This is the first in what I hope will be a series of posts on where we got off track. By that I mean where society has gone in the wrong direction in terms of our child rearing practices, with potentially detrimental effects on our children and society in general. I support the rights of individual parents to make the choice that is best for their family, but what worries me is when mainstream media pushes a choice that is less healthy and shuns the healthier alternative. This is what I would call getting off track.
Despite pushing and achieving increasing breastfeeding rates, our society is intent on shunning breastfeeding women. Facebook tells them that images of breastfeeding are obscene and that we need to protect the innocent eyes of youth using facebook from those dirty images. Women that breastfeed in public, whether in a restaurant, at a pool, on an airplane, at the mall, or at a museum get told that they cannot “do that” there because it is a “family friendly” establishment. They are told to go and breastfeed in a bathroom instead, to pump and bottle feed, to cover up, or to just stay home.
Where does this come from?
It has come about because increasingly we do not show our children babies being breastfed. This is considered “inappropriate”. They see babies getting bottles and this is what they consider to be normal. Then, as those children grow up, and at earlier and earlier ages, they are introduced to the sexual breast and this is the only context within which they can relate to a breast. When that happens, it is no wonder that some women feel breastfeeding is gross or that some men get jealous of their babies. It is then no wonder that the young owners of facebook cannot understand that a nursing breast is not the same as a porn breast.
We need our children to see breasts being used to feed babies. This is not gross or obscene. It is normal and we need to teach them that it is normal. Recent episodes of children’s TV shows like Sesame Street have been criticized by pro-breastfeeding organizations like ProMOM and by individual reviewers on Amazon for only showing bottle-fed babies and not showing nursing babies.
But it wasn’t always like that. Children’s TV shows used to teach children about the role of breasts in feeding babies.
The first and by far the best example is this excellent excerpt from Mr. Rogers, that has been posted by a number of other bloggers such as Elita at Blacktating, Jake Marcus at Sustainable Mothering, and the Motherwear Breastfeeding Blog over the past few days.
There are a few examples from Sesame Street as well, including one where Buffy talks to Big Bird about nursing and another one where Maria is breastfeeding.
And here is one more Sesame Street clip courtesy of Unneceserean.com (which I just discovered courtesy of commenter Sara), who seems to have dug up the same videos I did plus one more:
But where are these images today? They simply are not there. Children’s programming shows babies being bottle fed. Period. In some cases, they even show animals only being bottle-fed. And while the focus of this post is on the powerful medium of television, this goes beyond television too into other children’s products too. We need more books and dolls that show breastfeeding as normal. More than anything else we need women who are around children and teenagers to breastfeed in front of them and we need the media to start portraying breastfeeding as normal. This would help get us back on track.
{ 38 comments… read them below or add one }
I completely agree with you. Even the Little People mom has a bottle glued to her hand! One time we were walking through the mall and my son, who was almost 2, saw a scantily clad woman on a Victoria Secret’s banner. He yelled, “Yook mommy! Nursies!” I never even saw breastfeeding until my early 20s when my sister-in-law was nursing my neice. That’s sad.
@christy
Wow. That is sad. Kudos to you for breastfeeding then! It can be hard without good role models. I am the oldest of 4 kids and my mom breastfed all of us, so it has always been “normal” for me. Plus, I probably saw those Sesame Street and Mr. Rogers episodes when they first aired!
Excellent post. I love the way you made the point that the problem is really mainstream media pushing, promoting, and portraying as normal the less healthy choice, rather than encouraging the ideal while leaving room for exceptions.
Thanks for sharing this! I linked you in my blog http://starr2001.blogspot.com/2009/02/must-see-tv.html Yay!
@strwberryjoy Thanks for the link back!
Yet another good reason why my daughter only watches DVDs of the shows I used to watch. I’m going to have to get some old Mr. Rogers in the rotation. You bring up some excellent points. I haven’t watched that much current Children’s Television…I should probably correct that, and then write some letters…
Thank you so much for this post! I agree 100%! We bought our daughter her first baby doll for Christmas and while it does have a bottle, we tell her that there is breast milk in the bottle. Another topic that I think needs more attention is tandem nursing. I am currently 20 weeks pregnant and nursing my 23 month old. The other day, while visiting family, my husbands aunt told my daughter that it was gross for her to continue nursing and dangerous for me to be nursing while pregnant. Needless to say, I was livid. Especially because of the fact that she was trying to sway my daughters perception of how I have chosen to nourish her. I just wish more people understood the benefits of breastfeeding in general. Even our pediatrician tried to tell me that after 1 year there are no more good nutrients in breast milk. It just makes me wonder who educates our doctors and backs program sponsoring. I really believe that it’s all about money and the formula companies are behind all of the misinformation. It’s nice to have someone like you setting things straight for the rest of society who just isn’t up to speed yet.
