible youth players have grown up with a soccer ball on their feet instead of a hockey stick in their hands.
I’m sorry, but I don’t see it as my personal responsibility to feed the NHL, the NWHL, or even Team Canada their future star players.
When this was being discussed on the CBC this morning, they were saying that surveys in certain areas of Toronto that are heavily populated by immigrants found that only half as many children want to be NHL players as was the case previously (I don’t recall what year they were comparing the current figures to and can’t find it online). They found this troubling. Personally, unless the kids that no longer want to be professional hockey players have decided that they want to be drug dealers, pimps or white collar swindlers instead, then I don’t see this as a problem. If those children want to be doctors, teachers, writers, scientists, politicians, aid workers, nurses, photographers, musicians, professors, or mechanics instead of professional hockey players, I see that as encouraging not discouraging.
Why?
- The NHL and other professional hockey leagues glorify violence and glorify excess. It is a bunch of primarily white men being paid exorbitant amounts of money to pound the shit out of each other while perhaps also trying to get that little puck in the net.
- Hockey requires a significant time commitment. One that would take away from family time, from free play time, and from studying. I think casual team sports can be rewarding, but am not impressed with the idea of our entire lives revolving around practice and tournament schedules.
- It is pretty damn expensive. Especially at the rate that kids grow, to be buying a full set of equipment each year (even if bought second hand) and paying for travel to tournaments, ice time, league fees, and so takes much needed funds away from other things our family would like to invest in.
- Jocks are often pompous jerks. A generalization perhaps, but there you have it.
I want my kids to be active, but I don’t think that violent expensive team sports are necessarily the way to go. I’d rather focus on free play and developing creativity. If they want to shoot a puck around on the frozen lake or the community ice rink in the winter, then great. But if they do go into organized team sports, I would rather it be in non violent sports and ones that allow balance between the team and other aspects of their lives.
So to those from OneGoal that have their sights focused on recruiting kids in the four to eight year old range, please keep your hands off my kids. This mom doesn’t want to be a hockey mom.
Related post: Harper’s Backward Proposal: Critique of the Children’s Art Tax Credit
Image credit: Paul Nicholson on flickr
{ 88 comments… read them below or add one }
Since having a baby boy six months ago, I am shocked by the emphasis on team sports. People give him stuff relating to football, basketball, soccer, hockey, etc. Too bad they don’t have more chess-related toys and clothing for boys, lol.
Interesting.
I guess I’m a hockey Mom because my son plays hockey and LOVES the Toronto Maple Leafs. He plays house league hockey which means 1 practice and 1 game a week – it’s not a big time eater. There is no phyiscal contact in his house league and the parents and kids are all very supportive and after four years there we’ve never had any problems. I think, like all sports, the more competitive you get the more problems you have, just join and stay with the general level stuff and you know what? It’s fun.
Also, if your kid is going to school with typical Canadian kids? At some point he’s probably going to want to try the sport. That’s what happened to us, we moved back to Canada when my guy was nine and he played soccer for a year and then it was hockey, hockey, hockey.
Oh, and buy used equipment, it really doesn’t cost that much.
Enjoy whatever you decide to do!
@Leanne: I expect that if either of my kids really want to try hockey at some point, then I will let them. But I’ll monitor it and place limits on it, like we do with any potentially detrimental influence.
hockey…who cares…and yes I am a full blooded very proud Canadian (I even have a Canada Day party).
You are right on the money – VIOLENT – offensively VIOLENT and I would never encourage my children to watch it or want to play it.
Of course I know that at lower levels there is not the same intensity of violence but we can all see what the goal is every “Hockey Night in Canada” which is not about goals at all.
Bah.
You’re insane. You’re insane and off your meds. You’re insane, off your meds, and probably a communist.
How dare you compare hockey, a sport of champions, highly skilled champions, with drug dealing? Who ever heard of a hockey player stringing out ho’s and suburban high school kids? It’s completely offensive. Hockey is played by nice kids who like to skate and who idolize Wayne Gretzky.
If you can’t afford the equipment required to fulfill your duty as a Canadian mom, then maybe you should get a job. You’ll have plenty of time to work when your kids are at practice, doing their sacred duty, and your kids won’t need you to raise them: they’ll have a coach.
The Tree of the Wrist Shot must be renewed from time to time with the blood of teenagers and tyrants. And if you don’t raise your kids as hockey players you might as well just give Alberta to the Russians, because they’re going to finish taking over when the good Canadian boys are no longer knocking them on their asses on the ice. Do you want the Russians to win? You do. I see you do.
Commie.
wow. looks like you’re exactly the type of man she was talking about. also, try and read the article thoroughly before you start quoting her incorrectly. she never compared hockey players to pimps, you read the sentence incorrectly. oh, and you could start by being polite when you want to engage someone in dialogue and make a point. you discredit yourself right out of the gate.
commie?
really?
Ummm, I think backpacking dad was being satirical…
If you aren’t already familiar with backpacking dad, it’s difficult to pick up on the silly tone and his comment can easily be read as serious, as is was read by dustyz.
That’s awesome. Now I can’t figure out if I should have more or less hyperbolic. What I should have done was figure out a way to compare Annie to Hitler, because that would have been hilarious.
You’re a credit to Annie’s readership; when in doubt, smack the troll down. Good on yer.
Been. Should have “been” more or less hyperbolic. Dammit. Where’s the been when you need a been?
I have a job. I just prefer to spend my money on beer and popcorn.
i’ll give BD the benefit of the doubt. not familiar with him or his tone.
if that was satire. nice one.
if not, my thoughts stand.
Don’t worry…it was all in good fun. He’s a good guy.
i’m happy to concede on the side of fun. no offense taken. i’m impressed with BD’s skills. he got me, plain and simple.
For once its nice to read funny comments left on a blog post rather than malicious ones! Thanks.
And thanks PHD for being brave enough to post this. We live in Aus and I have stated: NO RUGBY! My husband is Canadian, so I said he can play ice hockey (Knowing full well that its not popular here 
)
this made me laugh. gotta love capricious use of “commie” rotfl.
I think you’d have been sufficiently lyrical had you said I am Canadian and I have blasphemed. But that’s cool, it’s your call.
I never had the urge to play hockey while growing up in Canada. But both my parents are American. My little sister still plays on a Canadian Forces women’s team. But her dad’s Canadian so maybe that’s it. Or she’s a jock.
I tend to agree that if my daughter wants to play sports, I’ll support it until it becomes a life eating obsession… and I’m glad for Backpacking Dad’s comic relief!
I am proudly Canadian and have tried not so successfully to hide my lack of hockey lovin. I don’t really care for most team sports in general and I too believe that they are overpaid – I hate that they are not forced to give a major percentage of their sales and income to some charities.
So I too am proud that my kids enjoy the more individual sports or other ways to get fit and have fun.
oh no! my youngest just said she’d liek to try figure skating! Argh! Help!
