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Friday
Dec102010

The Bible of Parent Blame: "Your Kids Are Your Own Fault" by Larry Winget


Last year Meagan Francis from The Happiest Mom received a press release about a horrible book and called it out on twitter. I had just started writing on a blog called I Blame The Mother and it seemed like a great venue to write about this book. So I wrote a post called Like beating yourself up? This book may be for you. Today, a press release for the same book landed in my inbox. The title is still the same, but they have toned down the parent blame a little bit in the press release. I'm still not rushing out to buy it though.

Here is what I wrote on I Blame the Mother last year:
Do you like having people tell you how horrible your kids are?

Do you enjoy being told that you are a bad parent?

If that is your idea of a good time, this book by Larry Winget may be for you. It reads like the bible of motherblame. From the press release:

ABOUT “YOUR KIDS ARE YOUR OWN FAULT” (Gotham Books; January 2010; Hardcover; $26.00).


This is not a fix-your-kid book. It’s a fix-the-way-you parent book. You owe it to your kids to parent with a plan. As Larry explains, “Why am I writing this book? Look around. Our kids are a mess! They are overmedicated, over-indulged, over-fed, over-weight, over-entertained, under-educated, under-achieving, under-disciplined, disrespectful, illiterate brats with a sense of entitlement that is crippling our society. And it has to change!”


Along with in-depth research and experience from raising his own kids, Winget makes sure you “don’t expect to change your kids’ behavior, unless you are willing to change your own.” He uses the same tough love approach that has made him a bestseller to make sure you are teaching your kids the right values to become productive adults and live a successful life.


WINGET tells you things you don’t necessarily want to hear or admit to, such as:


–You tell your kids they’re special. They’re not!


–You make your kids the most important thing in life. They’re not!


–You turn to medicine to fix everything. Don’t be lazy!


–You set a bad example. Your kids follow it.


Winget forces parents to take a good look at their own behaviors and make a change. He offers five basic principles but suggests it isn’t a matter of just doing them; it is how well you do them that counts.


This Winget guy sounds like a wing nut to me. On his website (not deserving of a link…look him up if you want) he calls himself the “pitbull of personal development” (FWIW I don’t like pitbulls). His other book is called “No Time For Tact”, which he very obviously demonstrated by bringing out this parentblame book. It sounds like it breaks all of the rules of appropriate parenting advice by trying to shame people into whipping their kids into shape. He is also on twitter and predictably is not following anyone and doesn’t reply to anyone…all one way communication. Just the guy I want to teach me to be a good person and a good parent.

I’d love to take my copy of The Nurture Assumption by Judith Rich Harris, which concludes “as for what’s wrong with you: don’t blame it on your parents” and whack him with it.

So today, I received a press release from the publisher of the book that reads:
LARRY WINGET, The Pitbull of Personal Development® and New York Times bestseller is back with YOUR KIDS ARE YOUR OWN FAULT: A Guide for Raising Responsible, Productive Adults (Gotham Books; January 2011; Paperback; $16.00).

I know what you are thinking. Why is Larry Winget writing a book about kids? As Larry explains, “Why am I writing this book? Look around. Our kids are a mess! They are overmedicated, over-indulged, over-fed, over-weight, over-entertained, under-educated, under-achieving, under-disciplined, disrespectful, illiterate brats with a sense of entitlement that is crippling our society. And it has to change!”

Along with in-depth research and experience from raising his own kids, Winget makes sure you “don’t expect to change your kids’ behavior, unless you are willing to change your own.” He uses the same tough love approach that has made him a bestselling author to make sure you are teaching your kids the right values to become productive adults and live a successful life.

Winget forces parents to take a good look at their own behavior and make a change. He offers five basic principles but maintains that it isn’t a matter of just doing them; it is how well you do them that counts.

Ø       Communication is the backbone of civilization and kids will learn to communicate with the world based on how they learn to communicate within their own family.

Ø       Involvement is crucial. Know your child’s friends and teachers. Know what your kids are doing and who they are doing it with.

