Friday
Sep052008
Flaunt Your Crunch!
Friday, September 5, 2008
Do you feel smothered by the mainstream? Are you embarrassed to admit that you are an attached parent or crunchy mom when surrounded by the formula-feeding, sleep training, SUV stroller pushing moms? Are you sick and tired of getting unsolicited advice that goes against everything you believe in and insults the parenting choices you have made? Have you had enough of people giving you a look of pity because of your parenting choices?
Then you need to learn how to flaunt your crunchiness!
Don't hide. Don't be embarrassed. Don't apologize for your choices. Instead use words and actions to show how confident you are in the choices you have made.
But how? I've put together some ideas to get you started.
Any other suggestions? How do you flaunt your crunch? Help me add to the list by dropping your suggestions into the comments.
Then you need to learn how to flaunt your crunchiness!
Don't hide. Don't be embarrassed. Don't apologize for your choices. Instead use words and actions to show how confident you are in the choices you have made.
But how? I've put together some ideas to get you started.
- Smile and look confident. Do this as you wear your baby. As you nurse your child. As you apply gentle discipline techniques. Even if you are not 100% confident and if others are making you shy about your choices, don't let on. If you let down your guard, that is when you give them an opening to criticize your choices or to suggest alternatives that you might not like.
- Talk about your upcoming all inclusive resort vacation that was paid for entirely with the money you saved by breastfeeding (from $750 to $3200 for a year) and the money you saved by cloth diapering (savings of at least $1000 for one child, but much higher if you use the diapers for multiple children).
- Speaking of that vacation, don't forget to mention how effortless that travel will be since you won't be taking a bulky pack n' play and stroller with you and you don't need to worry about getting bottles warmed up and washed at the airport, on the plane, in the hotel, while touring cities, when hiking in the woods, when hanging out at the beach, etc.
- Brag about how healthy your kids are as a result of breastfeeding and how you're glad you'll be breastfeeding through the whole cold season. Neither of my kids has been sick enough to need to see a doctor while still breastfeeding and my son who weaned 1.5 years ago has only been sick once since weaning.
- If another parent complains about how tired she is, tell her how well rested you are as a result of co-sleeping. Let her know that your baby wakes up less often as a result of being next to you and that you hardly wake up at all when you do need to tend to her needs.
- Effortlessly glide through crowds, saunter across rough surfaces, navigate your way through doors and up and down stairs easily, because you are using a baby carrier instead of a stroller.
- When your friend mentions needing to go and find somewhere to warm up a bottle while you are out shopping at the mall, say "you go ahead, if you don't mind, I'll just keep browsing the books while my baby nurses in the sling".
- When people start complaining about high gas prices, tell them that you haven't really noticed the impact of the price change since you have a compact/hybrid car, take the bus, ride your bicycle or walk.
- If someone tells you how great you look, say "Thanks, the weight just keeps melting off. All those calories that breastfeeding and babywearing burn."
- If a woman says that she could never go through with natural child birth, tell her that it really wasn't that much worse that really bad menstrual cramps and that you were so glad to be up and walking around within minutes of giving birth, rather than being confined to the bed for another half day or so (for an epidural) or longer (for a c-section).
- Make sure that your facebook picture is a babywearing or breastfeeding picture, thereby visually spreading the message to your non-crunchy friends or to possible future parents that can benefit from seeing attachment parenting imagery to combat the mainstream imagery they see in the media and IRL.
- If someone compliments you on your child or your parenting, smile and say "Thank You". Don't try to downplay the compliment by saying something like "he isn't always this well behaved" or "if only you had been there when he was screaming his head off 2 hours ago".
- If someone says something critical, interpret it as a compliment. If they say "are you STILL breastfeeding" you should say "Yes, isn't it great. It looks like we're going to make it at least to the minimum 2 years recommended by the World Health Organization". If someone says "Wow, she's really clingy" you could respond "Thanks, but I wouldn't use the word clingy. I'm really proud of the close relationship that I have with my daughter."
Any other suggestions? How do you flaunt your crunch? Help me add to the list by dropping your suggestions into the comments.