I’m a hockey mom in waiting. Reid asked to sign up and I did it. Sometime in September, we’ll start spending an hour or so, once a week at the arena. I’m pretty sure that her interest in hockey can be traced to the games we’ve watched her older cousin play. At 15, he is a rock star in her eyes. He skateboards, she has him push her around on his skateboard. He plays hockey, she wants to do so as well.
I’d like for Reid to enjoy hockey because it is a sport that you can play without regard to skill – from beginning house league to old timers, there are teams for everyone. If she hates it after a single season, we’ll move on. My biggest fear is that she’ll want to play on travel teams and, at that point, we’d have to discuss priorities and time commitments but for now, she can pursue this dream 1 hour a week.
Of course, I’ve consciously tried to keep her from being exposed to figure skating and dance … We all have our opinions, eh?
Hear Hear!
We our expecting our first baby (a boy) in less than a week… and we are hoping desperately that he will not become a hockey-obsessed little boy. Neither my husband nor I even really know how to skate, and we don’t watch TV, so it will obviously be up to our son to discover hockey on his own if he’s really interested in it. I do not think it is my responsibility as a Canadian to enroll him in hockey at the age of four (seriously? FOUR????) to essentially force him to develop a love of the sport. I hope that when our son is four he will be interested in books, and playing in the backyard, not trekking to an arena twice a week to be told what to dream and aspire to.
I think the thing that disturbs me the most is the number of parents who enroll their children in hockey at an age so young that the decision can’t possibly have been independent, and then spend the next 10 years hoping their children live out their own dreams of going pro. If my son decides on his own that he really wants to play hockey, I would be more than happy to buy the equipment, and go to the practices and games. But for anybody to suggest that it’s my civic duty to bring him up to want to be an NHL star clearly has no real sense of priorities.
That’s it.
I’m calling citizenship & immigration.
Seriously though, you make a good point. Hockey isn’t the only (or best) way for kids to learn camaraderie and be active. I also think sometimes the coaches and other parents put far too much pressure on the children involved, exacerbating what is already a somewhat rough, at times violent, sport.
I also don’t give a crap if the children of immigrants are not so interested in hockey — there are many other rewarding things kids could be involved in. And national culture changes over time. That’s the reality of living in a truly diverse country, where immigration is vital to our population maintenance and growth.
It’s also vital to our society, in that groups of more diverse backgrounds and political leanings tend to make much sounder decisions in the long term. It’s one of our strengths as a nation that we have so many people from so many different backgrounds under one roof, so to speak. If children’s interest in hockey is one casualty of that, I ain’t going to cry over it — we’ve got better things to do as a nation than try to live up to a two-dimensional stereotype that seems to primarily exist for other countries’ amusement.
(Of course, I am somewhat biased, being an immigrant myself.)
Also, Backpacking Dad: I lol’d.
In my mind, I feel similarly about football — it’s very hard on a child’s body and it is aggressive. I did see in a comment that you would let your kids play if they wanted to but you would limiti it “like any potentially detrimental influence”.
What aan interesting question! I think this is why many parents end up homeschooling, to keep their kids away from “what the other kids are doing” because if my son is in junior high and all of his buddies are excited and trying out for football there is no way I will stop him. Instead, I guess I will plan aheadd…. when he is 4 or 5 I will enroll him in soccer and try to get him to fall in love with a different sport. A little more subtle!! But if football is his heart’s desire, I will not stand in his way!
I guess parents do the same thing when it comes to gangs or drugs, they try to influence their kids at such an early age and provide good boundaries so that when the temptation of drugs and gangs is there during junior high (or whenever), the child makes their own positive choice to avoid those things.
It is true that parents decide if something is detrimental but if a child really wants to do something, has their heart set on it or loves it then what can we really do as parents??? If it’s illegal, then of course, we have to stand firm. But if it’s more of a preference or a lifestyle choice, then does our opinion turn into policy?
I’m not Canadian, but I feel the same about sports in general. Casual playing is great, but revolving your family’s life around kids’ sports is too much. I played sports and as much fun as it was, it also brought me a lot of misery. Things like not getting enough playing time, getting chewed out by coaches when we lost and typical teenage girl nastiness sent me home in tears many, many times.
If my kids want to play I will support them, but I hope to teach them that it’s not the most important thing in the world.
Pfft. It’s a sport. That’s all. Just a sport. I don’t find it in the least bit troubling that some kids don’t want to play. If Canada is so wrapped up in hockey as a national identity, perhaps it’s time for Canada to broaden her horizons.
If my daughter wants to try it, I’ll sign her up. Same as soccer, t-ball, dancing, swimming, music lessons, horse-back riding lessons… If she doesn’t, I won’t. I try to expose her to variety as much as I can, and it’s up to her to decide what activities she wants to try. I insist only that she moves her body on a regular basis.
I’m not Canadian, but my son has already shown some interest in hockey because his preschool ice skates once a week before class. If he wants to do it, I’m inclined to let him, even though I’m not a big hockey fan myself. At least it means they are being physically active instead of sitting at home in front of the TV. I played sports in high school and between basketball, band and homework, I never had any time to get into trouble with the bad kids.
Hockey is a constant mental struggle in my mind. My husband grew up in a hockey family and has played his whole life. His parents entire social circle revolved around hockey for their four sons. My husband would certainly like his two son’s to play…but neither is particlarly in love it or particularly talented. He works with them, but he’s never obsessive. Now, they are only 8 and 6 but in the competitive hockey world apparently this is the age to start producing our future stars!
I often feel “out of the loop” in the school yard as other Mommies gather to talk about hockey tournaments and related hockey gossip!!! Then again I feel the same when soccer season rolls around. My boys both play house league soccer and hockey and mostly do so for fun, friendship and exercise. I think team sports are great…it’s nice to win or loose with other kids!
Hockey is also part of the Canadian culture. I hope when my sons are teens they can head out to the local rink and play a game of shinny (pick-up) with their buddies. Hopefully it keeps them away from trouble and video games all day!
As with everything else in parenting playing hockey or any competitive sports is a choice…we all make the choice that we hope is right for our children and our families!
You had me, a hockey playing woman married to a hockey playing husband with a son who is not yet old enough but will probably want to play hockey because we are a sporty family, nodding slightly in agreement, thinking…hmmm…she has some interesting points…until you threw in the “Jocks are often pompous jerks. A generalization perhaps, but there you have it.”. Jerks are pompous jerks. I’ve met many, not all are athletes. I was a “jock” in high school, still am. I’m far from pompous as were/are all my athletic friends, nor did any of us get violent on or off the court/field/track/etc.
While I hope my kids are into organized sports because of what they get out of it (team work, dedication, exercise, etc.) I’m fine if they aren’t as well. There are MANY levels for kids to play at from rec to competitive, and you can get cheap equipment (used/Freecycle/hand me downs) so that’s not a reason to avoid it.
@Shannon: That comment was partly tongue in cheek and partly based on my experience in school. These days I would be considered a jock by some people’s standards. I play women’s basketball and co-ed ultimate frisbee. But I really don’t like the way that the fighting in hockey is glorified in the NHL.