Ø       Education is the responsibility of the parent.  It’s not up to the school system to make sure your kid learns what they need to in order to be successful, healthy and prosperous. It’s up to you!

Ø       Discipline is a code of conduct by which you live. You will be challenged every step of the way – that’s what kids do.

Ø       Punishment and confrontation is something most parents dread but it is a necessary part of parenting.

Winget touches upon all of life’s lessons from being responsible with money, to discipline, to dealing with your child as a dating teenager. YOUR KIDS ARE YOUR OWN FAULT is the ideal guide for any parent navigating the intricate road of parenthood. I’d be happy send you a review copy today!

So, it seems Meagan got the hard core YOU SUCK AS A PARENT press release for the hardcover book and I got the slightly softened you suck as a parent press release for the paperback book.

In any case, I replied to the e-mail that I received and said:
Hi [redacted],

I actually wrote about this book on another blog that I contribute to last year:

http://iblamethemother.wordpress.com/2009/09/16/like-beating-yourself-up-this-book-may-be-for-you/

Your e-mail has prompted me to repost it on my blog.

Thanks,

Annie
www.phdinparenting.com

The reply I got...
Fantastic! Thanks, Annie!

Fantastic indeed...

Image credit: f_mafra on flickr
« Nature? Nurture? Neither? More? | Main | Christmas Gifts for Teachers? What to Think of When Buying a Gift »

References (1)

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Reader Comments (251)

Makes me curious how much money his kids have spent/will spend on therapy.

December 10, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJeanine

Jeez, I wonder if the publisher of these books are parents as well.

December 10, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCarol

PMSL!! The response you got made me seriously laugh out loud. Nice to see they actually read what you wrote. *shakes head*

December 10, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterChristie

I just laughed out loud at their response. Not bother to click, much?

December 10, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterzchamu

Holy cow. I was reading this post just a little too quickly, and I initially thought that you wrote the first press release as a satire of the actual press release.... I notice that the goal is "productive" adults with a "successful" life. Nothing about happiness or kindness, for example.

December 10, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRachael

Love the PR fail. Thanks for the laugh!

December 10, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterEmma @ embracethechaos.ca

Of course not! This is America and if it doesn't have a superficial monetary value then it's obviously just some crazy granola commie agenda.

December 10, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAlison

Oh. My. Word.

That is probably the funniest PR fail I've seen in a long time. Gah!

December 10, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmber

They have an any PR is good PR attitude there?

Their response is hilarious. Fantastic indeed! I haven't heard of this guy before, but I have to agree with the wing nut comment. Thanks for the heads up.

December 10, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCynthia

Oh my goodness, both as a mom and a PR professional this makes me shake my head.

December 10, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterkrin

Love the response! How crazy.

December 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAshley

WOW...as a new mom, I can see who I won't be turning to for advice! What's scary is that there are probably parents out there who will listen to what that nutjob says.

December 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSara

Their response to your message is classic. Thanks for the Saturday morning laugh!

December 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

Ha! Too funny.

December 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterFamilyNature

Wow, that is one crackerjack PR person! Of course, to somebody as "controversial" as Wingnut, maybe any publicity is good publicity?

I was reading an article by Alfie Kohn the other day--wish I could remember where--that dispelled the myth that "today's kids" and "today's parents" are any worse than any other generation. As Kohn points out, the idea that 'kids these days' suck goes back centuries.

December 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMeagan @ The Happiest Mom

Fantastic indeed. So, all we have to do is write scathing (yet honest!) reveiws about less-than-mediocre products and we'll get said products for free? Awesome. Where can I sign up?

December 11, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterkelly @kellynaturally

While there might be a kernel of truth in what he is saying -- you do need to be mindful of what you do as a parent -- I'm so turned off because he makes parenting sound no different than trying to correct the behavior of a disobedient dog.

December 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAlan

Our kids are not special?
What the ?$%*!
Clearly this guy hasn't met MY kid...
:)

December 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterChanna

Incredible. Just- Really? Seriously? What kind of PR person does this?

