Once again, there has been an incident where someone went up to a breastfeeding mother and told her she had to cover up or leave. Once again, the media feels to need to create a breeding ground for ignorance by asking questions like “should there be any restrictions on breastfeeding in public?” The answer to that stupid question (and yes…there are stupid questions), is simply NO. There should not be any restrictions. There is a myriad of reasons why women should and are able to breastfeed anytime, anywhere.
Human Rights
1. It is illegal to discriminate against or harass a woman because of her sex, including pregnancy and breastfeeding. (or if it isn’t where you live, it should be!)
2. Telling a woman to cover up or to strip down is a tactic used to control women.
3. Telling women not to breastfeed in public is a mechanism for marginalizing women.
4. Child’s right to eat. Period.
5. Child’s right to eat without a blanket over their head.
6. Child’s right to eat under sanitary conditions (i.e. not in a washroom).
7. Child, especially baby’s, right to eat when they are hungry and in need of nourishment (not according to a schedule arbitrarily imposed to convenience others).
8. Person with disability’s right to use the handicapped stall in a washroom when needed, rather than having to wait for a shunned nursing mother to finish nursing or pumping in there.
9. Because a baby’s right to nurse is more important than your non-existent right to not have to look at things you do not like to look at.
Logistical reasons
10. To avoid nipple confusion (giving a bottle or pacifier before breastfeeding has been fully established can cause the baby to reject the breast).
11. Because it is a lot easier to just nurse anytime, anywhere than to try to plan the nightmarish logistics of having enough pumped milk with you for the time you will be out, as well as finding a private place to pump before your breasts explode.
13. Because it is hard enough as it is for new moms to get their baby latched on properly, without having to worry about whether they are covering every inch of skin all of the time while doing so.
14. So that mothers can toss a diaper and some wipes in their bag and then go out, rather than being weighted down by having to prepare and lug around a huge diaper bag full of bottles, formula and/or pumped milk on ice, nursing covers, etc.
15. So that moms do not always have to be on the lookout for somewhere to warm a bottle while in public.
16. So that moms do not always have to be on the lookout for somewhere private to express their milk while in public.
17. So that when a mom ends up stuck somewhere longer than she planned, she doesn’t ever have to worry about running out of food for the baby (or getting a breast infection because her breasts haven’t been emptied in a long time).
18. So that a mother’s older children are not prisoners of their younger sibling’s need to nurse – a nursing mom can go with her older child to the park, to swimming lessons, to school pick up/drop off, etc.
19. So that breastfeeding moms do not lose their place in line by stepping out to nurse a baby in a private place.
20. So that other women do not have to wait even longer in line at public restrooms because all the stalls are full of breastfeeding moms.
21. So that breastfeeding moms do not end up with a soaking wet shirt when their milk lets down in public because their baby is crying.
22. So that breastfeeding moms do not need to leave their companions hanging in the middle of an interesting conversation by saying “excuse me while I go into the other room to nurse for 30 minutes.”
23. Because frequent nursing helps mothers to maintain a good milk supply (inadequate milk supply is the most frequently cited reason for giving up on breastfeeding).
24. New moms have enough to worry about in their sleep deprived state without having to make special arrangements in order to accommodate your opinion about how they choose to feed their baby.
Financial reasons
25. So that mothers do not need to purchase unnecessary bottles, breast pumps, infant formula, nursing covers or other apparatus just to make a few squirmy people feel comfortable.
26. So that mothers do not waste gas going back home between errands in order to nurse at home, rather than in public.
27. So that mothers continue to be good consumers, spending their money in stores, cafes, restaurants, movie theaters, airlines, resorts, sporting events, and more all while nursing their child (instead of staying at home).
Societal reasons
28. To allow women to continue to be full participants in society even when they have an infant.
29. To cut down on unnecessary noise from babies and toddlers who are crying, when it could easily be fixed through the nourishment and comfort of their mother’s breast.
30. So that you don’t have to listen to a screaming baby while waiting for the bottle to be warmed up.
31. So that you don’t have to wait longer for your meal or drink because the waiter or flight attendant is busy heating up a bottle.
32. Because nursing in public is a better (easier, quieter, more attractive) alternative to pumping in public and then feeding a bottle.
33. Because it is actually a lot more discreet to nurse without a cover than to have one of the “HELLO LOOK AT ME I’M BREASTFEEDING” covers over your baby.
34. Because if you are staring with your jaw open at a mom who is breastfeeding in public, you might miss some of the truly atrocious things that you would otherwise have been exposed to in public.
Normalizing Breastfeeding
35. Because breastfeeding should be seen as normal, and not something that needs to be hidden in the washroom or under a cover.
36. Bottles, rather than breastfeeding are often seen as the universal symbol for baby feeding, despite breastfeeding being the preferred method of feeding and more imagery of breastfeeding is required to combat this.
37. The infant formula and baby bottle industry flashes images of bottle feeding all over the place and since there is no money in the advertising of breastfeeding, breastfeeding moms are needed to combat that imagery with the “real thing”.
38. Most women haven’t had the advantage of seeing their mothers, aunts, and sisters breastfeed, so it is important for them to see others doing it so that they can learn how it is done. The 2 minute whirlwind breastfeeding positioning education given in the hospital just doesn’t cut it compared with years of observation.
39. Women in certain socio-demographic groups have never seen another woman breastfeed and that is a huge barrier to them considering breastfeeding their own babies.
40. Women who do not nurse in public or who use nursing covers are likely to wean their baby earlier than those who nurse without a cover in public, which could mean that they do not meet their own breastfeeding goals and and that fewer women meet the goals prescribed by health authorities, such as 6 months of exclusive breastfeeding and continued breastfeeding until at least age 2.
41. Children need to see breasts being used to feed babies before they are introduced to them as sex objects. This means that they should see their own mother (if possible) and other mothers breastfeeding, so that they understand the natural function of the breast.
42. Images of sexualized breasts are everywhere – from advertising to women walking down the street. If there is no breastfeeding in public, but sexualized images of breasts continue to be flaunted in public, our youth will grow up thinking that breasts are only sexual. This will make more women think it is “icky” to breastfeed and make more men have the attitude of “no baby is going to suck on those tits, they are all mine.”
Just because
43. Because babies like it.
44. Because breastfeeding is beautiful and I’m sure there are more people who appreciate seeing babies being breastfed than there are people who oppose it.
45. Because mothers do not deserve to be belittled or humiliated when giving the best thing there is to their baby.
46. Because an awful lot of women show more breast when they are not breastfeeding than breastfeeding mothers show when they are breastfeeding.
47. Because I don’t like the way you look, but you don’t see me debating your right to be in public or suggesting you should undergo surgery or change your wardrobe before leaving the house.
49. Because you can turn your head or avert your eyes.
50. Because even one of these reasons is a good enough reason for continuing to ensure the rights of breastfeeding mothers and breastfed children and because every one of these reasons is more important than the “ick, I don’t want to see that” excuses of those who oppose it.
Those are my 50 reasons. Which is your favourite? What did I miss?
Image credit:jakekrohn on flickr
{ 170 comments… read them below or add one }
THANK YOU!!! My mind is still reeling after reading a blog post decrying the incredible awfulness of a breastfeeding doll. This was the perfect post I needed to see as a follow-up. Thank you. I am spreading this link far as I can, and saving it for future reference.
Because women out with children (say at a restaurant) can’t practically (nor should they have to) drag their kids from their table mid-meal and go somewhere else, nor can they leave their other children alone to do so. For that matter, where should they go? The restroom, where their older kids run around touching unsanitary walls and floors?
I think you forgot to mention the myriad health reasons, including boosting a child’s immune system, preventing allergies (to soy and dairy), providing the necessary building blocks for proper brain development, etc.
People should consider that the alternatives are a drain on the entire system! GREAT POST!!
This is fantastic. The definitive, exhaustive list. Well done!
“Because it pisses you off, you perv.” I like that one.
You forgot one, 51. Because it’s beautiful!
Actually that is there – it is #44.
I seem to have had an error in reading comprehension, sorry, carry on…
I always appreciate a breastfeeding article that doesn’t heap shames on bottlefeeding families. But I can’t deny that every point you make here is so amazing and awesome. Thank you for writing this.
I agree. Thank you for writing. My younger sister could not breast feed, though she tried and tried. Found out after her second child that my sister has a blood circulation problem, but before that, she felt hugely guilty for not being able to breast feed despite tubes and pumping and pills.
Still, this is a beautifully written list. Thank you for not shaming bottlefeeding, but simply showing the joys and benefits of breastfeeding.
I would very much like to share your amazing list on my site: breastfeedingrevolution.com. This is a list no one should miss. I would be more than happy to make it a permanent feature complete with a link back to your site and full credit. We all need to work together to normalize breastfeeding.
Thank you for this wonderful list.
Hi Toni,
I’d love for you to post a link to my article on your website. Please do not copy and paste the whole article though, as it is my copyrighted work. Thank you for your understanding.
Annie
Thanks, Annie! I will do as you wish.
I live in a country where NIP and nursing itself is considered low class. As someone who is obviously a foreigner from a country that is usually regarded as “upper class”, I NIP hoping that some one will see me and think, “hey, if she can, I can, too!” It’s my public service announcement.
This is a GREAT post, thank you!
#47 is my favorite. I got to use it once.
“You shouldn’t do that here, it is offensive to others.”
“Yeah? Well, your face is offensive. Why don’t you take it somewhere else?”