I couldn’t disagree more. Here’s why:
1. We started taking the kids to our local outdoor rink wearing cheese cutters strapped to their boots at a young age (4 or 5?). We also brought hockey sticks and pucks. Sometimes the kids spent more time in the snowbanks than on the ice and sometimes the sticks and pucks were completely ignored but inevitably, we all came home having had a wonderful time and with the rosy cheeks to prove it.
2. I signed up my oldest for house league at the age of 9 (hadn’t shown interest before) and it was an instant love affair. My second child soon followed. I was also fearful of all the hockey insanity we hear about and got involved in the team only to discover that house league was FUN. That’s all, FUN.
3. In house-league, you’re looking at 1 practice, 1 game per week. Team parents inevitably decide how much or how little they want the team to play and individual families do miss the occasional team event due to other commitments. This isn’t a life sentence…
4. Cost of equipment? I don’t know anyone who buys entirely new equipment every season! You shouldn’t buy skates and sticks that kids will “grow into” but otherwise, most kids wear the rest of their equipment 2 and sometimes 3 seasons. And yes, go with used equipment-much cheaper. There’s even equipment exchanges and the lovely concept of hand-me-downs…
5. Violence? I don’t think so. Incidental contact happens, these are inexperienced players sometimes skating faster than their little legs can carry them. Watch any Timbits game and you’ll see kids falling on their well-padded butts right, left and centre, along with the chain reaction as all the kids trip over each other and themselves… Then watch as they all pick themselves up, grinning from ear to ear, and get going again. You don’t HAVE to sign-up your children for contact (as of bantam age for HL: 13 and up) any more than you HAVE to sign-up your children for a competitive team. Families are free to make decisions to suit their level of interest…
6. Are there idiots and fools and competitive parents at the rink? I would be lying to you if I said there weren’t. After my experience on the bench as as assistant coach in two of Ottawa’s biggest leagues however (3 years with boys, 3 years with girls), I can say without reservation that every team staff I’ve ever had the pleasure of dealing with has shown the utmost professionalism and kindness to the kids. Have doubts? Volunteer on your child’s team to keep your eye on things as I did. I think you’ll be impressed.
7. Have there been regrettable incidents in the years I’ve bee involved in hockey? Yes, frankly, a few. I’ve noticed that as the kids get older (as they hit their teens), some parents seem to be taking things too seriously. For every negative incident however (which was inevitably parent-driven and thankfully, took place well-away from the players and was handled properly by other parents, on-ice or team officials), I can tell you of several moments of achievement, pride, teamwork, fair play and personal development.
8. Why am I passionate about this subject? Because I started playing hockey at the ripe old age of 33. I was the first in my family to do so having never worn hockey equipment before. I didn’t even know how to stop! I can’t even being to tell you the life lessons I’ve benefited from by taking part in team sports for the first time in my life. And by the way, I’d rather see my kids going out to play pick-up with a bunch of friends than hanging out at the mall or in bars (but bars are WAY off in the future-gulp!)…
9. In the end, it’s about YOUR attitude. If you remain positive, cheer on your team through good and bad, applaud the opposing team when they score and delight in every achievement, you will give your child, his/her teammates and other parents a great example of what it is to be a true hockey parent.
10. What’s hockey given my family? Moments of happiness, friendship and pride on the ice for my oldest when dealing with bullying peers at school was a daily fact of life. Lessons on teamwork and good sportsmanship (even being happy to have lost to a particular team because they had had a bad year so far). Learning to love being active, learning to love a sport they’ll be able to take part in forever. FUN.
All I can say is that I wouldn’t trade those happy times on the ice, those many moments of pure Canadiana, the confidence I see in my kids’ eyes when tackling any new physical activity and their healthy bodies, body images and minds for all the chess pieces and tennis balls in China. Just sayin’.
Why does having your kid play hockey have to mean that you are feeding the NHL, the NWHL, or even Team Canada their future star players? It’s also about playing a sport for the love of the sport and keeping our kids active because we all know what the obesity rates are. I plan to enroll my son in hockey, not because I hope he will eventually get scouted for the NHL, but because it’s fun and exercise is good for him.
@Skwm: I was prompted to write this based on a discussion I heard on CBC, where they were talking about how declining interest in and participation in hockey in Canada was detrimental for the country, partly because we wouldn’t be turning out as many star players. This was raised in the article I quoted:
I’ll encourage my kids to participate in things that they enjoy, in things that will not completely take over our family’s lives, and ideally in things that are not violent.
Asa fellow Canadian with 3 boys, I couldn’t agree more. We never watch hockey & (luckily) my kids have no interest in it. Even if they were interested, they wouldn’t be playing since we have no car to drive them around to games and no interest/ability to spend all our extra money on equipment & fees.
I hear you Annie. My husband jokes that he wants his girls to be the next Hayley Wickenheiser (probably spelled wrong – sorry!) but when it comes down to it, a) we can’t afford it and b) there’s no bloody way I’m waking up that early every day to take them to practice. Yuck! Let the wealthy jock-type parents who live for that sort of thing enroll their kids. It’s not for me either.
I never played hockey, neither did my sisters, nor my husband (although he follows it religiously on TV). And we don’t plan on signing up our kids either, unless they specifically ask for it. Agreed with your why’s – I also think there’s a lot of excess, exorbitant amounts, and I always feel a pang when I hear of how exchanges are conducted, and think about those kids that get moved around left and right, and barely see Daddy.
Guess you’re not alone!
I am a proud hockey mom. My son plays hockey, has since he was 6 (which is the entry age in our community hockey league). He asked to play and we agreed. It is true it is an expensive sport that I can’t deny. But my son loves it and I will support him as long as he loves it. We are not typical hockey parents, we don’t watch hockey much so my sons interest in hockey comes from playing with friends, not from wanting to emulate NHL players. We don’t want our son to play for the NHL, and trust me, he won’t. But he gets lots of cardio exercise during a season when running and playing outdoors can be limited. He has made good friends and has learned about the benefits of discipline and practice. We have used these things as examples in other aspects of his life. I have always maintained that my only desire for my son when it comes to hockey is for him to have the choice (and the fitness) to play hockey when he wants to. My 30 year old brother who played house league hockey for 6 years now enjoys weekly pickup hockey games with friends. If my son did that, I would say everything we did when he was young was worth it. Even if he doesn’t, it is still worth it.
My 4 year old has no interest in hockey and I support him in his choice.
Here in Canada I think we let crazy hockey parents (and they are out there) ruin it for us. We have to separate the crazy from the fun. Don’t let rotten apples ruin the bunch. And there are rotten apples in every sport. I have seen them in Karate, in Gymnastics, in Baseball and Soccer. Let kids be kids, and enjoy the fitness they are interested in. If that happens to be hockey that’s okay!
As an aside, my neighbours, 3 young women, were all professional hockey players, all played for team Canada. Two are now coaches at Carleton and one is a high school gym teacher and she coaches a young woman’s team on the side. They are wonderful people. Kind, considerate and excellent role models for my kids. Jocks are definitely not always jerks.
