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Wednesday
May302012

Parents Who Teach Hate -- Child Sings 'Ain't No Homos Gonna Make It To Heaven'

I've written in the past about how much I value conversations about what works and doesn't work when it comes to parenting, how stating the benefits of one approach over another doesn't equate to judging parents who have made a different choice, and how I detest it when parents who hate being judged point their finger at others.

And, I've also written about the type of parenting that I do judge.
I judge racism, sexism, homophobia, ableism, and I judge negative attitudes about the wholeness and value of children and their self-worth. If I call you on it and you see the error of your ways and make amends, then all is good. But if I call you on it and you dig in your heels and insist that your prejudice is justified, I will judge you.

Today my colleague Steve at Care2 wrote about a child who sang a homophobic song in church to wild applause from the congregation.  He sang:
The Bible’s right, somebody’s wrong.
The Bible’s right, somebody’s wrong.
Romans one, twenty six and twenty seven;
Ain’t no homos gonna make it to Heaven.

You can watch the video here:

http://youtu.be/I7nehgKtJqg

This is an example of the type of parenting, and community for that matter, that I judge.

Don't be that parent. End Hate.



Have you seen examples of parents passing along hate to their children in your community? We can combat this type of thing in our own homes by teaching our children about equality and love, but how can we combat parents teaching hate in the community at large?

Image credit: Marlith on Flickr
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Reader Comments (19)

I agree, that video is incredibly sad. Obviously we can't blame the child here...that type of teaching and behavior would never fly in our home.

May 30, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKimberly Muench

Worse yet, I think, is sometimes it's not so overt. It's subtle and insidious and so damaging. As parents, I think we need to show another way, to stand up for tolerance and decency.

May 30, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterPam @writewrds

The video is horrifying but it happens more often than it shows up on youtube although in subtler ways. I think we need to be more visible in our love and support of those marginalized. For example, we have a rainbow flag out front so other children (and adults) who walk/drive by know not only where we stand but that there are safe places for them if they need it. I also speak up if something inappropriate is said, and I teach my children not only to love others but how to voice their love. I also think blogs are a place where we can flex our voices to more people and at least get others to rethink their ideas. As a liberal Christian, I feel a strong calling to speak up as much hatred and bigotry has moved to the forefront of my religion, and my blog offers a forum to reach all those who read not just an audience who agrees with me because I do not fit in a neat box (liberal atheist, conservative Christian, liberal since birth, etc. don't fit me).

May 30, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAlex@LateEnough

We can s l o w l y end it by modeling a loving way of living, which may have a positive impact on their children. IMO the parents are lost causes, sad to say.

May 30, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKari

That is one of the saddest and most shocking things I have seen. It is a good eye opener as to what goes on outside of my liberal-progressive-urban hippie-little-bubble.

May 30, 2012 | Unregistered Commentereva

I didn't watch the video. I know I would be too angry and sad afterwards, but I do appreciate you sharing this. Teaching hate is NEVER ok.

I'm a Christian. I don't hate gay people. Many of my friends are gay/lesbian, and I happen to think that anyone who wants to get married should be able to. I'm grateful the churches I have attended and the Christians I know would never behave this way, or even think or say these things in the privacy of their own homes.

I know that there are many Christian people and churches that are not homophobic. My post is not intended to be anti-Christian, but to be anti-hate, which exists in both religious and non-religious contexts.

May 30, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterphdinparenting

I'm sorry, but I have no idea what you are trying to say.

May 30, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterphdinparenting

"Have you seen examples of parents passing along hate to their children in your community?"

I live in what many would label a progressive university community, but there is a subtle undercurrent of racism and classism. Mostly you see this when people are talking about issues related to schools. Someone will say "I don't want my kid to go to that public school....a lot of those kids come from homes where no one reads and they don't teach their kids to behave" . The statement is usually made by someone who actually has never investigated the school, and it is usually made about a school that is higher poverty and higher minority. If kids hear their parents make these sorts of statements enough times, they must be getting some sort of message.

Going along with that, at some point our local school district will have to change boundary lines. This means that some parents might have to send their kids to schools that are more diverse than originally planned. There is a lot of resistance here and some subtle stereotyping. Some parents present nonsense arguments about why their kid can't change schools. Some parents have probably spent hundreds of hours resisting the changes...at the very least, they've slowed the school board down. Again, what messages are the kids receiving in this.

May 30, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKate

I wasn't able to watch the video all the way through. Who in the world would have taught their child that song? But worse yet, is how many people - and how LOUDLY they - cheered. It makes me sick. I feel for that child. It's abusive to teach such hate. What is wrong with people? Honestly.

Exactly how I feel. I have goosebumps I'm so upset :( Ugh. Awful.

May 30, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDesiree Fawn

[...] I also think Care2′s own Annie Urban speaks for many parents when she comments on her blog phdinparenting: [...]

Me, either :/

May 30, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCrystal_B

This sickened me, and it made me very sad.

May 30, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJodine Chase

I don't find this at all surprising. Of course parents want to pass their values on to their children, so if an adult's values include hatred and intolerance, they will want to pass that on to their kids.
The good news for the kids in this video is that children don't only get their values from their parents - they also get them from society. And given that society is generally progressing towards greater acceptance of homosexuals and homosexuality, I expect that these kids will end up much less intolerant than their parents.

May 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterChanna

When reading this, one instance in particular stood out in my mind. I was at a military event and this little boy who happened to be white was all excited about being around men in uniform. He went up to a recruiter and I overheard him rant something along of the lines of "my daddy taught me that when I grow up I'm gonna be good and not be on welfare." Already by the age of maybe 8, this little boy was already associating welfare with something that was wrong and bad. He'll grow up and maybe women like me, black women, will conjure up the "welfare queen" and he'll remember what his dad taught him about those poor lazy people. Passing the hate down.

May 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTasha

You know, I was raised with hate too (not directly from my parents) but in my environment and relatives. The messages were not direct but subtle. There is always a subtle theme of "them" vs. "us" (them being gays, non-religious people, people from other religions). And you know what? I turned out completely different, I get absolutely infuriated (and have started fights) with anyone who starts labeling and stereotyping people.

Seeing a child say "Ain't No Homos .." disgusts me. I pity those people because they will never be happy unless everyone is exactly like them. And that ain't gonna happen.

June 18, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterHouda

My niece is 5 years old and wonderful. She’s energetic, innocent, and smart and like most 5 year old’s, she looks up to her father. Her father, unfortunately, happens to be a horrible human being. He’s abusive, he has very radical views on Islam but lives in total hypocrisy of it. He basically just embraces the hateful part of it of radical ideology. Anyway, he’s trying to pass this on to my niece.

He’s teaching her to hate people and in particular, hate Jews and Israeli’s. He’s teaching her, verbatim, that “Starbucks is evil because it’s owned by Jews who make money and send it to Israel to kill Palestinians”.

While I have my own opinions about this and I definitely get upset looking at the numbers of deaths and the human rights violations that occur, it’s not something you teach to a 5 year old. It’s not something you discuss.

So my question is, how do we approach this? How do we get her to unlearn the hate while he keeps teaching it to her? It’s a very tricky place to be in but it’s something I cannot ignore.

August 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSaira K.

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