My favorite has always been #29… would people really rather hear a baby crying and screaming in a restaurant than see a baby being nursed there? Which is more disruptive and offensive to everyone else in the whole restaurant/store/wherever?
I also like to point out to people who say, “Well, moms should just pump and bring a bottle” that the breastmilk changes from one feeding to another, and that if you and baby are exposed to an illness while out yet give your baby some previously expressed milk rather than nursing him from the breast, then you are not giving him the immune benefits. I don’t like using any that are about convenience because people really like to throw it back in your face, “Well, being a parent isn’t supposed to be convenient!” True, it is not, but they completely miss the mark on that one. They miss the mark on lots of things and call them “selfish.” Sure, it might be selfish of me to desire convenience, but this is about the way our bodies were supposed to work, not about trying to be lazy! But most people who are opposed to NIP really don’t get that at all…
Diapers are conveniences too, and not just disposables. Perhaps we should really strip parenting of all it’s conveniences? I wonder how many people who say that used or have no problem with using pacifiers, swaddling blankets, burp cloths, cribs, bassinets, swings, strollers, diaper bags, wipes, etc. If I DECIDE those things are offensive, do I get to go around telling people not to use them in public b/c parenting isn’t supposed to be convenient?
Love it!
My first few times nursing in public were exceedingly nerve wracking. My choices were to sit in a waiting room and let my newborn cry and disturb everyone around me, or risk offending someone by nursing him.
I’ve had to pump in restrooms before. And I’ve had to quickly pack up the pump and vacate because my co-workers needed the stall. Not fun, especially when you work in a building filled with men.
I know of one aunt who breastfed. My mother tried, but probably faced too many barriers and had no support to overcome them. I know of no other women in my immediate circle of family and friends who breastfed. I first witnessed a mother breastfeeding in public when I was about 15.
And I am so tired of being judged for my decision to breastfeed my son — anytime, anywhere. Just let me do what I need to do, especially when it’s the best thing for him!
I always nurse around my kids and their friends when I need to nurse. Especially my teenage son and HIS friends. They need to have seen casual nursing at least once in their lives before they become fathers and are freaked out that they have to share their wife’s breasts.
And I nurse my 3 year old at home around his friends, not just an infant or toddler. The only reason a woman needs to breastfeed anytime anywhere is because she feels like it. The End. Thanks for a fabulous post!
That is SUCH a good point! I bottle fed my now 37-year old son, but breastfed his now 35-year old brother til the age of 27 months and my daughter, now 32, was breastfed for 4 1/2 years. I was a La Leche League leader for about 9 or 10 years, so they all saw breastfeeding by me and others. Still, my two sons act uncomfortable when their sister or sister-in-law breastfeeds in our family gatherings! We have a long way to go.
Amen to everything!! But #46 was my fav. Under financial reasons you missed, “because breastmilk is FREE!”
My son HATED having a blanket over his head to nurse! Unfortunately public uncovered breastfeeding where I lived at the time was considered public nudity and indecent exposure and therefore illegal. I tended to go sit in the car rather then have to worry about what jerk was going to be offended by it that day. Sometimes I had no choice and would spend the whole feeding either fighting my son each time he pulled the blanket off while he fussed and cried or getting stared at if I ditched the cover. Not to mention I had my son in JULY and where I lived summer days range from 80-110 degrees. Even a thin blanket made both of us sweat and sitting in the car was only practical on the days I drove my car that has AC. My husbands car did not and those days were miserable.
When I went back to work my company was very good about telling me I could have as much time as needed to pump, without taking it out of my pay, but it was such a hectic, chaotic, busy job I rarely had time to pump enough. Partly my fault because technically I could have interrupted things anyways to go pump but as a supervisor it was really hard. Not to mention the “where have you been?” comments and looks I would get from people, or having to try and hide my milk in the freezer and my “pumping accessories” when I was on my way to and from pumping so that I didn’t offend the men that worked for me. I was told it “made them uncomfortable to see those things” meaning the pump, bottles, etc and that it was “weird and gross” to have to put their food in next to my “bodily fluids”. My boss wasn’t sure about the OSHA rules in regards to breastmilk. He was worried I might need to put my frozen milk in a labeled bio-hazard bag. It didn’t offend me, because I understand that it is just not something people are exposed to but it was frustrating and contributed to me not pumping enough and I started loosing my supply when my son was 6 months old. Nipple confusion sealed the deal.
Breastfeeding has been making a good comeback in recent years. It was way more taboo and practically non existent in the US when my parents were born (1950′s). We have a long way to go tho! Thanks for the great list!
Love it – the only other one I thought of was:
51. Because if a mother doesn’t breastfeed, she’ll then get public criticism for giving her baby formula – in other words she’ll be criticised anyway so it may as well be for doing the best thing
yes yes yes yes and yes. i like #37, that public breastfeeding provides a visual alternative (so much power in image!) to incessant formula ad campaigns. great post.
I like #1. Knowing that it is, in fact, my human right to breastfeed in the place that I live helps me to feel confident. That, and pretty much everything under the ‘normalizing breastfeeding’ header. We need to create a breastfeeding culture if we want mothers and babies to succeed.
Because babies like it.
So cute!
This is a wonderful article. It’s a bit abrasive. I don’t really like responding to ugliness with ugliness; sensarity and conviction are all we need as individuals to be confident in ourselves and to teach the next generation who will be the breastfeeders, thinkers, citizens, parents, friends, workers, and the public eye who helps define our sociatal norms, to be effective, confident adults, as well. I myself was too young to remember when my mom was breastfeeding my little brother, and from then, I have been over-sexed and was uncomfortable breastfeeding in public until I got down the issue of helping my son latch on while he was covered. I ended up not going out unless I absolutely had to, and then hiding myself in a private room or going out to my car to breastfeed without a blanket. At home, I practiced until I was comfortable enough to try it out in public. I got mixed reviews. Some people thought I should go elsewhere with that. Others gave my arm a squeeze and gave me a warm smile. At home? I was living with my sister and her son, who was 3 at the time, and he regularly saw me breastfeed, and my sister and I told him about the process. He quickly learned to stop making fun of showing my “private parts” and instead began encouraging me, “Marc is ready for your milk.” “He’s not old enough for cow’s milk,” he would say, “is he?” “I am old enough, but babies only drink mommy’s milk.” We got the message across. With my subsequent children, I most definitely will keep in mind my right to feed without shame or the awkwardness of covering up. Again, Thank You!
My oldest two children are the same as your nephew. When the babe would cry they would say “he wants mommy milk!!” Then they would ask if they had mommy-milk when they were babies (they did).
I think it is important for my daughter to know that it okay to breastfeed, but I also think it is equally important for my son’s. They will probably be husbands one day, with a wife or a girlfriend who may be afraid or unsure of breast feeding. It would be nice if he could say something like: I remember when my mom did it, she wasn’t ashamed, and you shouldn’t be either.
Your post has me in tears thinking of how my breastfeeding my daughter and soon to be son will hopefully one day encourage my nephews to be strong husbands who support their spouses/girlfriends when they have children. Thanks for your response, and three cheers to breastfeeding and this amazing list!!
I love it. The insistence that moms be “discreet” about breastfeeding really gets me when it comes to dealing with older babies and toddlers. They’re not exactly cooperative with such efforts at all times. My youngest loves to make sure everyone knows what she’s doing. When we have company over, she pops on and off to make sure the guests are watching her.
I agree that more potential and new mothers should see other women breastfeeding. If we don’t teach our children what the breast was really created for then who will a MAN? I have actually pointed out another woman who was exposing more of herself in a low cut shirt than I was nursing when some one has said something to me. That shuts them up real quick. Or I will tell them to go buy me the neccissary equipment to pump or formula feed if they have a problem with me nursing in public. That gets a GREAT response! lol MOMMY MILK. DOES A BABY GOOD! That should be the breastfeeding slogan! Who’s with me?
great post!
Awesome post!
I have been very fortunate in that, having been breastfeeding my baby daughter for the past nine months many many times in public, I’ve never once been made to feel uncomfortable. I don’t know whether that’s because the city I live in, Oxford, UK, is particularly well-adjusted on this issue – but I feel happy and grateful to have been able to feel so comfortable feeding my baby anywhere in the city – pubs, cafes, restaurants, park benches, you name it, I’ve probably breastfed there!
In fact, I spent a few weeks visiting my husband on a hospital ward as he got taken ill and had to have emergency surgery recently, and I was feeding my daughter quite openly while visiting, when an old lady starting walking towards me. Just for a second I thought she might be about to tell me to stop breastfeeding or something as she looked quite stern initially, but she simply leaned close in, watched her feeding, and said “I just wanted to come and see the little baby”. I was surprised that she came right up and looked, but really delighted that she was just so oblivious to the breastfeeding, just treated it as a totally normal thing and had just wanted to see the baby up close
great post – found it through twitter
maybe you could add ‘because you need to butt out! as in ‘i’m not openly judging your parenting choices so get your beak out of mine!’
I like number 42- there definitely needs to be a counterpoint to the sexualization of breasts, because they really are for feeding babies!
Before I started breastfeeding I thought that I might bring a bottle with me sometimes instead of NIP, but it didn’t take long for me to realize that I can help people see that breastfeeding is normal, and that bottlefeeding can be a substitute but shouldn’t be the default. I never saw anyone that I know breastfeeding other than one friend- and even at the time it weirded me out a bit. Now I can see the truth of the matter, though, and I’m doing my part to promote breastfeeding among my circle of friends by never being embarassed to feed her whenever she is hungry.