I think @BackpackingDad called me crazy. So maybe I would fit in with the crazy hockey parents.
Everything is what you make of it. We are going to run into aspects of things we don’t like everywhere, no matter what sport, function and experience it is.
My son LOVES hockey. I don’t like the insane competition (and violence once they are older) inherent in the sport. So I focus on what he loves, and make it into an experience that aligns with our values. I don’t fuel the competition by pushing him, telling him to skate harder, faster… I focus on what he loves, and that is simply having fun. Do I cheer? Darn rights, I am cheering for his joy, not his ability.
I think we should be FOR whatever it is our children love and try to mold that experience to fit with family values. If we cannot find a way to make it work within our values, then we do not participate. We have found a way to make it work with hockey.
Thanks Michelle. I can appreciate your perspective and that of anyone else here that is supporting hockey. For me, it is not my cup of tea and there are aspects of it that don’t align with my values and priorities. I don’t object to other families doing what works for them. In this, as in other things, I will be supportive of my children if they go in a direction that is different from what I would have chosen, but I will communicate my concerns to them too and may impose limits if I have to. In any case, I don’t object to other people playing hockey or having their kids play hockey, but I objected to the perspective of the people from OneGoal and other areas of the hockey elite suggesting that we as a society have a responsibility to feed the ranks of professional hockey players and ensure that hockey remains a priority for Canadian children.
Paola and Michelle I totally agree with your comments. I couldn’t have said it better myself.
Backpacking Dad, you’re hilarious!
Your not the only one with these sorts of ideas! I wrote this post on organized sports in 2007. http://www.tinygrass.com/2007/07/sports-do-kids-really-need-them/
Great post Trish. I gave it a stumble.
I totally agree with you about this.
Brave post! So my take on hockey is this. If my son asks to play, we’ll let him, of course. He’s only 4, so we have not had to deal with this issue yet. The 6 a.m practice, though – and all that equipment – in the winter – makes me hope he actually never wants to play hocky. Interesting post, though. I don’t really know how I feel about it. I feel proud to be Canadian, and one thing that is truly Candian is hockey, so hmmm? I must think about this longer!
Maple syrup….more Canadian than hockey! Lots and lots of maple syrup. Yum!
Lacrosse! Canada’s official sport
Amen! Since we announced “It’s a Boy!” 8 months ago there have been plans to make a hockey player out of our son. My husband is already feeling the pressure, but he doesn’t enjoy watching team sports on television (yay!) and I don’t think he’s ever played hockey! I’m with you — if my son grows up and wants to play, of course I’ll give him every opportunity, but if he’d rather do something else, that’s just fine!
By the way, I’ve only recently found your blog and I love it!
Thanks! I always love to discover new readers.
nice work. someone who has the guts to call it like it is. if people want to play hockey, that’s awesome, get out on the ice and enjoy it but we can do without the culture that surrounds it, and goes for most of what professional sports offers society. a bunch of overpaid men with bad manners, worse values and overblown egos.
it shocks me how many human beings are so addicted to the ritual of sport that they’d rather sit on the couch in front of a television rather than spend time with their families and friends or enjoy the outdoors or other sports.
don’t get me wrong either, i’m an athletic man, fit and healthy, and it’s because i participate and enjoy sports and activities (we don’t have television in our house) without the violence and absolute competitiveness that is trumpeted in the press and pushed down kids throats in some schools and leagues.
our daughter will be athletic, active and healthy because her parents are, and that’s a lifestyle we believe in but she will never participate in a sport that dehumanizes the adversary or believes in punishing teammates because they didn’t do well enough. that behaviour is unacceptable and belongs only in the past. and it’s this type of behaviour that got this world into the mess it’s in. egos, violence and a lot of stupid men (for the most part).
and there’s nothing communist or anti-canadian about that!
My husband was a hockey player. He is just about the most mild-mannered guy you’ll ever meet, as are some of the other hockey players I’ve crossed paths with. When I asked him about it, he said that they took all their aggression out on the ice. He lived in Canada and Nebraska growing up and when he is on the ice you can still see that he was a fantastic skater.
All that said, we have not pushed our two boys into hockey. We’ve taken them to the rink several weekends in the deep winter for family skate, but that’s about it. IF they express interest in it, then we’ll talk, but we both feel that it is asking too much money and time to push elementary school-aged kids into.
Choosing which sport, if any, to put your kids in is a personal decision. Me personally? I love team sports. I don’t even play anymore and I love them. Love watching them (even, gasp, football which is rough) and love that my son is so into them too. (dd is a baby, but if she likes them, then great!) His sport of choice happens to be baseball because that’s what daddy is into, but he loves playing anything and everything.
At 2.5, he’s too little for anything organized, but at some point we will voluntarily put both of our kids in organized team sports (soccer and tee ball likely to start). When they get old enough to decide what they like best, we’ll follow their lead. Even if it is hockey.
As a kid, I have very fond memories of team sports – because of the team building nature of it. Even if I had self esteem issues about other things, I was part of something and was connected to other great people through the sport.
Honestly, I don’t think it’s the NHL only that is promoting violence in the sport. Have you been to a kid’s game with the parents (this goes for soccer games I’ve been to as well) Some of the parents encourage this violence, this winner takes all attitude. Some yell in the stands, swearing at the kids – their kids, other kids – or the refs. I can’t even take my kids to the games for fear of the words/language we may hear in the stands.
Organized sports can be great things for kids – teaching lessons about winning and losing, team work, trying hard, keeping schedules, balancing school/practice…
But, this isn’t to say that other activities, free time etc. aren’t valuable as well. A healthy balance is important.
And Annie, while it may have been tongue in cheek, I am disappointed in your comments about jocks. It’s far too big an over generalization for what is otherwise a well thought out and argued post.
@Rebecca:
I agree that parents can be nuts in any sport. I’m not all that concerned about what words my kids might hear at the games (my perspective is that words are just words and I have no problem with appropriate use of profanity). But I am concerned about the attitudes they might pick up and I would at a minimum try to teach my kids that those parents are not acting appropriately and if necessary pull my kids out of any sport where the parents on the sidelines (and likely their kids on the ice/field/court) were acting like idiots.
With regards to my comment about jocks, I said that jocks are “often” pompous jerks. Not that they always are, not even that they usually are. But I do think that being a jerk is more prevalent among jocks than it is among other segments of the population. I think even what you described in your comment, about the parents in the stands, demonstrates where the breeding ground is for that behaviour. That winner takes all attitude and the need to make fun of kids that aren’t the stars on the team or that make mistakes on the ice/field/court is something that is fostered in competitive sport. I know how influential peers can be over kids and although there is perhaps some sportsmanship and team work that is taught in competitive sports, I worry about the other attitudes that my kids will pick up there. I worry about them either becoming the bully or being the victim of the bully.