Reader Comments (56)
Haha, YES. Especially the "be confident" tip. I try to be as matter-of-fact as I can possibly be about my "crunchiness". I don't meekly ask if it's okay if I breastfeed my toddler here (or, worse, where I should go to breastfeed - since that's usually met with the suggestion of a washroom or some other equally unsuitable place to eat) - I undo my bra and get to it while continuing to talk. When asked how our son likes his crib, I say he sleeps with us. I cheerfully toss my son onto my back and do up the carrier while horrified on-lookers rush to my assistance (and then I give them the website of our local babywearing store when they marvel over how wonderful and practical it is).
And with other things - I operate on a "don't ask, don't tell" basis. I don't tell people we don't vax - that only invites horrified reactions. If a mother is talking about her baby's upcoming shots, on the other hand, that would be a *relevant* time to casually bring up the subject of no/delayed/selective vaccines.
And yes, I can't help it - I inwardly smirk every time I sail by someone struggling with their stroller (or pushing an empty stroller with one arm and holding the baby with the other), while my son is happily cuddled up against me. Ah, how nice it is to breeze through a crowded mall that way.
fabulous list! :) i need to work on that confidence thing and on accepting compliments more graciously.
Excellent list there! I do the "turning a criticism around" thing and it so confuses people, it's great! Although I am reasonably clearly of the hippie persuasion so most people don't bother making the comments in the first place, grr.... so I don't get to practice my witty responses!
I have learned over time to not ask for help from certain types of people if you're tired as then you get the whole "DD should be on a bottle/in her own bed/crying it out/flying to the moon/etc." rants. It took me a while but now I don't offer up info to people unless I think they can handle it :) (in real life of course, on the web I dole out random advice left, right and centre!)
Terrific list--I loved it! One thing I've found useful is framing information as "isn't this cool"--like when talking to the mother of a new baby who was talking about sleep issues and concerns about SIDS, I mentioned, "Oh, I recently found out that when babies sleep close to their mothers, their sleep cycles actually link up, so the babies are less likely to fall into the deep sleep that is connected with SIDS." So it's not "advice"--it's just sharing a cool news bit (while trying to influence behavior).
I LOVE this list Annie :)
We have almost 2 yr old twins -- and I often get asked "do they share a room?" and I *always* answer "yes, ours!" :)
We just finished breastfeeding -- and I never thought twice about where to breastfeed. Maybe it's just that having 2 babes is enough to think about that I don't have time to think of other stuff like that! haha. I've come accross people who's jaw dropped when they found out they were still nursing, and for some reason, that always just made me smile. haha.
I was wearing my daughter the other day and bumped into an old collegue and he said "how much does she weigh now?" (which i didn't think an odd question, his daugther is 6 mths younger than ours...) I answered about 24 pounds, yours? he says "about the same... I was just wondering how long they could stay in 'that thing'?" haha. With a smile.... "about 35 lbs" :)
I made a cousin of mine try on my homemade ring sling with her FOURTH baby.... she couldn't believe it... she rushed out and bought her own... she loves it SO much and she said "do you have any other tips like that? you HAVE TO TELL ME" (she nursed while shopping at costco soon after buying the sling and said she couldn't stop smiling! haha) as she asked me this question she was changing a poopy diaper (i swear - it almost sounds like i'm making it up!) and the baby had poop ALL the way up his back..... and I just smiled and said "well, for starters -- that never happened to us with cloth..." haha.
I don't have to try to flaunt my crunchiness -- it just happens! haha.
Great post.
I'm terrible and like to make a point of taking the escalator when my stroller moms have to wind all the way over the the elevator. I tell them, "We'll just ride the escalator until you get up there and then we'll meet you."
I read something the other day about responding to cry-it-out types with, "we're willing to sacrifice sleep to be the best parents we can be." Nighttime parenting is a choice, not a curse or a punishment for nursing or attachment parenting. We should be proud of children who wake...ugh, even as I say it I don't believe it, but it's on your list that I should fake it to make crunchiness sell. ;-)
Whenever someone says, "isn't she sleeping through the night?" I say, "No, but thank goodness she wasn't born in Russia---they don't expect kids to sleep through the night until they're three! I don't know if I could make it that long."
Finally, the tip I found most useful when doubting our parenting choices amidst a sea of bottles, strollers, and schedulers is: find a community of other crunchy parents and hang out with them more than you hang out with those who preach other parenting styles. Read only the books that agree with your style. And find online forums full of people who can give you advice that you can actually respect, rather than the ones that make you second-guess your choices.