Exactly. Breasts are SECONDARY sex characteristics whose PRIMARY purpose is to feed children. NIP helps correct society’s misconception that it’s the other way around.
My fave is definitely #33.
I just love breastfeeding. There’s so many good things. I can’t think of a bad thing.
We have a Mama bunny with a nest in our yard. I happened to walk by when she was nursing her babies and got quite close to see. and oh my goodness. It took my breath away. It’s what we were made to do.
Steph
I love seeing animals nurse.
We were at the zoo this summer and my middle child who is 6 ( I also have a 7 yr old and am currently nursing my 10 month old) yelled look mummy the baby elephant is eating just like our baby! The not so little baby elephant was on his knees nursing from his mother. Got a few laughs from the crowed but all I said was yep!
I got a clogged duct after bringing a bottle of EBM to a christening instead of breastfeeding in public. I’ll never do that again!!!!! Plus my son, who was only 5 weeks old, looked at me like “What the heck is this fake thing in my mouth?”
So well-done, Annie! As always. What a great list. I think the normalizing breastfeeding reasons are becoming more and more important to me.
This list inspired me to dig back into my archives and republish a post about how I handled nursing in public on a practical level with my second child when I had no choice but to breastfeed anytime, anywhere: http://sortacrunchy.typepad.com/sortacrunchy/2010/05/a-practical-solution-for-nursing-in-public.html
great read!
i would ad that breastfeeding is environmentally sound because it comes in a reusable package
also, pumping is not always an option. i’ve known plenty of breastfeeding mothers who can not pump an ounce, especially after baby is several months old and they have not been pumping regularly. breastfeeding has been the biological norm for millions of years. without breastfeeding, none of us would be here.
as for why we should nip in public, that one’s easy. because we are no longer slaves to the whims of others. women are free and equal and we deserve our standing in society whether we run a fortune 500 company or we stay at home to raise (and sometimes nurse) our children.
jen (nak, sorry for the lack of capital letters!)
mother to 5 breastfed babies and stepmother to 2 more breastfed babies!
What’s so ridiculous about the whole ‘not putting your bodily fluids’ in the communal fridge, or that it’s ‘weird’ for babies to drink breastmilk is that it’s actually a hell of a lot ‘weirder’ that humans drink a cow’s bodily fluids.
very true, at least our breast feeding babies are drinking milk from the same species! Of course I say that with a delicious milkshake in hand! And what choice did they think I had? We had one office fridge, even if i could afford it I wouldn’t want to buy a small fridge or freezer to put my milk in at work and would have no place to put it anyways. My milk was always in milk storage bags, in a ziploc, in a tote bag, in the freezer. It’s not like I poured it over their food. It was really only a couple younger guys and one woman who were uncomfortable with it being in there but it was still frustrating. I would find myself walking from the room I was able to pump in, through the building to the kitchen trying to hide my full baggies of milk and dirty pump pieces under my bag, then hoping that they wouldn’t be in the kitchen while I was washing everything and putting it away. Partly that was my self consciousness not anything they were actively doing, but I shouldn’t have had to feel self conscious.
Hear, hear x 50! My favorite is #46.
Where is the section on health benefits?? The numerous positive effects of breastfeeding for mother and baby in regards to physical and emotional health should be just cause for women to nurse their babies anytime and anywhere. A few of the top benefits include the release of hormones in the Mother that prevent post partum depression and develop a strong bond between mom and baby, a reduced risk of breast and cervical cancer for mom, the effects of skin to skin contact between mom and baby helps baby’s brain development, the muscles that a baby uses to nurse help with speech development, a baby is protected against illness and infection when breastfed and a baby receives exactly what he needs from breastmilk at every feeding. These are just a few of the numerous health benefits of breastfeeding that make bottle feeding less than a poor substitute.
Bethany:
I have a detailed post on the Scientific Benefits of Breastfeeding. They are significant.
The reason I didn’t address them specifically in this post is because most people who oppose breastfeeding in public usually say something along the lines of: “I support breastfeeding, but [insert reason they don't think it should be done in public].” They obviously do not understand that it isn’t easy to breastfeed without doing so in public, especially if you are the type of person who is frequently in public. Not all moms can or want to lounge around the house most of the day. Or they unrealistically expect mothers to remove themselves from society for the duration of their breastfeeding experience. Or they want mothers to breastfeed, but just “cover it up” as if it is something disgusting.
My point here is that supporting breastfeeding means also supporting women who breastfeed in public. Without any restrictions.
Over on the Ottawa Foodies forum, they are talking about this. One of the members said:
I’m not male, obviously, but here are my thoughts:
1) If men were staring and chuckling at a woman who was breastfeeding, it is probably because they haven’t seen enough of it in their lives. As I mentioned in this post, children need to be exposed to breastfeeding in public right from the very beginning of their lives. If they see it all the time, it wouldn’t be a “oh look…boobies…giggle…giggle…” type of situation for them.
2) I don’t understand how a woman breastfeeding in public is “leaving men behind” or disrespecting men. If men do not like women breastfeeding in public, why should the woman have to be the one to leave? If the man doesn’t like it, he should feel free to leave. When a song that I do not like comes on the radio, I change the station. I do not complain that the radio station is disrespecting me. To suggest that women should accommodate mens’ needs in this instance (and I haven’t heard many men say they have a problem with it) is discriminatory. It is putting mens’ needs ahead of the needs of women and babies.
3) Of course, any woman who is not comfortable breastfeeding in public doesn’t have to. The point here is not to force anyone. But the point would be to create a situation where more women can do so comfortably and where more women feel comfortable doing so.
If I might add, I really hate when people make it a “men versus women” issue. I have seen women shun other women for breastfeeding as frequently as I have seen men. And I know men who are supportive of women breastfeeding.
It’s not leaving men behind (see Phdinparenting’s second point), so why get into this debate of men v. women?
I agree. Men are adults… they can avert their eyes. This whole issue of men not being able to control themselves if they see a breast is ridiculous. Why should we inconvenience ourselves and leave the room, missing out on whatever we were participating in so they don’t need to “control” themselves? My husband is very supportive of breastfeeding, in public or at home. He has no problem if other women are nursing in public. It doesn’t make him go wild with desire. Sheesh.
I agree that women aren’t always supportive of breastfeeding. My own sister has complained about the idea of me feeding my son in public often equating it to urinating in public “just because you can, doesn’t mean you should” she often says and constantly talks about it being icky, gross, or inappropriate. She was appalled that I fed my youngest in the theater while watching a movie –in the complete dark! Her comments have influenced her two sons who now think it’s weird that I nurse their cousin.
But my husband has always been the one to support me nursing our sons anywhere/anytime needed. He has never seen it as being lewd or sexual. Even when we see other women nursing he just shrugs and says good for her. The first time I nursed our son in public it was at a restaurant while on vacation – I was so nervous worrying that someone would notice. My husband was so encouraging and supportive. In the end, for all my worrying and trying to cover up, no one seemed to notice – even the waiter didn’t blink an eye when he brought our plates.
Nursing in public is a right not a privilege. I am not an exhibitionist for wanting to do what is best for my child and I am thankful that my husband understands and know that one day my son will be understanding of his wife.
Unfortunately, my sister isn’t very supportive, either. She says she doesn’t have a problem with women NIP “as long as she covers up, because I don’t want my son to see a boob.” That made me REALLY REALLY want to ask her: “Does your son know how babies are supposed to be fed?” Because, unless she has told him, he has never seen it. Only one of my siblings has (successfully, or continued to) breastfed her children, and she lives out of state. (I have 3 sisters) It makes me sad. And I don’t know how to deal with her now, when I have a baby, because I am NOT buying a cover.
The most disturbing part to me about that comment is the part that apparently we are “disrespecting” men when we “allow” them to ogle at us and “chuckle with kind of dirty look.” Isn’t that the other way around? Isn’t it the MAN who is disrespecting the WOMAN in that scenario? And doesn’t this open the door for the same logic as “you should cover up b/c men might look at you with lusty thoughts?” Maybe women should all just stay at home always and never leave the house…
Boy babies get breastfed, too… so men aren’t being left out! And I will always stand by doing the right thing for a baby over doing “the right thing” for an adult stranger who can take care of himself (or herself). The only man who deserves a say in how a mother takes care of her child is the father (excepting cases of abuse or neglect, of course, when authorities should step in for the child’s safety).
I also agree with Marcy’s post about men who ogle being disrespectful to NIPing moms, rather than the other way around.
Amen!
I especially love #50 – even if 1 through 49 weren’t so important on their own, the last one basically sums up the whole ‘it’s not really a big deal until you make it one by complaining’ idea which kind of cuts to the heart of the matter (and actually reflects a lot of the other topics you’ve raised such as objectification of women, children’s rights etc..). I just don’t see why people who don’t like seeing breastfeeding can’t just look away and why they feel they have a right to say something, I disagree with lots of people’s parenting in public but don’t go up and start preaching to them about being offended by their yelling and/or tone of voice (although sometimes I wish I had more guts to voice my displeasure when I see people being truly awful to their littles).
With advocates like you, hopefully one day all this nonsense will be remembered as such and we’ll all be able to sit back and laugh at the ridiculousness of the very idea of being hassled over bf-ing.