I know some very nice jocks, but I also know far too many jerks. I’m sorry if you were disappointed by my comment. I am disappointed by the way I was treated and the way I have seen others treated by “sports stars” over the years and still have the scars.
Everyone is entitled to their opinion, however to classify jocks as jerks or to even say most are jerks is rather prejudicial on your part. Your comment could be said of the wealthy, highly educated, down trodden, athlete or artist. Remember every facet of society has ‘jerks’ and we shouldn’t let them ruin the experience of others.
Our job as parents is to educate our children to what is acceptable and what is not. When they see someone in a position of power that takes advantage of their privileged status, whether that be a professional athlete, politician or actor we can use that as an opportunity to teach our children a better way.
Obviously you have had a bad experience by a person or persons involved in sports. That is unfortunate, most of us are hard working blue collar parents who see the value in having children involved in organized activities and respect every parents choice to do what’s right for their child.
@L: It was partly tongue in cheek (like Backpacking Dad calling me an insane commie) and partly based on bad experiences. Also to clarify, I didn’t say that all or even most jocks are jerks. I said that they are often jerks. Often means frequently, but doesn’t imply all or even a majority.
I held off commenting on this, because I wanted to see what the average age of kids mentioned was. And most of the people commenting, do have very young kids, so you may not witnessed the things i have.
And I absolutely agree with you that the NHL and frankly the entire organized amateur and junior hockey systems are horrendous and promote not just violence, but a complete lack of interest in education or safety of players.
To this day, hockey is the only professional sport that actively discourages players from living with their own parents, finishing high school, or going to college. The NBA, and the NFL have rules that disallow recruiting methods that encourage kids going pro to early. Same for many other sports, amateur or organized. I know children who have ended up permanently brain damaged from concussions and who now have no hope of ever attending college without extreme special ed help to cope with their vision problems and learning disabilities. And to top it off? Ontario is the only province that allows bodychecking and contact in the early teen years, against medical recommendations, all because of money made off the OHL.
I have a 13 yo, 9 yo, and 1 yo. My older boys did skating lessons from a young age and then we played non-contact hockey at their school and a few community venues. That is a few hours a week, and there is no risk of violence or danger. My kids love hockey like that, and get exercise and we love watching them play. But, we NEVER ever did rep hockey or GTHL organized hockey, because of the complete mess it makes of family life and education in every kid’s life. The coaches all push for more and more and more money to be spent on out-of-town tournaments. Kids miss many hours of school, and get so far behind, they need extra tutoring just to keep up. Schedules are always last minute and God forbid you miss a game, even for illness you’ll be thrown out and banned from playing anywhere. Whole thing is utterly moronic…..kids who play elite level sport can’t even have lives outside of the sport, even to try a different sport they might like more!
I’ve had so many arguments with parents who think that elite and rep hockey is great, blah, blah, blah, meanwhile, their brilliant kid is risking injuries, and they have no problem spending a fortune on hockey –3-4K per season but the family doesn’t even have an RESP.
Casual sport, all about fun and exercise and Canadiana, I’m there, and I have enrolled my kids in lots of sports camps just so they get the skill of throwing and catching a ball, basic skating and swimming, and general team sports skills. (And they are very very skilled at sports now, my oldest is a brilliant goalie.) But the over the top joke that is the current hockey environment in Ontario?
HA, they’ll never ever get my money or my kids.
Thank you for sharing your first hand experience Aurelia. That is quite similar to what I’ve seen too. My kids are obviously not that age yet, but I’ve seen it with guys that I knew growing up and in university.
Hey there. I have been so busy lately that I haven’t been reading blogs too much. But it’s so fun to come by here and read all of your great posts. I just had to laugh at this one because I feel exactly the same way. I’m all, NO WAY IN HELL AM I GOING TO BE A HOCKEY MOM.
I didn’t read all the comments, so maybe someone already mentioned this, but in the book Outliers, by Malcolm Gladwell, he researched and records, in detail, how in order to be a hockey player, you have to have been born in either January, February or March. The cut off for teams is December 31. So if you’re born in the early part of the year you have the advantage of being older, taller and stronger. Which leads to you being picked for the team. Pretty fascinating book.
Very impressive read although I had to stop reading the posts to avoid that mundane feeling when things wear themselves out . My son loves hockey but it wears him out so much he’s trying to make going to school an issue always the day after practice or a game (one practice and one game per week) anyhow hockey is far from an organized event or sport but for the kids it means something , definitely a stereotypical mindset most of us can live without , nope I veiw the game as a pond or outdoor leisure event more like shinny , if the big kids avoided the ice during the after school and before supper hours to let the little ones go at it or ref or help teach them , it would make the game so much better and the older ones can get out there after supper but nope they gotta hog the pond or ice and even the local rink firing bullets at the glass which would frighten any kid under 12 . I am a hockey dad but an oversized wimpy one ie big enough to crush almost anyone on the ice but because of a pretty scarey event at age 13 …..I had my stick and this 19 year old goons stick busted over my helmetless head and then tossed over the boards playing 1970s shinny for sliding my stick along the ice to prevent an open net break away goal .
I have long since concluded the same thing as ‘Hockey Mom ? No thanks ‘. Guess I’m just a wimp and wasn’t man enough to withstand masses amount of more strength than what a normal 13 year old should be able to withstand .One positive thing it did do ,was motivated me and build an innerstrength to exceed 80mph or 130kmph on downhill skis something I’m sure I would have never done without using that horrible hockey experience (I was pretty messed up and bitter about it until 3 years later ).Standing at the top of the 2200 vertical foot run it is what pushed me to test run a 1976 world cup downhill run which was never used because it was too fast too short and too dangerous and the stopping zone was far too steep making it awkward …oh what a feeling that was ! it was my healing point from that shinny experience I never knew what it was like to skip along snow like a flat skipping stone on calm water and feel my knees slowly start to buckle because it takes so much leg strength just to hold yourself up and the terrifying experience of the wind trying to lift me from my abdomen and throw me high into the air as easily as a kite catches the wind …definitely a hair raising experience the sound of my skis slapping the icy hard snow was comparable to having a pair of citation speaks turned up way too loud and in a very short period of time it was all over .An inner peace was accomplished that day and for someone who loved hockey so so much I realized there is nothing on an ice hockey rink , and no amount of goals could compare to that day . Thankyou for listening I hope I didn’t bore any of you and I truly appreciate you allowing me to speak my mind and share my persoanl experiance Thanks again …(A wimpy hockey dad)
just checking the notify box Notify me of followup comments
As a former hockey mom in North Carolina, you are wiseto opt out of the over hyped sports culture.