I’ve written a children’s book about breastfeeding, and in researching US publishers, I learned that they will not publish books featuring breastfeeding.
The children’s books out there that do feature breastfeeding are self-published and/or published by small, independent publishers.
@Katherine – Wow…that is so sad. We had this book for my son when I was pregnant with my daughter and it does show nursing (and babywearing):
My New Baby by Annie Kubler
I just watched all of those and another one yesterday morning…
http://tinyurl.com/aucgrl
I wish they would show more breastfeeding on TV without mocking it like on Desperate Housewives a few years ago.
Great post- I’m going to link it! Well done
I also grew up surrounded by bottle feeders and never watched a woman breastfeed around me. I’m so glad I made the choice to do it. It’s a major part of my life and my son’s life– and it’s changed me in many ways– a whole new world has opened up.
“Be the change you wish to see in the world.”
@ Sara – Thanks for the tip. I’ve added the additional video to the post.
@ Ashley – Congratulations to you on overcoming the lack of breastfeeding in your upbringing and thanks for the link back!
Thanks for the great post. Goodness, it is amazing how unseen ANY nursing is. After all, we’re mammals and all mammals nurse. I have a bunch of great books in my kids’ library from La leche league that show nursing very casually. And, since I nursed the first two for 2 years and the twins for 3, they’ve seen it a lot. It’s really what propelled me to agree to do one of those usually intervention birth, bottle-feeding shows when I was having my twins. I just got so sick of seeing moms on tv give up on breastfeeding and pick up bottles like they were equivalent. (http://tinyurl.com/7upn8j) I never saw a baby nurse until the month before I had my own, either!
These are great. I think I remember the Sesame street one (you’re my baby). I also vaguely remember one, I think along the lines of everybody sleeps or everybody eats that shows a woman breastfeeding outside. I cant find it. Anyone remember? or did I make that one up?
wonderful finds. thanks for sharing and yes, I agree with you there has been a switch in advocacy in children’s programming. I saw it when my little brother was born but didn’t correlate it until now.
I agree 100%.
I think I’m quite lucky to live in the UK. I distinctly remember watching Cbeebies (a BBC channel aimed at the preschool demographic) with my son, and there was a feature on one of the programs about babies (“my baby brother”) sort of thing. They showed baby having a bath, baby playing, and then baby being fed – from mama’s boob, not hidden and totally natural. I was so pleased!
I live in Buffalo NY and attended the PBS kids fest this weekend with my 17 month old nursling. At the character breakfast I was happy to see two moms nursing infants (although they did use cover-ups). After the breakfast we attended the festival at the PBS studio. I was sad (but not shocked ) to see that there was not a nursing area. I, of course, considered it my mission to ask everyone with a PBS name tag where the nursing area was (knowing that there was not one). They all seemed taken back. Some of the responses included- oh, I would have never thought of that, we have a changing station (I don’t think she knew what to say), I don’t know why there is not one, and the dreaded YOU CAN NURSE IN THE BATHROOM. My response to all was, “How are moms supposed to feed their babies?” in a shocked voice. Except for the bathroom respondant. To her I said, “Oh my, how owful. Would you eat in a bathroom?” She was dumbfounded. On my way out I stopped at the front reception desk and talked with the women about the NEED for a nursing area. She actually wrote it down! I will be following up with some letters! Like I said to the woman at the desk, if PBS is not supporting breastfeeding, who is? What a sad, sad place our society is in. Thanks for the post.
http://rixarixa.blogspot.com/
Rixa at Stand and Deliver is blogging on the same topic!