Great post! I nurse my toddler in public all the time, and I’ve actually had way more people come up and tell my how beautiful it is to see a nursing pair, than give me weird or creepy looks.
did i miss public health and cost of insurance premiums or to government of the increased medical needs of children not breastfed, as not feeding in public tends to lead to not breastfeeding…
I nurse a 3 year old and this list had me nodding in agreement several times. Fantastic!
I especially love number 9: A baby’s right to nurse is more important than your non-existent right to not have to look at things you do not like to look at.
And I do think this entire problem is a result of sexualizing breasts in our culture (putting breasts as sexual objects ahead of their true use: to comfort and nourish a child), as well as women still not seeing how much of how they view themselves and what they do as being controlled by how men will view them. Women walk around with their breasts on display because it makes them seem sexy (and women size up other women based on the threat of competition, again judging issues like these through that lens). There are parts of the world where breasts are not sexual at all. It is learned. We have internalized this and forgotten what they are actually really for. Kids these days will grow up not knowing this and just see them as toys for men. A way to look sexy for men and to please them. It’s ridiculous that men (and a lot do) complain when nursing goes on too long because they think of that body part as belonging to them. Thank God my husband isn’t like that but many are. Just talk to a mom who nurses beyond 6 months.
My “standard” line: “It’s a baby, a boob, and a meal. If you can’t stand to encounter those three things, how do you function in the world, and have you considered consulting a psychiatrist?
I love this.
LOL! I have to start using this!
This is a fantastic post! I wish more moms would feel comfortable to nurse while in public. I do it all the time and my son is 13 months old!
My favourite: 46. Because an awful lot of women show more breast when they are not breastfeeding than breastfeeding mothers show when they are breastfeeding. – that drives me crazy.
And I also love Paul A Lee’s comment!
I really think the biggest tie to people finding breastfeeding in public offensive is that in America, where we are educated enough to know the benefits of mothers bonding with their children, we have the shortest maternity leave time AND it is all unpaid. I think it is ridiculous to expect a woman to breastfeed for a year, minimum, when we can only stay home with our babies if we can afford to be out of work, and potentially not have a job to go back to after 12 weeks anyway. Like the stress of being a new mom isn’t troubling enough without throwing finances into it, AND stress decreases supply! We need to get the maternity leave here changed before we will see progress!
Oh I just love all of them! I was very upset by the school in Tampa that told a mother she no longer had the right to be in their lobby because she was breastfeeding her two year old. And all of these is right. And I can attest to the fact that not breastfeeding in public makes you wean earlier. I was too scared to breastfeed even around my family and my daughter weaned shortly after her first birthday. I did not see the connection until you said that but now sure – they were not always available to her so she learned to soothe in other ways. She is almost two now and I am really sad that we missed out on this year (and possibly more) of breastfeeding.
I have been breastfeeding my second child going on 14 months. I see no problem with breastfeeding in public. HOWEVER, as a nursing mother, we should RESPECT those around us and cover up. Just because WE are comfortable with breastfeeding doesn’t mean that OTHERS are. We should have respect for those who feel differently than we do.
My babe won’t nurse covered up at all.
I see lots of things that gross me out. I see people eating meat all the time. It offends me. Should they have to cover up while they eat their meat because it offends me? Should they have the respect to avoid eating meat in case there are vegans in present company?
I am sorry, but I could not care less about the person sitting next to me, or across from me. I care about my babe, and what makes him comfortable and happy.
I can’t make every one happy. And it is not my job to. My job is to do what is best for my child (who will be 2 soon, as is still breast fed frequently). As for what some stranger thinks…who cares?!?
Exactly Kristen!
I have a 2 year old still nursing who refuses to nurse cover up. It just annoys him and he’ll pull it off, creating more of a fuss then it would be to just discreetly pull up my top and latch him.
While I do respect that people feel uncomfortable seeing my boob out there in public, if I’m not showing anything indecent, like say pulling up my shirt, exposing my entire breast, and then latching my son, why is it anyone else’s business. Feeding your child in public is not indecent, it is not weird, and it is not unnatural. To all those that think like that, you can always turn around. YOU have a choice to NOT stare at me as I feed my child.
Why should I teach my daughter to be ashamed to eat in public? Because if she needs to be covered or in another room, then that IS what she will learn. Don’t we have enough societal pressure to not eat as it is?
Ok, number 34 was my absolute favorite and just hilarious!
My favorite: 9. Because a baby’s right to nurse is more important than your non-existent right to not have to look at things you do not like to look at.
I love it! Especially #3.
Though I have to point out that for #17, the issue of avoiding breast infections? As a mama who had recurrent mastitis I think that’s both a human rights issue for mom and a financial issue. The right to empty your breasts in the most efficient way possible (i.e. baby power), anywhere and everywhere is a matter of preventing life-threatening infections for some women.
And is anyone else as shocked as I am that some states have laws which only protect a mother’s right to NIP as long as the baby is a certain age? TN state law says a mother can nurse anywhere as long as the baby is 12 months old or younger. I think that is crazy, because my first child didn’t eat more than a bite at a time of any solids until she was about 13-14 months old. A law which restricts age doesn’t take into account the special situations that some people may have. Plus, how do you explain to a baby, “Well, you are now 13 months old, so we can’t nurse here any more.” Not likely to go over well, even if the baby is eating lots of solids!
OMG! I’d probably say, “His birthday is next week, he’ll be one!” each time, even if it’s obvious s/he is older. It’s not like I carry my child’s birth certificate in my wallet.
Yes, the good thing is that I bet most people don’t even know what the law says, so I bet it wouldn’t be an issue. I have nursed my toddlers in Chattanooga and Nashville in public, and nobody has said anything to me. I still think that the law needs correcting, because if it ever became an issue, I am sure a lawyer could find the law and use it against a mom who was nursing her toddler if a restaurant or store owner was making a fuss about it.
I live in Tenn. too and I also hope that this law gets changed one day to get rid of the 12-months-or-younger part.
Thank God I live in Canada…6 years.
My maternal grandfather was Canadian, and I swear, if I weren’t such a cold-natured woman, I’d trade my citizenship to become Canadian in a heartbeat! Canadians do so much right!
why is it we allow young men to run around with pants down to their knees, butt showing. Over exposed breast , people running around using filthy language , acting like idiots.But some jerk is worried about a mother feeding her baby???? I do agree you should be descret , but come on people it is a BREAST, not a butt or vagina.Come on America,Relax !
I did have a male come up to me at a restaurant once. He told me that I should have to cover my baby because it was gross that he had to see that. He had to have been 40 years old! I told him that I was a vegan, and it was GROSS that he was eating that hamburger, so he should take my baby blanket, and cover up his head while he ate, because I shouldn’t have to see THAT.
He finally sat back down. But not after complaining to the restaurant manager. The manager said that he would move the guy to a new table, but that he was not going to tell me to leave and/or cover up. The guy just got his food “to go” and left.
I’m glad you encountered a good manager. A lot of people are just generally more rude, and from what other countries say, it is an American thing.
It is def. an American thing to make a stink about breast feeding. BUT – an Ikea here in the state of Georgia had just come under fire for asking a woman who had her baby in a sling, nursing, to leave the store. And the whole thing with that airlines that kicked the mom off the plane that was nursing her baby….the “nurse-in” had only been a few months before at the airport real close to here.
So, I think when things happen locally – other business owners tend to take notice. They don’t want to come under fire. And if he would have made me leave or asked me to nurse in the bathroom I would have called the local news as soon as I stepped my foot out the front door.
I’m sure this falls under many of your points, but one of my biggest arguments for NIP is that expecting someone to leave or a child to be covered is segregation. Leaving or covering physically segregates people (whether the mother or child) from society. And I’m not sure if anyone remembers, but segregation doesn’t really work. Separate is not equal. I will not leave or cover my child because I refuse to participate in societal discrimination period.
Wow! I’ve been researching breastfeeding for weeks and this single comment has added so much to my perspective. I have never thought of it this way before, but you are exactly right!
I loved your article. Thank you! It DID give me more courage to bf in public. I bf whenever and wherever I need to. Of course, I prefer to bf on my rocking chair at home, and I am not out there looking for a park bench instead. A park bench is not my ideal location to breast feed my baby, but sometimes it has been necessary. It is really important for my baby who hates bottles by the way to breast feed whenever he is thirsty. I just don’t know what I will say to someone when they approach me. However, this list has so helped me prepare for that moment when I have to tell someone that is is really important for my child to continue to bf in public. So THANKS!
-My idea on men who are starring at women bf’ing in public. …They just needed to be bf’d themselves when they were babies! HA! That would have fixed them! LOL!
I love the list, but I have to say that I take exception to part of #25 and #33. I use a nursing cover and it’s not about making squirmy people feel comfortable or hiding what I’m doing. It’s about my own personal modesty. I think for many, if not most, moms that choose to use a cover, this is the reason for them also. I am proud to breastfeed my child wherever we are, but I don’t need to have to worry about my nipple showing as I help my baby latch or worry about what might show as my baby squirms around. I know that some moms wouldn’t care about that, but I do. It’s not that I think it’s wrong not to use one, but it’s a personal choice for those that care about modesty. I know that you can nurse without a cover very discreetly, but it’s just not for me. I like being able to throw my cover around my neck and nurse my baby anywhere. Using a cover might draw more attention to me than if I didn’t have one on, but it doesn’t matter. I’m a proud nursing mama and I’m proud for those that see me to know that I am. I just wish that non-cover wearing nursing moms wouldn’t be so harsh about those that choose to use a cover. I see it on so many breastfeeding forums.
zachsmom:
My point in #25 is that a nursing cover is not essential and no mom should feel forced to buy/use one. If you want to, by all means, go ahead. To me it goes into the same category as nursing clothing. Some women prefer to buy and use it, but others don’t see any reason to spend extra money on nursing clothing when they can pull up/pull down clothing that is already in their closet to nurse.