This list is great. I try not to give out advice because I absolutely HATE the unsolicited advice I get. I usually just smile and nod, but it does get annoying. The other day a co-worker recommended I give my son rice cereal in his bottle so he would sleep through the night. I said he doesn't get bottles or rice cereal and she looked at me like I was from another planet.
Love it! Keep up the good work! I've been there in the past. No longer of course. I'm a grandma now. But my daughter hasn't a CLUE how to be "concerned" since she's a crunchy-from-birth young woman.
Just blog rolled ya!
Hi, I found your post and the replies interesting to read and would just like to make one point. There are lots of in between moms out there. Both of my children have been exclusively breast-fed (and will continue to be), spend a lot of time in a sling / carrier, takes naps with me and (oh the horror of it) sleep in a crib. Also now that I have a 2mo old and a 21 mo old a stroller is very useful. These things do not make me a bad parent, who someone who does not care about the environment.
Enjoy being parents - so many fabulous ways to do a great job!
@ Michelle - I agree. There are lots of ways to parent. In my experience though, when people make mainstream choices they usually don't feel like they need to hide it or apologize for it. However, when people go against the mainstream, they face a lot of criticism for it. I'm just trying to get people to be more confident about those decisions and not feel like they need to hide.
Wow, such an amazing list, I wish I had read it earlier! Sometimes it can be exhausting defending yourself; the one thing I have done is find like-minded parents to spend my time with...it's comforting sometimes just 'being' and feeling understood. Great blog, keep up the great work.
Oh I LOVED that!!! I love to share how much I saved on having a homebirth. Two thumbs up for crunch!
Wow, you sound so judgmental of parents who make different choices than you do.
Making different choices doesn't make you a better parent. All moms just do the best they can.
Maybe you are not judgmental in real life, I don't know. But I know this post comes across as very condescending and off-putting.
@ Joanna - I think you missed the point of the post. Frequently mothers that make choices that are considered "crunchy" or "attachment parenting" are made to feel bad for not following the "mainstream" way of parenting. The idea behind this post was to help moms that are being constantly judged by others to be confident, to not let others put them down, and to stick up for themselves. The same philosophy could equally apply to mothers that have made different parenting choices (although some of the specific techniques might be different).
The interesting thing is that, among the people I have known and in the places I have lived, the thing you describe ARE mainstream.
Great post. The point here is that the best way to act in regards to your parenting style is normal, because -- well, because your parenting style IS normal!
For parents looking for a gentle (or not-so-gentle, but still respectful) comeback to criticisms and comments, we've published a list of comments assembled several years ago by a mother who was literally exhausted by criticisms of her cosleeping. http://northtexasnaturalfamily.wordpress.com/2007/05/01/when-your-parenting-comes-under-fire/" rel="nofollow">Her suggestions might give you the ammo you need for a little friendly (and we mean that in the nicest way) fire!
[...] around first (talking about what has worked for us and why without attacking what they are doing or lightly flaunting the advantages of my choices), but if it becomes obvious that they have a completely different view of a parent’s [...]
There were so many choices we made in the beginning that our friends and family found strange...natural childbirth, not circumcizing, not using a pacifier from day one, co-sleeping, babywearing, etc. But some of those choices (co-sleeping and babywearing specifically) really came from my child. He detested strollers and carseats and wouldn't sleep alone. So he was crunchy from the beginning! He's been a great teacher.
I think the best advice any new parent can receive is to get as much information as you can about your choices--no, you don't have to birth without drugs, but yes, it's great to know what options are available to you. You don't have to wear your baby, but if yours is like mine and demands to be carried, it's wonderful that those options are out there. And once you have all of the information, follow your heart. If we listen too much to others around us and how THEY parented (particularly, in my case, the mother-in-law!), we lose sight of our own wonderful parenting instincts.
I'm only sprinkled with granola on the crunchy mom test.
My favorite thing about breastfeeding was on the airplane. The people around would see a baby get on and immediately thing, 'oh jeez, get the earplugs'. But I always fed him during takeoff, he slept the entire flight, then fed again on landing. (I wore a poncho to cover because I'm not comfortable letting people who are not actually using my breast for food see it.)
And the co-sleeping started because my son would randomly choke on his own spit. I tried the crib wedge, but he would just slide down, so I turned my body into a little nest and we both slept beautifully.
the one thing i dont agree with is that this is very judgemental to those that dont fall under this particular belief. I understand the point is to be confident in your own choices, but it can come off very condicending to those that are not with these choices. We shouldnt be talking about flaunting ANY choice, its personal and thats it.