And also? Pitbulls are a loving, loyal and protective breed. He's none of those things. (Yeah- I'm secretly a crazy dog lady.) He's just a bully and I hate to think that some frazzled mom one day will pick this up and read this.

December 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSarah Neely

LOL Well this guy is clearly a shining example of parenting skill!

December 11, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSummer

"I see no hope for the future of our people if they are dependent on the frivolous youth of today, for certainly all youth are reckless beyond words. When I was a boy, we were taught to be discrete and respectful of elders, but the present youth are exceedingly wise and impatient of restraint."

-Hesiod

December 12, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterkung fu lola

Yes, it's me, the author of the book you call "horrible" yet haven't read. You truly are judging a book by its' cover and by its' press release. Not fair but I'm used to a lack of fairness in today's society: Judging with no research. Calling others childish names derivative of their original name like "wingnut" instead of Winget. Doing book reviews without having read the book. Will you be fair enough to publish my entire response now? We will see.

I normally don't bother to respond to people when they criticize my work as it just drops me their level which in this case is pretty low. However, the issue of parenting is important enough to me to take the time to set a few of these accusations straight. This book is my most important work and I care about it more than anything I have ever done so it's worth it to stop and defend the book in this rare case since it seems most people love the book. As I make clear in the book, I am a business, personal development writer and speaker. I am not a parenting expert. I don't tell you how to raise your kid in this book, however I do tell you what your kid is going to need to know in order to become a successful adult: honestly, integrity, work ethic, respect, money, health, relationships, fairness, how to get along with others and more. I am a worldwide recognized expert about personal success in the areas of business, life and personal finance having written 5 New York Times/Wall Street Journal bestsellers translated into 20 languages on those subjects. Here is my reason for writing you: If you would like to be fair and actually review the book after reading it, I will happily send you a copy. You might find that my ideas make perfect sense (or you might not) but at least you will have read the book you are reviewing. Does that sound fair to you? You are out only a few hours time and can hate me all the more and write whatever you want, just read the book. I don't expect you or anyone else to agree with all of it, but you might find it isn't "horrible" as you have labeled it without reading it.

You and some of your followers have attacked me for not having love or kindness yet you couldn't be more wrong. My ideas about parenting are all based in love. However, I preach you must just love your kids enough to make sure they become responsible, productive adults by teaching them the things they are going to need to know be successful in all areas of life. I actually find it unkind and unloving to dump unprepared children into the world to fend for themselves and that parents and parents alone are responsible for making sure their kids are prepared and equipped with the skills it takes to be successful grownups. That, to me, is true love.

I also have a question for all of you who attack the title, "Your Kids Are Your Own Fault" and talk about it as a Bible of Blame The Parents. Statistically, we have raised a generation of kids who rank very low academically, are so obese that they won't outlive their own parents, are over-medicated, can't handle their finances as their parents before them can't either and on and on and on. Those are facts which cannot be argued with. So who DO you blame? I don't blame society, television, schools, or technology. I blame the parents. Any logical, reasonable person would do so it seems to me. Your children are your responsibility (your fault.) They are the "result" or your parenting or lack of parenting. Your results in all areas of your life are brought about as the result of your actions or inaction. This line of thinking is the only responsible approach to life in my opinion. I don't know who else to blame when something I am TOTALLY responsible for doesn't work out as it is MY fault when that happens.

Also, how fair, loving and kind is it for you folks to attack my children here? Some of you take such great pride in yourself about your high and mighty position and what kind of horrible person I am and then you attack a man's children? My children are fine men, a police officer and Army veteran, the other a business owner, both loving husbands and one a fine father. Neither in therapy as you imply. Hard-working contributing members of society. Shame on you for attacking people you don't even know simply because you don't like the title of their father's book.

I honestly wish you all the best with your blog. All I ask is that you do a little research as I do when writing on a subject this important. The subject of parenting is too important not to do extensive research on as raising children is the most important responsibility any of us will ever have and a responsibility many, in fact, most, take for granted and don't work very hard at! I read over 100 parenting books before writing my own. In fact, I have read 4,000 books in the past twenty years just to make sure I had done the research before taking a position on any topic. I write and speak from a position of deep research and personal experience along with some personal opinion of course.