While I don’t live in Canada, I am pretty far north and hockey is just as huge here as where you are. I have two young boys, ages 6 and 9, and while they both play hockey, I agree with many of your comments. My kids wanted to from a very young age and hubby and I were both completely against it because of costs and time restraints, however after enough begging their grandfather pitched in and got them signed up and the necessary equipment. And to get them both on the ice with league fees and USED equipment was about $1500 total. And I put my foot down about a lot of issues right from the beginning. If homework isn’t done, you don’t go to hockey. Period. School comes first. The league schedules practice for my youngest every now and then from 7:30 to 8:30 on a school night and I refuse to allow it. It is too late and he will simply miss. They are each allowed to do one (1) out of town tournament per season, and that is it. (my oldest’s team is going to three this year, and my youngest will have two) I refuse to allow a credit card company to own me for the sake of hockey. And I won’t blow our savings for the sake of it either. My children will grow up understanding that there are higher priorities in life than hockey, and that they are not going to the NHL, so you better get good grades. Which is another stipulation, grades drop, hockeys stops, period. In our league they both have 2 practices during the week and 2 games on the weekends. So, yes, it is busy, much busier than some other leagues sound from reading comments on here.
It has its positives too, I won’t argue that either, but it needs to be put into perspective and kept in check….just like any thing else in life. (and no, I don’t consider myself a hockey mom….I am the farthest thing from it!)
I had to come back to this website to share a story with you all. My youngest son, Cole, age 6, had a game last weekend, and his best friend Elliot was the opposing team’s rotating goalie for the night. Elliot had an awful time in net, and my son was going to him regularly to give him encouraging words. Low and behold, my son had a wide open shot and had to take it. Of course it went in (only because he desperately didn’t want it too!) and instead of celebrating with his team, he went over and gave his friend a pat on the back and stood there talking to him. After the game, Cole’s grandpa was teasing him a little about being to nice to the opposing team’s goalie, and my son looked at him and said “Papa, it’s just a game. Elliot is my friend and I didn’t want him to be sad alone!” I could have cried on the spot. I guess, lesson learned, in some respects, even at the age of 6, they are smarter than we think. That made all of the running and headaches of the last season worth every minute of it, and I have to remind him of his big heart as he grows and competition gets stiffer.
Just thought a warm story is always worth sharing.
Oh my gosh – that is the sweetest thing I think I have ever read. What a great boy you have there. You must be SO very proud!
wow, your very misguided in your beliefs about playing hockey as a young kid.
I have to stay that most of these comments disturb me. What is so bad about playing hockey, or any sport for that matter.
No one is forcing you to feed the NHL. It also makes me so sad that you throw out the assumption the Jocks are jerks. How biased are you to all those boys and girls, who are polite, well behaved kids who simply enjoy a sport that you may not like.
I grew up in the arena, since the age of 3. (a girl playing ringette, but I was there)
I learn many valuble life lessons. Dedication, teamwork, social skills, etc.
Sure there may be some parents who hope that their kid goes pro and lives their dream, but is wrong to assume all hockey parents are like that. There was no chance of me going pro in the arena, my parents were there for me every step of the way. Encouraging me, never forcing me. It is not the sport that is negative it is ecah individual parent or players attitude that may make it that way for then.
My parents allowed me the opportunity to expolre any activity I choose, athletically or not.
Myself now being a mother of 2 boys will do the same. I will not be so selfish as to inforce my views on physical activity. If they choose hockey, I will be in that arena everyday supporting them, if they choose chess I will be at every match, even though I may have no clue how to play, if they choose to be on the dabate team I will be there too. Heck, whos to say they can’t do all 3 of those.
Well said Tan. I couldn’t agree with you more. I found the majority of the comments on this topic disturbing as well.
Tan:
The reason I wrote this article is that the people behind OneGoal were suggesting it is the duty of Canadian parents to enroll their children in hockey. I don’t think it is my duty to do so and I think those that suggest it is are overlooking the drawbacks of hockey.
I too will support my children in what they want to do and I will certainly encourage physical activity. So far though, my children prefer hiking, swimming, yoga and things like that to team sports that glorify violence, put us on a schedule, and eat into our savings. I’m happy about that and don’t feel I owe it to my country to enroll them in hockey.
where do you get your name from???
Which name? The name of this blog?
If so, I explained that in this post: http://www.phdinparenting.com/2010/11/13/your-burning-questions/
Tan …a kids song about bones attached to each other and really I don’t look anything like a Johnny
I tend to lean on the side of PhD…where hockey is involved. There is a certain mentality that pervades this sport. We live near a very small village where it is nothing but hockey hockey hockey. My daughters are mastering figure skating, which is much more skilled and even intellectual in many ways, the local figure skating program no longer exists and we have to drive to a bigger town to get ice time. We have been kicked out of change rooms by mannerless nine-year-old hockey bullies. They stride down the corridors chanting their ‘win-win’ like a group of sheep, they have individual choice NOT to do this. They are taught to be MORE important than anyone else, that hockey is it. Well…what is hockey exactly? You power skate down the ice and try to hit the puck with a stick. You never learn anything else. It is not a sport “for the masses’…for people who have no deep intellect, appreciation of anything finer or more difficult…..it is ‘power in numbers’….that is all…..it is a pack sport for boys and jockey little girls….I have seen them…and the moms who tend to be aggressive and have this sense of entitlement that reall is not deserved….they do not own the ice rink. Figure skaters, curlers, etc. also pay high fees and don’t deserve to be walked all over. We as Canadians love figure skating too, and hockey is falling out of favour because there are also a lot of smart, talented kids who choose this more civilized, beatiful, highly challenging bot physically and artistically sport where learning and reaching your peak and developing can take years…it involves artistry and enormous physical skill….far more than hockey. I have seen the hockey 4-year olds racing down the ice and falling many times, crashing into boards, whereas the begininng figure skaters already have more control and a sense of artistry, they are far more gentle and aware of the great potential of skating. Maybe the reason for the Battle of the Blades is that hockey just ain’t enough no more….Canada is evolving.
Live with it!
meant to say: the kids in the hockey team DON’T HAVE THE CHOICE not to chant the slogans and stride aggressively around as a pack or whatever else the pack mentality dictates. Don’t have the choice….typing too fast!
Also… THAT HOCKEY IS VERY MUCH A SPORT FOR THE MASSES….COMMON ENTERTAINMENT BUT LITTLE SUBSTANCE BEHIND IT. I BELIEVE IT PEAKED A NUMBER OF YEARS AGO AND WITH CANADIAN SENSIBLILITIES CHANGING IT WILL LIKELY DECLINE EVEN MORE.
meant to say: the kids in the hockey team DON’T HAVE THE CHOICE not to chant the slogans and stride aggressively around as a pack or whatever else the pack mentality dictates. Don’t have the choice….typing too fast!
Also… THAT HOCKEY IS VERY MUCH A SPORT FOR THE MASSES….COMMON ENTERTAINMENT BUT LITTLE SUBSTANCE BEHIND IT. I BELIEVE IT PEAKED A NUMBER OF YEARS AGO AND WITH CANADIAN SENSIBLIITIES CHANGING IT WILL LIKELY DECLINE EVEN MORE.
meant to say: the kids in the hockey team DON’T HAVE THE CHOICE not to chant the slogans and stride aggressively around as a pack or whatever else the pack mentality dictates. Don’t have the choice….typing too fast!