With regards to #33, the reason I included that is that a lot of people suggest a mom needs to use a nursing cover in order to be discreet. However, I have found it is much more discreet to nurse without a nursing cover. But if you, or anyone else, is more comfortable using one, then that is fine too.
You’re right about the nursing cover, as women, we should be allies. People often get flustered over things they normally wouldn’t if they had taken the time to consider the circumstances.
Thank you! This was such a great post… I wish everyone thought this way!!!
Amen! Check out Nursing Our Future http://www.holisticmoms.org/category/news-events/nursing-our-future/ from the Holistic Moms Network and celebrate nursing!!!
This one is my favorite. I don’t like seeing people wear tights as pants, I think it is gross and inappropriate, but since it is a matter of taste, I just look away. Since opinions on decency vary so much, that is what it comes down to, it is a matter of taste, so if you don’t like it, look away.
“47. Because I don’t like the way you look, but you don’t see me debating your right to be in public or suggesting you should undergo surgery or change your wardrobe before leaving the house.”
you missed the risk of milk going off in bottles, risk of baby getting food poisoning.
And new mums getting sick etc as they cannot eat their own food while bf in toilets or parents rooms
I am a huge fan of breastfeeding and it is sad to see it so misunderstood. It is one of the most precious times of motherhood, harder than I ever imagined it would be, but worth every moment!
EXCELLENT post! Bookmarked it and will be sharing with friends and family. I am pretty sure you covered it all
. I’m still currently nursing my 16 month old daughter and people are starting to make comments on how we are “still nursing”. Even our pediatrician! So tired of it…
Here’s another good one, why is it offensive for a woman who is nursing to be showing a slight (and very slight) part of her breast but no one complains about women who are walking around half naked or in bikini’s that barely cover anything even the nipple. Can someone explain this to me why thats acceptable in our society but nursing a baby uncovered is not? And isnt the standard that your breast is not fully exposed unless the nipple is showing and clearly a nursing mom would never be fully exposed because the baby would have the entire nipple in it’s mouth. Society is so messed up! I nursed all 3 of my babies and the first 2 i was living under the blanket of paranoidness but with the third i just did what was most convinient for me and the baby and the family.
I was with you for the first 10 reasons but then the reasons started about “me me me me” and all about what is convenient to a mother. I don’t believe that when YOU make the decision to have a child that you can then expect for everyone everywhere to do whatever they can to make sure YOU’RE happy and that your needs are satisfied.
“So that moms don’t have to. So that moms don’t have to” that was repeated in the list above. Moms HAVE to do certain things because they are moms! Embrace the inconvenience that is sometimes breastfeeding and enjoy that time with your child. Don’t be angry at the world because of the decisions that you’ve made! I am a breastfeeding mother and I am ALL for breastfeeding in public but seriously. . get off the high horse.
I probably will upset some of you but the superiority from many Breastfeeding mothers is absurd. you’re doing a natural act by feeding your child. There are no medals involved nor should you receive any special privileges or accolades for doing what women have done since the beginning of time. None of you invented nursing.
Jenny – breastfeeding mom for 9 months.
I was with you for the first 10 reasons but then the reasons started about “me me me me” and all about what is convenient to a mother. I don’t believe that when YOU make the decision to have a child that you can then expect for everyone everywhere to do whatever they can to make sure YOU’RE happy and that your needs are satisfied.
Any one of the first 10 reasons will do, so even if you disagree with the other 40, that’s fine.
“So that moms don’t have to. So that moms don’t have to” that was repeated in the list above. Moms HAVE to do certain things because they are moms! Embrace the inconvenience that is sometimes breastfeeding and enjoy that time with your child. Don’t be angry at the world because of the decisions that you’ve made! I am a breastfeeding mother and I am ALL for breastfeeding in public but seriously. . get off the high horse.
Yes, moms have to do certain things because they are moms. But society also goes out of its way to make mothering difficult in many instances. Moms and children used to be a regular part of society. Now new moms are isolated at home or confined to “child friendly” places so that their child and god-forbid their breasts don’t offend anyone. It isn’t about being on a high horse, it is about being able to continue to participate in society even if I do happen to be feeding my child.
I probably will upset some of you but the superiority from many Breastfeeding mothers is absurd. you’re doing a natural act by feeding your child. There are no medals involved nor should you receive any special privileges or accolades for doing what women have done since the beginning of time. None of you invented nursing.
I’m not asking for medals or special privileges or accolades. I’m just asking for the same basic human rights afforded to other people.
phdinparenting,
I believe that’s perfectly reasonable. but many of those commenting her are saying things like “why can other women walk around in short shorts or with their boobs hanging out and nobody cares??” the reality is that plenty of people do care about that. To act as if Breastfeeding mothers are constantly singled out as pariahs in society is simply not true. In my opinion many exaggerate the plight of the breastfeeding mother. We’re not victims we are mothers! If you choose to breastfeed in public you must accept that some of society is simply not ready for that and you may get “ick that’s weird” looks. WHY let that bother you? Why get so angry and why let people belittle or humiliate you?
People make snarky comments about all sorts of behaviors that go on in public it’s not just BFing. You’re not singled out victims. Getting SO wrapped up in this issue just seems like time you could be spending bonding with and feeding your beautiful child. Change will not happen immediately and unfortunately it’s a fact that many are uncomfortable with seeing a woman nurse in public. The moms that force this issue on others and act as if they are entitled to certain things do more HARM to the BFing movement than they do good.
jenny:
I agree. People do make snarky comments all the time about how people are dressed and how they act. However, it is generally at worst, snickering behind that person’s back. I have never heard of a a woman being kicked out of a restaurant, an airplane, a school, a swimming pool, a mall, or other similar venue for wearing short shorts or having a low cut top. And what about nipple showing men? But as soon as there is a baby suckling at that breast, people feel they have the right to demand that it be covered up or stopped altogether.
And really? Instead of being a breastfeeding advocate I should be spending time bonding with and feeding my beautiful child? Really? My beautiful children are 3 years old and 5 years old and happily sleeping in their own beds right now after spending the whole day “bonding” with me.
google is your friend.
Woman Thrown off plane for skimpy outfit
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/20638479/
Woman kicked out of mall for wearing dress she bought there.
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/949681/kymberly_clem_kicked_out_of_mall_for.html?cat=46
Woman kicked off bus for wearing leash
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-509713/Im-human-pet-The-Goth-teenager-fiance-walks-dog-lead.html
Woman kicked out of Giants Stadium for Skimpy Santa Outfit
http://1stnews.org/301/giants-fan-in-skimpy-santa-outfit-kicked-out-of-stadium/
man kicked out of Nudist resort for leaving clothes ON!!
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1159659/Tourist-kicked-nudist-resort-keeping-clothes-ON.html
woman kicked out of Federal building for Lesbian T-shirt
http://www.tressugar.com/Clothes-Call-Woman-Kicked-Out-Lesbian-T-Shirt-1896380
Well there you go…interesting. I fully support the rights of those people to wear whatever they want too, as I said in my post called Covering up is a Feminist Issue.
Here! Here! Thank you Jenny, your comments have been most helpful. Its just nice to hear a little sanity within this thread.
I think a point can be made that this site is a blog about parenting and breastfeeding. Naturally, the author is going to write about issues that she feels passionately about, as do many other blog authors on the web who write about issues near and dear to their own hearts. I don’t see it as unbalanced in that regard.
This is a wonderful post. I am going to share it with everyone. Breastfeeding is not a crime, it is not porn and it is not disgusting. It is a wonderful thing and I am very proud to be able to do it.
Thank you.
Because when people find my breastfeeding offensive and tell me that I should cover up or feed in private, it suggests that feeding my baby is somehow wrong or indecent — and that offends me. Oh, wait, I’m supposed to take their offended feelings into consideration and be nice by covering up for that? Ok, I’ll do that — as soon as they take my offended feelings into consideration and rethink their offendedness.
Hi I wandered over from CodeNameMama and just thought I would add my #51…. Because nursing in public can’t POSSIBLY be as difficult to watch as the overweight man with the pants that he bought about 75 lbs ago…and that therefore allow WAY more of his posterior to show than I would EVER allow to show of my breast. Thanks for a great article!!
Hey great list of rights!! Breastfeeding is undeniably a human right, anywhere anytime!!! I was one of the mamas involved in a nurse-in to support this mom in a celebratory way, that we CAN breastfeed everywhere! Here’s the story as it ran on the 6pm news the night before the nurse-in. They got the names a bit mixed up, but otherwise this is GREAT positive coverage for breastfeeding and I am really proud of this piece! You’ll see here that my infant son fusses right on cue latches himself on right in the middle of the interview!! And I get the opportunity to point out that it is his right to breastfeed, just as it is our right to breastfeed in public! Enjoy this clip! The pool manager is awesome. (But you are so right about the media spin… when this clip was aired on the ‘net, they cut out all the parts with me talking positively about our right, and changed th headline to read ‘Should Breastfeeding in Public be Limited’… um, talk about missing the point!! Editors, jeesh!)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lgaxjluDhIs
Maybe these people are just jealous? Look how happy the mothers in the pictures are. I sure was when I had my kids in my arms as babies. They should be pitied, I suppose, for needing to put someone else down to deal with their own misery.
