Friday, May 13, 2011
At the Motherhood Activism, Advocacy and Agency Conference we have been talking a lot about the expectations that are put on mothers and the expectations mothers put on themselves. In my post yesterday, I mentioned a series of questions that Amber Kinser asked about forgiveness and the need for us to forgive our mothers, our children and ourselves:
Can we forgive our mothers for not being omnipotent? Can we see imperfect children (including ourselves) and not blame the mother? If we could forgive our mothers for not being perfect would that make it easier to forgive ourselves? Can we forgive our children for coming into our lives at the wrong time? For being too needy? For not being needy enough? Can we forgive them for remembering things differently than we do (especially if that paints us in a bad light)? Can we forgive our children for having a better life than we did and not appreciating it? Can we forgive our children for not being all the things we wanted to be but weren’t or can we forgive them for being the things we wanted to be when we couldn’t. Can we forgive ourselves for all of our imperfections, poor choices, failures and inadequacies.
But there is one question she asked that I left out of that list because I wanted to write a separate post about it and start a discussion on it with my readers. She asked:
Are you too invested in mothering highs (supermom moments)? Does that set you up for disappointment in other moments?
What do you think? In your quest to be the best parent that you can be while also being realistic about the fact that you are not a perfect parent, do you calmly swim with the ebb and flow and good and not so good parenting moments? Or do you seek out those supermom moments everyday and beat yourself up for being a bad mom when you cannot live up to that? If it is the latter, what do you think you can do to turn it in the former?
Image credit: Legends2K on flickr