So read the book. Many parents and parenting experts call my book a "must read." Then again they read it before commenting on it or reviewing it. Almost all of my Amazon reviews on this book are 5 Star reviews. These people also read the book and reviewed it and you can do the same. Just ask and I'll put a copy in the mail to you today.

(And to Sarah Neely above: Yes, Pitbulls are loving, loyal and protective. And about any one who knows me would say I am all of those things as well. Plus, pitbulls grab on and don't let go. That is also me. I grab on to the principle of personal responsibility in all areas of life and don't let go. Also, you called me a bully. While I am not a bully, I am considered a bullying expert appearing on talk shows on that topic and I've also written much about bullying on my own blog and in my books, including this parenting book. You called me names without knowing me and judged me without taking the time to find out who I was. You formed opinions of me based on what someone else said and posted them on the internet behind my back. You exhibited all the classic bullying tactics yet you called me the bully. Interesting. Therefore, I'll also happily send you a free book too just so you will know what you are talking about and who you are talking about before you call me names which are not justified. Sound fair? )

Okay, that's it. I never expect to make people happy with my writing. In fact, my goal is to make people uncomfortable so they will think and take action to make their lives better. All the best to each of you.

Larry Winget

December 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLarry Winget

I think it's worth mentioning -- isn't the point of press release to influence us to make a judgment? Your first press release is off-putting and abrasive, and it's not surprise that people looked at it and went, "Well never mind this then."

And I agree with Alan above; there are points worth noting in your press release (and, presumably, book), such as the over-medication of children and setting good examples, but the first press release is shaming and blaming -- it sticks in the mind, no matter how well-intentioned and better-worded the next release may be.

December 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAshley

Ashley - Thanks for your comment and reply to my posting. I didn't write the press release, a PR agency did and the positive response was quite good resulting in exactly what we wanted. People here have judged the book and called it names, (even childishly calling me names along the way and criticizing my children) thus reviewing my book to the readers here simply because they found the press release off-putting. The original posting called my book horrible. How would they know if they book was horrible? They haven't read the book. Who can argue with that point? I hate lots of books that I read, but I read them before I call them names or review them. It's called giving an educated response. As for the press release: The press release was intended to "shame and blame" - - - my point is that parents should be ashamed of their lack of parenting and I back that up with the statistics that prove my point throughout the book - the facts can't really be argued with. And the parents are the only ones who should be blamed as their kids belong to them and they are responsible for them.

This entire argument is genuinely laughable as most things are when you hold up the mirror of personal responsibility to them which is all I do whether I speak of fiscal responsibility, business, life in general or parenting.

I don't intend in getting into a big back and forth here about the book. I wrote it. I stand behind every word of it. I am more proud of it than anything I have ever written. I shot a PBS special on the book because the content seems to resonate with many people. Hundreds of thousands of people have bought the book and seem to enjoy it. Parents and parenting experts applaud it. One person has written feedback about the press release and a handful of people joined in to trash a book that none who participated have bothered to read or do any research on. You can say what you want about me, I'm a big boy who is used to criticism as anyone who is in the public eye and stands for something gets criticized. All I asked for by writing here was fairness. Again, I wish you folks the best.

December 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLarry Winget

Hi Larry,

I for one tried to read your book. Unfortunately our local library (Ottawa Public Library) doesn't have a copy.

If Annie doesn't take you up on your offer to read the book, I sure would :)

December 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMary @ Parenthood

Larry:

I find it ironic that you are objecting to me calling you names, when you essentially called all parents names via the title of your book. If saying "your kids are your fault" isn't an insult, I don't know what is.

I have done plenty of research. Much of this blog is based on research. In terms of books, there are a lot of bad parenting books out there and there are a few good ones. I wonder, among your reading, if you have read The Nurture Assumption by Judith Rich Harris. It debunks a lot of the myths that parenting experts like to trot around about how good parenting makes children successful and bad parenting ruins them. I do believe that parenting is important. However, probably for different reasons than you.