I find it terribly sad and frustrating that we even have to discuss this issue in this country! What is wrong with people! Breastfeeding is as normal as it gets. Why do people make such a fuss?
Because women who breastfeed bond with their babies in an amazing way.
Skin to skin contact, which is so good for baby’s emotional well-being.
Baby doesn’t reach up and lovingly pat the bottle; baby reaches up and lovingly pats mommy.
This is awesome. Love every 50 reasons (and many more posted). I wish I had read this last week! There was a case in Kitchener, Ontario (Canada) where a woman was asked to “cover-up” for NIP. I posted a link to the article (http://news.therecord.com/News/Local/article/725896) and wrote how disgusted I was that this woman’s rights were violated – protected by the Canadian Charter of Rights & Freedom AND R. v. Jacobs, 1996 (where women in Ontario are legally able to be topless in public, though she wasn’t).
If I didn’t get a “Sorry, Michelle, but just because we CAN do it anywhere doesn’t mean we SHOULD do it anywhere. It is not always appropriate.” My response was that her rights supersede anyone’s comfort level or anyone’s believe on what’s *appropriate*. I also wrote that breastfeeding needs to be normalized: It does not belong “in the closet” or “in the bathroom” or “under a cover” (unless freely chosen). So her response was, “Sorry, there is a time and place when it is appropriate.” A friend intervened with the best answer: “Like in a jail cell with a bunch of rapist? I agree. …That would not be appropriate.” – it was too funny.
I was one of the first babys in the first LLL group in my home town, and now 33 years later I am the proud mother of 2 boys ages 5 and 7 who breastfed until they choose not to anymore. My eldest weaned himself within a week of me getting pregnant with my second son (I guess the taste changed then, and he was more then 16 mths) and my second held onto it until he was almost 4 years old, Im glad I let them make that choice, and I didnt try to force it on (or off) them. Now that I am pregnant my 3rd child, my sons already know the baby will not have a bottle or any food until she is older and they know that she will be getting mommas milk just like they did. I am very proud to be able to have shown that its ok to my boys and I know they will know the real reason we have breasts and what they are for. I also am sure they would support there wives when they have children themselves in Breast feeding as it really is all they know, to think about it Im not sure if they have ever seen a newborn or small infant be fed with a bottle ever in there life so I guess when they do they might think that as being odd:P I find it the norm to breastfeed here and most people do it where I am from. Thank goodness to the mothers who started the LLL here and for what they have helped do for all of us mothers and babys, without women like them I am not sure what I would have done myself, if I was bottlefed I probably would have went that route also. So keep speaking up for the right of the mother and child and dont ever let anyone tell you any different…
I loved the line that Deborah on Everybody loves Raymond when she said that “they were Working Breasts;)”
Great, so the next time I’m in public I’m going to whip it out and pee on the spot bacause I have the right to releave myself on the spot. Discrete! That’s the point here…
Roger:
No, actually you don’t have that right. That is against the law.
Well turn about is fair play, maybe we should blog everyone to death and have that law changed because it’s so unfair to have to be discrete. Of course I’m just trying to make a point here. You lose the arguement when your best answer is laws and rights….
Seriously! Peeing is a human right! Do it and don’t worry about covering up…it just a penis people.
Nice Blog – I see you screen and don’t post opposing view points….
Well turn about is fair play, maybe we should blog everyone to death and have that law changed because it’s so unfair to have to be discrete. Of course I’m just trying to make a point here. You lose the arguement when your best answer is laws and rights….
Roger, urinating “on the spot” in public is unsanitary. Urine would get all over the floor, would it not? Breastmilk doesn’t go all over the place when a mother nurses a baby in public. Breastmilk is not considered hazardous in any way – in fact, a woman is allowed to store expressed milk in a workplace refrigerator alongside food. I doubt you’d find that allowance for putting a bottle of your urine in a communal fridge.
Adults can wait to pee… they don’t have to do it in public. Babies don’t wait very easily to eat… they have tiny stomachs and were designed for frequent feedings. All other people are allowed to eat foods which are suited to their bodies in public, even adults who could wait to eat until in private. Why should a baby have to wait to eat but nobody else has to?
And would you really rather hear the baby wail because it is not being fed and doesn’t understand why not?
Great article. I would like to see breastfeeding in public become as common place as seeing people walk around with take-out coffee. When NIP becomes as common (and as fondly regarded) in Canada as people with cups from Tim Hortons (hugely popular Canadian coffee chain), I’ll know we’re on the right track.
Wow. Yes. Yes. And yes again. I always laugh when I hear about someone taking issue with a woman breastfeeding! Whaaaa? Are you kidding me?
As a breastfeeding mom to my first for 18 mo, second for 3 years and now nursing twin 8 mo olds… I was shy for about 2 minutes. Then it felt like the most natural thing in the world. Favorite place to nurse? CHURCH! ’cause I think it meets with so many varied response. Okay, actually favorite was when we did a nurse-in with like 20 nursing moms here in St. Louis City Hall downtown after a woman was harassed for nursing in the cafeteria. HA. We all got together and nursed on the front steps, inside… all over. THAT was my favorite…
Thanks for this list. I’ll spread it far and wide as well. Props to you mama!
I didn’t even finish this list. Pulling your breast out in public is disturbing! I’m sick of bossy moms claiming the rest of us need to get over it and I’m a breast feeding mom. Also, I’m sick of being engaged in conversation at a MEAL where women pull out a breast to nurse. Take a 30 minute break in private already, you will survive missing part of the conversation. Obviously this is an argument for the ages, like stay-at-home versus working parents that will never be concluded, I just had to stand up for the other side of the argument.
Wow, breast are disturbing…I guess you had yours removed? Oh wait, you say you breastfeed your child/ren….how disturbing for you to have to see a breast. And yes, people DO need to get over it. It’s just a boob. There are way worse things than a mom feeding her baby in public. I actually think it’s beautiful! If you think it’s an easy thing to “take a 30 minute break in private” I can’t imagine you have more than one child. I have a 2 year old and a 4 year old and forcing them to sit with me somewhere “private” while I nurse their little sister is torture for all involved. I don’t see a need to torture my other children just so you can be comfortable while I feed my baby. Because that’s all I’m doing…feeding my baby. And if seeing a baby eat disturbs you, well then, maybe you should stay at home. By the way, we’re on the way to the park, and I’m pretty sure my baby is going to want a meal at some point while her brother and sister are playing….guess I’ll be nursing in public today so you might want to stay away!!! Or even better, recognize it for the natural part of life it is and walk up and say hi!
I found breastfeeding in public very difficult at first due to H cup boobs but I’m glad I insisted on nursing in public from day one. One of the turning points for me was sitting in a restaurant nursing my daughter wondering who was watching. When I glanced down at my daughter she had her beautiful little eyes closed, her tiny hand resting on my breast and this perfect look of serenity on her face. I suddenly realized she did not care. She was loved, warm, fed and content. Her favorite place in the world is at mama’s breast. The only time I ‘leave’ to nurse is for my own comfort or convenience like when at a restaurant recently that had a very comfy waiting area. Heck yeah I was leaving that rock hard booth to nurse
I LOVE THIS!!!! YES!!! thank you so much for posting. xo
If you breastfeed without covering up, then don’t get mad when I stare at your boobs.
If #2 is right (Telling a woman to cover up or to strip down is a tactic used to control women.), then showing your breast in public is a tactic used to control men.
Please show more breasts in public. I promise my jaw will be closed (#34) when I stare.
“Breast Loving Man”,
You’re entirely missing the point; mothers breastfeed for their BABIES and couldn’t care less about what you think, except for the women who are concerned for their own modesty’s sake. It is not about you. Let me repeat that, because it’s important: IT IS NOT ABOUT YOU. It is about their babies.
Perhaps the women who walk around in cleavage baring tops want to “control” men, but it’s a lot easier for a man to look away than it is for a woman to ignore someone who’s getting in her face about breastfeeding in public. That makes bearing breast a lot less effective as a control tactic, even if someone had that intent, which breastfeeding mothers don’t.
And one final rule of etiquette: it’s not polite to stare.
Carol – Interestingly, for thousands of years of human history, people peed, pooped, bathed, or had sex in private, and women were more “covered up” in their attire then than they are now, yet women still breastfed publicly — that is, until the last 100 or so years when baby bottles were invented.
Mr. Breast-loving man – Most women breastfeeding in public not “covered up” are still not showing as much as you think you’re going to be seeing, with the breast all hanging out, so too bad for you. And if you see a woman nursing another man’s child, then clearly she has not chosen YOU as her mate, so your eyes are looking where they don’t belong anyway. Look at your own mate or get a magazine or a blow-up doll if you must, but if you’re trying to look for breast exposure thrills among women feeding their babies, you sound pretty desperate.
Because MY baby deserves the BEST I can give him, MY milk made especially for him!!!!
I also agree with you. There should be no restrictions feeding your baby. It can be done anytime and anywhere. Thanks.
