This evening, Julian asked if he could come with me to pick up burgers at Burgermeister, a Kreuzberg institution, with pick-up counter only service located underneath the elevated subway tracks. So I took him along. We waited about 15 minutes for our burgers and he was fidgety, climbing on things and touching things the whole time.
As we left, I reached out to take his hand to cross the street and noticed that it was completely black. I said: “When we get home, make sure you wash your hands really well with soap and water to get all of that dirt off.” About 10 seconds later, I notice he has a finger in his mouth. I said: “Take your finger out of your mouth please. Your hands are disgusting. ” He looked at me and proceeded to lick the palm of his hand. I said: “Julian, please don’t do that. That is how you get sick.” He then proceeded to lick the palm of his other hand and then wipe both wet palms all over his face.
I ran out of things to say.
That is how most of today went.
But it also had moments like this, without which I would not survive.
Image credit for “Burgermeister”: hifix on flickr
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I have often struggled with this with my oldest son. Without question, he will put his hands on every disgusting surface — car wheels are his favourite. Before I can even reach for the kleenex, his fingers are in his mouth (usually after a stopover of picking his nose). The more disgusted I get, the happier he is.
Since I have two boys, I think this will not stop happening anytime soon…. sigh…
Yep, sounds like a kid, all right. He’s just trying to get enough dirt in his diet.
Stephanie:
LOL…I’m all good with dirt of the “from the ground” variety, but not as thrilled with dirt of the “disgusting gunk found under the subway tracks” variety.
Aha!!! I think we may have had the same sort of days on opposite ends of the earth… boy am I ready for bed and some serious rest before I start tomorrows onslaught!!!
Oh yes.
At that point, if my wits are about me, I would say, “When my hands are that dirty, it really makes me feel uncomfortable. I have wipes in my purse when you’re ready to clean your hands off”.
Then, I go about my business, breathe deep, and try to remember the only person I can control is myself.
Oh yes, and then I give my kids an extra dose of elderberry syrup & vitamin D when we get home.
Kids are so great at pushing our buttons, aren’t they? They’re just lucky we love them so freaking much.
Oh yeah, that so sounds like my youngest!!! Fortunately, he’s got a good immune system since most of the disgusting crud he puts his hands in doesn’t seem to affect him. Knock on wood. And I agree, these kiddos are lucky they’re so dang cute and adorable, goodness knows it’s saved my guys’ hineys quite a few time. LOL
Someone was just telling me her friend’s son (2 y o) was sticking his hand in his pee stream on the toilet. She told him to stop. He looked at her and calmly stuck his hand in again. My friend said this mother was practically crying by the end of the encounter (reasoning, threatening, etc.). It’s that pushing-buttons thing for sure. Sometimes I have to go la-la-la and look away.
Cute kid you got there, though! Good thing.
I feel very lucky that Orion (4y9m) detests being dirty – he’s quite the princess about it actually. Even after something as innocuous as eating a banana he’ll come right over and demand… I mean ask nicely… that I pull out a baby wipe and clean up his hands.
Walker is only a little over a year, but stubborn as they come. I took him with me to a baby shower today. N-O-T F-U-N. Walker stop screaming. Walker, be nice. Walker don’t throw. Walker stop throwing food on the floor. Walker STOP!
It’s the screaming I can’t stand though. The other things, I can redirect him most of the time. How do you redirect from screaming. 1-2-3 works okay, sometimes.
But I’m open to tips…
So sorry it has been one of those kinds of days. We had an issue at a store today – a bit of a misunderstanding about the fun ladybug ride-on that had to stay at the store.
Jennifer – My youngest screams. (such as after the above-mentioned event) I don’t have a perfect answer except that being a model of cool/calm/collected is extra important during those times. I just say, “Owie – that hurts my ears.” or “You must be tired. Tired kids scream.” Sometimes I sing a song that I know she likes and will join in (sometimes). I’ve heard of some people whispering to their child when their child starts yelling, but I don’t know if that works or not. Just a thought. If we’re somewhere public, we go away to somewhere less public so she can calm down and I can not feel so on-the-spot.
What you describe is a brilliant example of counterwill! I first learned about this dynamic through Dr. Gordon Neufeld’s work, though I had loads of experience with it before that, thanks to my tot. Understanding the developmental role of counterwill has definitely helped me get through days like yours just a little easier. Are you familiar with Neufeld? He’s Canadian!
I am familiar with Gordon Neufeld. I love his book Hold on To Your Kids. I haven’t picked it up in a while though and can’t remember if it discussed counterwill. I will look it up though.
Oh man. I can totally see his face and your during this.
I like dirt. But of the soil variety.
I love this story, it so beautifully illustrates how powerless we sometimes are when it comes to trying to control/protect our children. I struggle with how best to react to this kind of situation, ie: when you tell your child not to do something and they do it anyway. In my mind I fast forward to the teenage years and imagine the same sort of situation that I’ve seen many friends already deal with ie: you tell your teen they can’t do something and they sneak out and do it anyway and I imagine feeling just as helpless then as I do with a 4 year old only the issues become that much bigger and that much harder to control.