I parent the way that I do because I believe that my children have earned the right to be loved and treated with respect. I don't parent the way I do because some so-called expert (whether that is you or someone else) shamed me into thinking that my kids are horrible and that I am a bad parent.

December 12, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterphdinparenting

I found this thread via FaceBook and read it because I admire Larry Winget as the Pitbull of Personal Development. I honestly didn't know where this was going to go but the further I read into the comments the more my mouth was falling open.

Personal Responsibility has hit an all time low in our society and if there is an answer in Mr. Winget's book as to why our kids seem generally complacent then I'd like to look at his information to find a possible answer. I recognize simply by the title that I have to be responsible for who my kids are. If I were still raising small children this book would be in my hands for perusal. Yes, yes, we all do the best we can with what we have at the time. But really, if I had the opportunity to read this book when my kids were small, I would have.

I would guess that the title of the book was chosen to grab attention. For that Mr. Winget gets two points. His PR company gained more notoriety for the book by writing a compelling press release. Can't we look at that and say WOW, great marketing rather than make assumptions?

I find that typically, when we react to something, as we all have here in this thread, it is because it is something we need to look at within ourselves. What is it about Mr. Winget's message that hit's home? Do you NOT want to be held responsible for how your children are? Are you afraid you might find yourself somewhere in the book?

I say we give the book a read, he has generously offered a few of you a *FREE* copy. I am sure there are nuggets of information that are worth culling.

If our hearts and minds are truly open you can see there is plenty learn just from this thread
of comments alone.

Whistling dixie~
Tam I Am

December 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTam I Am

I would be willing to read your book, also, but I agree that your PR firm's press release was very off-putting.

For the record, I love bully breeds.

December 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDana K

All well said, or written, Larry. Regardless of who has the better ideas about parenting, to comment about another persons work without knowledge of it is irresponsible. It's not fair to yourself because it casts a shadow on your own work. Should I have any confidence in this woman's work, if she doesn't even bother to do her homework before suggesting someone else shouldn't be taken seriously?

December 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMichael Weaver

Tam I Am:

I get offers for "free" books everyday from authors who are hoping that I will work for "free" to promote their books for them. Most of the books and book pitches are bad. I only ask to have a small number of them sent to me and of those, only opt to write about a select few.

I do think I should be held responsible for my parenting. However, I do not think i should be held responsible for how my children are. Children are genetically predisposed to all sorts of things that society blames the parents for. Sure, there are some people who believe that anyone with genetic predisposition to mental health conditions, obesity, lower than average intellect, should not breed. However, most reasonable people understand that everyone comes with genetic baggage and that both parents and children do the best that they can to lead a normal and productive life despite whatever cards they may have been dealt. Some people (myself included) shockingly even believe that society is better off as a result of the many different characteristics that humans possess, even though some of them may be seen as undesirable by most people in our current society.

December 12, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterphdinparenting

While I understand the sentiment that the best reviews come from reading the work in question, the comment from the author himself has been far more off putting than anything Annie wrote. The U.S. is in a terrible economic situation. Families who have played by the rules and worked hard have lost everything. People are dying everyday because of lack of health care. If you are of the wrong income level your children will go to a substandard school and you will probably live in a neighborhood with few parks, grocery stores, or other positive things for families and children. Personal responsibility surely comes into play - it is incredibly important to parenting. But to say it is the only factor, and to ignore the realities of racism, poverty, and other societal ills is just plain wrong. To imply people are crazy if they believe these things exist (and thus effect the way children are raised) is no way to sell books, at least not to this mother.

To me it seems this book is meant for people who already subscribe to the conservative "boot strap" theory and don't have much concern for those who have no boots.

December 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLucie

PHDinparenting,

I had to do my own little research before commenting as I firmly believe before others say their opinion or share their views of anything, one ought to do this if they want to be taken serious.

I read your introduction into who you are and what your goals are on this blog. The first thing I find extremely interesting is the fact that you ask others to be respectful of your views and ways; yet, what you have clearly shown here in this review you seem to do anything but! Second, you haven't read the book and you spew so much about Larry as if you have personally met him. Final, you want to beat him with a book? Really? How old are you?