Also… THAT HOCKEY IS VERY MUCH A SPORT FOR THE MASSES….COMMON ENTERTAINMENT BUT LITTLE SUBSTANCE BEHIND IT. HOCKEY PEAKED A NUMBER OF YEARS AGO AND WITH CANADIAN SENSIBILITIES CHANGING INTEREST IN IT WILL LIKELY DECLINE EVEN MORE.
Again, I say I do not consider myself a hockey mom, however I must say that there are some comments that you, D.r.E., made regarding hockey that I don’t agree with. To say that they learn nothing from the sport is a bit skewed, wouldn’t you say? They are learning team work, first and foremost. They are learning how to work together with their team mates, and that if you don’t work together it doesn’t work at all. They are also gaining friendships that will last a long time, at least through the length of their school years. And it actually is a sport that does require some intellect, believe it or not. There are rules involved in the game and they have to learn to not only follow them, but how to think ahead in order to avoid breaking those rules. They are also learning humility in losing, how to win with class, and the fact that everyone can’t be the one to make the game winning goal. That helping your team get there is just as important as the one that actually puts it in the net. They are also learning dedication as well as time-management skills, that as you grow in life, are a necessity to making it.
Your attitude isn’t a very kind one, (would that be a “figure skating mom”?) and the comment you made “and the moms who tend to be aggressive and have this sense of entitlement that really is not deserved….” makes you just as bad as the parents you claim to hate. You really need to open your mind up and realize that everyone deserves equal respect at the rink, figure skaters, curlers, and hockey players. Not just your kids.
i SAID the sport is limited, not that you don’t learn anything.
and sometimes there’s teamwork but there’s just as much rivalry and pettiness, as in any team or sport. And getting into the NHL is as much for PERSONAL gain (and big bucks) as it is for some team. Players can switch teams and have no more fondness for their fellow players as anyone in any other team sport.
and yes, the moms that are involved in hockey ARE more rude, whereas those that take their kids to figure skating (and maybe other sports), are much nicer. (I know, I also had kids in hockey for a few years, it is based on observation and experience).
And, that would be the problem. Hockey kids don’t give others the respect they deserve. I witnessed some boys picking on another boy who was a figure skater. these were hockey kids. So where is the respect?
“i SAID the sport is limited, not that you don’t learn anything.” Um, Really?
“for people who have no deep intellect, appreciation of anything finer or more difficult”. “You power skate down the ice and try to hit the puck with a stick. You never learn anything else.”
Yeah, that is exactly what you said in your original post. Direct quotes from you.
My summation of it is that you pretty much said that hockey players are total idiots and that there is nothing to be gained from the sport. I beg to differ. I listed the things I feel my children have learned from playing the sport.
And I am sure that there are little figure skaters (or curlers, or basketball players, or whatever sport you choose to pick on) that has little brats involved who’s parents don’t teach them that everyone has a right to enjoy their individual extra curricular choices. Those kinds of people are everywhere in this world, not just at the hockey rink lady. Too many children these days don’t know the meaning of the word respect. That is not something you can blame on a sport. To think that is a problem that only occurs in a very small slice of the world is just plain ignorant. Open your eyes and look around you. Ever see a disrespectful little brat at the mall? So are all shoppers are little jerks? That is exactly what you are saying about all hockey players. That they are all little brats, because of what you saw at your very isolated, very remote rink. Surely you can see the ignorance of your words. But then again, maybe not.
To read your posts, one could say that all figure skaters are stuck up snobs that think they are a step above everyone else. But I wouldn’t generalize all figure skaters into one category based on the words of one person. Nor based on something I may have seen at one rink. It’s a big world out there lady, and there is always someone who pushes their weight around, no matter what sport it may be. Again I will say to you that you really need to open your mind up and realize that everyone deserves equal respect at the rink, figure skaters, curlers, and hockey players.
And yes, I do take personal offense to your comments. My kids are raised to be respectful, and have manners, and to have sympathy and empathy towards others. If my kids were giving a figure skater a hard time at the rink for any reason, it would be the last time they would ever step foot in that rink, because it would be unacceptable and they know it. But they wouldn’t do that, because that’s not how they have been raised.
Yes, that is what they learn! It is a common sport, it always has been. Perhaps you think it is a profound sport.
Yes, I can see you take personal offence.
However, there is a large contingent of people out there who have also been offended by certain aspects of the ‘hockey world’. I tried to remain neutral until I experienced both sides of the coin (hockey/figure skating). I am sure it is not every kid, or every parent, but it has been my experience that the manners and respect you speak of often run short at the rink!! I have not seen too many of that…..
I am sure that many think the same of figure skaters, but it has not been my experience.
As for opening my eyes, well, I will try….if you do.
I have one son out of 3 who loves hockey and finally he is on track with his freinds , ‘last or second year Atom division’ ,because he only started in Novice as an over age .He only has 1 goal and 1 assist so far for the year but he’s in the middle of the pack. My youngest son age four wants to follow in his tracks but won’t put on skates so we’ll se where that goes , and the 8 year old likely will never play because you do one offensive thing to him he will pummel you into the earth , so he would be famous for penalty minutes, or even moreso get kicked off the ice for the season . The main point I’m tryig to make here is a Bantam game I watched a week ago . There are two girls on the team to make up for lack of players on the team , and for the most part they are pretty good, but for some reason the girls were getting pounded into the boards and collapsing from the impact , and skating off to recover numerous times, finally one of the girls was racing behind her net to get the puck , and the much faster boy on the opposing team following behind her , decided to lay his full wait into her, boarding her , and sending her body flipping end over end high in the air above his head . He was thrown off the ice for the rest of the game , and so were the coaches . Talking with the girls after the game , I came to realize that at that age boys don’t care that you are a girl playing a tough sport , and really , don’t care for girls playing at all and they show it .Even the conversation on and off the ice between Atom kids is a real eye opener when it comes to competitivness using violence.
My kids are raised to be respectful, and have manners, and to have sympathy and empathy towards others. If my kids were giving a figure skater a hard time at the rink for any reason, it would be the last time they would ever step foot in that rink, because it would be unacceptable and they know it. But they wouldn’t do that, because that’s not how they have been raised.
really , I sincerely doubt it respect sympathy and empathy are circumstantial just like battling in the corner or defending your goalie infront of your net isn”t
Hi JohnnyKneeBone,
Thanks, you say it so much better than I do.
Anyways, seems my experiences have offended a certain someone. A certain someone who claims not to be a true hockey mom. Hmmmm……. Guess I’m not allowed to say anything cause I may have hit a spot of truth somewhere……
D.r.E.
It is not that your experiences have offended me, what offended me was you lumping all children that enjoy the sport into one group labelled “Assholes”. That is what offended me. You do not know my children, therefore you have no right to judge them. Period.