All excellent reasons. I would add a category: Health reasons. 51. Because a woman who feels inhibited to nurse in public is likely to stop breastfeeding sooner, both her child and she herself will run greater risk of health problems from not breastfeeding as long as is recommended for optimal health. 52. Because a woman who feels inhibited to nurse in public might be more likely to use a bottle of formula in public (if she is unable to pump or finds it too difficult to cover up while nursing) the baby is likely to be unnecessarily exposed to the health risks of not being exclusively breastfed, especially if the baby is at risk of allergic reactions from exposure to formula, or genetically at risk for diabetes from exposure to cow milk proteins. 53. Because a woman may delay feedings or substitute bottles of formula when going in public, she will not be able to use the Lactational Amenorrhea Method for family planning, which requires exclusive breastfeeding as one of its 3 criteria. 54. Because a woman may stop breastfeeding sooner due to being inhibited about public breastfeeding, she misses out on important health benefits of breastfeeding such as protection from breast cancer.
I loved the last one the most, because it’s so true. ALL those reasons are better than “I shouldn’t breastfeed because it’s icky/offensive/whatever.” Sorry, I’m gonna feed my kid when he’s hungry!
Oh, and my two year old daughter nurses her baby dolls. Yay! It’s SO cute! (I have a four month old boy, too)
I 100% agree with breastfeeding and totally understand that a mom’s gonna do what she’s gotta do. I got some weird looks at the shopping mall or the passport office but when my baby is hungry, I have to feed him.
I also see it from the other perspective. I have seen some mom’s who are ultra proud to be breastfeeding and it’s like they have to prove a point and not even try to be discrete about it. It is not attractive to the average person, it is just part of life. You shouldn’t have to hide, nor should you have to impose on everyone nearby. There is a tactful way to breastfeed without making everyone around you feel awkward.
Cheers to all the moms who have chosen what’s best for their baby!!
Janet:
Have you seen the video that I prepared? I think it illustrates my perspective on that issue quite clearly:
http://www.phdinparenting.com/2011/02/20/coveringup/
Love it!!! Excellent reasons!
Thanks for linking to this on Twitter today. Got to read it all again and relive my first tentative months feeding my son: the initial anxiety about nursing in public, how quickly it went away and how proud I am to live in a community where it’s the norm to breastfeed in public. I want it to be the norm for every other woman out there. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
I totally agree, though it would be cool to see a list of reasons that bottle-feeding a new born is ok too. The amount of times I have been feeding my child a bottle in the quiet space of the much improved nursing rooms only to be told by other mothers that I don’t need to be in there, assuming they mean because I am not breastfeeding is pretty unpleasant. I do a million other things that make me a great mum to my three kids, but I choose not to breastfeed because of the pain it causes me every time I have tried and I get the third degree every time I feed my child a bottle in public.
I’m sorry that you get shamed for bottle feeding, Becca. That is truly unfair and cruel. When I was supplementing my son with formula and expressed breast milk with a bottle in public I felt like I was “on display” far more than when I simply breastfed him. But no one has ever kicked a bottlefeeding mom out of IKEA.
Thank you for this. I am loving all of the positive comments. What a boost for a breastfeeding mother! I nursed all my babies whenever and wherever. Parks, museums, zoo, restraunts, malls, libraries, church. I have had just a few ignorant people confront and harass me, which is an awful experience. Makes you fearful to ever leave the house again. But overall I have had smiles and nods of encouragement from strangers of all ages and that makes such a huge difference. It takes courage for a woman to breastfeed in public. Breastfeeding women need to hear support and encouragement. So the next time you see a mother meeting her childs needs at her breast, give her a thumbs-up and an “atta girl!” If we ever hope to make a difference, we all need to support and promote breastfeeding in this country. As women, shouldn’t we do more to support each other?
As long as women’s bodies, especially the breasts, are super-sexualized in our culture, breastfeeding in public is going to have an element of awkwardness. But it’s easy enough to just look away if you feel awkward. It’s not “easy enough” to make other arrangements for your baby, in fact it’s quite tricky at times. And parenting, I don’t care what people say, is already filled with *enough* challenges as it is… we really don’t need ONE more. Loved the article! Thanks for writing it!
One of my facebook “friends” just had a status with the whole “breastfeeding is great, but not where I have to see it” thing. Then I flipped over to this blog, noticed this post on the sidebar, and I really want to share this on facebook RIGHT NOW. Maybe a bit too passive aggressive, though. But I do love this list!
Respect for others is just as valid a concern as feeding your child. Using the restroom is a human right too, but for decency’s sake, we’ve chosen to restrict that activity to a private setting. I’m not comparing the two, all I’m saying is if a simple cover makes everyone comfortable and the baby couldn’t care less, why not be a little accomodating. It’s not like we don’t have bigger things to worry about with much more difficult solutions.
The woman who wrote this obviously has some men-issues. She completely lost me when she stated that this is somehow just a ruse for men to control women. I mean, cmon, you can’t be serious. Are women controlling men by insisting that men keep their genitals covered up? And I can already see some women beginning to get spun up over that statement, but the fact is, that regardless of the function of exposing yourself, there are those around us, driven in part by the American culture of making nudity and sex taboo, that are going to be made very uncomfortable and in a civil society, that should be taken into account.
It’s really no different that someone going to restarant with an unruley child and couldn’t care less whether the child disturbs the dinner of those around them. It’s rude, it’s self-centered and it shouldn’t be tolerated.
Chad:
I don’t have “men issues”, but I do recognize that there are ongoing inequalities between men and women and that there are things men do to try to control women.
One of those things is telling women how to dress, whether that is to “cover up” or “strip down”. This is true not only in the breastfeeding context, but certainly also in that context.
If you haven’t seen it, you may wish to watch the video that I created on that topic: http://www.phdinparenting.com/2011/02/20/coveringup/
What you may not realize, Chad, is that “covering up” isn’t always possible. The older a baby gets, the more active they are. They want to play with the cover and move it around, or they cry under it, making nursing impossible. Another thing is that no one (that I know of anyway) is advocating for a woman just hanging her whole breast out in a restaurant or other public place for obvious “display.” The issue is that even for those who use their own clothing to cover *most* of the area exposed, there is sometimes a little extra exposure when putting the baby on or taking them off the breast because of the “mechanics” of doing so. Because of this temporary phenomenon, people freak. I also disagree that this could be compared to an unruly child in a restaurant. Loud noises are just not the same as a woman peacefully feeding a baby as far as intrusion on other diners goes. It’s what they make of it, not what is actually happening, that is the issue.
I can appreciate everything you just said Cathy and would say that if you’ve made that simple attempt at being considerate of others, than in my opinion, you’ve done your part. And I would also, personally, agree with you that peacefully feeding your baby is NOT the same as the unruly child, but that opinion is not shared by everyone. Maybe I’m not offended hearing the word “damn” in public or seeing someone spit on the sidewalk. That doesn’t imply that everyone feels the same.
You can only go so far to appease people, I get that. I’m not advocating turning your life upside-down because of a few uneducated jerks, but so many people these days couldn’t care less about anyone but themselves and that attitude is slowly eroding our respect for one another and our communities…. just try.
I can see where you’re “coming from” Chad, but I think that sites such as this one and others that are big on breast-feeding advocacy are not coming from a position of “I can do what I want so just screw you” but instead exist as a way to educate people on what is *normal* so that harrassment can cease. **Many** of us have been harrassed. For example, I was sent to the restroom by a store employee of a large hardware store when I had wanted to nurse sitting in one of the chairs in the “choose your interior designs” department even though I was *using a cover* (the baby was very small and not playing with it yet). This was on a day when the store was not crowded and hardly anyone else was around. The restroom had nowhere to sit but a toilet, and even though it was next to the employee break room, I was not offered that place, only a toilet. Had it not been for breastfeeding advocates on the internet, I might not have eventually learned that I had a *legal* right in my state to breastfeed anywhere else that I was allowed to normally be. It is for the reason of taking baby-feeding-by-breast back into the normalcy it experienced for centuries of human history, before breasts got the reputation of being something “naughty” or “dirty,” that sites such as this exist, not to flaunt one’s “rights” in others’ faces.
Also, a case in point about the “normalcy” of the past: My 95-year-old grandfather tells me that he remembers a time when seeing women breastfeed was a normal thing, and that children were often breastfeed at least until age 3. It was all about context, as far as that kind of thing goes, because people knew it was not something sexual. It is that kind of normalcy that we would like to see the world get back to. It the deep-seated thought that breasts are “naughty” or “dirty” that makes people freak, IMO.
Well said and point taken. I don’t disagree with any of it. It’s unfortunate that our society can’t seem to draw that distinction. Your point about raising awareness resonated with me too and I’m glad there are venues for it.
And just so I’m clear, if put in the position, I would vehemently defend my wife or any woman that received harassment over this issue, regardless of the “level of exposure”, because as it turns out, treating a woman with disrespect over such a thing is far, far worse than anything else we’re talking about.
But, the way it has been presented in this article seems to take the tact of “I’m going to do what I want and I couldn’t care less how it affects other people”. I don’t think that is how responsible adults approach issues like this and I would hope that other forums take a slightly less antagonistic approach.
Chad, Cathy said some great things, so I don’t have much to add. I just want to say that I absolutely agree that acting high-and-mighty and making a big show out of exposing one’s breasts while nursing as a way of proving your rights is not the way to go about it. Fortunately, most of us who advocate nursing in public do not behave in that way. We just want to be seen as normal mothers feeding and soothing our children in a normal way. By nursing in public in a casual everyday way, I hope that more and more people will grow to see it as being normal and not get offended by it. And no, I don’t think that men tell women to cover up as a way to control them… maybe it happens from time to time, but the vast majority of men who ask women to cover up or leave while nursing are just having a knee-jerk reaction based on what society has told them about breasts. Most times I’m sure they don’t realize that it may make the woman feel like she is being told she must become a second-class citizen and stay out of the public eye until her child has weaned.