I highly suggest you read his books and try to get to know more about Larry. Second, I suggest you try to show more respect to others if this is something you want others to show you.

Nina

December 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNina

I need a like button for this comment. LOL

December 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLisa

This whole back-and-forth in the comments here is reminding me of playground arguments. Extremely immature.

How interesting, though, that I don't believe I need to be put down and insulted in order to make me a better person. That press release made me NOT want to read that book. Call me coddled, call me overly sensitive. I don't care about what any of you think - I am raising my daughter the best way I know how, and I don't need a bully to tell me otherwise.

December 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterErin

Dear phdinparenting,
I am not asking you to promote my book. I only suggested that you read the book before calling it out on the internet. That seems reasonable and fair. You took the low road, not the high road. Is that what you teach your kids? I wouldn't allow that lack of ethics in my family so we are different in that respect for sure. The press release was sent to hundreds of bloggers by the publisher. Only one, you, trashed it. Only one, you, irresponsibly called the book bad without having read it. And only one, you, resorted to childish name calling. Your blog is irresponsible and your comments shameful. I run a blog too. I don't allow the comments to ever get personal - I don't allow my followers to attack people without the facts. I don't consider it honorable to let my blog be reduced to name calling and do my best to keep it about subjects, not personalities. I obviously have a higher standard than you.

As for your beliefs about genetic baggage. It's a cop out for lousy parenting.

In answer to your statement, "If saying "your kids are your fault" isn't an insult, I don't know what is." You obviously don't know what is an insult. How is it insulting to say "your kids are your own fault" ????? Your weight is your own fault. Your bank account is your own fault. Your level of success if your own fault. Everything in your life you are in control of is your own fault. It's not insulting at all - it's just a fact. Your results are your fault. I didn't resort to childish name calling. You did. It is sad and there is no defense for it. But that is the power of the internet - say what you want, with no basis of fact and people will see it. And how dare you insinuate that my kids were not loved and respected. Read the book to find out what my parenting ideas are and to get the facts. That is the basis of my entire book. You don't have a clue who I am or what I stand for. You don't have a clue what my book says. Get a clue before you resort to your childishness. You didn't prove any point in your blog, you only proved your ignorance. And that is also not an insult but a statement of fact. You judged without the facts, that is ignorant (lacking information or knowledge.) And your followers should be ashamed for attacking my children. And for calling me a bully when what you and they did IS bullying as I pointed out. Your blog last year even resorted to calling my website immature and making fun of my clothing and facial hair. Seriously?

Read the book - it's free! By the way, I say in the introduction to the book that ALL KIDS ARE GOOD KIDS and that they become BAD adults because of BAD parenting. The book is about being a good parent not about bad kids!

I'm done. May your kids grow up to be happy, well-adjusted, principled, responsible, ethical, honest people with a strong work ethic and a sense of morality and justice. May they be healthy, fiscally responsible and deal fairly with their friends, co-workers, family and strangers.

Thanks for the exchange. It's been fun.

December 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLarry Winget

Are you frekin kidding me?

"I do not think I should be held responsible for HOW MY CHILDREN ARE?"

Wow. You're ridiculous. Your children are 100% the product of you and your spouse, both on a genetic, inbred, level, as well as the environmental factors that surround their childhood. You are TOTALLY responsible. You just lost a ton of credibility.

December 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAaron

To be fair, the press release is supposed to generate interest. All of Larry's books are titled in ways that cause an emotional reaction, and the author of this blog could have easily done some research before opening her big yapper.

"You're Broke Because You Want to Be"
"Its Called Work For a Reason"
"Shut Up, Quit Whining, and Get a Life"

All outstanding books.

December 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAaron

"I am a worldwide recognized expert about personal success in the areas of business, life and personal finance having written 5 New York Times/Wall Street Journal bestsellers translated into 20 languages on those subjects."

***Depends upon how one defines "personal success", perhaps.

"The press release was intended to “shame and blame”. "

***Therein lies our philosophical divide. We practice Consensual Living. There is more than one way to parent. We parent joyfully and without parenting "experts".