I agree to be confident in who you are and why you feel that way, you dont owe anyone an explanation, but I resent the whole "your a carrier not a stroller" kinda mentality.
Whatever you are, you are a parent and we all do our best
trisha
momdot.com
Love this post. I'm a first time mommy of twins and never realized just how "crunchy" I was until I read this. The only problem with 2 babies is that it makes it difficult to wear my babies if I'm by myself. Any double slings that you would suggest? My babies are only 8 weeks but already healthy breastfed porkers at 13lbs and 10lbs. They have gained approx. 6 and 4lbs since birth, respectively.
[...] a blogger shared with us a link to another blog that put up reasons to be proud, or rather Flaunt your beliefs as a parent. I do not want to go under attack on this person, she responded very [...]
I have 5 kids - the first 2 were breastfed exclusively (for 1yr and 18mo) and the last 3 were bottle fed. My first 2 had ear infections at least once a month (if not more) until ages 2, had pnemonia, several bouts of stomach flu, etc. My last 3 (up until 4 months ago) had, maybe, 4 sickness btn them. My opinion is that breastfeeding does not guarantee a healthier child. There are many factors in play (gene pool, etc). It bothers me when other moms get so upset when you don't breastfeed. They act like we are causing great harm to our children. We are all allowed choices. That is the beauty of America.
Toni
The Mud Bug
Great post. I don't think I was learey about explaining things to people but how to explain and when. If you don't mind I would like to print this and pass it o to a couple of "crunchy moms" who are having a hard time with the confidence side of it.
@Kisha Please feel free to share it with your friends! (I’d love it if you’d share the URL for my blog too in case they want to check out any other posts). Thanks!
You sound like you are a very involved, very dedicated mother. I applaud you for taking the road less traveled and doing what YOU feel is best for your child. I became a mother at 20, and I understand how others feel the need to always put their two cents in, especially when they feel you're a "young mother" that needs guidance. That being said, I feel I need to stick up for the "formula-feeding, sleep training, SUV stroller pushing moms". As a working mothers we don't usually have the time or the energy to breastfeed for two years, deal with piles of soggy cloth diapers (which I personally can't stand having expeinced them while helping my mother when my baby sister was born), or carry baby on our chests everywhere we go. I know 2yrs of breatfeeding is recommended, but the most benefits from breastfeeding occur within the first week. I have a very hectic schedule, and there is just no way I could do all that and maintain a smooth routine. I'm currently taking a double load of classes, working 40 hrs a week, raising a 6 and a 4 yr old, and I'm taking fertility tratments (natural) so we can work on baby #3. I do all this while my husband is overseas fighting a war (don't get me started on that) until at least January 2010. Now granted, I do make an effort to be as natural and/or organic as I can in the way I raise my children. When I wasn't working and going to school of course I was able to do a whole lot more, but with so much going on my plate these days, the shortcuts have become my friend. I'm not saying your methods are wrong, they just don't work for me. Here's my two cents for anyone who cares to hear it: Do what works for you. Keep an open mind, because what works for you now, may not be what works for you in the future.
@ I'm Rick James: For what it's worth, I am a working mom and that is the main reason I feel that breastfeeding, babywearing and co-sleeping are so important to me. I depend on them to ensure a strong bond with my children, a bond that would perhaps come naturally and easily if I was at home with them all of the time, but a bond that I need to work at since I spend so many hours away from them. I don't have a problem with other people making different choices, as long as they don't insult me for my choices. As I mentioned before, I reserve the flaunting for those that directly or indirectly insult my choices.
I was almost "guilted" into breastfeeding and using cloth diapers with my son (by my sister-in-law). I was a single mother and having a very hard time. I was trying desperately to breastfeed, but then I got an infection, I was hurting, and I had to stop. I was completely stressed out by trying to do the "right thing".
I think the "right thing" is whatever works for you and keeps you and baby happy. Babies can sense when you're stressed and unhappy, and I don't think that is good for a baby.
My daughter was formula fed only, and I was much calmer and I feel a better mom the second time around. She was very, very healthy and is very smart. My son, too, who was formula fed after about 2 months has always been healthy.
When my mom had me, neither she or her friends breastfed, and we all turned out just fine.