I breastfed my children in the 1960s with no problem. Sometimes there were questions from children because they thought I was denying the baby milk because they saw I did not use a bottle. They were concerned about the baby.
I believe attitude is key. It certainly is a right to breastfeed the baby but we do not have to be confrontational. We just need to behave as though it is normal, which it is.
Like I stated earlier in the year on this site, I don’t consider myself ignorant. I’m well educated and have been in the military for almost 30 years. I have worked with people from all walks of life and have experienced many cultural differences around the world. I understand your view on public breastfeeding and its natural and all that…but there are a lot of natural acts that are not appropriate for the American viewing public. I have seen more than my fair share of natural acts from many third world countries and most of it not pretty. Drawing off my cultural experiences here and around the world, I believe breast feeding in public is a natural act we should kept private. I know it can be done discretely, but discretion is like common sense and common sense is not so common. Those are my thoughts – Thx Rog.
Roger,
I agree that the ability to be discreet is sometimes lacking, and I understand your viewpoint, but I think you are unaware of some of the reasons why it MUST be done in public sometimes –
1) babies need to eat when they are hungry. I assume that most of the natural acts that you have seen in your travels were performed by adults or older children, who are able to wait when necessary. Babies have no logic or patience; when they need something they need it NOW and can’t wait for mom to get somewhere where it is considered “appropriate”.
2) Mothers have other responsibilities besides taking care of one particular child – groceries need to bought, other children need to go places, etc. Even if a mother could afford to stay home with her child(ren) 24/7, (since very young babies need to eat quite often), and let others do chores outside the house, she would still need to have adult interaction at some point or she would go crazy. That is not a healthy parenting situation.
3) Breastfeeding is clean and leaves nothing to show when it is over, unlike other natural acts such as expelling waste or copulating. I can’t think of any natural acts that are considered inappropriate for public that don’t leave something behind.
4) Breastfeeding is not a cultural norm, and it should be. By breastfeeding in public, quietly and unobtrusively, women show their communities that it is not something to be ashamed of or something only exhibitions do. They show other women who might have thought otherwise that breastfeeding is an acceptable and appropriate option, and help people be aware of the healthier alternative. It is a way that breastfeeding mothers can support each other without saying a word, in a society where breastfeeding mothers often need all the support they can get – and advocates for infants who deserve human milk if at all possible.
5) Many people suggest the bathroom as an appropriate place for women to nurse – you did not mention this and I hope you won’t suggest it unless you are willing to eat your meals sitting on a public toilet. Remember – nursing often takes quite a while.
No disrespect intended, but it sounds like the difficulty you have with it is that women who breastfeed in public are trying to change the cultural norm, when you prefer it the way it is. I also think it is important to note TopHat’s comment above (#83) that it is segregation to ask a breastfeeding duo to go elsewhere.
Impressive, I get breast milk until the age of 6 years and very closely with my mother. This article very good and I would recommend to other friends, thank you.
Yes to all numbers one through 50! Thank you.
because I don’t like seeing you bottle feed your baby but I don’t make you go and hide while doing it!
I agree that breastfeeding is beautiful, but I also believe the world doesn’t need to see your nipples. I have friends who nip in public, and that’s fine, but I am extremely uncomfortable during it. I don’t see why it is so hard to grab a nursing cover. I’ve nursed 2 very healthy babies, but always used a cover. I’ve never heard of anyone’s baby refusing to be covered. My friend’s 3 year old still likes being covered, it’s fun to be under a “tent”. No one but my hubby and my OB need to see my nipples, and the fact that I can always see pervs who like to watch you, a perfect stranger, nip your baby is disturbing. Covers don’t weigh that much and don’t add that much to diaper bags, and it’s always the one gift I make for people having a baby, and they love it. I’m not about to go ask someone to cover up, or heaven forbid, to leave because they are nipping, but I dont appreciate my husband or my son’s being able to see someone’s nipples while we are at a restaurant or park… Sorry.
Beth, I assume that your husband and son are both able to control themselves sufficiently to not be driven wild by the sight of another woman’s nipple?
Fine, you feel uncomfortable (which is exactly the kind of attitude that more nursing in public seeks to challenge and eliminate – the more it happens, the more it’s normalized), but are you really saying that your discomfort should trump a mother’s need to feed her child? (Also: you did read the many points made above about babies who don’t actually like being covered up when they’re feeding? Just because some babies tolerate it doesn’t mean that that holds true for every baby. Would you want to eat your lunch with a blanket over your head?)
Exactly right Anna. People should be thoughtful and respectful of others. Mothers feeding their children aren’t the only people that warrent respect, as most understand. When in public places, please keep in mind that the people around you didn’t decide you should have a child, you made that decision. As a responsible parent, you need to jugle the two, sometimes at odds considerations, feeding your child and doing what you can to foster a respectful environment for others.
And let’s go ahead and dismiss the notion that the cover is bothering the child. It isn’t.
chad, children are inevitable. just because some people have chosen not to have them doesn’t mean they have the right to not see them in public. we need to have children in order to continue the human species – basic biology.
i’m not going to go pull my shirt off to nurse so i can deliberately make others uncomfortable, but even if i covered ourselves under a blanket, i am sure there are people out there who would still feel it was disrespectful by virtue of the fact that i was nursing in the same building where they were at the time. we can’t appease the varying degrees of comfort levels of every person out there, and that applies to topics other than nursing, such as how we dress in public, how we speak, etc. being intentionally disrespectful would be when i make everyone around me listen to my baby scream because i won’t nurse her, or because i’m trying to force her to nurse under a blanket.
Well, that came off a bit condescending, I assume not your intention. Regardless of basic biology, children are NOT inevitable and even if they were, your having a child doesn’t constitute a responsibility on the rest of the world.
It is everyone’s responsibility to be respectful of others, and as a parent, it’s our job to teach our children respect for others. And until that lesson is learned by the child, the responsibility falls to us to make sure our child doesn’t create an uncomfortable or disrespectful environment.
Having said that, I don’t disagree with what you said next. No, you can’t please everyone, and you shouldn’t have to try. What you should do is make a reasonable attempt. I believe that’s the issue being discussed in this forum.
Since basic decency rules established in our society (not my rule, I’m not trying to argue the merits of our society’s rules – It is what it is) dictates that topless women in public places is not appropriate, the most obvious solution is a cover. Anyone that would give a woman breast-feeding who has made that very basic effort to be respectful, should be confronted for being a callous, arrogant a** and escorted out.
I used a cover but found it not very effective once the baby became old enough, to “play” with it (around 7-8 months). Push, pull, push, pull, a sort of hide-and-seek, but the effect was not very “covering.” It’s just a whole lot easier to wear loose-fitting clothes or a shirt over a tank, which is what most moms do. To compare it to being topless is like comparing apples to oranges.
no, didn’t mean to be condescending, sorry if it sounded like that… was typing with a newborn on my lap. by saying children are inevitable, i mean that the human race isn’t going to keep going if people don’t have children – in a way, the rest of the world is somewhat responsible for today’s children in that we need somebody to be having children in order to continue – that is all i meant. so, to see children in public doesn’t mean we have to enjoy it when people let their kids run wild or anything like that… just that we have to accept that children are a part of life, and must be in order for human life to continue.
cathy, that is exactly how i nurse too. the cover can almost become more of a distraction and cause more to be exposed with an older baby.
The world needs fewer people, not more. At this point, children are a liability and not a gift to the species.
I think moms should be able to breastfeed pretty much wherever they want, but let’s not pretend that they’re doing the rest of us a favour by continuing to fill up this vastly overpopulated planet.
sounds like a visit to http://overpopulationisamyth.com/ is in order…
basically, at our current rate, we’ll reach peak by 2050 and then begin to decline in numbers rapidly. we’ll be left with a much larger percentage of elderly as compared to young people, putting a strain on things such as social security, not to mention the numbers of working-age adults and the strain that will put on the workforce.
This is by far the best article i have ever read on the topic. Thank you.
I love this article. Breastfeeding awareness is so important.
Could I please post this information on my blog? (Linking back to here of course?)
mommystoes.wordpress.com
Bronwyn:
Thank you.
You are welcome to link to the article, but not to copy and past the full article on your blog.
This article was very informative. I am 31, have never wanted childern, and most likely, will never choose to have them. I used to be one of those people who glared at breastfeeding mothers, not because I found it indecent, but because I did not find it fair; if I have to wear my top at all times, so should they. Many of the women on hear made a very valid point in stating that many women (myself included) expose more of their breasts in their general attire than modest breastfeeding mothers expose while tending to the physical needs of their child. I will NEVER again look upon a nursing mother with disdain. Asking a nursing mother to hide something so innocent and natural is absurd and attempting to herd them into unsanitary conditions, such as public restrooms, is inhumane, disgusting, and flat out rude. Next time I see woman publicly breastfeeding, I will think of my ultra v-neck halter tops, smile to myself, and be grateful I live in a country where I don’t have to completely cover in head to toe, where women have the right to choose to breastfeed, bottle feed, or plain not have children at all.
I agree with this article whole heartily..it really brings things into retrospective..
but when I was nursing I couldn’t help but worry about other children that were not mine who saw ma peak of my breast because..as a child I saw a mom breastfeeding and because I did not know, it really made me scared and disturbed. breastfeeding wasn’t something I knew existed..anyway, keep on nursing!
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