As I stated before, I do not consider myself a hockey mom. I do not sit with other, very obnoxious parents during games, I will not go into debt for the sport, and they do miss (gasp!) a practice or a game if we have something planned that takes priority. Our lives do not revolve around hockey and I refuse to let it. And while I agree that there are little brats at the rink that deserve a talking down, at the very least, there are little brats everywhere. No matter what extra curricular you choose to pick on, you could find some little brats within it to point your finger at. But not all of them deserve that, and who are you to assume they do? And I do believe that my kids have learned something from being in the program. They have changed and they have grown within it, even though you have the opinion that they are little neandrathals unable to form a real sentence. My point to you, was to open your mind and not lump all people into one category. Just seems rather closed minded to me.
hey!, we have something in common! , I don’t sit with other parents either, good or bad, I’m not into the blah blah blah , and most are younger than me . Granted the word brats is politically correct for little bitches and assholes… or the male version of little bitches . No they are not neandrathals at least until they hit Bantam or Midget and during PeeWee they exercise their long awaited right to act accordingly , which many have yearned for for several years . Alot of these kids are not stupid and infact can more than string two sentences together very well , some of them are at the top of their class at school .
Obviously you have never sat in the locker room and listened to conversation and likely your kids are far too afraid of you to replay some of those conversations . Practice is about hard work and discipline but really the coach only wants to win and will lie to you and follow the minor hockey rules to please the hierarchy you being part of that , pratice is important because the reality is during a game kids top out at about 20 minutes per game and only carry the puck in their possession for about 60 seconds total within a 60 minute game . Even NHL players don’t carry the puck for more than that amount of time . It’s an unfar sport and kids don’t get treated very well , and if anything kids learn the ugly realities of life through mostly battle and intimidation . I’m sorry you feel offended that isn’t my intention , infact I’d like you to see some middle ground reality . Go to youtube and type in Jordan TooToo . TOLERANCE IS NOT SOMETHING YOU CAN TEACH IN HOCKEY or FAIR PLAY you can only toss kids off the ice for being disobedient bullies for so long , AND team sports ?… well , that’s more about learning pecking orders the hard way .School of hard knocks so to speak .
Dr.E
really I can’t make up my mind whether I hate hockey or like it . I’m pretty pathetic because I always cheer for the underdog team . I shoot pucks in the back yard for exercise and let off some steam , but seldom do I tie my sons skates or carry his equipment but I’m usually there with the camera during home games and rarely travel to his out of town games . Sometimes I watch games and other times I couldn’t be bothered .Hockey and football are so big here saying anything against hockey is almost a sin and punishable by execution so to speak (not literally). Quite a number of kids play hockey just to be accepted here . A good number of the kids who play hockey are little assholes especially the girls… not all but about a 3rd of them are . It also seems as though 100% of the best female players are total little bitches and about half of the best boys are little assholes, or the male version of little bitches . Some of the parents are unbelievably pathetic it kind of makes you feel like acting like them just for a moment to straighten them out a little , and the worst parents are not from the opposing team , they are from your own team . There are alot of sad aspects to hockey and one thing it does to people is turns those creative animal predatory instincts on, even of those who seem polite and passive . I love to hate loving hockey . I’m past tense skier growing up around the big 3 Norquay , Sunshine and Lake Lousie .
You should be a writer!
I am deathly afraid of skiing, since I made the acquaintance of one too many trees, but I find it fascinating that everyone’s sense of ‘fear’ is different! I guess cause I never grew up with it.
I enjoyed reading your latest post/reply. Now I don’t feel so bad about having written mine.
hmmm. i missed the article.
but i have an opinion.
and i am not a good sport parent. my oldest boy prefers books to pucks and i am thrilled with that. big time. hanging in chapters is way more fun than hanging out in an arena.
how do i know this?
because my daughter is the hockey player in this house.
and while i will never fall into the category of hockey jacket wearing, game screaming hockey mom…i have quietly turned into a parent who supports their kid in a sport that they love. we did not chose it for her. we chose skiing. a civilized, independent sport the whole family can enjoy;).
at 7? she abandoned it for skates, frost on the glass and the smell of timmies in the morning.
and we let her.
and yes, my hockey loving husband, who never harboured dreams of the NHL but does love his Habs ferverently, was/is/will always be thrilled and proud of his ice pounding daughter.
and there is much good in what she has learned over the last six years in a good, level headed house league girls program.
crazy? nope.
detrimental influence??? absolutely not.
time commitment? yes. but no more than any other sport we have looked at. we organize our family around family, and hockey does not control the schedule.
violent? not girls. i can not speak to boys hockey. i can speak more to NHL hockey, which is unacceptable…but my kid does not play in the NHL. nor do i expect her to pull a lindsay lohan despite also loving drama and acting. what my kid sees on the television does not translate onto the ice for her.
expensive? it can be. but we do second hand most of the time, so it is reasonable. and we do not ever buy a whole new set of equipment every year, far from it. and my kid grows. fast.
pompous jerks,lol? um. are we talking high school? i don’t remember. i went to a girl’s school so maybe i managed to miss the whole jock thing. there are bookie jerks everywhere and lots of nice athletic types in my life;).
and again, i never thought i would ever be in a position of *defending* hockey…it is almost painful in some ways…but hockey, in our humble canadian household, has been a positive activity.
but i still don;t want ot be labelled a hockey mom;)
maybe just hockey friendly…
I feel the same way. I do not want to be a hockey mom. Most especially hockey. I have 2 boys & while I do want them to play some organized sports – soccer, baseball. Or skiing or golf – a more social sport. I do not want any part of football, hockey, lacrosse.
I played hockey for 14 years, my husband played hockey. I come from a hockey playing family. But I do NOT want my kids to play hockey.
There may still be places where the comraderie & playing the game just to play the game still exist. But those places are few and far between. Just this past winter alone my husband read me article after article of hockey horror. When I was pregnant with my first son (now 3) he read me an article about Peewee players having Fight Clubs in the dressing rooms & the coaches KNEW about it & did absolutely nothing to stop it. NOTHING. I was literally sick to my stomach. It was horrifying.
So NO my kids will be greatly discouraged from playing hockey. They can play outside for fun, but really I don’t want them involved in organized hockey. Nothing to do with time or money, but the horrifying “hockey” parents that DO exist. No, not every parent is one, so please don’t get all pissy with me people, but they exist. They existed when I played over 20 years ago & they’ve only gotten worse.
What will I do if they ask, I don’t know, but I’ll try to put them off. If they are persistant, then I guess we’ll give it a go. But I’m hoping to steer them into a different direction.
I think putting children in sports teams for the purpose of directing them towards a future of “professional” sports playing as a career is a parents’ vicarious pipe dream at best, a waste of a child’s natural peacefulness and creativity at worst. Professional sports are wasteful, violent, excessive, and the amount of money spent on that form of “entertainment” is ridiculous.
Certainly, children should be encouraged to develop their natural, active selves. I’m all for self-directed non competitive sports. Things like hiking, running, biking, swimming, yoga. Great! But there is no need for my children to be in degrading, violent, competitive “team” sports.
It takes a strong parent to stand up to the pressures of team sports; I support you, Annie.
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