If you can breastfeed, I think that is wonderful. But you're right, a mother shouldn't be looked down upon for either choice she makes.
[...] in doing so. That includes helping a friend to feel more confident about her parenting choices by flaunting her crunch, getting people to reconsider whether punishment is an effective discipline tool or if there is a [...]
[...] Be confident: If you nurse your toddler confidently, with a big smile on your face and your back straight and don’t look nervous about doing it, people will be less likely to feel like they have the right to say something about it. But if you look nervous or if you mention any negatives about it, then they will take the opportunity to jump in with all sorts of advice about what you should be doing. I have found that making it very clear to people that I am happy with my choices and that they work for us usually keeps people from opening their mouths. I call it flaunting my crunch. [...]
I think it's important to realize that there are all kinds of moms out there, and some of us are unable to breastfeed, or have babies that won't tolerate being in a sling, or co-sleeping. And some of us who have to do some things the "mainstream" way ARE a little sensitive about it. No matter what your parenting style is, it's usually a good idea to keep your good advice to yourself until asked!
@renee: I agree completely. In this case, I wrote this post for a friend who was asking for my advice. She was asking for my advice on how should could survive another outing with other families from her husband's work because she constantly felt out of place and like people were looking down on her crunchy parenting choices. So I was giving her some advice on how to be more confident about her choices and not let other people make her feel bad. http://www.phdinparenting.com/2009/03/24/you-are-not-a-perfect-parent/" rel="nofollow">No one is a perfect parent. But I think if people were more confident about their parenting and a little less sensitive (I know, easier said than done), then it would be easier for everyone to get along.
For what it's worth, I could walk within the hour of my epidural. I only say that for the lurkers who might misinterpret the statement. I don't feel judged -- I'm fine with my birth experience and, in fact, loved it -- but I don't want anyone to read that and assume that it's always that way.
Secondly, co-sleeping usually works for me, but when I wake myself up SNORING approximately FIVE HUNDRED TIMES in one night because of a stuffy nose (why yes, that was last night, thank you), while my little girl sleeps like a ... well, a BABY with her little arms over her head, it can be amusingly frustrating. I mean, I was JEALOUS. OF MY SLEEPING DAUGHTER. Bah. :)
@Trisha
The point of this article is not to judge anyone that has made different choices than I have. The point is when I am faced with someone that is insulting the choices I have made or giving unsolicited advice that goes against my beliefs, I don’t need to cower in shame. Instead, I can demonstrate that (a) I am confident in my choices and (b) there are benefits to those choices. The point of that would be to get them to shut up and stop insulting me.
I recognize that I don’t owe anyone an explanation and most people seem to respect that. But others feel the need to continually undermine, insult and look down on people that have made “crunchier” choices. It is for those people that I would reserve the flaunting. For all others, I just go about my life as I always would – with quiet confidence.
@Toni
Thank you for your comment.
I’ll reiterate again. I am not upset when moms don’t exclusively breastfeed. But if they make condescending remarks about me breastfeeding, I will flaunt the advantages of it.
With regards to the health benefits of breastfeeding, they have been proven. No, they don’t guarantee a healthy child. But on average, breastfed children have more health advantages that formula fed children. But again, it is each mom’s choice to make and I won’t insult anyone for making the choice that is right for them, as long as they don’t insult my choices.
@Jonniker: Lucky you on your epidural experience! I had one with my first birth. My son was born at 7:30am, I couldn't walk until well into the afternoon. I wanted a shower SO bad.
[...] around first (talking about what has worked for us and why without attacking what they are doing or lightly flaunting the advantages of my choices), but if it becomes obvious that they have a completely different view of a parent’s [...]
[...] most circles, I am staunchly proud of my parenting approach and practices and I have been known to flaunt my crunch. But there are other spaces where I would rather just be considered normal, for my sake and for my [...]
Like many women, I fall inbetween the extreme styles of parenting. On one hand, I co-sleep exclusively with my now 14 month old daughter and believe in gentle discipline and am also looking into the option of homeschooling; on the other hand I also am a stickler for keeping my childrens vaccines current and using disposable diapers. I receive annoying, unsolicited advice from BOTH sides, the crunchy moms tell me to quit vaccinating, and the mainstream moms tell me to use potty bootcamp to train my 2 year old even though he has no interest igoing potty right now! It can get VERY frustrating for anyone to receive these unwanted "TIPS"!
