Thursday
Jun182009
Attachment parenting is not...
Thursday, June 18, 2009
There are so many misconceptions out there about attachment parenting. Let me try to debunk them with the help of some great posts and articles:
Now that you know what it is not...find out what it is: What is attachment parenting?
- Attachment parenting is not a set of rules.
- Attachment parenting is not permissive parenting.
- Attachment parenting is not helicopter parenting or over-parenting.
- Attachment parenting is not spoiling.
- Attachment parenting is not a new style of parenting or a fad, it is something that has been practiced for centuries.
- Attachment parenting is not impossible for working parents.
- Attachment parenting is not just for babies, but it does evolve as your kids grow older.
- Attachment parenting is not as difficult as some people make it out to be, in fact many aspects of it make parenting easier.
- Attachment parenting is not well understood by professionals that work with parents.
- Attachment parenting is not about being a martyr or using false benchmarks to measure your parenting.
Now that you know what it is not...find out what it is: What is attachment parenting?
Reader Comments (15)
This is a great resource. I agree completely.
And I voted (again)! :)
I think this is very much needed. There was a recent article on a major news website that was indeed lumping AP in with over-parenting/helicopter parenting and unfortunately some of the blogs/websites that are trying to raise awareness about over parenting are in the process bashing AP or natural family living practices along with it.
Thanks so much for this excellent post! Off to click your link about AP for older kids...
I'm trying to figure out how to get this post to a friend of mine without seeming like I'm being pushy... Hmm, I think I'll RT with a note about "how to have a happy baby" because in the end it's completly true. (They're currently using CIO on their 2 1/2 week old baby - eesh. I just don't think they know of another way, yet...)
Great post - thanks for compiling the sources!
@Jessica: 2.5 weeks....that is so sad! Not even the biggest advocates of CIO would suggest using it on a 2.5 week old. That is extremely dangerous.
I love this. I would classify myself as a leaning-attachment parent; for our next baby we'll probably be more so, simply because I didn't really know about it prior to Madeline's birth. I've caught some flak from family for embracing the concept of "child-led" parenting, where we respond to her needs rather than a schedule, but it's worked so well that the comments have really subsided.
I'm proud to lean attachment and I'm happy to have resources like this!
Oh my gosh... this is making me tear up a bit. That poor thing, I'll come rock that baby to sleep! Sad.
Thanks for this! People that don't know me very well consider me a lenient, manipulated hippie because I practice AP. Many myths need to be debunked.
Exactly! Thank you for writing this!
[...] Attachment parenting is notâ?¦ | PhD in Parenting [...]
As someone who *does* think that AP is far too prone to use false benchmarks to measure parenting, I have to say that you don’t seem to have provided anything in the link above to counter this. I find that AP sites and discussions seem to put quite disproportionate emphasis on extended breastfeeding, babywearing and bedsharing as some kind of superior path to bonding with your child. No, they’re not rules in the sense that anyone would be penalised or thrown out of the group for not following them. But, for all the disclaimers thrown in about how you don’t have to follow all these practices to be AP, they’re still very much presented as the ideal to strive towards unless you’ve got some good excuse why not. From the links you’ve chosen above, it’s clear you also see these as being a vital part of what the AP movement is all about. They may not be rules, but I think they do come across as checkboxes on a list.
As to whether AP is a fad or not – no, I don’t think I’d use that word, because even in its current incarnation AP practices have been around for longer than I’d associate with the word ‘fad’. But I do think there’s a real sense in which they’re the latest in thing, and I think that that has very little to do with how long people have been practicing these for and a great deal to do with *why* they’re being practiced. No, there’s nothing new about breastfeeding your child into childhood, or carrying a baby everywhere, or taking your baby into your bed. But the reason people have been doing these things for centuries is because that happened to be a) what suited the particular lifestyles that people had at the time and b) what mainstream practice *was* at the time. What’s new, and the ‘in thing’, isn’t the practices themselves, but the way in which they’re hyped as being some sort of superior way of doing things that everyone should be aiming for.
This isn’t an anti-AP polemic – I don’t have anything against AP practices, and I’ve used most of them myself. But I do think that there’s another thing that AP is not. It is not some sort of superior route to attachment and bonding. And that’s the myth I’d most like to see debunked.
@Sarah V. : Fair enough. Perhaps I need to tackle that in another post then. I wanted to do a quick post that day and link to some people that have pondered these issues. I have been thinking of doing a post on the martyr concept. Can't promise when I'll get to it though. That said, I d think that attachment parenting is an easier (prefer that to "superior") route to attachment and bonding. I wouldn't be doing it otherwise.
Great post as usual! My favourite point is "Attachment parenting is not permissive parenting."
WONDERFUL post! So many people give me the impression that I'm somehow HURTING my child by practicing attachment parenting. As though communicating and understanding your baby's needs is harmful!!!
[...] Attachment parenting is not… [...]