@kelly, good for you for bringing it to their attention! Hopefully next time they’ll have a nursing area for moms who prefer to have a designated space. Although my answer to the question ‘how are moms supposed to feed their babies?’ would be that you can feed your baby anywhere you want! My personal choice is to NOT use a nursing room, because it’s sometimes a pain, the babe is hungry, and I don’t think about it much, I just feed him. Also if I were to think about it, I want to be an example for moms who might be a bit hesitant to nurse in public, I want it too seem normal and that lots of women do it. But we are protected by our human rights charter up here, I know it’s different in the states, sadly.
It seems to me that the one situation in which the media use images of breastfeeding is when reporting on developing countries. This seems to convey the message: poor women from the third world have to breastfeed because they don’t have our choices. (Dare I say: primitive society vs civilisation?)
(I was reminded of this when looking at the wikipedia page on BF the other day. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Breastfeeding )
I’m going to throw something else to consider into the mix here. I totally agree with all the comments above, and really admire the ladies who are paving the way with their examples.
What I find interesting is that the biggest pushback against breastfeeding (at least in my experience) came from *other* women, almost always those who did not breastfeed. It almost felt like they saw my breastfeeding as a criticism of their formula feeding. By this point, most everyone is aware that breastfeeding is better, but that has somewhat created a defensiveness in people who do/did NOT breastfeed, especially older women from the generation whose doctors told them to use formula. I try very hard to keep this in mind when I get hit with criticism. It is much easier to deal with when you realize the person you are talking to is speaking out of ignorance or insecurity rather than outright antipathy.
All the more reason to really focus on BF education for young people, especially our daughters.
These are great, thanks for posting. The whole thing about breastfeeding being “inappropriate” for children is absurd, as is the view of breasts as exclusively sexual body part.
Wow. Those are some great clips! I had a lot of pushback while nursing my daughter, too, and I could never understand it. Seemed that those who formula-fed took my choice as a condemnation of theirs.
My daughter wouldn’t latch, I had oversupply, and I ended up exclusively pumping (mostly, in hindsight, because I was a terrified new mom who was scared to lose her supply). I received a LOT of flak for that from both bf’ing and non-bf’ing moms: that it was too much time to invest (!!!) and that she was “using a bottle anyway”.
Educating the public more about what’s truly natural would help minimize these reactions, I think. And were there more well-trained lactation consultants, I may not have ended up pumping exclusively… but I am still grateful to have had the experience I had.
The act of nursing creates an incredible bond… I look forward to doing so again with my next child. I wish that it were more acceptable to say that in more forums.
I’d like to see more women standing up to this and breastfeeding in public. I realize how scary it can be – not only because we’re taught to be ashamed, but also because of the legal repercussions. But I think that this is the only way that we can “take breastfeeding back,” so to speak. Before the media starts to show it as being normal, we have to MAKE it normal.
@kelly – I’d have to agree with @Lindsay. I think it is fine and nice to provide nursing rooms, but I never ask anyone where I can feed my baby. I just feed her, whenever, wherever and I don’t use a nursing cover either.
I realize not everyone is comfortable doing that, but I think more people need to do it. We need to see people breastfeeding and not suggest that it is something to be hidden in a nursing room or under a cover.
@Rob A – That is true and unfortunately women is less developed countries seem to see being able to feed their babies as a sign of affluence and therefore something to aspire to.
Your “where we got off track” series is intriguing. Can’t wait to read more. I certainly agree with what you have written here and, oddly enough, I think that the blog article I wrote last night (and will post today when I get the right picture to go with it) about “labels” falls into the same “where we got off track” framework.
Thank you for posting this entry about breastfeeding and breastfeeding in public. I don’t need to tell you how important an issue that is for me.
You continue to inspire and make me think. I like that.
@phdinparenting and @Lindsay- I too nurse when and where my child needs to without a blanket over her head- even now that she is 17 months old. However, the nursing moms that I know do not. It is VERY uncommon in my area to see a mom nursing in a public place, covered or not. To me a nursing area communicates that it is important and a regular part of life with baby, just like a diaper changing area. It does not mean that a mom has to choose to use that area, but it makes it possible for a mom to nurse in a public place who otherwise would not, which is the goal. A nursing area respects all types of nursing moms.
I have breastfed all 7 of my children, and I am a big advocate of it. However, I don’t want pics of it, graphic pics of it, out where my boys are going to see them. Yes, I nurse in front of my teen boys. It isn’t that at all. It just isn’t necessary to put pictures of bare nursing breasts up to prove a point.