"I preach you must just love your kids enough to make sure they become responsible, productive adults by teaching them the things they are going to need to know be successful in all areas of life."

***Yes, we call that "Product Oriented Parenting". I ascribe to the following quote more closely than any "expert" assumptions of the value of parental punishment and bullying behaviors: "We worry about what a child will become tomorrow, yet we forget that he is someone today." ~Stacia Tauscher

Take wonderful care,

Pat Robinson

December 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterPat Robinson

Sounds like "PHDinparenting" feels intimidated since Larry delivers a dose of truth rather than follow the "tree-hugging" method of raising children..

December 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSammy

"In answer to your statement, “If saying “your kids are your fault” isn’t an insult, I don’t know what is.” You obviously don’t know what is an insult. How is it insulting to say “your kids are your own fault” ????? Your weight is your own fault. Your bank account is your own fault. Your level of success if your own fault. Everything in your life you are in control of is your own fault. It’s not insulting at all – it’s just a fact. Your results are your fault."

I do not parent under the assumption that I am controlling my child. Would I like to help my child learn to control himself? Yes. Would I like to teach/model for my child all of those nice things you mentioned? Yes.

But any parent intent on controlling his or her child is bound to be disappointed. We cannot control another human being.

Control does not equal teaching.
Control does not equal respect.
Control does not equal love.

I haven't read the book, I'd never even heard of it before this post. But if the book is based on the theory that we should try to control our children, I doubt it would resonate with me as a parent.

December 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDionna @ Code Name: Mama

"There is more than one way to parent"

***So why is Larry's being discounted here in such a disrespectful way?

December 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNina

And none of those books generate interest from me based on their titles. I'd be interested to see if their press releases were any different. I was raised well & I plan to raise my child well. A press release "blaming" me for how much my infant son us going to suck in X number of years is not appealing. The fact that you care enough to comment, however, is appealing.

December 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDana K

Considering the fact that Larry is sounding more and more like my abusive parent, no, I'm not inclined to read the book, nor do I believe it's "truthful" or a viable "way of parenting", unless you want a psychologically shattered adult to be "your fault"

December 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterElessar

Larry, not everyone will love your book. That's fine. Not everyone will love Annie's blog, either, or mine, for that matter. But this isn't the way to convince us to change our minds. I think the best response here would be to realize that Annie isn't your fan, walk away, and find some people who are your fans. I'm sure there are a whole lot of them, and they would be thrilled if you commented on their blogs.

Also, I think you're missing the point of the post, which is a rather funny failure on the part of your PR people. I don't read Annie's post as a review of your book, so much as a statement that it's clearly not the book for her. I tend to agree with her. As parents of young children, we have limited reading time, and so reading every book that doesn't appeal to us in order to determine if we actually like it or not isn't practical.

December 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmber

Yes, defiantly a like button is needed here. That was one comment that urked me the most. What does he mean my child is not special? Every child is special, but it does not give them a ticket to do what ever they want.

December 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterOur Sentiments

Yep. Lets definitely not bring hugging into childrearing. Heaven forbid!

December 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRenarde

I found this conversation through a link on Facebook. The comments have been about what I expected, but I found it especially to see the "Blog with Integrity" link on the site. I checked it out and found these words:
"BLOG WITH INTEGRITY
By displaying the Blog with Integrity badge or signing the pledge, I assert that the trust of my readers and the blogging community is important to me.

I treat others respectfully, attacking ideas and not people. I also welcome respectful disagreement with my own ideas."

Am I the only one who thinks that there are a significant number on this thread who don't really believe this?

December 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRandy

At least when The Secret people blame me for everything in my life, I get a hug and a plate of special brownies.

(Snark: it's what's for breakfast.) (The special brownies are for lunch.)

December 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterArwyn

Aaron,
Children are NOT 100% the parent's upbringing. Yes we can try to build a good foundation but they will decide what to become eventually. and don't blame childhood experiences either for alot of things that happen in life..

December 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTrexxd

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