I think your article is useful simply because you stress confidence in personal parenting choices, no matter what side of the fence you're on! Thanks!
[...] PhD in Parenting shares ways that moms like me can flaunt our crunchiness [...]
she constantly felt out of place and like people were looking down on her crunchy parenting choices
Wow! I'm appalled by your list. I guess I'm a horrible mother. I had breast cancer at age 35 and will NEVER be able to breastfeed. EVER! I am lucky I was able to conceive and have my daughter. If someone ever commented in the ways you suggested to me about formula feeding my child, I would lose it.
It's people like you that make me think that anyone AP is a judgemental, self-righteous jerk! Oh, and my child is 3 months old, has never CIO and sleeps through the night IN HER CRIB. I wear her all the time. And you can damn well believe that she knows her dad and I love her more than anything.
Laure:
Where did you get "horrible mother" from this list?
This was a list of things that someone could say if she was being looked down on for her attachment parenting choices.
Wow! you have nice list and every mother will like it.
Yup, flaunt your crunch.
Without making people feel bad about their decisions.
As someone who was medically unable to breastfeed exclusively, I have been hurt again and and again by people who make themselves feel better at my expense by lording the fact that their body could make a full milk supply and mine couldn't. Congratulations on putting your parenting choices and options above others'.
wow, what an uppity load of bull. You have effectively found a way to bash every other style of parenting in a passive aggressive narcissistic way, and are encouraging others to do the same. I *can not believe* the nasty tone this article has towards everything that's not AP. I would think someone with a phd would possess the skill and TACT to beable to be confident without spewing poorly obscured judgmental blows to other styles of parenting. It's people that go on like this that make everyone hate AP moms.. not AP itself but the self righteous holier than thou attitude that goes with it.
" The idea behind this post was to help moms that are being constantly judged by others to be confident, to not let others put them down, and to stick up for themselves."
Moms who are constantly being judged? That would be...let me think...ALL OF THEM. I get the importance of being confident in your decisions, but don't bs yourself that only AP parents are judged.
And to think, you could have provided an excellent list simply by stopping with the first point: Smile confidently and go about your life happy with the decisions you've made as a parent. Instead, you decided to carry on and turn your list into a how-to guide for sanctimommies everywhere.
All mothers are criticized for their choices, to their faces and behind their backs. I'm a working mom -- I violate natural law by not being home with my son 24-7 to nurture him. We put grapes and grape tomatoes in his Easter eggs instead of candy because he loves them -- Don't go to an Easter egg hunt at our place! And so forth and so on. A list of "advice" like yours, with a recommended response to another mom doing something as simple as saying she's tired being to brag about how awesome your parenting skills are, is nothing more than a way to lose friends and alienate people, while playing into the sanctimonious, holier-than-thou stereotype of crunchy moms.
Congratulations on perpetuating the stereotypes instead of actually helping to solve the problem by refusing to engage in the Mommy Wars.
I didn't like any of this advice at all, and I say that as a babywearing, breastfeeding, cosleeping mother myself. I've found that it's much more effective to deflect the criticism with humor and to actually BE confident in my choices instead of using defensive retorts. I'm sorry, but I disagree that this advice is going to do anything but make the other person angry and embarrassed and make things worse, as well as make *you* look sanctimonious, even if that wasn't the intent.
If you feel unsure of your parenting choices because they are different than the "mainstream," I doubt the answer is to boast about breastfeeding and co sleeping while trying to make moms who formula feed feel like shit just so that you can give yourself a pat on the back.
People make different parenting choices for a myriad of valid reasons. You want to breastfeed til 2? Great! But STFU about how you're a better mommy than the lady who FF. You opted for a Moby instead of a stroller? Glad you like it. But that doesn't make you superior over the mom with the McClaren. You never give time outs and your kids are well behaved? That's great that gentle discipline worked out for your family. Maybe the mom putting her three year old in the naughty seat found what works for her kids.
At the end of the day, it doesn't matter how you fed your kid, whether you used a stroller or an ergo, if you went on a nice vacation because you had extra money from cloth diapering, or if you used time outs or natural consequences.
What matters most is whether your kids grow up to be kind, honest, and caring persons. That kind of parenting is a lot harder to pull off than deciding whether to breastfeed or formula feed.