I nurse discreetly, even when I don’t have a cover up, and so can everyone else. And I will nurse ANYWHERE.
I agree strongly that the media should be running with this and have more people nursing on TV, though. Discreetly, lol. You can be obviously nursing without showing anything.
I’m coming from a modesty standpoint. Not a “breast is pornography” standpoint. I believe strongly that my men should not see any breast but their wives. (mother excluded as they nurse from that, hehe)
Even if other people don’t agree with that, it isn’t their right to strip that from guys who decide not to see others body parts. You know?
Thanks for posting this. I love the Sesame Street clips! There was a bit of controversy when the Australian program Play School showed breastfeeding in recent years, just as there is from the ‘other side’ when they show bottlefeeding.
I find that children are naturally curious about breastfeeding. It is so sad to see them have adult prejudices and ignorance drummed into them. My nine-year-old sister-in-law used to love watching me feed my daughter. She was fascinated by the whole process – especially the special nursing bras which she called ‘great technology’! I was happy for her to watch and ask questions and so were her parents. I’m glad to have had the opportunity to normalise it for her as she has no younger siblings or cousins. I have also fielded a lot of questions from a couple of three-year-old boys about how I was feeding my baby – both were fascinated and I’m happy to say that in both cases their mothers were happy for them to sit with me and watch the whole process.
I wasn’t breastfed but my younger half-sisters were so I did grow up having seen it as a normal part of a family’s experience.
I have read of the publishing problems with children’s books and also school texts in the US. I know that the Australian Breastfeeding Association sells a range of children’s books that feature breastfeeding either as the main part of the story or as an incidental factor. Personally, I think it is those incidental inclusions that are the most important. When breastfeeding is once again just something that goes on in the background of normal life for everyone, THEN we will have achieved something. I’m all for foregrounding it through public nurse-ins and children’s television and books because we need that to, but I’d so love to see society progress to the point where that kind of deliberate representation is redundant.
Hi, I’m new to your blog b/c I found you on Twitter.
Great post! I totally agree with you. It’s funny, my kids don’t know any different so they don’t really “get it” when they see a baby being fed with a bottle. At Christmas we were at my husband’s family’s house in Toronto and our daughter got her first doll from Santa (she is 12 months). My 3 year old loved the doll and carried it around for a few days and took care of it. An aunt asked him to feed the baby and he – without any hesitation – sat down on the couch, pulled up his shirt and nursed the baby doll. It was so hilarious and so cute! (He still does it and it drives my husband a little nuts.)
But I do agree, not nearly enough images of nursing mothers exist in the media or on TV or movies. I hope this changes over time.
I couldn’t agree more
I never saw another woman nurse until after I had nursed my son for several months, it would’ve been nice to actually see someone else do it too.
I have always nursed when ever, where ever and have only ever been asked about using a cover by an attorney who was taking a statement from me while I nursed my son lol. In my experience when I nurse proudly and publicly no one says a thing, I think they are either intimidated or realize in seeing it that it’s not some gross sexual act that must be done in private.
My bank’s website has a picture of a man holding a baby with a bottle and it irks me to no end. Maybe we should all start doing something about it when we see those images instead of the AAP and WHO recommended way of feeding infants. Thanks for the inspiring blog.
Watching these videos makes me teary eyed because they’re so beautiful and seem to give me a glimpse of a culture I (and my children) may never know. Thank you for posting these =)
LOVED this post. Thank you.
I got teary-eyed watching that Mr. Rogers video. I agree, we really need more images of breastfeeding everywhere. It strikes me as so backward that someone would discourage breastfeeding in an effort to be family friendly.
Wow. I had no idea. Like others, I got teary-eyed watching these, esp. Mr. Rogers.
And I found the new version of My Beautiful Baby. It loses something without the contact of breastfeeding.
Almost want to write into PBS to let them know I find bottle-feeding disgusting (I don’t). It seems like outrage is the only thing they listen to, as opposed to common sense.
I definitely got teary eyed watching those clips. Unfortunately the Mr. Rogers clip has been pulled.
At least my son will grow up a breastfed baby and will see his future younger siblings breastfeed as well. Plus, we have taken amazing pictures of him nursing to show how beautiful it can be. I want to cherish those memories always.